Morning all. Well I'm 1.5 down from last week, which given that I've got this cold ongoing (really, still there after a whole week) and I've been on my run of nights I'm pleased to have inched back towards my lower logged weight.
I'm now 179.5, so still 1lb away from my lowest weight. Hopefully I'll dip below that by next week and take a genuine new step forwards rather than this little back and forth I've been doing lately, but having said all of that - I'm pleased. Really pleased that I've not given up and put it all back on by now. I'm still 11.5lbs less than I was mid feb and although that's a small step for many, it's a good step for me, and more importantly I believe it's a sustainable one, provided I continue to be mindful of my choices MOST of the time.
I had a long chat with someone yesterday and on the back of it I feel motivated to push forwards with some things, and have changed my mind about one or two other things, and I think I'm going to shift what I focus on a little.
It's true that I have said before I'm selling myself short in what I can do in my life. I work hard on my shifts and commit to my work, and although I want the fun life can offer, and I want to kickstart my creative ventures - I spend so much time procrastinating, it's ridiculous. I know you guys see what I say I do here, and it's true, some stuff gets done and I recognise and applaud myself for those things - but there are so many hours I waste. Some of it is having 'too many' ideas and struggling to decide which one to do next! Others is just... 'ah I'm just gonna watch another episode of whatever I'm watching' lazy-itis, and suddenly the day is gone. I know I need to allow myself that down time, it's important and I've needed it, but it's really my time now to balance that up again. To work and play and rest in appropriate albeit ever changing quantities. I know some weeks will need more rest than others and it won't help to be fixated on hours, but I think I need a bit more structure to my lifestyle.
Using the cop out of my son being around on different days different weeks and my work being different every second week has meant I've had little real routine, but I can structure life around a fortnightly routine, and stabilise some of it. I have more routine available to me than I admit to...
So here is some of what I've properly chosen to commit to now.
I'm 100% in on my 'artist way' ideas of using morning pages and artist dates and will try to have a weekly day out, I can't always manage this when I've got my nights, but across a fortnight I should be able to mindfully choose an artist date twice during my time off. Watching a new TV series is NOT an artist date! (repeats last sentence 27 times)
I'm going to chase up the after school club regarding booking my son in twice per week. This will work on 2 levels - I'll get more sleep on my night runs, and I'll have 2 full days the following week which I really will commit to my creative business and/or writing. He typically is never at his Dad's the first half of the week it usually varies from wednesday -sunday he's away 1 or 2 nights. So If I regularly book my son in Mondays and Tuesdays after school that should work out most weeks. So week 1 - extra sleep time, week 2 - Monday/ tuesday working on my home business. Then later in the week more flexibly when son is at his Dads I'll choose those days for artist dates. Even if I end up with 2 in a row fortnightly rather than spaced out to 1/week it should still be food for my soul.
1 day per week for genuine catch up of house chores and the on going clearing out. Friday is good for this as a lot gets left undone over my nightshift week, and it's nice to have stuff caught up a little by the weekend.
If I'm invited out to lunch, night out, or (if it ever happens) a date any day I'll be flexible to fit that in, provided I want to. Cos this chick is way past doing anything out of duty lol
This last point is a bit harder to word, so I hope I can do it justice. A part of long term balance is still around my health and I recognise I really will benefit on all levels from continuing to lose weight, but I'm going to try to change my mindset around it and make it more 'matter of fact'
Eating less carbs, mixed with intermittent fasting is now my way of life. Weight loss will probably follow in its own time. A natural by-product of making the right choices for my body, and hopefully leading a fuller and happy life. My cortisol levels have probably been a lot higher over the past few years than I'd like to admit. That's all behind me now and I'm certain my levels will have been dropping. Especially since moving forwards with my finances. Finding balance in my life properly will drop it further too. I'm doing lots that I believe to be right, for my physical and mental health.
I've spoken before about using making clothes as motivation to lose more weight etc, but I'm actually thinking now that using ANYTHING other than a desire for genuine better health probably makes weight loss more of a focus than it should be.
So I'm going to make clothes, whichever clothes I feel like, whenever I feel like. I'm not going to use anything as 'motivation' for the coming week or whatever. After all - surely my real health should be a much bigger motivator.
I want to live, genuinely live. Not just exist and drift through the life years I have left.
I've put my mechanisms in place to move towards better health, by choosing lower carb and intermittent fasting, and my dog walking. I don't really need to stress or over focus on it. It will happen, it its own progressive time. I'll still weigh in every week and I'll still keep my diary as otherwise I suspect I'd go back to sandwiches, cakes and pasta lol. I'll be joyous when I lose anything and congratulate myself, and if I haven't lost well... to hell with it I'll be joyous those weeks as well.
I started this message in the morning, but stopped and started and have been to the fabric shop with my daughter!
I have fabric for a dress for her, either a top or dress for me (I've not decided yet), fabric to make a hoodie for my son, and fabric to make some doggy bandanas... let the fun begin! I've a friend asked for adult bandanas as well so I'll get on it soon.
Food I've not eaten yet today but I've just made 2 chaffles and in a while once the thing cools down I'll change the plates and make a cheese, ham and tomato toasted sandwich with the panini plates. That's the only problem using a machine that does more than one job, but a little forward planning accounting for cooling is fine. I said before I wouldn't make batches of them as they're really so fast to make, but I'm now erring on the other side. They're so fast to make so why wouldn't I make a batch? then I'd not need to switch out the plates for a bit. My kids are enjoying being able to have paninis, so the panini plate is the one we'd use most of the time other than chaffle batch cooking. So I may do just that, make up a weeks worth and pop some in the freezer.
It's just me for dinner later and I've not planned anything yet. Might try something new.
Have a lovely day people, and feel free to help yourself to my optimistic vibe today, I'm more than happy to share it! Plenty to go round x