Cheekychinchilla's food and stuff

[Barbette]

Hey Tace! I don't think mine are anything like migraines. I've been lucky enough to have never had them. The best way to describe it is just massive amounts of pressure. Think I'd be used to it now seen as I've had them constantly since Feb!! Grrr...
They won't give me anything for any of my symptoms They were ok with me taking paracetamol or ibuprofen, but they didn't do anything and my GP agreed it's a good job I decided to stop taking them quite early on coz I could have damaged my kidneys. But yeah, they wont give me anything without a diagnosis!

I just called my GP and his next appointment is next Fri! Bloody hell! So snapped that up. He's not usually that full up so quickly. Damn him being popular! Not sure if he can do anything about the endocrine referral, but I need to talk to him about my depression and stuff so maybe he can do something because of that?

I think our hospitals only help with transport costs if you're on certain benefits and stuff. I wouldn't even know who to ask!
I'm thinking if I lower the diazapam dose to one that just takes the edge off a bit, and doesn't knock me out, and then go get a coffee/breakfast I might be able to drive myself.
John's offered to do the driving, but I don't know whether to take him up on it. It will mean him driving from Chester to get me to the hospital 2 days in a row for 8:30am. I guess he could stay over one day, but I dunno. And if someone else is driving it means I could take the proper diazapam dose and that leaves me really flat and out of it and I usually end up sleeping or just staring at the walls. So I'd probably have to ask him to go home. So I'd feel really guilty. Gah! Stupid medical stuff!!!

Ahem, anyway, feel a bit sick today, but that might just be because I had to phone the Dr's before I ate. B*stard anxiety! So a nice, small lunch today. Will stick to SW today and hopefully low syn to kinda counterbalance some of yesterdays indulgence I hate this craving rubbish stuff!!
Anyway, watching some IT Crowd then I think I'll hop in the shower.x

I agree with B's Lovely Lady, I don't think you should be driving with that stuff especially alone it only takes a moments lapse and you'd end up in an accident I know you don't want John to drive you but he might want to and it might be the only way he feels he can help you at the moment. I would accept, offer to give him some money for fuel, it won't cost as much as taxis and you'll feel a little better about it.
Well done on staying on track with your food today x x

 

[cheekychinchilla]

I just feel it's a lot to ask and he has already taken me to the hospital before. And I'm likely to need more help in the future too, I'd imagine.

Don't people get given diazapam all the time for anxiety and stuff?

Gah I don't even want this test because I think it's fairly pointless. What an absolute nightmare for something probably unimportant Also wish I didn't need to sedation and could just get on with it like a normal person. x

 

[B's lovely lady]

I just feel it's a lot to ask and he has already taken me to the hospital before. And I'm likely to need more help in the future too, I'd imagine.

Don't people get given diazapam all the time for anxiety and stuff?

Gah I don't even want this test because I think it's fairly pointless. What an absolute nightmare for something probably unimportant Also wish I didn't need to sedation and could just get on with it like a normal person. x

But would he have offered if he didn't want to. He obviously knows that your worried and he wants to help you out. I know sometimes it's hard to accept help, especially in a new relationship, but it might make him happy to help you. All men like to feel needed!! ;-)

Doesn't it make you drowsy? Even if you don't feel drowsy yourself, your reaction time may be slower. I don't want to be putting a downer on anything, I know you've got enough worries, I just want you to be safe xxx

 

[Barbette]

Yes people have Diazapam all the time but you'll probably find they either don't drive or because they take it everyday the side effects wear off after a while. When I had the really strong stuff I had to take it in bed because it would literally knock me out in minutes and there was no way I could have driven on it. Even my doctor called it zombie juice lol.
Helping each other is part of a healthy relationship, you never know he might need your help in the future x xx

 

[RUBYROO]

Hey cc .. Deffo get that lovely man of yours to Chauffeur you to your destination .. Then you can sedate yourself on the juice and not worry about having to drive/get a taxi etc .. He prob wants to take you to be with you .. At the end of the day, if he didn't wanna help he would deffo not suggest it
or, cancel and rearrange for a date yer mam or friend could go with you .. X x

 

[cheekychinchilla]

Hey guys!
I really do understand that you care and are just looking out for me. I do! But I'm not used to that and I'm used to having to get on and do things myself really.

In all honesty it's not that I'll be putting John out it's more the fact that he'll see me so vulnerable! I had to seriously hold it together after the diazepam didn't work for the MRI procedures because my friends were there. I almost started crying several times before we got home. And in the end I just shut myself in my room and put music on and just sobbed. Mum did hear me tho And came in.
I do not want him to see me like that! This time it shouldn't be as bad because I'm not having an IV catheter fitted or having anything injected in. So it *should* be just a blood test. Not that I cope well with them either, but it's not quite as bad as what happened when I went for my MRI.
But yeah, this will be me at my worst and most vulnerable and it scares the sh*t out of me to see people see me like that. Really only my Mum and my ex have seen me lose it like that and, well, he left. So yeah, that's why I want to do it alone!
Even if I rearranged the appointment because of the timing for your natural steroid production it will always be at these times and always on a week day. So I will come up against the same problem. Everyone I know works full time now and even though my friends Tim & Caz work shifts, I'd be very lucky to get it on 2 days they're off too.

I just feel so bloody helpless! And fed up! And really sorry for myself
I don't like having to rely on people and it makes me really uncomfortable. I have to call and confirm the appointments so I might ask if they do this test at the hospital closer to me. They probably don't but might be worth asking.
Meh! So fed up of all of this and I don't see an end to it at all.xx

 

[cheekychinchilla]

Btw! All your messages and words of wisdom and advice are very greatly appreciated. Thank you.xx

 

[cheekychinchilla]

Didn't sleep very well last night. Kept waking up panicked over the car stuff And also coz I'm seeing John today! I'm not even nervous about meeting his friend, coz she sounds nice, but I'm getting more anxious about seeing him all the time. I really do think it's my own issues of having high expectations of myself and not being able to be myself at the moment. And I feel so bloody guilty for the way I feel. *sigh*
Have put him off coming round for an extra hour or so so I can pull myself together a bit.
We're going to go for coffee before we meet up with his friend. We're going to a Sceptics Society talk about alternative medicine. I've promised I'll be good
I looked up the society online and the talks look really good and it's something his best mate goes to a lot. So could be a nice thing for us all to do together. I think they're the 3rd Thurs of every month in Liverpool city centre. The next one seems to be about monsters

Anyway, didn't really sleep very well and woke up nauseous. But I think that was more the nerves and anxiety than actual symptom nausea. Made a huge dinner anyway coz I wont get to eat till late tonight. Tbh I haven't got the money to eat out or enough food to make a meal for 2

Just need to decide what to wear Lol!x

 

[cheekychinchilla]

Thursday food:

Lunch: 2 free Linda M sausages.
Half a tin of spaghetti.
Mushroom, red pepper, and cheesy scrambled eggs (half HexA1)
Little crispy potatoes.
Wholemeal toast (HexB1)
Tomato sauce (1)

Tea: 2 Quorn fillets
Low Fat Supernoodles
Wholemeal bread (HexB2)
Cheese (HexA2)
Salad, mayo (0.5), and 1tbsp of Lingonberry jam (2)

Drinks: Coffee. Diet Coke. A horrible J20 (4.5 grumble grumble)

Syns used: 8
syns saved: 7

 

[Tetris]

Totally understandable that you don't want him to see you vulnerable; the early days of a relationship are a scary time to show 'imperfections' or whatever. I wouldn't even poo if G was around the house for about 6 months LOL, was difficult as he was always around... Had to be quick when he was in the shower or would use public loos, so awkward LOL

Anyway, I get how you feel though- it's intense to show such strong/negative emotional stuff so early on, it will add extra pressure for you onto the already high pressure situation :/ is absolutely everyone busy? Fake brother?

Meeting people off the internet always sort of rakes up extra expectations I think, I'm sure that pressure lasts a while too. You have a whole profile of explaining how you are and if you are feeling so off from being ill you'll not be 'living up' to it- totally understandable! But I'm sure he understands that too, you're not yourself when you're suffering and that is normal... anyway, hope you have a nice time; he has kinda only known you while sick and obviously has a huge thing for you like so; he'll be blown away when you're on the right meds and back to yourself but at least it's not the other way around where you slowly droop further from what he knows. Eh, sorry for waffling trying to make you feel better by stating the obvious I guess lol.
x

 

[cheekychinchilla]

Your waffling makes lots of sense actually

I haven't asked fake brother (Tim) coz he's just started working full time. I guess I could see if one of them is free one day and the other for the next. I just feel so bad for asking for help I'd feel awful though if someone didn't ask for my help when they needed it tho! Urgh, really hate this!
I like what you were saying about him being in to me while I'm sick so *should* like me even more when I'm better lol. Hope so I don't plan on being sick forever lol. That can just do one!

I actually had a really good time. We went for coffee first. I was looking foward to a slice of Vegan chocolate crunch at The Egg but just after my lunch I had a really, REALLY upset stomach and have felt so nauseous!! I would say it's probably the stress/anxiety. But it seems to be happening like this: upset tummy, normal poo, constipated, upset tummy... over about 4-5 days Been doing it since last week!
So yeah, I just had coffee. John got a slice and kept trying to tempt me but even the smell was making my stomach turn. Argh!!!! I can usually inhale a slice of that

We headed over to the pub and the bloody place didn't have Diet Coke or anything diet!!! Got a J20 and it was horrible. What a wasted 4.5 syns I was so thirsty but I just didn't want anything sugary and I definitely didn't want to drink.

The talk was so, so bad lol. The guy came on and he just mumbled and rambled and you just couldn't follow what he was saying. The powerpoint projection things was too far away for us to read properly and we just had NO idea what was going on. We gave it almost an hour and then hoofed it out of there. We played a few games of pool - me and other Kelly against John lol. We won the first one, sort of, then he destroyed us I'm so bad at pool! It was fun though and it broke the ice teaming up. And it helped having the lame talk to laugh about. Found out she only moved away from Woolton (2 villages over from me) less than 2 years ago! So we talked about growing up round here and stuff
She's really nice. I liked her a lot! And didn't bother me too much that she's pretty damn hot lol.

He brought me home and we chatted in the car for a bit. Tis a pain coming in when everyone's in bed coz the dogs would bark at him for ages. So kind of a no - go in the evenings until they're used to him.
Have text him to try and explain and apologise for things going so slowly

 

[Barbette]

It sounds as thought your had a brill evening apart from the talk :s so glad you had a good time x x x

 

[Tetris]

Sounds fun! I LOVE Pool! (am mediocre at best but get quite flukey with like double pot shots sometimes!) glad you didnt feel rivalry with the hot friend, I probably would I get so competative and jealous LOL. Kinda nice that G had 0 friends in that aspect, even though I always b*tch about it

Shame you coulsnt inhale your cake double shame about wasting syns on a j20- ugh!! Why the hell didn't hey have diet coke? BLASPHEMY.

Glad you had fun no need to appologise for taking it slow :S he is obviously quite timid anyway (I mean... Various things can happen in cars if the guy is getting desperate for some action!) but don't worry about it... Just dont let it slip into friends zone (not that it sounds like it would!)
X

 

[cheekychinchilla]

Just a quick food update for now:

Lunch: 2 free and 1 synned Quorn sausages (1)
Half a tin of beans with orange pepper and cherry tomatoes in.
2 boiled eggs.
Wholemeal toast (HexB1)
1tbsp of tomato sauce with mustard mixed in (1)

Tea: Portion of free curry from the freezer.
Packet rice.
Salad.
Cottage cheese.

Snack: Nothing!

Drinks: Coffee. Squash. Diet Irn Bru.

Syns used: 2
Syns saved: 20

 

[RUBYROO]

Shame about the cake situ sounds DELISH !!

How dare somewhere not have diet :0 I'd be kicking off - discrimination to us diabetics is that hehe

X x x

 

[cheekychinchilla]

Yeah I could have had a J20, Coke, or lemonade. Not diet soft drink options. Was pretty annoyed actually and I was SO thirsty! Had to buy a drink in Sainsbury's after we'd walked other Kelly to the train station.
Apparently she told John I was really pretty and had a great smile I hate my smile He also told me I was hot via text last night LOL!
Wish I could believe it, I really do!

Anyway, didn't have time to update before coz he popped over for a few hours before work. We played Mario Kart for ages and I have to say he's come the closest to beating me than anyone This cannot be allowed to happen! Must practice My head was killing me though and my vision was so blurry I had to get my glasses out. They're just for when I'm reading/looking at a computer a lot. Think I've worn them about 4 times before - when I was studying OU stuff! Oh and once for a subtitled film coz I was really tired lol. Optician told me to only wear them when I really, really need them as my eyes would get used to them and need them more. Have to say, it helped me destroy John in the last Mario Kart race

Then I rambled on about the Sweden holiday and did actions and everything lol. I said we'll have to get together with Michelle so we can double act it up and tell him stuff together. We should prob get a few beers and do a photo slide show and stuff. That should bore him to tears for a few hours

I don't feel threatened by his friend, even though she's hot. They actually met on OK Cupid, but she just wanted friends. She's got 2 young kids and has been seeing someone for about 18months. I guess it would be like John feeling threatened by Tim. I'm fine with him having girl-friends. He house shares with guys but he says his only two proper friends are girls. Actually doesn't bother me and she's really nice

I so wish I could have had my Chocolate Crunch :cry:

When I brought up the going slow he said he'd noticed it too but didn't know how to bring it up. Things are going very slowly, especially considering we've been dating, what, over 2 months? But there's not much I can do about it lol. Hoping things will get better the more comfortable I get with him and hopefully when I start treatment for whatevers I can go back to being me.
I was thinking about it last night and I miss me, I really do!! I miss staying up till 4am watching films, running, walking with the dogs, doing karate, going on adventures, doing fun things, etc... I've been reduced to slow shuffles and watching films at home or the cinema. And just being tired
Can I have me back yet????

Anyway, massive headache aside (God it hurt so much paying attention to Mario Kart!!) I feel alright. And I'm glad I got to spend some extra time with John. I thought I'd built up the courage to do "something", but apparently not lol. Hope I didn't look weird in my glasses Most people find glasses hot though right?!

Right, had better make my tea I suppose. Think I'll watch the other half of the ep of Sons of Anarchy I was watching before and then maybe a fillum. We shall see.
Got the house to myself

 

[Barbette]

Sounds like you had fun with John today Don't like consol games but love Mario Karts used to play with the kids for hours and I always won ha ha ha.
And go girl!! you're hot arty0011:If he tells you you're hot you are Have more faith in yourself from the photo I've seen of you you're really pretty
You loving having the place to yourself? I've forgotten what that's like. There again hated living alone lol x x x

 

[cheekychinchilla]

I should listen, I know. It's hard to take compliments though, don't you think??
I guess I wish I could see what other people can. Sometimes I think I'm "alright", but nothing special. Better than thinking I'm fugly

I don't get the house to myself very often, so I enjoy it when I do. Don't think I could ever live alone tho!
When my Sister and her husband-to-be find a house she'll be living alone 4-5 days a week normally. She can't wait! Lol. If her house has a bath I'll be visiting a lot
My Mum's at her Mum's tonight and Rachelle is at her John's house coz it's his Dad's birthday and they're spending some time with him. Alright by me

Should probably go to bed and read. Watched the rest of that Sons of Anarchy ep and another one. And played some Mario Kart for a bit. My head's so sore lol! I can't let him beat me tho

Night all.x

 

[Tetris]

Lovely to get a confidence boost from compliments- especially when they are passed on from someone else, clearly legit if they dont.say it to your face! (if they do say it to your face it always feels kinda like sucking up to me, y'know??) anyway enjoy the compliments! I find them cringey as hell and get so awkward at the time but they make me feel good later on! Except G's ones which it's like "I know you think I am babe of the universe, zzz, shut uuuup" LOL

 

[cheekychinchilla]

Hehe Babe of the Universe

I'm really bad with compliments! And apparently John feels really awkward at giving them. Lol!
I kinda just brush them off like a "Yeah, whatever"

Just realised I didn't finish off my food diary last night. I realise I didn't even do an EE day! I only had one HexB and no A's And incredibly low syn. Ooops! Just didn't feel like anything else.x