Total Solution Double Trouble...The Exante Duo!

Thanks guys, we're still hanging in there! Although things are crazily busy at the moment. I'm just two weeks into my new job now and all is going well, and it's also my friend's wedding on Saturday! I'm off work today so I'm just heading into the nearest big town to get a final few bits and bobs for the wedding (including industrial scale holding-in knickers ;)).
The result after my weekend off plan was a 2lb gain, which I was relieved about as I had that night out during the same week.

I also well and truly learned the dangers of daily weighing after that nght out too...I had a sneaky weigh-in the morning after, expecting to see a loss (I normally do when I'm dehydrated from alcohol) and I was up to 11st 12.5!...so even heavier than I'd been after my weekend off, despite 5 days back on plan! I was completely and utterly gutted, and to be honest I went through a whole host of emotions that day... anger, defeat, sadness, bitterness, etc. It didn't help that The Man wasn't on plan at the time so I had to watch him eat all manner of nice things, including chocolate cake! And to be honest, I was in a foul mood with him all day - resentful, grumpy, emotional, *****y....just horrible really. I even considered having that day off too (like it would've helped matters!!?), but somehow I hung in there... and thank God I did, because when I weighed in the following day (Sunday) I'd miraculously dropped 6lbs overnight!

So considering I weighed in on a Friday at 11st 4.5, had a weekend off, did Mon-Fri on plan, had friday night off, did Saturday on plan and then weighed on Sunday at 11st 6.5, I don't think I can really complain too much.

So to bring things a bit more up to date - I've done another week on plan since then, and lost 3.5lbs, taking me to 11st 3lbs! So I'm back into virgin blubber after that little blip. I have another early weigh in this week (tomorrow) because of the wedding, but I'm going to try not to go crazy this weekend. Whatever happens though, I know for definite that I won't be weighin in until next weekend! I really refuse to put myself through that kind of turmoil again!!!

Hope everyone else is doing well...it's quiet around these parts lately!
x
 
Hi hun, glad to hear you hadn't gone over to the dark side. Well done on keeping your gains to a minimum and on your loss this week. You are doing so brilliantly!!

Congrats on getting back to virgin blubber!!

How's the new job going?? Enjoying it? X
 
Phew im tired jut reading your diary! You've had looooads on lately o a huge well done for getting into virgin blubber and alo well done for getting back on it when you have had off plan days! Thats a huge acheivment on vlcd as most people often dont get back to it! I be yo are loving summer being a skinny mini :)

loadsa love

xxxxxxx
 
Haha, I don't know about skinny mini! I'm still only just creeping into the 14s in trousers, and mostly 16s for tops. The clothes size doesn't bother me so much, but the big wobbly belly and loose skin does!
I went to see my GP the other week about something else, and mentioned the weight loss to her. She'd already noticed and told me how fantasic I was looking (she's such a lovely supportive GP), and so I thought I'd bring up the subject of the loose skin. She said that in our PCT there's absolutely no funding for plastic surgery after weight loss :( It's not that she doesn't want to help me (she said she'd love to) but she's just not allowed. So if I do decide to go down that road then I'll have to go private....and she also said that I need a surgeon who knows what they're doing as I've already got an abdominal scar from a laparotomy that I had years ago, that runs vertically down the middle of my belly.
Ho hum....I guess I'm the one who ate my way to nearly 21 stone, so I can't really complain!

Onto more positive news, I managed a little loss last week, taking me to 11st 1.5lbs, and over the 6st milestone (since starting Exante in September). The Man is back on form too - he lost something like 3.5lbs, taking him over the 7st threshold! :D
It's an early weigh in for us both this week - I'm weighing in tomorrow as I've got my leaving do from my last job (better late than never), and The Man will weigh in on Saturday as we're going to be spending the day with his family, which will involve lunch, dinner and alcohol! (what could be better ? ;))

I'd love to think that I'd be in the 10s tomorrow.....and I know it sounds melodramatic but I think I'd probably cry. To be 10st anything is just something I never believed I would be, so I can't get my head around it at all. I doubt it'll be tomorrow, given that I will have to have lost 2lbs over 5 days, but either way, I know it'll happen either next week or the week after, and I know it'll be an emotional day.
There are some other big milestones on the horizon too....to be 10st 11lbs would mean that I'd have lost 10st altogether....and to be 10st 5.5lbs would be half my original body weight, and my overall goal...

Good enough reasons to keep on chipping away at it!!

Hope everyone else is well x
 
Wow hunni. I think I will cry when these mile stones happen.... Let alone you!!!!

I'm so pleased for you!!!!
 
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Aw thanks Kes....that's a lovely thing to say.
But don't get the tissues out just yet, cos I'm not quite there yet! :)
My early weigh in last week resulted in a STS which I was a bit meh about...I deserved to have lost a pound or so over the 5 days, but we all know that bodies are strange things so I didn't think too much about it. I just moved on and enjoyed my weekend of eating, drinking and eating even more!
I got back on track on Monday though, had 6 days back on plan, weighed in yesterday and the result was a 0.5lb gain, taking me to 11st 2lbs. I was OK about that really - I deserved worse after my little binge-fest last weekend, and as we all know, you can't have your cake (all 5 slices) and eat it! ;)

Anyway, I weighed The Man today (a day late) as he didn't come over until last night, and he'd put a pound on, which he was alright with as we both knew why. Anyway, I decided to hop on again (I don't usually weigh more than once a week) and I was down to 11st 1lb :D So my little gain has gone, plus a bit more besides. I won't record anything until next weekend though as it wasn't my official weigh in and I'd feel like I was cheating, lol.
 
*warning - self indulgent ramble coming up*

Another thing I've been thinking about lately is my forthcoming holiday (8 September) and how I'm going to cope with that. As you know, during my time VLCD-ing, I've been through a whole host of emotions and feelings about food. I went through a phase of dreading times off the diet, and almost becoming scared of food, and I've also gone through phases of stuffing myself silly during my planned breaks.
I'm currently in one of the latter phases unfortunately....and I think it hasn't helped that my breaks have been short ones (odd days or weekends for specific events), because I seem to be in the mindset that I need to eat everything NOW, because I won't be able to the next day when I'm back on my VLCD.
Like last weekend - I fancied granary toast for brekkie, but I also wanted fruit muffins, so I had both because I wouldn't be able to the next day! And don't get me started on chocolate/cakes! I'm sure supermarket staff must think I'm either weird or a shoplifter because I spend Sooooooo long just staring at all the products, trying to decide what to buy. And then I end up buying too much because I'm thinking well what if I bite into the brownie and it's too dry? Should I get a cupcake as well, just in case? And what if I don't fancy the millionaire's shortbread when I get home? Should I get some Lindt just in case I'm in a chocolate mood instead?
And obviously when I get home, I end up eating far too much because it's all in the house, and I've got this ticking clock in my head....and I end up having it just for the sake of it, feeling stuffed and then frustrated with myself that I just never seem to learn!

Now I know I've made '*some* progress with this...I do concerntrate on quality foods that I know I'm really going to enjoy, rather than just hoovering up everything in sight. But I think I've gone way too far with this philosophy just lately, as every decision I make around food seems to have taken on an inappropriate significance (hence the staring in supermarkets). Sometimes I'll go to four or five different cake shops, in search of exactly what I'm looking for, and I even got slightly inwardly annoyed last weekend when I learned that The Man's mum was making a victoria sponge for us, as that's not a cake I'd really choose. It felt like a waste of an opportunity to eat something I really wanted, and would enjoy more!!! (I still had it though, and it was very nice to be honest)
In fact, this has only just occurred to me now, but it's like I'm on death row, and I'm choosing my 'last supper' every time I'm off the diet!!!

Now, when I'm on holiday, I know I'll have to rein myself in with this fussiness/staring/food stalking, as there'll be five of us sharing the same house, so we'll have to make joint decisions about food/eating out etc. And hopefully the fact that I've got to eat in front of other people (The Man's family) will mean that I'll show some natural restraint (I have no qualms about stuffing myself in front of The Man as he likes his food as much as me!), but I'm worried that I'll end up thinking far too much about food when I'm away - Either because I'll be frustrated that I have to compromise too much and not 'make the most' of my time off the diet, by eating exactly what I want. Or because I'll be so jittery about what I'm eating and its impact, that I won't enjoy it.

I think the fact that we're there for a week will copefully curb some of the 'QUICK - EAT IN NOW!' instinct in me, but I don't want any conflict with The Man, or his lovely family about food or anything for that matter. If only I could just chill, accept that yes, I'm taking a break from my VLCD, but that it doesn't mean that A) every meal has to be the nicest meal I've ever had, B) that it's OK to not have that treat today, because there'll be another opportunity and C) that food is just food/energy/nutrition at the end of the day!

Honestly, I've just read this post back to myself and I sound like a complete loony-tune! I know it's all a bit garbled, and self indulgent but I think there are a few issues here that I need to sort out...not necessarily in time for the holiday but hopefully for the time when I'm phasing off a VLCD.
It's probably because I'm nearing goal, and I know I've got to sort out some of my issues with food if I'm ever going to maintain. My intentions are good, such as choosing quality over quantity, and only deciding on food that I'm really going to enjoy, but I think everything is a bit skewed at the moment because food has taken on this inappropriate significance, and because I've been off and on a VLCD so much lately, which seems to be encoraging this tendancy to binge.

The Man is the complete opposite....he wants to go on holiday, eat what he wants, not talk about it or think about it, and then tackle the result when he gets back. I don't know what's worst - over thinking food like me (but gradually tackling it) or being like The Man and thinking - yeah, I'm on a VLCD, I'll take breaks, eat like I used to when I'm on a break, get back on it afterwards, get to goal, and THEN tackle my food issues.
I think he has a lot more peace of mind than me at the moment when it comes to food - I feel like I'm constantly battling my demons, but I'm hoping it'll be worth it if I reach the point where I can enjoy food mindfully without dieting or gaining/losing significant amounts of weight in the future.

*end of rambly rant*
 
Honestly I could have written that post...

I am constantly over thinking things, BUT I see it as a good thing..

Taking time to battle demons is what it has to take unfortunately, and as its taken sooooo long to lose our weight we can not expect it to happen over night Hun..

You are in the right direction, and what new things like which cake you like or which meal brand tastes better will come over time.

You have started from scratch with your eating. Like a baby it takes time to work out what foods they like and what they really couldn't deal with.

I'm sure you will be fine when it comes to holiday, but you have to just keep thinking of your ultimate goal. You will have food again, and I find it helps to write down things I fancy eating when I have finished with the vlcd, and then I know that once I have achieved that goal, I can have maybe 1 of those things off my list a month, or a week I they aren't too bad.

Your mans way of thinking is what I would say is a typical mans way of thinking.... Get it done and deal with it later. I honestly don't think he is in the right frame of mind to maintain. Whereas you are thinking about what's going into your body and what you want to enjoy the most.

Chin up Hun
 
Hello hunny

Hope u are well! Not long now till the holiday! :)

Have you managed to de stress yet pet? You have come so far an look
Amazing in your pictures missy!

Miss ya lots

Zxxxx


Ps when u had those glitter nails were they painted or glitter acrylic? I want I want haa
 
Thanks everyone :) Your support means loads to me, even if I am rubbish at posting!
Can't believe I didn't get around to mentioning last Sunday that I finally got into the 10s!!!! :talk017: Admittedly it was 10st 13.5lbs, but I did it nonetheless! It did feel a bit weird/emotional, but probably not as significant as I imagined in would be...probably because I know I'm going on holiday on Saturday so I know it is/was only temporary. Can't wait to get back into the 10s post-holiday and hopefully stay here forever!

So this week has been very very busy (preparing for holiday), but pretty average on the diet front. I've stayed roughly within my cals (650-700) but I've struggled to co-ordinate meals properly and to prepare in advance, so it's been a bit hap-hazard. I'm hoping that I've done enough to lose maybe another pound by the time I weigh myself tomorrow, but I'm not counting on it. I'll be weighing in two days early which doesn't help - plus I've been nibbling a bit more than I should've done.

I'm going to try not to go crazy tomorrow as we don't actually go away until Saturday morning, but I won't be VLCD-ing after lunch time tomorrow until 17 September when I'm back from my hols. Not gonna weigh myself either until I've given myself a week to re-lose my water weight - it'd just be too depressing otherwise! I haven't really planned my strategy for when I'm away, other than that I want to enjoy what I eat and not feel deprived, but I'm going to try not to binge or to eat too much in private. I think I'd be dissapointed to be over 11st 4lbs by the time I weigh in (a week after I get back). Anything lower would be great :)

Kae, my nails were acrylic glitter ones rather than painted on...I absolutely loved them :) I can't get away with them in my new job though, so I've had to sawp to a french manicure for the time being :( I had them done at one of the Chinese places - think infills and glitter tips were about £25...go on, you know you want to!

Will try to post again tomoz with my final pre holiday result!
x
 
Well I've lost another 2lbs this week, taking me to 10st 11.5....just half a pound away from losing 10 stone altogether! And The Man lost 2.5lbs this week, taking him into the Century Club!!
We were both really pleased with those results, especially over a 5 day week - although we've been out for lunch and had paninis followed by cake, so the damage has started already! Still, I think I need to keep things in perspective really - whatever happens this week, I'm now 6 stone 5 lighter than I was at exactly this time last year, and not even I could undo that in a week!!
xx
 
Woooop well Done super star!

Have a fantastic holiday

Xxxxx
 
WOW!! your journey has been sooo insperational. its taken me ages to read your diary but i didnt want to stop reading it..you have done sooo well. thanks for sharing I hope I can can be as commited and sucessful as you x
 
*bridezilla* said:
Well done Alex, you seem to be back in the zone!!
Click to expand...

Aw thanks Shelly - I'm OK at being in the zone until things like holidays come along, then it all goes to pot! I'm back on plan again now though :)

kae said:
Woooop well Done super star!

Have a fantastic holiday

Xxxxx
Click to expand...

Thanks Kae, the holiday was great thanks - just what I needed. A week away from home/real life, lots of fresh air, food and vino (of course!). Really didn't want to come home!

Sparklykirsty said:
WOW!! your journey has been sooo insperational. its taken me ages to read your diary but i didnt want to stop reading it..you have done sooo well. thanks for sharing I hope I can can be as commited and sucessful as you x
Click to expand...

Ah bless you - I think you probably deserve a medal for making it through nearly 30 pages of my rambling! Thanks for popping in to say hello though...you actually did me a big favour by prompting me to go back through our diary and take stock of the past year. It really is interesting to see how things that bothered me really intensely a few months ago, seem to fade to a distant memory over time.

I guess it made me put this holiday into perspective a bit too - I ate and drank far too much, and I know I've gained weight from how my clothes feel. I also know that I'm no longer in the 10s, and that I've got to acheive that milestone again.
But I suppose I feel a bit more settled now about the fact that these blips have happened before, I've lost/gained and re-lost weight many times during the course of my journey, and the gains and setbacks can seem devastating at the time, especially when every pound lost had involved sacrifice and determination. But looking back, every pound gained has been re-lost in time, and as long as the overall trend is downwards, I know that I'll get where I want to be in time (hopefully before Christmas).
Maybe I'll feel differently when I weigh myself and face the result, but ultimately anyone looking at me would not think 'OMG she's gained some weight' - my clothes still fit, I still look the same (albeit with a slightly bigger muffin top) and I'm still a hell of a lot lighter than I was this time last year. So I think whatever the scales say, I need to put things into perspective. Time will pass anyway, whether I'm dieting or not, and I know that in 3-4 weeks this temporary gain will be long gone, so I'm going to try not to stress about it whatever the result.
 
Oh and I forgot to say that I was quite proud of myself for being able to complete and actually enjoy an 8 mile coastal walk while we were away :). The ground was quite hilly in places, so it was a bit testing at times, but I felt completely differently than the last time I went walking with The Man and his family back in May. I wrote an entry about it at the time, but basically it was a similar kind of walk, but that time I was out of breath, hot, sweaty, embassassed and generally humiliated at my lack of ability.
If I'm honest, I was a bit anxious about this holiday as a result. The Man's family are very fit and really enjoy walking, so I knew there'd be a fair bit of it involved. I needn't have worried though, because I was absolutely fine - a bit breathless at times, but nothing like the panic and embarrassment I felt last time we went walking. In fact, we did some kind of walking most days (even if it was just to the next village to go to the pub!) and I can honestly say that I've started to enjoy it. I think it's partly due to the weight loss, but also because I'm out and about so much more in my new job. Just simple things like upping the pace when I'm moving between wards/buildings, and taking the stairs instead of the lift. I know it sounds like a cliche but I think it's really made a difference.

My other NSV was wearing a strappy top without a cardigan, and letting someone take my photo in it. I know my bingo wings are pretty grim because of the loose skin, but they don't actually look too horrendous when I keep them by my sides (quite difficult for someone who talks with their hands as much as me!) I don't think I'd be confident going for a night out with my arms bare, but I just thought s0d it, I'm on my holidays, I want to stay cool and comfortable...who really gives a monkeys about my arms? After all, everyone I'm with knows why my arms are like that, and nobody else's opinion really matters anyway.

On a less positive note, I've realised that I do still need to work a lot on my attitude to food and my tendency to binge when the reins are off. I knew I would overeat on holiday (who doesn't) but I wanted to eat as 'normally' as possible. Basically not eating more than any of the others would have done (like porridge AND thick buttered toast for breakfast), not eating when I wasn't hungry/eating food I wasn't especially fond of (I acheived the latter to a large extent) and not eating in private (big FAIL due to chocolate stashed in bedside drawers). I also noticed that when The Man and I were alone, we both ate more without feeling self-conscious, and that I still have the hang-up about choosing foods very carefully in order to make the most of every meal/treat, even though I wasn't being restrictive on calories in any way. Like choosing ages to decide on a cafe for lunch that did my favourite kind of paninis, cakes and coffee, rather than just grabbing a sandwich from Boots or somewhere. I know part of it was about enjoying the holiday experience, but it's definitely something I need to get a grip on in 'real life'.
When we got back from holiday we also did our usual trick of treating the weekend as one long 'last supper' which I need to get out of the habit of. I was conscious about wanting to rein in the portions, but mostly so I wouldn't get too full to enjoy everything else I planned to eat later in the day! NOT a good way to approach things at all...and the overall result was that I went to bed feeling sick/bloated and regretful.

Ah well, lots to think about there as usual, but I'll get it cracked one way or another! And obviously there was a lot more to this holiday than food/weight issues - we had a great time exploring the area, wandering on the beach, drinking the evenings away, chatting, sharing meals, shopping, and all the usual holiday stuff. And I know that when I look back at this past week, it'll be all those things I'll remember, along with the beautiful house with its sea view, not the fact that I had toast AND porridge for brekkie on more than one occasion!! Haha!
x
 
Hi Alex,

I just wanted to say what an inspiration your diary must give to everyone on a weight loss journey be it big or small. You remind me so much of me and what I do lol!! Treating every morsal of food that I put in my mouth as the last supper and if your gonna be "bad" then might aswell go the whole hog!! I really need to sort my food relationship out or it is never going to get any better!! Congrats on your journey and look forward to reading more. Be good xxx

Lisa x
 
Thanks Lisa :) It's hard to think of myself as an inspiration really - partly because it's taken me over 10 years to get where I am today, and partly because I've taken so many breaks just lately and my weight has been up and down like a yo-yo! I always imagine people rolling their eyes when they read my diary, but I'm always totally honest on here so you get the warts and all version of how things have been.
I know I'm probably a bit too much of a thinker too, but like you, I know I have to get my relationship with food sorted at some point and to be honest, the idea of maintenence scares the hell out of me! Sometimes I look back at my diary entries are realise how intense/unhealthy my thoughts and behaviour must sound, but it does help to record it all - even if it's just so I can look back in 6 months time and see if things have changed!

So - getting back to the present - I've been back on track since Monday/Tuesday (Monday was a half and half day because I'd been ill in the night and couldn't face the big shock to the system) and things are going okay so far. I've been pretty strict and feel that I'm either in Ketosis, or it's just around the corner. We're going to weigh in this Sunday as usual and see what lingering damage the holiday has done now the water weight will have been lost. I'm not looking forward to it, but know I need to face up to it some time.

Will report back on Sunday if not before!
x
 
Just a quick update (that's a first from me!)
We weighed in yesterday and the lingering damage has left me +6.5lbs since before we went away (despite 5/6 days back on plan) and The Man is +9lbs, although he says he's been messing around over the last week and has been struggling to get his head back into gear.
So I'm now 11st 4 (or 11st 3.75 if we're being precise) meaning that my next goal is to get back into the 10s. I'm obviously not happy to have gained so much, but I think I should have it back under control within 2 or 3 weeks. And to be honest, I think I was probably edging towards 12st when we got back, judging from my clothes, so I know how quickly the damage can be done and undone.

Really struggling with sweet cravings at the moment though....feel like I could eat my own body weight in cake and chocolate! :-/ In fact, I had to defrost my freezer earlier, and there was a cupcake in there that I decided would need to be thrown away (it wasn't frozen by this point). Instead of doing that, I had 'just a little taste' of the icing. OMG it was gorgeous! And then I came to my senses and spat it out...haha. Talk about nearly caving!
That's how close to the edge I am at the moment, but I'm holding on tight!
x
 
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