eee look another food diary!

snap! I've had all my assignment titles since september.. obviously I'm considering starting them now, which is very early for me, I am exactly the same, have ideas moments, and jot a bit down, might highlight the odd journal, and then the last 2 weeks be pretty much in a frenzied state of over-worked and lack of sleep anxiety, screaming at everyone. This year I WILL be different! Doesn't help I've lost Easter to a placement now, which was going to be a massive key work time for me. I haven't stuck to my plan today, so now I have even more to do tomorrow. silly silly me!
 
Grrrr scales showing a whopping 2.5lb gain, it's deserved kinda as I've not been on plan as such this week but I have been cal counting and no way should I have that gain, so I'm saying its carbs and sugar bloat as I've been rubbish with water this week. Having a healthy day today so going to check again in the morning.

Just finished placement, was ok, still feel I'm not contributing much, but I do what I'm given and that's all I can do other than keep asking! On the way to Uni, going to have to throw my lunch down my throat!

RED DAY - Friday

Breakfast : alpen light

Lunch : gammon ham and egg salad (lettuce, tomato, cucumber, celery) (I made it last night, goooo me for being prepared!) light salad cream (2syns) star bar (13syns)

Dinner : SW chicken and veg curry (squash, mushroom, spinach, onion, chopped tomato) chappati (hexb tweak) Indian salad (red onion, carrot, tomato, cucumber, chilli, lemon)

SYNS : 15
 

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Really pee'd off. I'm pretty sure me and dan are splitting up, he just said he doesn't think we should live together anymore. And to be honest I think he's right, I'm sick of doing everything and having the same arguements as I'm not and never will be some 50's housewife that is at everyone's beck and call! I want a partnership not me always making sure everyone's ok whilst nearly falling apart trying to get everything done. He thinks because he works 6 nights a week he has it so hard... He really doesn't, I get up at half 7 and pretty much every day the first time I get to chill is 9pm when he goes to work, and even then I have to do washing, shower and do any leftover reading for the next day so it's not even chilling at all. I'd LOVE him to do a week of what I do. And all because 'they're my kids' that excuse was fine 2 years ago but I'm sorry this far down the line he must see them as family too and his responsibility or it'll never work.

Im getting really tired of all this now, it's total crunch time for Uni and I'm so busy I just need is to be more equal, I'm not even asking him to do more than me, just a fair share and he would rather just go live on his own. Makes me pretty mad.

Anyway I'm just rambling my feelings on here just to get them out more than anything as I'm sat trying to work and now he's done this it's all I can think about. Funny how it's all come up when I've said I'm going out tomorrow.. Hmm
 
You're right about the family stuff - if he can't see your kids as part of your joint family now after all this time then he probably never will.
Men can be such bar stewards at times - especially when it comes to you going out with friends without them.
Why do they have to get so jealous? As I suspect that is probably what it is.
Chica - ((( big hugs ))) coming your way :bighug:
 
Hey love, hope you're ok chick xx
I so know what you mean by the step into your shoes for a week... Though my hubby is v grateful for everything I do, he doesn't really realise what that is..
Really hope you two manage to sort things one way or another..
Big hugs xxxx
 
*hugs* Charl you are totally right if he wants to be in a relationship with you after that length of time he has to step up to the mark do his fair share of work and accept the kids as if they were his own. You live together as a family that means he has to act like it and not leave everything to you.

Hopefully if that's what you want you can work things out and if not you are better off without him if that's how he acts. Xx
 
Thanks girls... You're always so nice.

I got a really shitty message this morning saying I use my kids as emotional pawns by saying this stuff, which makes me absolutely furious. I'm allowed to say what I think when it comes to them, it's what I want for them and if I think someone's not acting as they should, I'll tell them so. Nothing emotional pawn like about it, it's just what I see happening. He's still asleep and left me to sort the dog out at half 7 even though I was up til 4 working. Such a thoughtful person!

I'm getting more angry about it all as the time goes on really xx
 
Ok today is gonna be a bit all over the place food wise as I'm going out for an all dayer. Supposed to be going out at half 1 but looks like I'm walking the dog and I have some work to do before i go too so might have to get the train (we're going out the city to Wylam) out later on. Which I'm a bit gutted about but hey! We're boozing all day, I'm going to mix gin and slimline tonic with water so I don't get too drunk as I'm rubbish at drinking these days, and I don't want to be tooo rough tomorrow as lots of work to do. And we're going for dinner at this place which looks lovely (also don't want to be a drunk at the table!)

EE day - Saturday

Breakfast : poached eggs and toast (hexB)

Dinner : ploughman's (hexA) salad, with ham and eggs (cucumber, peppers, lettuce, SW coleslaw)

SYNS : lots and lots as I'm drinking and going out.
 

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Ah yep, that's it, over. He just told me he's never ever going to get counselling. That was the deal breaker for me, it's the one thing I have asked as a certain thing to happen, as I can't have that happen to me again.

He left. I'm pretty upset about this all, I'm pretty shocked he's gone, he'd rather leave than do what he promised, and what I said I needed for us to ever work. What a massive shame I really thought he'd fight to keep me but no, again another guy that's all talk but when it comes down to the hard stuff is ultimately totally selfish.

:(
 
Oh lovely I'm so sorry to hear this :(
It's really hard to comment on other people's situations but even though this is upsetting for you now, in the long run you know that it's for the best if he won't get help (counselling) or give you the support you need with your boys and general running of the house. It's a real shame when things like this happen but you know what? He'll be the one missing out & one day he'll realise what a fabulous girl he lost xxx

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Omg, am sooo sorry hun. Wish I could give you a big hug. Have you got friends around you? Day by day, lots of love, thinking of you xx

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The sad thing is today for the first time in about 8 months I was going out to catch up with loads of friends for a birthday, so now, no I'm sat in with the dog as she's just eaten on my own, feeling like rubbish, while he tells me I've given up on us. I don't see how it's me giving up here :( xx
 
Some people like to turn situations around and make the other person feel like its then in the wrong - you've done nothing except try to make things work. At the end of the day when you've got children you have to think logically and in a way be 'selfish' because they come first and if you're not happy then neither will they be. You gave him a chance, if not chanceS, to make things better but he's decided that he doesn't want to do that. You've done nothing but try to make things work so you've definitely not given up as he would have you believe.
Is there no way you can meet up with your friends tonight? It'd be a shame to miss out & it might help to take your mind off things x

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Yeah I'm going to meet up with them all later when they come back into town, I've missed most of the day now though as they all went out at half 1. Never mind ey. I'll feel too bad leaving the pup for too long as well so I won't be able to stay out too late either, wonderful! X
 
Ah yep, that's it, over. He just told me he's never ever going to get counselling. That was the deal breaker for me, it's the one thing I have asked as a certain thing to happen, as I can't have that happen to me again.

He left. I'm pretty upset about this all, I'm pretty shocked he's gone, he'd rather leave than do what he promised, and what I said I needed for us to ever work. What a massive shame I really thought he'd fight to keep me but no, again another guy that's all talk but when it comes down to the hard stuff is ultimately totally selfish.

:(

Omg Charl? Massive hugs Hun xx
 
That just seems mental that he would rather run than put his effort into your relationship. He clearly needs some help from what you've said and it seems such a shame to throw it all away. :(
Dunno what to say Hun xx
But massive hugs and we are all here xxxxx
 
Another dunno what to say from me too!
Just lost sof these :hug99: :hug99: :hug99: :hug99: :hug99: :hug99:
 
Charl love my thoughts are with you and the boys.


I hope you manage to catch up with your mates.

Stay strong the first few days are always so tough but you are a strong lady and better off without someone who isn't willing to try xx
 
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