Cheekychinchilla's food and stuff

[cheekychinchilla]

Thursday food:

Lunch: 2 free Linda M sausages
Cheesy scrambled eggs (half HexA1)
Crispy potatoes
Half a tin of beans
Wholemeal toast (HexB1)
And tomato sauce (1)

Tea: 2 veggie burgers (2)
Half a tin of bbq beans with onions, mushrooms, peppers, cherry tomatoes, and spinach in
Cheese (HexA2)
Smash
Salad and super low cal dressing

Snack: Shape 0%
Chewy Delight (HexB2)

Drinks: Coffee. Diet Coke. Squash.

Syns used: 3
Syns saved: 21.5

 

[Tetris]

Nice re: food!!

Ouch re: John. Sounds really unlike him, he must be hurting bad. But surely he could see what a struggle the relationship has been for you in your condition! Really sucky that he's being hateful about it hope you're OK hun. Txt if you need to vent, I love helping with boy drama
X

 

[cheekychinchilla]

Hahaha I'm good with boy drama, as long as it's not MY drama

Me and my friend are going to do a 'theraputic' exercise in a bit and I'm going to send her the reply I really want to send! so you're very welcome to see the outcome of that tetris Of course it's just for therapy....

I had a really restless night. Was reading again till 3am trying to relax and I thought I had. I slept but had loads of really weird, stressful dreams and I woke up quite a lot. Knackered now!
No plans for today, but I think Mum might want a lift either to her Mum's or the bus stop, so she only has to get one bus. Hope not, which is a bit mean...

 

[cheekychinchilla]

Friday food: Being naughty and still ignoring that the flavoured porridge sachets aren't a HexB any more. Only got a few left so gonna use them up and turn a blind eye I also got a pack of vanilla seeds in my Graze box this week and worked out that 2tsp (1/4 of the box) are worth 2 syns. Not bad actually

Lunch: Vanilla & honey porridge (HexB1)
2tsp of vanilla seeds (2)
Almond milk (part HexA1)
Small bowl of grapes with an Activia.

Tea: Free curry portion from the freezer - loads of veg, tomato'y, chick pea dahl.
White & wild rice
Stir fry veg in soy sauce & Worcester sauce

Snacks:
Chewy Delight (HexB2)
Graze chocolate pretzels (5)

Drinks: Coffee. Diet Coke. Highlights made with almond milk (rest of HexA1 + 2)

Syns used: 9
Syns left: 27.5

 

[Barbette]

So sorry he's taken it that way, what you did was for the best and as much for him as you. Maybe it's just a knee-jerk reaction, he may be ok when he calms down.
Foods looking good for today, you've got back into the swing of things good and proper
I hope you have a better night tonight and don't have such a restless/stressful one x x

 

[cheekychinchilla]

I think Tetris will back me up on just how crappy that email was! Maybe it was a knee-jerk reaction, but you can't help see the real person and the truth behind something when someone reacts like that.
And you're right, I did what I thought, and still think, is best for the both of us. This isn't just about me!

I sent a 'theraputic' reply to a few friends - really mean and angry and sweary! Then I sent a proper, more restrained, but still stern and to the point. If he thinks he can get away with saying things like that and treating me the way he has (he's admitted to not listening to me or taking things in and pretty much being selective of what he 'hears'. And I also get the feeling he thinks I'm putting on some of my symptoms or at least their severity) I might have blown it completely, if he stays angry, but I had to say this stuff. I couldn't let it go! And if we were to be friends I'd always resent him for these things and I needed to get them out in the open.
Anyway, that's sent and I've told him to talk to his 2 friends and take a lot of time!

Just watching Agents of SHIELD now and gonna watch Seven Psychopaths in a bit. Night in all to myself. There may be some low syn snacking later Think I might have my Graze pretzels and chocolate!

I feel really good for eating healthy, proper meals and not just eating junk. I can't believe my will power has come back as well! Not sure how long it will last, but it's great while it does. Every 100% day, or even meal, is a step in the right direction eh?

 

[cheekychinchilla]

I couldn't finish my evening snacks Don't worry, it was the low fat yogurt that went back in the fridge. I managed the chocolate stuff

Got another reply from J and it seems he's now changed his mind for the billionth time, he's trying to put the blame on even my stuff on me, is back tracking on the things he's said and accused me of, and is trying on the *woe is me* sh*t. I'm not even replying to this one, will wait until he calms down and he speaks to one of his friends.
Just don't even know what to think now

Ah well, have had a nice night in by myself with the dogs. TV and a fillum And really nice food too. Excellent and just what I needed I think.
Night all.x

 

[Barbette]

What he's saying sucks and it sounds as though he's got some real big issues of his own. Don't let him transfer the blame on you, that's definitely not fair. In fact while he's reacting like that I'd leave him to his own devices and let him stew. And you're right if you're not straight with him now you can never build anything, not even a friendship on that basis. I think he needs to look at the big picture instead of being so bitter and selfish.
So glad you've a nice chilled evening with the doggies x x x

 

[cheekychinchilla]

You're right Tace and I'm not going to reply to this one. At the end he says he needs to talk to his friend, but that wont be till some time next week. So will just leave him to it.
Apparently it's me who's gotten the wrong end of the stick now! And I've noticed he been swearing a lot in the emails. This wouldn't usually bother me coz I swear like a sailor But I haven't used any swear words in my emails to him as I think in this situation it would come across angrily. He has used quite a lot! It's also odd becaue he hasn't been a big swearer in real life or texts. This shouldn't bother me, but it really has! It feels childish again. He can't express his feelings so relies on swearing to get the point across. I dunno.
He has loooaaaads of issues! And I honestly don't think he should be trying to be in relationships. Funny for me to say that But when I started dating him I thought my illness would be a few blood tests and some treatment. Not 6 months of horrible tests and still no answers.
It's hard to explain really but I don't think he's quite out of his dark patch, like he says he is. He's told me a number of times that he basically spent 10 years cut off from the world, hiding in his room, not speaking to his family, had no friends, etc.. And that was only recently. And I don't honestly believe he's come out of it.
I also get the feeling that he wants someone to share the dark with him. Like he needs someone to be his "everything" because he doesn't have many people. I worked really really hard to get myself back in to the world and meet people and get my job and do some pretty awesome things. I'm in no way willing to move backwards and cut myself off. Not a chance in hell!
Or he might need someone to basically hold his hand and get him through this and guide him and stuff. And, even if this sounds selfish, I don't want to do that! I have and do look after enough people and I really don't need another person to look after!

Not entirely sure any of this is a solid foundation for even a friendship and he's seriously got me questioning even wanting to talk to him any more. I guess, in a way, it's a good job this has happened now, before we got more serious! Can't imagine how difficult this would be if we'd gotten closer or more intimate!
I also worry that his feelings for me are WAY stronger than what I feel for him (which currently, isn't much!) But I mean I'm worried for me! And how he's reacting.
I swear every email I get is like it's come from another person. They're all very different and read differently. It's really bloody confusing!!

Anyway, not much planned for today. Was waiting to see if my friends wanted to do anything, but it's getting on a bit and I've not heard from them. Never mind!
Had a late lunch and watched Doctor Who with the dogs Gonna pick mum up from the bus stop soon as it is chucking it down!! The sky got really dark and angry!
Hope everyone's alrighty.xx

 

[cheekychinchilla]

Saturday: Only one of each Hex today. I sort of fake EE day

Lunch: 2 free Linda M sausages
half a tin of spaghetti hoops
Crispy potatoes
Cheesy scrambled eggs (half HexA1)
Tomato sauce (1)
Wholemeal toast (HexB1)

Tea: 2 veggie burgers (2)
Half a tin of bbq beans with onions, mushrooms, peppers, cherry tomatoes, and spinach in
Cheese (rest of HexA1)
Smash
Tomato sauce (0.5)

Snack: Malteser Reindeer (8)

Drinks: Coffee. Diet Coke. Diet Lemonade. Squash.

Syns used: 11.5
Syns saved: 31

 

[Barbette]

From what you've said it sounds as though you've got out in the nick of time, he sounds very unstable and very needy neither of which are a good start to a relationship. It's probably done you a favour because he's shown his true colours. You take care of yourself and let him deal with it. x x

 

[cheekychinchilla]

Well just to add insult to injury, knowing that me and my friends follow him on Twitter he posted this earlier:
"Off to discover how much of my current shitty situation is caused by me being misunderstood and how much by being a dick. should be fun"

I am so bloody angry!! How childish and petty and "mind game" is that?! All my close friends who have met him have seen it (and a few others!) I think this is what is called "the final nail in the coffin"

You're right Tace. He's way, way too needy for me! Don't get me wrong, I need a certain amount of understanding, but doesn't everyone? But this is just too much! I can't do with clingy and needy and someone making me feel guilty about how I spend my time and who I see. Just no!
I thought I'd get a few days before I had to face another reply for him. I know it'll be tonight though because he can't keep bloody quiet! He cant stop himself from doing things - which is another issue that worries me!
In one of his emails he admitted that even though I'd asked him not to, he'd sent a text anyway, because he just couldn't help himself, he'd already upset me, and what harm would upsetting me further do.... :sigh:

 

[cheekychinchilla]

Oh well, that's done then. Annoyingly he beat me to it!
Either his friend told him I wasn't worth the effort. Or, I think more likely , she proper told him off and told him to back off before he caused any more damage. I actually think the email he sent was written by her. It was too well put together and precise and to the point. I doubt very much he wrote it.
But it basically said that he'd spoken to his friend and that we were misunderstanding each other and that it was better to go our separate ways.

I replied that I agreed, especially after seeing his tweet. Wished him luck sorting things out and finding someone better suited. And said I hoped his friends and her kids were ok.

So yeah, that's it! I feel sad, course I do. It ended SO badly And I do think part of it was bad timing. But I'm also glad it ended now, when we hadn't gotten too close or too involved. And I got to see this side of him before it was too late as well! A shame, but it's done.

Might stay up and watch another film and have some chocolate. Haven't been feeling too good today and his reply ruined my concetration on the film I was watching

 

[B's lovely lady]

Hope your feeling better today. Like you said, it's all for the best, but it doesn't make break ups any easier.

I've not been on here a lot lately, just the odd entry to my diary. I haven't had the chance to catch up on diaries properly, just the last couple of posts. How are all your health issues? Are you any closer to a diagnosis? X

 

[cheekychinchilla]

Hey B!
I'm so annoyed by how much of a d*ck he ended up being! He's just really immature and needy and just needs to work on being a grown-up a bit more. I know I have issues, don't we all, but I can at least manage to be grown up and considerate and understanding.
He came across as very caring and stuff, but really it seemed to be all about him. He needs constant reassurance and stuff and it's just draining!

Maybe I could have coped with it better had I not been ill. Or maybe I'd have realised sooner and not let it get this far. I dunno....

No closer to a diagnosis I'm afraid. I came up with an idea to trial migraine medication, as a lot of my symptoms are similar to migraines. They help a bit and take away the fog and the fuzziness, which is at least some relief. Better than nothing! My gp's stumped though because he said they shouldn't work and it's another 'interesting' thing to add to the list.
No news on my endocrine specialist appointment being moved, so looks like it's still the end of Nov. So frustrating!

Hope you and baby B are doing ok.xx

 

[cheekychinchilla]

Sunday:

Lunch: Vanilla and honey porridge (HexB1)
Graze Scandinavian Forest fruits. Apple, lingonberries, cranberries, and cherry raisins. Mmmmm!!! (76kcal/4syns)
2tsp of Graze vanilla seeds (2)
Almond milk (part HexA1)
Handful of green grapes
Activia 0%

Cinema: Small bag of pick and mix

Tea: Veggie carvery. 2 Yorkshire puddings, roast potatoes, mash, onion gravy, stuffing, peas, carrots, cabbage, cauliflower, cranberry sauce, and gravy.

Had some squares of Tesco Finest chocolate too. Well, it is for Bzzz Agent and I can't let them down

And Pizza'y cheese on toast.

Drinks: Coffee. Diet coke.

Syns used: I dunno....
Syns saved this week: Probably none

 

[Barbette]

I think the complete break was the right thing to do, it sounds like he wouldn't let it go and couldn't help but continuing with texts/twitter/emails which would end up causing a lot of hurt. I know it's not how you wanted it to end but at least it's done with and you can get over it and move on. I hope you're as ok as possible in the circumstances, you've done the right thing, you've done what was best for everyone x x x

 

[cheekychinchilla]

I feel ok you know Tace. Of course I'm a bit sad, but more disappointed. Also still pretty annoyed to be honest!

Have had a nice day today. Ended up going kind of off plan, but not ridiculously. My friend, Michelle, came round to watch the first Cloudy With a Chance of Meatballs (coz she'd not seen it) and then we went to see the new ones. We even saw it in 3D and I wasn't too bad! I took my new, stronger migraine meds a few hours before but I didn't have to wear my glasses and I only closed my eyes once. Not bad going that!!
I did get a little bag of pick and mix. Usually get £2.50+ , but only got £1.60 worth Then we decided to go for a carvery coz everyone was going out for tea lol. I had just the veg/potatoes, not a veggie option. I never like the look of the veggie options - they never go with spuds and gravy!!
No dessert and just a diet Coke

Just trying a bit of the Tesco Finest chocolate Bzzz Agent sent me, but that should be it for the night. If I get peckish I've got yogurts or a spare HexB

So maybe over syns, but I'd saved up loads and had a really good week. Not a total binge or anything! xx

 

[cheekychinchilla]

Ok, needed a little snack Used 'normal' size bread, but still not too bad. Used a HexA for cheese and a HexB plus a couple of syns I guess for bread. made pizza'y cheese on toast!
Wholemeal bread, tomato purée, grated cheese, and veggie Worcester sauce. Was really nice!

 

[cheekychinchilla]

Had a bit of a rough night Was still reading past 3am trying to relax (also, the book's really good!) And had loads of dreams and some nightmares
One of the dreams I had was being in a busy shopping place with my Mum and we were sharing some lunch and drinks with this group of people (now idea who they were lol) and John turns up and sits next to me. I instantly stopped eating and decided to go for a walk around the shops to try and lose him. He stuck with me and just kept asking me questions over and over again and trying to buy me things to make me feel better.
One of the others was that my car was stolen by a guy who's dog I was keeping from him because I was reporting him for dog fighting. Just wtf?! lol

So, I'm a bit tired today. Didn't get up till 2pm

I think I've gotten in to this "go to bed at 2am and read for an hour" routine because I've gotten some freedom back. I'm not having to plan my weeks, try and fit my friends and food shopping in, and save energy for dates, etc... But I need to get my usual, still rubbish, routine back. I can't be getting up at 2pm every day!
Feeling a bit sick today and didn't manage to eat until after 3:30.

This week WILL be a SW week! I'm driving to Bradford on Saturday to visit my friend as an early birthday 'surprise' because she just hasn't got the money to come visit next week like we planned. And I want to save syns for that. I won't go nuts and 'deprive' myself, coz I know I'll ruin it. But Will try and save at least 5 syns a day and then have a bit of an off-plan day. We'll be having lunch at my friends (planning a tea party type thing ) and we'll probably have tea on the way back or a cheap'o takeaway.
So yeah, will save my syns and look forward to that I was going to get cake for the Bake Off final, but think I'll be good and sensible and save my day off for Saturday

Lets try and have a good week xx