Crazy life of Chilli

[ChilliQueen]

so between son being out playing with his phone and me getting lost in sewing his hoodie...
I forgot to make us dinner. Our bacon sandwiches were quite a late lunch and he's had lots of snacks as well as a lot of milk to drink and fruit so he's not noticed and is in bed now. It's 2223 before I realised... I haven't made dinner

I'm not about to start now, I'm not hungry anyway and either is he. It's funny how we get caught up in having our meals at rigid times isn't it, eating before we get hungry all the time. My son regularly announces he's hungry and I never deny him food when he is, but I feel quite bad at only feeding him 2 meals today - but why? he's clearly not feeling hunger or he would have said. Ours is definitely an open household where everyone is able to speak up. He knows he can ask for food and he's clearly not been deprived haha. It just goes to show though... in generations gone by there wouldn't really have been 'meal times' we would have been led by hunger or when food was simply available. Why are we so rigid now? Has it contributed to obesity? The regular snacking certainly has.

I've got a good start on his hoodie, maybe I'll get the rest finished tomorrow. I've got the other fabric I bought in washing, I've decided on a dress I'm going to make. It's a pattern by love notions called Cadence if you want to look it up. I'm going to make the long version, with the flounced 3/4 sleeve. I was going to add the optional channel for waist or drawstring, but actually I'm wondering why bother? just make a tie around belt with the same fabric will be easier and then you can wear the dress either way.

Last year I made 2 dresses, one of which I wear with leggings so it's still fine although it's a little big still ok, but the other was a really off shoulder loose fit and is too big now, so I need a couple of summer dresses for the warmer weather. I don't like wearing short skirts and exposing my legs but I don't mind slits. I like off shoulder/cold shoulder type things as well. We'll see what I get around to making, I'll post pics I may take the fabric from the oversized dress and make a top with it.

I'm supposed to be painting the hallway, but have been struck down by the sewing bug But I have most of next week so... I'm going to be wonderwoman and DO IT ALL. Well, most of it anyway. I'll see

 

[ChilliQueen]

Hello all, I've been browsing patterns and fabric and got carried away and had to reel myself back in lol. There are many things I'd like to make but time is limited, and theres no point having a wardrobe full of summer clothes that I plan to be too large by next summer. So I want to just make what I want to wear this year. So far I'm planning 2 summer dresses, probably 2 pairs of summer trousers, and a few tops. I have a body suit pattern that includes a shelf bra, so I may try that, smoother line than a bra because I have plenty fat on my back lol. I already have 2 pairs of jeans that fit, and I may make a couple of hoodies, it's ok for them to be big anyway. A bit later in the year I now have a pattern I think I'm going to use for my dungaree dress I want, it's not like the one I saw but I really like it. However I'd wear that layered up with a top underneath and probably with boots so it's more an autumn/winter outfit I think.

I've had a headache all morning so haven't done anything. Not had lunch yet either, but I'll probably have some eggs or something soon. No idea what to eat later either.

I need to rummage to find fabric for the bands for sons hoodie

 

[ladyfelsham]

Hope the headache is all gone and you've got all your sewing projects on the go - wish I could sew properly, I just don't have much of a crafting talent.

Interesting comment on your post above, about mealtimes, etc. My parents both grew up in very poor households and regular food on the table was not just my mum's way of showing love, but also proof that our financial lot was improving - so mealtimes, and the whole "clear your plate" thing, were very important when i was growing up. We all know better now, not to force kids to eat food they don't like, or find clever ways to disguise them. I'm quite sure that my compulsion to finish a meal, even though I'm full, comes from then - ditto the not being able to scrape leftovers into the bin. We just wouldn't dream of doing that - and it's a real battle for me to do it now.

 

[ChilliQueen]

I didn't have any 'talent' either really until I discovered I did. My art teacher told me when I was 11 not to bother... I continued to be creative but in more practical ways and that's how I ended up walking an engineering route in life. However - without needing to detail the past - 6 or 7 years ago my husband blew up our marriage and tipped my anxiety levels upside down and crazy. In order to survive that period I started to persue creativitity. I bought a new laptop and started writing, and used painting as therapy. I expected to only paint on paper and bin it, but turns out I'm pretty good at painting and have many canvasses now hanging on walls of friends and family and a few sold. Sewing is in my blood for several generations - My Great Great Grandmother made whale bone corsets, my Grandmother made ballgowns and suits and my mother made my wedding dress and entire wardrobes of clothes but I wasn't really interested until I was chasing creativity to find calm! I started with an old machine just playing with things. Made a massive robot bean bag chair for son...with a rotatable hexagonal 'nut' on its head and lots of applique. Then I made some bags and bits and bobs, and moved on to clothes. The websites I use for patterns have huge amounts of info about how to make things fit and how to carry out the steps, really user friendly. Turns out I can do almost anything really... and just didn't know until I was around 40.

The main thing really is that for creative things, talent is mostly subjective anyway. There are plenty great and well respected artists that I'd not hang on my walls. The important thing I've discovered is I make stuff I either like to see, or like to make. I've done paintings that aren't my style because people who matter to me asked for them, but I haven't enjoyed it and it will be a rare thing. Creativity is for fun not duty, and although it's nice to sell things and make a little money, my primary drive to create comes from the love of creating.

I used to run an art group here, with the focus on creativity for mental health, it was all about fun and experimenting with art, no masterpiece required. It was great.

Well that's enough of that I guess haha I do ramble. So far today I've had my morning walk, then chat with neighbour, and then drive to IKEA to pick up my order and home again. When I got home I was hungry and wanted 'sweet' so I whipped some cream with a bit of cocoa powder and a bit of sweetner. Voila healthy chocolate mousse and a full tummy. Except I was still hungry. Much like the much loved hungry caterpillar I was poised to graze through the contents of the kitchen before I remembered. Nope, you're not hungry my love you are THIRSTY. I hadn't had anything to drink today. So now I've had a cup of tea and feel fine and have been watching more of the old sewing bee episodes... Series 3 and Patrick hasn't got a beard and looks WRONG. I do hope he has it back for the next series.

Going to get my IKEA things assembled, then a skip run and then I plan to paint my hallway ceiling. Dinner for 1 tonight as daughter is spending the night with her brother at ex's house. Then my meditation group then I'm going to pop to tesco. That'll be me for the night.

 

[ChilliQueen]

I might not get the ceiling painted... I don't want to have to stop half way and leave a line.

However I'm typing from my new computer desk

 

[ChilliQueen]

As usual running behind with the plans but SOME Things are always getting done.

Ikea and assembly got done, so did meditation group but ceiling painting and tesco did not get done yesterday.

However I'm just back from picking up the tesco shop as well as popping into hardware store, I've picked up a paint pad kit to try for my ceiling as I think brush or roller would both be quite hard on my elbow working above my head. I also bought a new tin of gloss as I know I don't have enough, 5 doors plus skirtings and the stair rails will soon use it up.

I'm determined to NOT procrastinate this week until it's all gone! I'm having a cuppa, and then I'm going to change and get the ceiling done. I have a hair appointment this evening, it was originally late at 2130 but they asked if I'd go in at 6, so I am. My aim now is to AT LEAST paint the ceiling this afternoon and fill the holes in the wall. Tonight I plan on putting the dog to bed around 9 and then do at least an hour of glossing. We have to pass through the hallway to get from where we sit, to get outside and to and from her bed, so I'd prefer not to have wet gloss paint during the day. If I paint late at night for an hour or two, then it shouldn't be too bad by the next morning when she needs to pass through again. If I can at least get the door posts and skirtings done then I can paint the walls during the day, and work on the doors over the evenings ahead. No deadline on those really but it would be nice to have them finished before tackling the flooring, and ultimately I'd love to actually finish the whole job this week if I possibly can.

I can!

Food today - none. I've decided finally that today is a fasting day, which is generally in my experience the best way to decide anything. I last ate at around 8pm yesterday and plan to eat nothing until at least tomorrow lunch (dinner if I can make it) so 36-48 hours. I'm doing it a little dirty though and still having cups of tea with a splash of milk. The internet is split over this idea, half saying it's fine and the other half appalled at the very thought. I'm going with it for now anyway, perhaps next time I'll try just with water. I feel fine for now anyways, had a little hunger pang but it disappeared with a drink, and was very tempted putting away all the shopping but I managed to resist thus far.

 

[ChilliQueen]

well I was just about to start the painting then ended up on the phone to my Mum. My Dad (who has quite progressed parkinsons sadly) has been in hospital since yesterday with backpain, so was in to be reassessed for the aids they use to move him around. Somehow he's managed to have a fall IN there which is really frustrating. On the one hand I'm trying to understand how overstretched they are but on the other hand it seems they've really missmanaged my Dad and didn't even know until today he was supposed to use a mechanical aid to stand. We're not sure yet of the circumstances so I'm trying to not be angry. He is ok but that isn't the point. In further frustrating news he's allowed 2 visitors, so obviously my Mum is one, and my sister is the obvious 2nd as she also lives locally. But this means my brother and I who both live further away are not allowed to visit. How is this OK?

Anyway. I went ahead and painted the hallway ceiling, and I find the paint pad works ok but it splatters as well so it's just as well the flooring is being replaced! I suspect it might need a second coat but I'll look at it once it's dry before deciding, it hasn't been painted in 13 years so I guess it's fair. I prefer using a brush to paint but I'm just not sure my arm is up to it for the ceiling. At least it isn't a huge space but it's quite a long hallway.

So I'm pleased After the phonecall that I still motivated myself to go and get started, it is easy to be derailed with uncomfortable news, but the reality is - there is nothing I can do right now for my parents. I am planning to visit tomorrow but I'll only get to see my Mum which is great as she needs my support but I would also have liked to see my Dad.

I've come on here to catch up because it's more fun than watching paint dry (boom boom) but also because now that I've sat down for 5 mins I want to eat. I'm aware - genuinely - that I'm not actually physically hungry. I just want to eat. But I don't want to eat, I want to complete my fast, so I'm hoping that stating my intention here will help me stick to it. I'm passifying myself with a cup of tea and will be getting cleaned up to wander down to the hairdresser shortly.

 

[ChilliQueen]

Back again. I've made it to 24 hours with no food, and now I'm confident I can last at least until tomorrow morning. I probably won't quite make 48 as I'm going to see my Mother, but we'll see. I'll at least get over 40 hours, but so long as I don't eat tonight I'll be happy enough for my first actual fast.

I'd also like to report that other than the psychological desire to eat it's been easy. I haven't felt physically hungry, nor lacking in energy or feeling dizzy or anything negative at all and I've been up and down a ladder off and on as well. So there's no reason why I can't do this again.

As per my usual style, I'm not up to date with my tasks. I had to paint the ceiling twice, so none of the walls have had their holes filled and I'm feeling quite sore and not inclined to stay up tonight gloss painting. I will however pull up the old flooring and pop it straight in the car as I've booked a slot at the recycle centre in the morning to motivate me to jump in and get that done and removed from the house. I'm actually feeling that in general I love the independence of being able to do so much in the house myself, but I wonder if my aches and pains continue I'll need to consider starting to get tradespersons in for some jobs and that makes me feel a bit sad. I've always been so capable but the problem with being able is that you end up doing too much. I don't like asking for help, I like doing things my own way in my own time. In fairness I only really have one big ceiling left to paint and probably none will really need done again. I still manage walls and glossing well enough. The ceilings should be fine again for years barring any leaks.

I'm beginning to think I might have arthritis or something, even my fingers hurt tonight. Ah well.

I did made it to the hairdresser and have a fringe again and no split ends, so that's something too lol.

Right I'm going to pull up the flooring and go to bed. Obviously I've no food to report for today.

 

[ChilliQueen]

38 hours fasting now I'm quite happy to be managing it! I'll hopefully make it to 48 but I'm not overly worried now every hour is a bonus as far as I'm concerned. I've half a mind to keep stretching to 72 (which is the highest recommended without being overseen by a doctor I believe) However I doubt my will power will last that long.

So I managed to get the old flooring up last night, I've a skip run booked for 1030 so I'll get rid of it all then. This is how I need to do things - when I'm creating mess get rid of it within 24 hours instead of allowing it to mount up as I had done before. On that note I haven't unpacked the chairs I bought from ikea I only assembled the desks so I may take them all out the boxes so I can take the cardboard with me this morning as well.

After the skip run I'll fill the holes in the walls, then take the doggo for a walkie. Then I'll probably have a bit of a tidy up, a shower then go visit my Mum.

I'll need to commit tonight to getting the glossing started once the pup is in her crate for bed. As long as I can get the skirtings and door posts done I'll be able to paint the walls tomorrow, I'm not sure how far I will get with the doors as there are 5 of them Ah well. Onwards my fine people and upwards. Once it's done I won't need to do it again for a long time.

Have a lovely day everyone.

 

[ladyfelsham]

Gosh i am full of admiration for your long fast - i know I couldn't do it! Do be careful on the salt levels etc, especially if you're working physically hard on the painting.

So sorry to hear about your dad's fall - it's tricky in hospitals, making sure they have all the right records and then the nurses are so busy - but at least he wasn't hurt. Hope you get to see him soon.

 

[ChilliQueen]

I made it to 47 hours @ladyfelsham but my Mum offered to feed myself and my sister and as we're not often together with the opportunity I decided to say yes. I did say anything over 36 was a bonus so I feel quite happy about it, I don't feel like I failed or anything for stopping, it was a choice. I didn't eat any biscuits etc only the meal. It was beef stew with carrots, peas and chips (the chips only around 25% of the meal) and now I'm home I won't eat again now until tomorrow and will revert to my usual of not eating until at least lunch, I'm going to try and reduce my eating window to between 4pm and 8pm. We will see how it goes.

I managed to get the skip run done as planned and the holes filled, but some of them need a second layer, so I'll get that done tonight and hopefully a good start on the gloss painting as well.

I'm determined to keep getting stuff done this week!

 

[ChilliQueen]

ok so last night I managed to gloss the skirtings and the doorposts so I can paint walls today. I was up till 1am for that then watched the latest episode of sewing bee so was awake until about 2!

I got up around 9 and have faffed about really. I drained and removed the radiator and attempted to sand down the filled sections but that was too hard so I ended up going to the hardware shop and buying a sander. Now it's all sanded and I've painted a tester section of the wall to 'see' I'm planning a random kind of paint effect with a mix of a deep pink and white. It's a method I often use on the backgrounds of canvas paintings but scaled up and I'm not sure if the vision will be as I have in mind. It's really born of my reluctance to waste paint, I had this deep pink for something else but I changed my mind about it, but I think it's too dark on it's own for my hall as the other wall is blackboard paint as a fun area for my son, it's already quite dark. Having said that there is white ceiling and will be 5 white doors plus the stair spindles and then the stairwell I plan to paint white as there is no natural light in that section so perhaps it wouldn't be a problem.... I dunno. I need a designer to drop by haha.

As usual I'm not getting as much done as I'd hoped but I'm getting some done so I'm grateful enough in my own way.

Feeling a bit lonely and down today, knowing the dementia story and knowing my Dad is progressing, I think I've started the process of grieving already as I've heard people do in these circumstances. Typically I'm quite happy being single and I am generally upbeat and happy knowing my life is full of potential etc.

I think I am tired of pulling off so much on my own, I'm fortunate I'm capable but it's a lot to shoulder alone. Determined and stubborn I continue but sometimes I probably shouldn't. It would just be nice to have someone behind me, someone to step in and offer support, someones shoulder to cry on when I think of losing my Dad, slowly. He's been one of the absolute best possible Dad's. I have wonderful friends, but it isn't the same.

I'll snap out of this soon enough I'm sure, I'm kind of having a double whammy because the reason I AM so capable is largely because of my Dad, he always gave me opportunities to try things and helped me learn when I was younger, now I see him having lost all his ability. I doubt he could wire a plug today.

Anyway, enough of the misery. I expected that as I ended my fast last night I'd probably be really hungry today but I haven't been. Last night I only had the meal at 7pm and nothing else. Today I haven't had a proper meal yet, but I did sneak a bit of dark chocolate at about 1pm. Otherwise nothing just drinks.

I weighed this morning and it's saying 178lb which is 1.5 down since Friday and a step forwards beyond my lowest logged weight, but I'm hesitant to assume it will stick as I'd been fasting until 7pm the night before so I'm guessing the body may fluctuate a bit after a nearly 48 hour fast. Tomorrow is my weigh day officially so we'll see what it says then.

Food wise for later, no idea. We've had a hello fresh box delivered so it'll be something from there.

In other news I had my hair cut on tuesday and had booked in a few weeks for a colour as it was just when I could be fitted in, but she's got a cancellation tonight so I'm going to have my hair colour fixed. I've been growing my hair a bit lately, and I have the whole bottom layer bleached and then put crazy colours on that section (the top layers are a dark brown flecked with grey) I like the funky colours peeking out from the underside. I haven't had my hair bleached since last August though so I have very long roots, thankfully as it's the underside layer it isn't immediately obvious - this is another reason I have it done this way! but it's getting to the point where the growth line is going to creep below the layer above it peeks through, so I'd like it redone so I can vamp up my colours again. So I'm back to the hairdressers now tonight - twice in one week is a record for me haha.

 

[tipperary]

Wow lots of work happening there and great news on the hair appointment. I have my first one since December tomorrow and not sure what I want to do

 

[ChilliQueen]

I hadn't been to hairdresser since last August and now been twice in one week lol. I'll post a pic of me to show off my hair shortly, but I have other more newsworthy stuff to share!

I HAVE PASSED THE FIRST STONE BARRIER



I weighed in today at 176.5lb's so I'm now down 14.5 in total. 3lbs down this week so I'm extremely happy I've not lost that much in a long time, so clearly the 2 day fast suited me, I'll definitely do it again, the guidance I can find says it's safe to fast 48 hours 1-2 times per month, so I'll try every second week and see if I can keep it up. I only need another 0.5 to tick off another of my 5lb chunks gone

Yesterday I still found I didn't get hungry, I made myself a salad for dinner... 2 boiled eggs, a large portion of grated cheese, little gem lettuce, a tomato, cucumber, a spring onion, all mixed up with a teaspoon of olive oil, salt and pepper, a squeezed half lime and chopped coriander (the dressing was a hello fresh recipe I liked) it was lovely and I wasn't hungry again since. Still not actually.

As usual I'm behind with my jobs, partly due to having online parents night and several subsequent discussions about my son with various people including his Dad, others I trust and the assistant head. He's totally fine but he isn't normal and I'm frustrated they are being so slow to find the right way to support him. Some errors have been made recently and I voiced my disappointment, so there has been a flurry of communication since. (his teachers are wonderful though)

It's also partly due to me painting half a wall with a funky paint effect, deciding I didn't like it, starting again in solid colour at the other end, only for daughter to come in and say the paint effect is 'cool' and I should go with it. So I decided to sleep on it. I think I'll go with the paint effect, it's hard to visualise until it's done really. It's only one wall, worst case scenario I'll paint over in a few weeks. For now I think today I really need to prioritise finishing the walls whether I end up liking it or not and at least making a start on the floor, but I had a lovely sleep in! It is supposed to be my 'week off' after all. However I'd like to get as much done as I can today as I have a massage booked for tomorrow morning and don't want the benefits of that to be lost by still having millions to get done. I'd like to have sunday free if I can.

None of it matters really, I HAVE got a fair bit done this week and it's only me who wants it finished no one else minds. When I'm back at work monday night I'm only on for 3 then off for 9 again so it isn't like I won't have time again.

Food today nothing yet. I haven't used any of the hello fresh packs yet so we'll definitely have one tonight. Not sure which yet I'll have a snoop at the recipes later. I'll continue to try to not eat until after 4, but as long as it's after 12 I think that's OK really if I have a day I'm hungry, and don't eat after 8pm.

Right I'm off to get my paint brush busy.

 

[ChilliQueen]

Heres a pic of my hair.

I've dpent most of the day painting, all walls have one coat, some need a 2nd. I'll get that done after dinner, some touch ups then hopefully get the floor started tonight too. I'm having an hour off to cook, chill and eat.

I'm making caramelised onion sausage tray bake from my hello fresh box, it'll have some carbs in I'm sure, but I've not eaten today and I've left out the potato. It has onion, carrot, apple in it, and I think a sweet sauce. But as I've only put in half the apple and carrots and no potato, I think it will be ok. Its all I will have eaten today and will probably not eat more tonight.

 

[tipperary]

Oooo I really like that blue effect in your hair, will it last long? I'm getting my hair done too today and still not sure what I want.

 

[ChilliQueen]

it only works on bleached hair, and the effect varies. This will begin to fade in a few weeks but will stay varying shades for a couple of months in my hair, but I only wash my hair twice a week. I suspect with swimming yours would fade a lot faster if you had the same.

I find pink or purple lasts longer than blues and greens.

Well I was up till 3am last night putting my hallway flooring down. I'm off for my massage in a few mins. I've still my doors to paint and a teeny bit of flooring but the heavy and difficult work is at least all done and I'm really happy with how it's turned out and as it hasn't been done since the house was new 14 years ago it's a massive improvement,

My son will be excited when he comes home as his chalkboard wall is ready for him to draw on too, I've just ordered chalk and a board rubber to arrive tomorrow.

I haven't eaten yet

back in a bit

 

[ChilliQueen]

well today I've rehung a radiator, done a bit of tidying, had a massage, bought a tree, visited a friend and made 6 chaffles.

At about 1430 I ate some nuts and dark chocolate, and not long ago I had butternut squash curry (from hello fresh box) served on a chaffle. I know a squash has some carbs, but I skipped the rice and had the chaffle. The other 5 I made I'll keep for the next few days and probably freeze some too.

I decided a mostly chilled day was in order. I've not refilled the radiator yet as we're not using the heating at the minute anyway, I'll get around to it soon enough.

I'm going to have a chill day tomorrow too, and have an artist date. Not sure what yet...

 

[ChilliQueen]

I'm a bit torn today. I fancied going to the nearest city art Gallery for artist date, but I like to chill when I go there, take the train. Read a book on the journey there and back. There are no trains on Sundays here at the minute. I could drive, but for some reason when I visit there I have it fixed in my mind I like to get the train So I'm going to leave it for friday as son will be at his Dads that day until 8pm so I'll have plenty time to enjoy the whole thing.

So other artist dates I enjoy and don't mind driving to are stone circles, forests, beaches etc that I don't go to more regularly. You're supposed to 'artist date' alone, but I think it's ok to take dogs, dogs aren't like people. There are other galleries and museums etc but they're not all opened yet, and not all open on Sundays either. Sometimes even just sitting in a nice cafe with a hot chocolate is an artist date for me. Sitting imagining things, letting my mind wander peacefully.

Theres a nice stone circle set in the middle of a wood walk about a half hour drive away which might be nice, or theres a coastal walk I quite like and have in mind. I've been to neither for a good few years. The weather is turning getting windier and overcast so it'll likely rain but we don't mind that. It means the routes are quieter and I like that lol.

I've been naughty today and eaten a strawberry lol, well before I normally eat, but hey it's sunday haha. I think I might eat lunch today as well before I go out, as I'm feeling like i'm in that kind of mood of wanting to eat, so if I go out without lunch and feel hungry I may end up buying something I shouldn't to eat. WHereas I could make a chaffle toastie and go out feeling full. I think I will do that. Dinner later will be Rogan Josh curry from hello fresh box, obviously I'm skipping the rice, and if I'm having chaffle at lunch I'd not eat another for dinner I'll have the curry with salad I think.

I've just remembered I have leftover butternut squash curry in the fridge from last night. I might have that in my chaffle toastie Might be nice with a bit of cheese on it as well... maybe...

 

[ladyfelsham]

Wowser so much going on! Love love love the hair, it looks fabulous!

And woohoo a huge well done on the stone loss!

And all the work you're doing on the house!

Ok now I feel totally exhausted . But I just love your energy and focus on all these projects to make the house a home, and also working with lots of people re your son.

Food sounds good too, did you have the chaffle with curry in it?