Claire's art of self-sabotage

Oh lol you sound like me now! I think it's a good idea to get a pen and a piece of paper and list all the options, then pros and cons of each one - as many as you can. I find it much easier to make a decision when I do that, also short-term / long-term goals etc. That helps me see a very clear picture of the all the possibilities and then I make a plan. I must say I'm quite OCD about planning and stuff lol so this might not be your cup of tea but it really works :eek:
 
Hey.

Yeah I'm ok. The guy at work handed his notice in on Tuesday, and left on Tuesday. I've nicked his desk because it is beside the radiator. Spent an hour this morning cleaning it and moving my stuff. I couldn't get any further away from everyone else in the office if I tried! Quite enjoying being out the way in the corner. Turned down that other job, again, for the 3rd time. Decided to stick this one out for at least another 3 months so i don't make my cv look too disastrous. Just going to do my best to not get annoyed with being in an office with a woman who talks to you when it suits her, and another girl who thinks she's my mother!

Just going to keep breathing and working.

Going to sign up for my ATT studies - but not until after my consultation with the surgeon at the end of next month. I need to see if I can afford it. I really shouldn't get the surgery and I should spend the money paying for my course. But I'm not going to. I know I'm not.

Also, I've got a big cupboard under the stairs - and when I say big, its big. It currently has a massive Ikea cube bookcase thingy in it which is probably 150cm long and high and I've got another two units in there. its pretty much a smalll bedroom, but with no windows. I have no idea why its there - its a rented house and I'm not knocking down walls. Anyway, my point was, I was thinking about making it into my office so I have somewhere to study. Looking at desks and units and stuff, but I don't want to spend a fortune. So, I'm going to go to the British Heart Foundation furniture shop on Saturday and see if there's any second hand stuff I could use.

I keep checking gumtree as well.

I could buy stuff from argos and stick it on the store card, but i dont want the extra debt.


Diet wise, yeah its going ok. Not expecting a great loss this week as I've probably eaten too many fridge raiders, laughing cow cheese triangles and not drank enough water.
Weigh-in is in the morning, so will find out soon enough.
 
Well, I usually weigh myself in the scud, but I thought I'd weigh myself with my dressing gown on this morning. Figure when I go see the consultant, I won't be in the scud when they weigh me, and that's the number that counts.

So, a pokey wee 0.7lb this week. Considering I've been a bit constipated, and mostly on TOTM, and wearing a dressing gown, that's not bad. I reckon my dressing gown weighs about 1 or 2 lbs anyway.

So thats a month down and an overall loss of 19.6lbs. Met my January target and what other diet would have given such great overall results?

Just need another 1st 1lb for the end of February. Its probably pushing it, but I'm giving it my all.

I'll also get some measurements taken tomorrow after work - see how that goes. I did buy a size smaller trousers on Tuesday night. I can get into them, they fit, but my belly hangs over like a muffin top. Will see how they fit next week. :)
 
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Thanks guys.

I think I'm struggling a bit with the water. Only on my second glass today. I've had 3 cups of tea, but that's still rubbish really. I'm working tonight, so I'll drink another half liter there and I'll have a cuppa when I get home.

Looking forward to packing in this second job. I feel shattered! lol!

Also had another crisis of career this morning and not sure if I should do tax. I'll need to check to see if that really limits me to private practice, or if there's a call for that in industry. I'd like to have the option to switch - can make more money in industry!
 
I just ate a roll and fried egg.

Its tax return deadline day and my boss bought us all a roll and egg. I felt obliged to eat it. I don't even like a roll and egg! I've put it into MFP and it was roughly 390 calories, 38g carbs, 16g fat and 22g protein.

I'm going to drink as much water as possible for the rest of the day and maybe only have 2 packs and a multi-vit? I don't want to overdose on carbs and kick myself out of ketosis.

Not beating myself up over it. It was one roll and it's gone.
 
morning hun 38g carbs not too bad, you can get away with that without kicking yourself out of keto. no need multivitamin imho just 1 day anyways, and it's normally impossible to get every nutrient 100% rda with conventional food either so it should be fine. if you were using the veg allowance you might have to skip that today though just in case, to stay under 50g carb.
 
Yeah, I'm thinking I'm going to have a shake for lunch and then maybe have another one at dinner - I think the carbs in the bars would be too much. Drank 1 cup of coffee, 2 cups of tea and half a litre of water so far today. Hoping to manage another litre of water before I finish work, plus another 2 cups of tea!

Probably not going to make my 15lb February challenge, but, on the plus side, I've gone from a squeezing into a size 20 to a comfortable size 18. Got a suit on today that I haven't managed to get into since the beginning of last year!

Will take some measurements tonight or tomorrow morning :)
 
I also changed my stats from lbs to stones and pounds because I have no idea what lbs are without getting the calculator out and working it out!

I was super chuffed to discover I had made it back into the 16s! WOOOO!!!! Thats 2 stone brackets in 4 weeks - didnt even see any of the 17s either! lol!

Dying to get into the 14s. I've made it there once before and it was by the skin of my teeth. For about a week. LOL!
 
Bah. I've had 966 calories today. I should never have eaten that damn roll. On the plus side, I've manage to stay in ketosis as I've had about 56g carbs today. So at least that's something.

Disappointed in myself.
 
Pretty damn depressed today. I've suffered from depression for years - doctor told me once there was a possibility that I'm bi-polar. But, it's not something I dwell on, and I refuse to let it affect my career etc, but damn, I feel proper down today. Verge of tears. It's usually about now that I start stuffing my face, but I'm not going to. What I actually want is a cigarette. Not smoked for 3 years this month. I won't say 3 years ago was the last time I smoked a cigarette, because it wasn't. I've been known to have the odd cigarette if I'm out drinking, or previous work related stress. I always loved smoking. I'd still love to smoke. I gave up because my OH moved in with me and his hair always smelled really nice, and it slowly started to smell like smoke. And I kept pet rats and I didn't want them breathing in the smoke. So I decided to stop.

Pretty random reason, but that's pretty much why I did it.

But yeah, I don't think anything is going to make me happy today. I have an 8 hour shift in Asda tomorrow that I could be doing without because I'm not in the mood. Tempted to just phone in sick, but I probably shouldn't. I want to quit, but I told myself I'd wait until I'd seen the consultant at the end of this month and decide from there. But I've pretty much had enough of it.

Actually only logged in to update my measurement loss, but instead I've just moaned. But hey, its a diary - that's what they're for!

Anyway, I've lost a total of 21 inches during January. Pretty decent.
Major ones to note:

Bust: 46" to 43.3" -2.7"
Waist: 39.7" to 36.6" -3.1"
Hips: 49.2" to 48" -1.2"
Bingo wings: 16.5" to 14.5" -2"
Thighs: 28.7" to 27" -1.7"
Neck: 16.1" to 14.7" -1.4"
Shoulders: 46" to 43.3" -2.7"
 
Well, back at work. It is ****ing freezing in here.I sit at a radiator and I swear my hands are like ice.

Ended up with a really swollen lip all weekend and today my face has broken out in a rash, which was super stingy when i put my moisturizer on, and the skin under my eyes has gone all dry and flaky. Clearly falling to bits.

Got a coffee and eating cottage pie. Got a cupboard full of shakes that I cant face drinking because its too damn cold! Going to order more soups and meals today, and crisps. I love the crisps.

Hope everyone's having a fab day!
 
Had a Nandos for dinner. Butterfly chicken with a side salad. Yummy. I quite like that lemon and herb sauce.
I've added it to my fitness pal and its coming in at 326 calories. Not too bad! And I felt soooo stuffed. I had a pain in my side from eating so much! It made me think about how much I usually eat. If I hadn't been on this diet I would have had:

Starter: Houmous with peri-peri drizzle: 825 calories!!!
Main: Chicken butterly with rice and garlic bread: 931 calories!!!!
Desert: Carrot Cake: 839 calories!!!!

Total calories: 2595 calories!!! OMG!!!! Thats disgusting. Absolutely disgusting. I haven't even eaten it and I'm disgusted with myself.
 
On an equally disgusting note.... I haven't poo'd for ages. I took 2 senakot before bed on Sunday night.... nothing. Not even a belly rumble. Forgot to take some again last night. Must remember tonight.

Bah.... I hate this diet sometimes.
 
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