Cheekychinchilla's food and stuff

Sorry to hear how bad it's been, hope the end is near and they give you a diagnosis and you get something to control everything. I hope you can hang in there a little longer, you've been amazing so far, really brave and positive considering everything that's going on. You'll be in my thoughts, sending hugs x x x x
 
Thank you all so much! I can't believe how bad it's gotten. It literally hit me like a tons of bricks :(

My friend's coming with me tomorrow but I've said it might be best if I go in alone so that I don't put on a brave face and not tell the Dr just how bad it's gotten. There's no way I'll get upset or cry if Michelle's with me! So might be for the best. I don't want a sympathy vote or anything, I just want them to see that I'm really not coping.

Have also managed some sort of nice, but honest reply to John explaining that basically I dunno how I feel because all my thoughts and feelings are going in to this bloody mystery illness. I can't even think of myself having a future, never mind a future WITH someone at the moment :(
Hope he understands what I mean.

Anyway, food next....
 
Tuesday food:

Lunch: 2 free Linda M sausages,
Half a tin of beans with some cherry tomatoes in.
Red pepper cheesy scrambled eggs (half HexA1)
wholemeal toast (HexB1)
Tomato sauce (1)

Tea: Portion of ratatouille with Quorn mince, fresh spinach, and a teaspoon of light Philly (1)
Wholemeal pasta shells with cheese (HexA2)
Salad and very low cal dressing.

Snack: 2 Alpen Lights (HexB2)

Drinks: Coffee. Coke Zero. Options made with Koko milk (rest of HexA1 + 2)

Syns used: 4
Syns saved: 11

Going to Las Iguanas and the cinema tomorrow so will need the saved syns lol. And I'll probably have Fruit Loops for brunch knowing it wont be an on plan day :whistle:
 
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I'm really glad you're seeing the Dr tomorrow and will have the chance to tell them honestly how bad things have become. It breaks my heart that you're feeling like this, you really don't deserve to be going through something so horrible! I know you don't like to admit how ill you've been- I share that stubbornness!- but maybe it's sort of a helpful thing in that you can now open up to the doctor about how bad you feel? I dunno, just trying to find a silver lining as always! Glad you've explained things to John; hopefully the fact that he's experienced depression himself means that he understands the feelings you're having. Your health is understandably top priority at the moment, I'm sure John will understand that you need to start feeling better before you can think about anything else. If there's anything I can do, let me know. Always here if you want to chat xx
 
Hey guys!

Well, the good news is I don't have a brain tumour. The MRI showed absolutely nothing wrong with my brain matter or pituitary. Yay!
Now, I am relieved, obviously, I'm not that nuts ;) But it also means that we still don't know.
My Dr (saw the nice pretty beardy one again!) said he has absolutely no idea what is wrong with me and that I am a conundrum. He checked my heart Echo results (normal for me), but the 24hr ECG results aren't back yet, and I forgot to ask him about the thyroid antibodies test. The computer kept crashing and he was rushing in and out and shouting things from other rooms where computers were working lol.
He said he will chase up the Endocrine referral, but it usually takes 6-8 weeks anyway. I've been waiting about 3 now I think.

I explained as best I could how I'd been feeling and did use the word "breakdown" and I also gave him my printed out diary of symptoms. He said the nausea was 'interesting' and very non-specific. He didn't really talk about my mood/not coping or the heart/dizzy/weakness stuff.
He just literally doesn't know what to do for me!
He's going to order an overnight Dexamethasone Suppression Test, which means a night in hospital and two blood tests :cry:I really, really, REALLY don't want to be admitted for the night. But going by the bit of research I did I have to have blood taken then have the medication at 11pm and then have blood taken at a very precise time the morning after. Seems to be 8 or 9 hours later depending on the sites I've read. This test is pretty much to check if I have Cushing's or Addison's. I have bugger all symptoms of Cushing's - the complete opposite in most cases. I do have a LOT of the symptoms of Addison's, which terrified me until I read that I would have low cortisol production if I had that, but mine's very high. *phew* So I think this will be another pointless, incredibly stressful test :(
When we do Ellie's Cushing's tests we take her blood, inject the drug, and take another blood sample an hour later. An hour!!! Bloody human Doctors don't half make stuff difficult!! ;)

So yeah, no brain tumour, but no closer, and more tests to come. Got my abdominal ultrasound on Monday. Dunno when the Dex test will be. And my referral Dr wants to see me back in 6 weeks if nothing happens before :(

Oddly enough, even though I've been quite nauseous and panicky, I've eaten a lot today and nothing healthy really :p Will try a full on healthy SW day tomorrow.
I was supposed to be seeing John tomorrow, but have asked if he would be free to do stuff on Friday instead. I feel like I've literally been running on adrenaline (I prob have!) and need a good sleep with no alarm set and a day of not doing much. Or at least not worrying about getting up, ready, and going on a date. Really not sure I could cope with that tomorrow. I feel bad changing the day, but I'd probably be terrible company. I'm a bit better than I was yesterday, but still pretty close to crying all the time and rocking in the corner ..... :eek:

Hope all's ok with everyone and thank you for your lovely messages.xx
 
So glad the MRI came back clean. I know you don't want to be admitted but the more things they rule out the better and hopefully get closer to giving you a diagnosis. It must be getting increasingly hard to keep yourself together with everything that's gone on but you must try and on a little longer while they suss out what it is. I wish there was something I could say to make you feel better, you will get there and when you do you'll feel a whole lot better.
I'm sure John will understand and wait for when you're ready x x
 
Aw glad it came back ok cc :) .... Sucks about the night in hospital :( .... It must be very frustrating when even the docs can't diagnose you :( ... Keeping my fingers crossed you get some feedback soon & you can carry on with your life ... Sending hugs & get well wishes x x x x
 
Hey guys!
I had an epic sleep last night. Must have slept solidly for about 10hrs - didn't hear anyone leave for work or Dave bark or anything. And then slept again for another 3hrs! Got up at 2pm and at 5 started feeling overwhelmingly tired. Almost fell asleep watching Drive!!! Even Ryan Gosling in tight pants almost didn't keep me awake :eek:

I just don't see the point in testing me for things I clearly do not have! I most certainly don't have Cushing's Disease. I would question having Addison's, but the BIG indicator is the opposite for me. Thing is with all the endocrine stuff is that the symptoms all seem to be fairly similar, with the odd difference for each illness. So I know they have to keep looking. But this overnight stay is going to cause me so much stress and anxiety and there's no way I'll sleep. Just seems ridiculous when it's unlikely to give any answers.
Besides, I don't want Addison's, it's really scary and dangerous! It pretty much destroys your kidneys and you can die if the symptoms aren't managed. I have no kidney symptoms though so :confused:
Ah whatever. It's no doubt weeks away anyway! And maybe I'll get the endocrine referral before and they might intercept it lol. But then, God knows what they'll want from me. I'm sick of it all, being poked, stabbed, examined, etc... And hours and hours sitting and waiting in hospitals.
I'm starting to even wonder whether I will make it back to work this year!! :(

Anyway, sort of good news is that the nausea seems to have gotten a bit better. It's still there, like it always is, but seems to be getting less. I had a big lunch and felt really sick after, but I managed to eat it and didn't feel too bad at the time. And I did eat a lot yesterday!
It's really odd but my symptoms seem to go in cycles. Like I was really nauseous at the start, then the heart stuff & vertigo got worse, then the pressure headaches, then the horrific nausea and upset stomach. It's like every week something else is a bit worse than the other symptoms :confused:

Still supposed to be seeing John tomorrow. I don't feel like I have the energy or anything, but I gotta try and at least make some effort. The tiredness is getting worse. I really didn't think I could get any more exhausted, but feeling like I could sleep just a few hours after an epic sleep is ridiculous. Just constantly exhausted and more and more so. I have literally no energy :(
Been trying to convince myself to go out and feed the bunnies, but it seems like SO much effort! Gotta be done tho. xx
 
Thursday Food:

Lunch: 3 free Linda M sausages.
Half a tin of beans with some cherry tomatoes in.
Red pepper cheesy scrambled eggs (half HexA1)
wholemeal toast (HexB1)
Tomato sauce (1)

Tea: 2 Quorn lamb grills
Pasta N Sauce Mac & Cheese (part HexA1 for Koko Milk + 2)
Steamed broccoli and sweetcorn.
Cheese (HexA2)

Snack: 2 Weetabix, maple syrup (1), and Koko milk (rest of HexA1)

Drinks: Coffee. Coke Zero. Mountain Dew Zero.

Syns used: 4
Syns left: 11
 
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You must have needed the sleep, I tend to do that on my first day off, just sleep for england lol. Glad the nausea's calmed down a little, eat while you can :) Just wish the rest of your symptoms would do the same.
As for seeing John tomorrow just explain to him how tired you are and plan to do something not strenuous, I'm sure he'll be happy just to be in your company. x x x
 
Plan a film night with john :) lots of feel good films and munchies so you can lie on the sofa and relax .. One of my fave kinda dates :) x x
 
When I am sleeping I'm sleeping a LOT! Seem to need around 10-12hrs at the moment :( Was saying to my friend before that if I didn't have to eat or look after the animals I'd really struggle to get out of bed. I just wanna stay curled up :(

I think the plan will be to see Only God Forgives because I REALLY want to see it and only the cinema's in the city centre are showing it. I feel awful, but going to have to do an afternoon showing and not stay out too late. I'm just exhausted all the time and it's getting worse and worse.
I'm really struggling to eat in front of him too :eek: So wouldn't be able to do film and munchies lol. I might suggest lunch at the cheap veggie place, so I wouldn't be spending too much money if I couldn't eat.
I'm not tolerating people's company very well either. I just want to be by myself and rest. So feel really anxious and stressed about the whole thing. Which I feel awful about!
It's going to take a lot not to cancel tomorrow, but I might have to try my best to explain that it wont be a long date. I have already told him today how tired I am.
I was so exhausted just from feeding & cleaning the rabbits it felt like my head was going to cave in and I really felt like passing out :(
I guess this is just the way it's going to be now and only get worse as time goes on.

Just don't know what to do and how to deal with things. I'm not coping with anything at all right now :(

Gonna stop whinging now. Will do what I can tomorrow, just don't know how to explain everything without sounding horrible or mean.x
 
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Aww, I'm so sorry all of this is happening, you really don't deserve all this. For what it's worth, it doesn't sound horrible or mean that you just want some time alone to rest; it's really important that you focus on yourself and give your body what it needs. I'm sure that John will understand, though I know it probably doesn't make it any easier to talk to him about things like this.

That is the frustrating thing about endocrine symptoms- they're often so vague and generalised that it's really difficult to separate them. You and I seem to share a lot of the same symptoms and I'm just anaemic, which isn't even endocrine! So as frustrating and stressful as it is, I suppose all these tests are a necessary evil to find out what's going on. I agree that Addison's doesn't make much sense, though- isn't the main sign of Addison's under-production of cortisol? You have the exact opposite of that! Can't wait until you get to the endocrine department, it's becoming clearer and clearer that that's where you need to be. I really hope you're ok and that you managed to get some rest last night. Big hugs xxx
 
Hey guys!
I had a sort of good day. I managed to eat lunch - tomato & fennel soup with a slice of cheese on toast. I've noticed more and more that my brain's getting really muddled and I'm forgetting things and mixing stuff up. So for lunch I asked for the soup with the bread with cheese :confused: I could NOT remember it was called cheese on toast. Wtf?!
I only left one crust off the toast. Go me!
Had a coffee at the cinema. Really enjoyed Only God Forgives. Nowhere near as violent as I'd thought it would be, was a little disappointed tbh.... But I did like the film and found it very stylish and interesting. Almost like a violent Twin Peaks with vengeance killings and Ryan ;)
Anyway, I kept having to close my eyes and I was almost nodding off all the time. Realised I could barely feel my pulses, I was very weak, cold, etc.... When the film finished I tried to walk down the stairs and was really wobbly! Couldn't hold on to the rails properly and my legs felt like jelly. Checked my 'colour' when I went to the toilets and I was a bit pale as well. F*cking A...
We had to go home then. I couldn't bare the thought of staying in town, I was starting to panic, and really thought I was just going to pass out. Managed to get the blood going a bit with a fast shuffle to the car.
I felt awful about asking John to go once we got home so I lied and said I was feeling ok enough for him to stay and didn't want to be alone. Gotta try haven't I?! So we watched Cloudy With a Chance of Meatballs and I drank quite a bit, which helped. Have had that awful face/head pressure headache today. Not had bad ones like that for over a week. I really, really feel that my symptoms are going in cycles :confused: So looks like I have a week of severe pressure headaches to look forward to. None of my symptoms ever go away, but there always seems to be one or two that are worse each week. Then they take a back seat and something else takes over. So bizarre!!

I just mentioned Addison's because I found it odd that I have very high Cortisol production, but virtually no other symptoms of Cushing's. Whereas I have literally every symptom of Addison's, except for the low Cortisol. Tis very strange!
I'm a bit worried about the endocrine referral coz God knows what tests they'll have me going through next. Not sure how much I can cope with!! Hoping by then we'll have bloody well covered most stuff!!
Still kinda think it's some sort of thyroiditis type thing. But the longer this goes on and the more bizarre and confusing stuff gets I really don't know. I felt like thyroid was the 'safe' result, but now I dunno :(

Thinking it may be an idea to go see my GP. My quickly crumbling mental state is really starting to worry me. It's really not right for me to be thinking that I don't have a future or a life or anything. I doubt there's anything he can do. I've already upped my AD's to the 2 he wanted me to take (I'd compromised on 1 one night followed by 2 the next) and I took his advice and started taking a whole sleeping pill each night. But, I dunno, I feel like I should at least tell him. Can GP's have any affect on the referral system?
Urgh....

Anyway, John stayed for a bit longer after Mum got home and we all had a chat and stuff. She'd had a disastrous night out with work friends!
I do feel a bit better for seeing John and I can't believe how against it and how much of a bad mood I was this morning. I just think that every little thing is just extra stress right now and I'm just not coping with anything. Even the idea of going out with my Mum or seeing my friends is making me want to hide and cry :rolleyes:

Stupid bloody illness!!

Prob gone over my syns for today. Had Quorn southern burgers on bread with cheese, low fat Supernoodles, and sauces and stuff for tea. Prob about 8 syns and A HexA & B.

But then I really wanted some chocolate!! ZOMG lol. So have cracked open the Hotel Chocolat that have been sitting in the kitchen for weeks.
Had a few and feel a bit sick, but what the hell ;)

Anyone got any nice weekend plans??x
 
I think that seeing your GP would be a good idea; they might be able to do something to speed up the referral process, and if nothing else, there might be something they can do to help a bit with the way you've been feeling. It's definitely a good idea to talk to them before those feelings start to get out of control. I'm glad you enjoyed seeing John, especially as you were so apprehensive about it. And Ryan will hopefully have taken your mind off things for a bit! Seems mean that you always seem to feel your worst at the cinema when you love going so much! As a side note, tomato and fennel soup sounds AMAZING. *looks up recipe* Hope you have a good day today- if you start to feel down, think of Ryan and George! xx
 
Hey! FINALLY caugt up wih your diary. WHat a bloody whirlwind you have been through (tornado more like) your illness sounds so horrific and I'm really sorry that you arr suffering so much :( cant believe they still have no idea...

Am glad that you've seen quite a vit of John and that you felt better after seeing him yesterday :) he's your silver lining right now- push for that scotland trip, would be awesome!!
Sucks that despite barely eating and the stomach upset you have gained :S wtf?! That is like the only upside of a bad tummy- losing weight, lol. Deprived of even that!
As always my fingers are crossed that things get better, sounds like a total breakdown :( *MASSIVE HUG* x
 
Hey guys!
Thanks for the messages.

I think part of feeling so ill at the cinema is the sitting down for like 2hrs and not moving - so my blood pressure falls through the floor. And I'm ALWAYS really ill when I see John and I think that's prob down to the extra stress and anxiety from seeing him. That sounds bad, but I think meeting someone new can be a really anxious time. And it's not helping that I can't be myself right now, I just physically can't be me! And it did come pretty close to collapsing yesterday. I was walking as fast as I could (not very) and pumping my hands to try and get the blood going. I had barely any pulses so had to do something!
I feel awful that it gets to bad when I do see him, but it prob just is the added stress and adrenaline. Not something I need more of right now! My referral Doc said I'm probably living on adrenaline at the moment and it's why I'm getting the jumpy/jittery muscles and the pressure headaches and stuff.
At least I know why. But can't do anything about it :(

The soup was ok. I'd never had fennel before but I knew I wouldn't have coped with the other meals at The Egg coz they're MASSIVE! So took a gamble and got the soup. T'was nice! A bit watery for one of their soups though, it's usually super thick! Had a gorgeous one there a few weeks ago - coconut and cauliflower :D

I'm not sure if I should push for the Scotland trip or not. I dunno how I will cope and what happens if I'm really ill? It'll only be one night though, what's the worst that could happen? I fall asleep somewhere really pretty. I'm just worried it'll be a waste of time for John. Dunno :(
Getting worried about mine and Mum's trip to Longleat and stuff. I know it's not till October, but it doesn't seem likely I'll be on the road to recovery by then either. Gah!!!

Yup, I actually gained weight after 2 weeks of nausea, diarrhoea, and barely eating! Fits with my symptom of unexplained weight gain - which I *think* is down to the cortisol, from what I've found on my research visits. Could also be thyroid. Or a mixture of anything! Who gains weight when they're ill ffs?!! :mad:

I realised the other day I've actually now gained almost half a stone since I lost my post-holiday weight in March. Brilliant!! But my face looks thinner and my neck! And people keep saying I look like I've lost weight. But I know my belly and muffin top has bulked out a bit. Which apparently is also a high cortisol symptom.

Maybe that means that when they do 'fix' me I'll suddenly become a slinky size 10 ;) hehe

My Dr did say they may not find a reason for my symptoms and will have to try and come up with a way of treating me symptomatically. I might have glared at him for that!!
Fingers and toes crossed that I get my endocrine referral letter or phone call on Monday eh?! I hate all this waiting round!!

Do GP's have any influence on referral's? Esp if they've not requested them?

I think it's safe to say that the symptom of the week is that horrible face pressure headache. It hasn't gotten to my ears or neck yet, but definitely the front & top of my head, my eyes, and nose. Had a nice lunch, but feel really sick after it! Ah well, still not thrown up ;) And now I'm constipated :confused:

Seriously wtf?! Lol

Anyway, please give me some cheery updates!!!x
 
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