Eeek! Re-starter - 10stone to lose

[Carriegirl21]

Hi CG

Sounds like life is tough at the moment, I'm not surprised you felt like eating yesterday, I'm sure there are lots of us that would have felt the same!

By the way, your calorie allowance sounds right for your height and weight, I have used my fitness pal before and noticed that if you change the amount of weight you want to lose in a week it changes it a bit. If you like technical details, that is because there are 3500 calories in a pound - so they work out how many calories less per day so that you can achieve your chosen weight loss. It can be kind of reassuring to know this - because unless you eat 3500 calories extra (which it doesn't sound like you did yesterday) then you won't put on any weight, just maybe slow your weight loss a tiny bit.

Would having controlled portions of treats work for you? I am doing weight watchers and I plan ahead what my treat will be and when, and then make sure that is the only treat available. So if I have decided to have a chocolate bar, I don't buy a multipack ready for next time! Just too tempting!

I hope you feel a bit better soon, maybe once you have had a chance to look at new flats things will seem less bad.

Stay strong, we are all hopefully in this for the long haul!

Claire

Thanks for the support Claire
I used to do WW & fit treats into mu allowance & it worked for a while but then as I was buying multi-pack to get the smaller portions it meant I was tempted to blow my weeklies in a big binge on all the multi-packs!
Also I tend to not be satisfied on just one of something - like if I want it, I want a LOT to quell the urges
I don't know... I'm trying really hard to concentrate on why I want the treat in the first place - it's a lot of thinking & work!
CGxx

 

[Carriegirl21]

thanks CG, it is hard to know how many calories to take in some people would tell you 1200, someone else would say 1500 and then another 1700 or 2000 it basically has to be your decision, for me I tried originally to go for 1200 and it just was too low for me at the weight I am now, I find I seem to lose more weight when on about 1500-1700 and most of the time I am nearer 1700! the more you weigh generally speaking the more you can have and still lose weight its just about finding what number works best for you. I do keep a check on the calorie front but that said the calories I do have now are from pretty healthy foods now, shock to my system I can tell you ha ha

Also well done on the walking, just think how much more effort people of our weight have to put in when walking around, like for me the other day I walked up this very steep slope, god it nearly killed me but I did it, and I am having to carry now over 21 stone up that slope, so that is like carrying heavy weights up it.

OMG I am so sorry to hear about your landlord situation, thats always the horrible thing about renting, I am renting as well. I hope you manage to find somewhere nice and local as soon as you can although I know that moving house is all you need right now as its such a stressful experience.

Binge eating is something many of us battle with, the urge is so strong, its an addiction in itself, we use food as others would use alcohol or drugs, basically food is my drug. If you do binge the best thing in the long run is to go against the usual kicking yourself reaction to binge eating and just accept that it happened and this in time allows you to move on quicker as beating yourself up just makes you much more stressed and of course guilty you are then more likely to binge further. I have learnt the hard way as I have spent years binge eating and then beating myself up for doing it and then binge eating some more again and again and again. Its only now that I am realising that facing the emotions head on helps me not to binge so if I am angry I get in a safe place and have a good scream or hit the pillow so many times or if I am sad I allow myself to cry rather than using food as my comfort, its not easy to do as it means going against your natural knee jerk reaction and that is hard to do.

Oh and never apologise for writing how you are feeling, trust me most of us on here are struggling at times and I know for me using this site has helped, last week I could have eaten anything that sat still long enough ha ha I was just so emotional and had a terrible week and whilst I didn't binge I came so close its only due to the fact I am having therapy now for my binge eating that I think I made it through.

I'm with raspberry cupcake in that I think planned treats are the way to go so you don't feel hard done by, I know for me planning a nice meal out with friends makes all the difference as I have something to look forward to food wise, or build in a nice treat into your week maybe at a weekend if that is something you find helps, I still have treats all the time just not my trigger foods but still nice tasty treats.

Em xx

I totally agree with food being an addiction - it's totally my 'drug' & the worst part is we can't Quit eating altogether! How hard is it to learn to have limited quantities of your addiction & know you must keep having it forever?!
Please tell me to keep my nose out if you don't want to share - but what form of therapy are you having for the binge eating? I know I need to continue my therapy I just can't afford it right now.
I had a few sessions of cbt concentrating on food but then I moved so really didn't get anything from it as I didn't get time to practice anything I learnt - and I'm useless at doing self-help without guidance

Sometimes I don't write everything I really feel because I don't want to be a downer all the time, but then this is why I'm here - to be honest about feeling & food, I need to stop censoring myself

Thanks for the support Emma, it really feels like you understand x

CGx

 

[Carriegirl21]

Weigh-in week 1!
So I weighed after 5 days as my lady-Doom is due this week so I won't want to weigh-in then!
I lost 2.6lbs
I know most people have a huge loss on there first week but I've never had that - anything over 2lbs is a big loss for me. I do get a little demotivated if I compare my losses to other people but I've learned my body just does not drop weight in big chunks so there really is no point in comparing myself to others!
We each have our own bodies & mine seems to have become very attatched to my excess weight so I have to coax it off gently

Yesterday was a good day
I did a 45minute work-out on the x-box Kinect with 'your shape 2012' & I was exhausted!! Also went for a mini walk & came in under my calorie allowance for the day - I was so tired I didn't even snack at night - no choc, didn't even want it!
It's so bizzare how different your cravings are from one day to the next!

CGxx

 

[PurpleRoses]

Well done on ur loss. That's fab!!

And this is your diary so u say whatever you want! That's the point of it

Sent from my iPhone using MiniMins

 

[Carriegirl21]

Well done on ur loss. That's fab!!

And this is your diary so u say whatever you want! That's the point of it

Sent from my iPhone using MiniMins

Thanks hun

Today was pretty bad.
I went over my mfp calorie allowance but I'm trying not to feel guilty about it & think 'one day will not ruin everything' - I've got to learn to accept that every day will not & cannot be 'perfect' food-wise.
I need to not get too obsessed by the numbers otherwise I will end up having a bad day & then think it's all ruined & go back to eating how I was.
I want to be able to get past those days & KEEP TRYING. The only reason no other eating plan or diet has worked for me is because I stopped trying. Almost every single time it followed the same pattern of getting sick or ill in some way, turning to food for comfort & then never going back to the plan as I was to ashamed of what I had done.
I really wish & hope that this time, no matter how many 'bad' food days I have, that I will be able to just keep going - even if I lose the plot for a week - if I get back on track & just keep trying at least I will have broken one of my unhelpful behaviours - giving up.

Positives:

1. I entered all my 'extra' food that was over my allowance into my MFP diary - instead of the weirdly tempting option of just ignoring that I'd consumed extra calories & keeping my mfp graph all 'perfect' - I mean - am I scared of a phone app?! I think not So in went my extra munchies & It means I am making myself accountable for my choices - what's the point in lying to yourself? Or a flipping phone app?!!
*Your body will know the truth either way!*

2. Oh no! I can't think of even 2! I had a really bad day..... I wanted to get take-out but didn't & still cooked.

3. I made some social plans - I have major anxiety anyway but when you throw in social anxiety too then even the calmest sounding meet-up seems terrifying! But I plan to go through with it, fingers crossed I can find the strength.

CGxx

 

[raspberrycupcake]

Well done on your weight loss! My weigh day is Friday but I had a sneaky weigh this morning and think I may have only lost 1lb. So 3lb in two weeks which is a bit slow. But better than not losing 3lb I guess!

How would you feel about hypnotherapy to help you relax and avoid the snacks? I have tried most different hypnotist CDs over the years, including having a personal one made, but then I had a couple of sessions with a psychologist so that he could advise my cpn on how best to support me, and he suggested someone called Glenn Harrold. I'm sure he is on iTunes now, but he has also got a website called hypnosisaudio ( I won't post a link because cant remember if I'm allowed yet) and thee are loads to choose from. Anyway, out of all of the ones I have tried, he seems to hypnotise me the most. I havnt tried the weight one yet myself as I was suing the sleep one and then he brought some out that use the solfeggio scale (whatever that is) to do things such as deal with past issues so you can move on, so I have been trying a couple of those. At the very least, they are relaxing anyway!

By the way, you mention not being able to afford therapy - when I was looking for a therapist a lot of them charge on a sliding scale depending on what you can afford. So you might be able to get it quite a lot cheaper!

Sorry for rambling!

Claire

 

[1978Emma]

well done on the weight loss CG, thats great! plus don't ever worry about not losing as much as the next person thats the one good thing especially about this group for say those that have alot of weight to lose, its a supportive environment , we are not trying to out do each other, we all have similar weight loss goals and we are just trying to reach our goal the best way we can.

Therapy wise I am now having DBT (dialectical behaviour therapy) through an eating disorder charity, its much more intense therapy than CBT (cognitive behaviour therapy) and thought to work better than CBT in the long run when it comes to eating disorders. The problem is DBT isn't yet widely available and so many have to have it on a private basis or if your NHS mental health service offers it then that can be so useful, also some charities like my eating disorder one offer it. I had to go through a number of thorough assessments to get it as sadly there are more people needing the therapy than there is therapists available to do it so they were strict with the assessment and luckily I was put on the waiting list at the start of the year and then began it a number of months ago and its working wonders for me. I am finally realising it has little to do with food and more to do with avoidance of emotions and this is really helping.

Re the food being an addiction, it def is and sadly we can't really cut out food all together so its like having to have what we are addicted to and still try not to over indulge which can be so difficult which is why I have cut out all "trigger" foods as I can't have any foods that will leave me wanting more and set off my binge mode, its difficult but I am finding nice alternatives that don't trigger me to carry on eating.

Em xx

 

[chezz]

well done CG on the weight loss your going the right way well done
xxchezzxx

 

[Carriegirl21]

Well done on your weight loss! My weigh day is Friday but I had a sneaky weigh this morning and think I may have only lost 1lb. So 3lb in two weeks which is a bit slow. But better than not losing 3lb I guess!

How would you feel about hypnotherapy to help you relax and avoid the snacks? I have tried most different hypnotist CDs over the years, including having a personal one made, but then I had a couple of sessions with a psychologist so that he could advise my cpn on how best to support me, and he suggested someone called Glenn Harrold. I'm sure he is on iTunes now, but he has also got a website called hypnosisaudio ( I won't post a link because cant remember if I'm allowed yet) and thee are loads to choose from. Anyway, out of all of the ones I have tried, he seems to hypnotise me the most. I havnt tried the weight one yet myself as I was suing the sleep one and then he brought some out that use the solfeggio scale (whatever that is) to do things such as deal with past issues so you can move on, so I have been trying a couple of those. At the very least, they are relaxing anyway!

By the way, you mention not being able to afford therapy - when I was looking for a therapist a lot of them charge on a sliding scale depending on what you can afford. So you might be able to get it quite a lot cheaper!

Sorry for rambling!

Claire

Thanks so much for the hypno info - I've always been intrigued by hypno but never tried it
It's great that you are benifiting from it (please excuse any spelling errors on here - I'm typing on my phone & it has no spell-checker & I forget to go back & do it myself!) I also have epic trouble sleeping so it sounds like it may be useful!

Congrats on your loss! 3lbs in two weeks is brilliant - they say to lose between 1-2 lbs a week is what to aim for so you are bang-on
I never get big losses - even in my first week my body just doesn't give up the tub!
On the rare occasion I've lost anything over 3lbs in a week it almost always rebounds & gives me a gain the following week which totally bums me out - I'd rather have consistant small losses than yo-yoing & getting disheartened by the gains.
Ideally I would love to only weigh in once a month - can you imagine how fab it would feel if you knew you had stuck with your plan & at the end of the month any losses or gains would even out into a nice chunky loss & I wouldn't have to deal with the trauma of weekly half pound changes?! That's something I'm going to work towards my friend does a monthly weigh-in & gets half a stone of every time! I know I won't lose as quick as her but that's fine - she is doing a totally different approach that I wouldn't be able to keep on with!

Since I moved to Canada this year therapy has been a struggle to get - things are very different here & super pricey

CGxx

 

[Carriegirl21]

well done on the weight loss CG, thats great! plus don't ever worry about not losing as much as the next person thats the one good thing especially about this group for say those that have alot of weight to lose, its a supportive environment , we are not trying to out do each other, we all have similar weight loss goals and we are just trying to reach our goal the best way we can.

Therapy wise I am now having DBT (dialectical behaviour therapy) through an eating disorder charity, its much more intense therapy than CBT (cognitive behaviour therapy) and thought to work better than CBT in the long run when it comes to eating disorders. The problem is DBT isn't yet widely available and so many have to have it on a private basis or if your NHS mental health service offers it then that can be so useful, also some charities like my eating disorder one offer it. I had to go through a number of thorough assessments to get it as sadly there are more people needing the therapy than there is therapists available to do it so they were strict with the assessment and luckily I was put on the waiting list at the start of the year and then began it a number of months ago and its working wonders for me. I am finally realising it has little to do with food and more to do with avoidance of emotions and this is really helping.

Re the food being an addiction, it def is and sadly we can't really cut out food all together so its like having to have what we are addicted to and still try not to over indulge which can be so difficult which is why I have cut out all "trigger" foods as I can't have any foods that will leave me wanting more and set off my binge mode, its difficult but I am finding nice alternatives that don't trigger me to carry on eating.

Em xx

Spooky! I just heard & researched a bit about DBT last week!
I asked my current CBT therapist about it but as we are dealing with panic & anxiety she says CBT is better for these problems for me.
I can see why they have different types of therapy for different issues - it's great to hear you are getting so much from it & it will be something I will look into in future
I firmly believe I can learn to deal with my eating issues with the right help - it's a crying shame that it is so hard to get.
I live in Canada now & we have to pay for all my therapy - you can get some group therapy on the health care service but you can guess how likely that is with my anxiety!

I try not to have too many trigger foods at home but uf I put a 'ban' on certain things I become obsessed with wanting them & then end up bingeing on them when I get some
I'm practicing the portion control of treats right now, it's hard but I'm sticking with it.

CGxx

 

[Carriegirl21]

well done CG on the weight loss your going the right way well done
xxchezzxx

Thanks chez! Hope it keeps going the right way!

CGxx

 

[Carriegirl21]

Just a quicky - must get to sleep! (it's 3.30am - insomnia central)

Today I realised I've tracked my food with My fitness pal for 8 days straight - I'm really chuffed!
I can't believe I've completed a whole week of being accountable for what I eat & not 'fibbing' on it once & leaving off snacks etc

*pats self on back like therapist says to do* hehe!

I'm noticing my power is growing at night to stop myself from snacking more than I plan to - nighttime is my 'danger zone' for bingeing - If I'm hungry I have a snack & then I ALWAYS want more but something inside my head is managing to say NO! I wish I could keep this strength with me every time I feel a binge coming on... Well it's still an improvement

Positives:

1. Had pizza last night but only ate 2 slices instead of 4 - tracked it all & still stayed within my allowance!

2. Had a really depressed motionless day followed my a harrowing therapy session - then somehow came home & made jacket potatoes & salad for dinner & didn't binge!

3. Tracked my 8th day on MFP & stayed within allowance

Yay, rare happy moment after a day full of tears! (honestly I don't know how I'm not dehydrated half the time)

CGxx

 

[1978Emma]

well done CG, I have tracked my food for the last 4 weeks and its meant that I stay on track much more easily as I know how much I am having, as someone who has never truly done this properly before its now become a habit and that makes it easier to do. Em xx

 

[chezz]

hi cg

you are doing grst hun well done

xxchezxx

 

[raspberrycupcake]

You are doing so well, therapy is bloomin hard isn't it? I'm having cognitive- analytical therapy which gets heavy at times, but I have to walk home so by the time I get back I have managed to process my feelings a bit and push them back into storage!

If you do fancy giving the hypnotherapy a try to help with your sleep, some of them (including some of the Glenn Harrold ones) actually give you two tracks, one which wakes you up completely at the end and one which brings you back into sleep rather than awake. So you can choose, depending on whether you are listening in the day or at night.

Out of interest, do you mean you binge actually in the night, or in the evening? It's just I eat in the night ( I wake up for ages in the middle of the night) and I was wondering if you did the same? It kind of fits in with weight watchers as I always leave points as a back-up, but I would rather find a way to stop doing it really!

Enjoy your weekend! What's the weather like in Canada at the moment?

Claire x

 

[toxicsgrl]

Hmm not a great day for me

Food wise it was fine, life-wise it was lame!

I felt so uncomfortably full after dinner - and 4 hours later my stomach still hurts!

I have this thing where I find it hard to leave food on the plate if I've put a lot of effort into preparing it. If it's just something frozen I will stop if I'm really full but tonight I'd put so much effort into cooking that I just kept eating!
Pretty annoyed st myself because I probably could have kept half in the fridge for tomorrow - so it wouldn't of gone in the bin anyway.
I think part of it is that I'm SO hungry by the time I finally get to eat my evening meal that I just eat it all because I've been wanting to eat all day!
I'm not starving myself in the day, I always eat breakfast & have an afternoon snack but I do tend to try & save my calories for my evening meal & in case I want a treat after - I'm fully aware that this is not a grest way to spread my calories out but It's just the pattern I have.
I wish I could 'allow' myself to eat throughout the day when I get hungry but my brain says "no - what if there's not enough left for dinner?!"

Argggggg!
Kinda stressed so I'll write my positives & be off.

Positives:

1. I did not buy a huge pack of cinnamon buns at the grocery store - this shows I am really taking notice of my choices.

2. I did a 30min work-out on the x-box Kinect & got proper sweaty!!

3. Even though it was the hotest day on record here since 1866 I still went for our evening walk (I have epic Anxiety, Panic & agoraphobic tendancies so this in itself is a huge task but I do it every day to show myself I can & to help my recovery)

CGxx

I also have social phobia and anxiety and find it very difficult to be out in public so wanted to say well done for sticking to it xx

Sent from my iPhone using MiniMins

 

[1978Emma]

I love the way CG you always list the positives of a situation, thats such a great way of doing things, all too often we tend to focus on the negative things so its so refreshing, Em xx

 

[Victorian151]

Hey CarrieGirl, Good luck on your journey. I'm similar stats and always good to know someone is on the same journey.

 

[Victorian151]

And keep listing the positive, it can only be a good thing!

 

[anois]

Hey carrie girl. Here to follow! Loving your diary. Makes me stop and think every time I read a post. What your saying makes so much sense and has huge similarities to my life.

Anois x