Hey guys!
I've been so ill
It was a mistake to go out yesterday, but I wanted to see the friend visiting from London and I knew I'd be miserable if I stayed in. But it was a mistake
Man of Steel was excellent, even second time round, and I think I manage to see most of it this time. But I was really ill before I went in and by the time we came out I thought I was going to pass out. Had to sit in my friends for an hour before I could drive home. Luckily Tim drove us to and from the cinema, but I had to get to their house. I had to make a judgement call of whether I was ok enough but also leave before I got too tired! Really stupid! I mean, I was ok, but would rather I hadn't.
Anyway, was awake with waves of anxiety until 4am. Just over thinking all the medical crap and I keep picturing and feeling the blood tests :cry: I just want this to all be over!!!
Anyway, what worried me about work was that even though I'm permanent, I'm still under a training contract as I've not finished and passed the course yet. So one of my worries would be that head office would say "Well you're not going to pass the course on schedule, so you've defaulted the contract" or something. I dunno how these things work. I know part of the contract was that if you dropped out you had to pay the fees and lose your job. And if you left too soon after qualifying you would also have to pay some fees back. But basically, if you didn't do the course, you don;t keep your job!! I do feel a bit better about it all, but I just want to go back and be relatively normal again
I dunno about the parking situation near John. Chester's quite a small city centre and it sounds like he lives right near the train station, which is about a 15min walk from the city centre. I know what Chester's like and it's tiny and all permit parking and such. I'd have to ask. But, at the moment, I don't even think I could drive that far.
Had to ban myself from driving today because I just felt so ill. Even had to make Mum get a taxi home because I couldn't go get her
Mega guilt!! So yeah, don't even think I could drive that far right now.
God this thing is ruining my f*cking life
Yeah I know guys like to buy stuff and be all provider'y. But I do like to pay my own way too. One our first date I bought him a coffee, so we're only slightly uneven.
Hehe Tace not sad at all. I think I read the last Harry Potter super quick.
I think at the moment I'm putting off going to sleep/bed. Because I know my anxiety will go nuts and if I do sleep I'll have awful nightmares.
Having a late night tonight watching films. Partly because I haven't done it in ages and partly to try and knacker me out. I'm on film number 4 of the day
This is the last one. But then I'll read for a bit
Think I'm going to have to keep taking sleeping pills until these horrible blood tests are done.
At least I've got a plan and a lift sorted out. That's helped!
Been ok food wise. Not exactly on plan but not horrific either. Just taking each day as it comes at the moment. I think tomorrow will be a proper SW day, but I know Tuesday wont.
Anyway, night all and thank you for all the posts.xx
