Eeek! Re-starter - 10stone to lose

[toxicsgrl]

I love the way CG you always list the positives of a situation, thats such a great way of doing things, all too often we tend to focus on the negative things so its so refreshing, Em xx

TOTALLY agree with this. i think we all should think about how far we've come, even if its only a small amount. we're going forward and thats something to be proud of. even starting the journey is an achievement to me.

i wish us all luck and support xx

(i'm louise btw and i'm mostly posting in the slim fast section, but also have a huge amount of weight to lose) x

 

[1978Emma]

Hi Louise, you are doing really well, this wemitts group is really supportive, I am sure you will find it of great use, Em xx

 

[TracyGWill]

Hi CarrieGirl! I've been reading your thread and thought I'd introduce myself. I'm Tracy, and I too weighed 21.5 stone, needing to lose around 10 stone. So far I've lost 5.5 stone and am plodding along to get the rest off! I do calorie counting too, starting off at 1800 and very gradually reducing it so that now I'm on 1500. I also take Orlistat, which helps a little - don't know if that's available in Canada?

Anyway, I wish you very well with your efforts, and will continue to follow your progress on here. xx

 

[chezz]

hi tracygwill

wow you have done really well on your journey good luck with the rest off it

xxchezzxx

 

[TracyGWill]

Thanks, Chezz, I appeciate that! We just have to keep motivated and carry on, don't we? xx

 

[Carriegirl21]

You are doing so well, therapy is bloomin hard isn't it? I'm having cognitive- analytical therapy which gets heavy at times, but I have to walk home so by the time I get back I have managed to process my feelings a bit and push them back into storage!

If you do fancy giving the hypnotherapy a try to help with your sleep, some of them (including some of the Glenn Harrold ones) actually give you two tracks, one which wakes you up completely at the end and one which brings you back into sleep rather than awake. So you can choose, depending on whether you are listening in the day or at night.

Out of interest, do you mean you binge actually in the night, or in the evening? It's just I eat in the night ( I wake up for ages in the middle of the night) and I was wondering if you did the same? It kind of fits in with weight watchers as I always leave points as a back-up, but I would rather find a way to stop doing it really!

Enjoy your weekend! What's the weather like in Canada at the moment?

Claire x

Hi Claire

The weather is Super Hot & HUMID! I'ts in capitals because it's that horrendous! Sorry if TMI but everyone just walks around turning into puddles because you just sweat the minute you go outdoors!
I really hate hot weather anyway so can't wait for Autumn!

Yup therapy is harrrrrd... But that usually means it's working
I'm doing CBT at the moment but just focusing on Panic & Anxiety & this week we've moved on to exposure therapy which is pretty terrifying but I know It's the only way forward

I'm defo going to look into hypnosis - will let you know if I do & how it goes

Well... I am capable of bingeing at any time but nighttime is my danger zone - I mean I will go to bed & then get up at 2am (after not sleeping due to insomnia) & then binge in secret
My OH knows about it all now but I still don't do that stuff in front of him.
Hope that answers your question - I really don't mind talking about this stuff on here as I feel like it's safe & supportive so ask away

When I did Weigh Watchers I would save as many points as possible for my nightime munchings because I knew if I didn't I would still want the binge but then not have the points & gain weight - it made sense at the time but I realised I was really just telling myself my bingeing was 'ok' as long as I stayed within my points.
I lost a bit of weight for a few months doing it like that but I made the decision that I didn't want to keep bingeing as the guilt was just too much to bear.
I stopped WW & put all the weight back on & more - I've not beaten my food demons - but I'm serious about seeking professional help when I can find an affordable option - I think a big step is admitting to yourself you have a problem that is making you miserable & deciding you actually want to change it.

For now My binges have dropped in size & frequency partly due to plain bull-headedness on my part & wanting to stick to my MFP allowance, but also just because I did have 3 sessions of CBT in the past focusing on eating issues - I forget most of it but what I remember is - DON'T STARVE to compensate for a binge you assume is coming - as it sets you up to be super hungry & physical hunger is very hard to fight.
Also I stop & question why I want to eat something - it takes practice but just stopping for 1 minute before I eat something is enough time for me to make a balanced decision on what I will get from it, is it worth it? And Am I eating emotionally?
Sometimes I go for the quick fix "I want this chocolate cos I'm full of RAGE, and I'm upset & I just NEED IT!" & I just have the chocolate.
But now ... Just recently... I can sometimes say to myself "well, will this chocolate make you any happier tomorrow? Would you rather wake up knowing you didn't eat out of anger & possibly lose some weight this week? Do you want this chocolate more than you might want it next week when you turn into a hormonal wreck?" Just putting these questions to myself in that moment can change my mindset out from the "binge binge binge" mode & then sometimes I find I don't want the chocolate anymore!

Sirry if that was an epic ramble - I just started writing & went with it!

CGxx

 

[Carriegirl21]

I also have social phobia and anxiety and find it very difficult to be out in public so wanted to say well done for sticking to it xx

Sent from my iPhone using MiniMins

Hi Louise
It always helps me to know other people are struggling with similar issues to me so thanks for stopping by
I HATE my anxiety, panic & phobias - it's the absolute worst part of my life
If you ever want to message about any of that stuff feel free, I am sorry you are also dealing with it
I'm doing CBT for Anxiety & panic at the moment & we've started on exposure exercises this week - ut is SO darn hard.
I literally go no-where alone so walking half a block alone once a day this week has been a real stuggle - but I know it's the only way forward.

TOTALLY agree with this. i think we all should think about how far we've come, even if its only a small amount. we're going forward and thats something to be proud of. even starting the journey is an achievement to me.

i wish us all luck and support xx

(i'm louise btw and i'm mostly posting in the slim fast section, but also have a huge amount of weight to lose) x

I will hunt down your diary & follow
I got the 3 positives thing from when I used to post on the WW boards & I've always found it a really great self affirming thing to do
Even if all I could manage on a bad day was to open the post or smile at something on tv - then that would be my postive!

CGxx

 

[Carriegirl21]

I love the way CG you always list the positives of a situation, thats such a great way of doing things, all too often we tend to focus on the negative things so its so refreshing, Em xx

Aw thanks Emma!
I think it's a really good self affirming thing to practice I encouage everyone to do it - even in the worst days you can usually find a little something that made you smile for a second

Hey CarrieGirl, Good luck on your journey. I'm similar stats and always good to know someone is on the same journey.

Hi Victorian151! Glad to hear from you I truly appriciate all these posts in my diary - I feel like I've found my zone

I will pop over & find your diary if you have one

CGxx

 

[Carriegirl21]

Hey carrie girl. Here to follow! Loving your diary. Makes me stop and think every time I read a post. What your saying makes so much sense and has huge similarities to my life.

Anois x

Hi Anois!
Thanks for stopping by, I am loving all the support & positive feedback on here - it's really motivating me to keep at it!
I will come & follow your diary too

CGxx

Hi CarrieGirl! I've been reading your thread and thought I'd introduce myself. I'm Tracy, and I too weighed 21.5 stone, needing to lose around 10 stone. So far I've lost 5.5 stone and am plodding along to get the rest off! I do calorie counting too, starting off at 1800 and very gradually reducing it so that now I'm on 1500. I also take Orlistat, which helps a little - don't know if that's available in Canada?

Anyway, I wish you very well with your efforts, and will continue to follow your progress on here. xx

Hi Tracy

Thanks for your support - you've done great! Wow it myst feel awesome to be half way to your goal
I'm using My fitness pal to do calorie counting - I'm on 2000cals at the moment but pretty sure that will drop soon! (I'm 6ft tall so That's how I explain the high allowance it gives me!)
I lived in the UK up until last year so was offered Orlistat before but I have a lot of health issues including digestive problems so decided not to take it. I'm glad it is working for you

Have you done a lot of exercise during you 5.5stone loss?

I will find your diary & also follow

CGxx

 

[Carriegirl21]

Phew! Took me ages to catch up on all the posts on here
Hope you all had great weekends, mine was a weird one!

Firstly - I went to a big social drinks thing on Friday - I don't know how I did it I realky don't! I was stuck to OH like glue the whole time but it was nice to do something normal even though I felt nervous the whole time.
It upsets me so much to think what Anxiety & panic have taken away from me - I hope I can one day be able to feel even slightly normal in these situations :'( :'(

I've done ok food -wise, I complete my MFP diary evey day & I never lie to it or leave stuff off
I went over my allowance by a few hundred over the weekend but It was with 'real food' & no bingeing which means a lot less guilt.

I'm so exhausted all the time, I hate it! (Recently found out I have the most extreme case of non-anemic iron deficiancy so I'm hoping that will explain the chronic fatigue once & for all)

Positives!

1. I went out out. To see people. In a bar. And didn't die of panic.

2. I didn't have take-out all weekend even though it meant I had to cook whilst exhausted with about as much serenity & grace as a bull in a china shop (I really dislike cooking when I'm tired, which is always raaaah! Wish OH was a chef! )

3. I've been doing my CBT exposure therapy exercises every day without fail - I REALLY want to feel better - this means I need to work as hard as I can!

4. Oh! A cheeky extra fourth! I was planning on having some chocolate tonight but I've spent so long engrossed in Minimins that the craving has disappeared & I'm now off to bed (3.30am here - not quite as bad as the time stamp may have you think!)

CGxx

Positives

Sent from my HTC Sensation XL using MiniMins

 

[raspberrycupcake]

Hello CG, just catching up with what you've been up to! It feels really nice to have friends and support on here doesn't it?

Are you being treated for your iron deficiency? I can totally identify with your exhaustion - I get really anaemic, I think because I can't absorb iron very well after the gastric bypass. And the iron tablets had me doubled over inn agony and spending far too much time in the bathroom! Luckily for me my gp referred me to see a gastroenterologist and he suggested iron infusions which worked very well. So when I got anaemic again earlier this year, my gp was wiling to just send me to the day unit for more infusions. I'm sure you know that vitamin c helps iron to be absorbed, so an orange with your iron tablets would be quite helpful! (or a vitamin c supplement!) I hope you get it sorted soon!

Did your doctor check your B12 and folate levels too? Apparently it is quite common to be deficient in one of these too if you are iron deficient.

By the way, WELL DONE for sticking to your exposure therapy! It really does work, just stick at it! And as for the drinks evening - that is amazing! You must feel so proud, things like that are the stuff of nightmares for all of us anxious people!

I know it is upsetting when we think of what these stupid illnesses / problems have taken away from us but my therapist also tries to get me to see what I have gained from it too - insight, empathy, made me stronger etc. whilst I dont always believe it, sometimes it helps!

Weirdly your night-time binges are the same time as mine - although I guess the time zones mean it isn't really! But I found what you said about what you think to yourself to try and stop yourself really helpful - I'm wondering whether to write something similar down and stick it on the back of my bedroom door so I see it when I go wandering!

I think I might also have to copy you with the three positives - it must surely be a self esteem and confidence booster?

I hope you had a good sleep once you eventually got to bed!

Claire x

 

[TracyGWill]

Hi Anois!
Thanks for stopping by, I am loving all the support & positive feedback on here - it's really motivating me to keep at it!
I will come & follow your diary too

CGxx

Hi Tracy

Thanks for your support - you've done great! Wow it myst feel awesome to be half way to your goal
I'm using My fitness pal to do calorie counting - I'm on 2000cals at the moment but pretty sure that will drop soon! (I'm 6ft tall so That's how I explain the high allowance it gives me!)
I lived in the UK up until last year so was offered Orlistat before but I have a lot of health issues including digestive problems so decided not to take it. I'm glad it is working for you

Have you done a lot of exercise during you 5.5stone loss?

I will find your diary & also follow

CGxx

Hiya! Thanks, it does feel good to be well on my way, I keep getting nice compliments from family and colleagues, which is encouraging. In answer to your question, I do zero exercise, it's all diet. I have ME, as well as osteoarthritis, so all I can manage is to work full time and look after my daughter, I'm afraid! xxx

 

[1978Emma]

wow tracy, that weight loss so far is amazing, well done you, bet you are feeling so much better in yourself, I am on 1500-1700 a day calorie wise so similar, I find eating that amount seems to allow me to lose weight whereas when I dip too low calorie wise my body doesn't seem to like it. Em xx

 

[1978Emma]

well done on the social drinks night out CG as someone myself who suffers with depression / anxiety I know going out can be very stressful, but good on you for doing it anyway. I am only now starting to push myself more and more to get out and face my fears as I refuse to live like a recluse for any longer, its not easy but I am enjoying my life more since doing it, I still get so anxious but at least I finally am now having fun as well with family and friends, my therapist pushes me so hard ha ha and I then in turn push myself! The exposure therapy sounds very useful I have had to have CBT before for my OCD and exposure was the only way of beating it although at the moment due to lack of binges thanks to my DBT therapy I have noticed my OCD has got unbearable again, I always used both binges and OCD to avoid emotions etc and now I am not using the binges the OCD has just x 100, its worrying me right now so I will have to talk that through with my therpist tomorrow. Em xx

 

[TracyGWill]

wow tracy, that weight loss so far is amazing, well done you, bet you are feeling so much better in yourself, I am on 1500-1700 a day calorie wise so similar, I find eating that amount seems to allow me to lose weight whereas when I dip too low calorie wise my body doesn't seem to like it. Em xx

Thanks, Emma, yes I do feel loads better, especially now I've started eating more healthy stuff too - when I started out I just ate my calories any way I wanted, lots of low fat crisps etc., but now I try to make better choices. Just small changes, like a dozen almonds instead of crisps, and it does make a difference to how I feel. I definitely wouldn't recommend going too low on calories,I think you're right to keep it at a higher level. All the best! xx

 

[Carriegirl21]

Hello CG, just catching up with what you've been up to! It feels really nice to have friends and support on here doesn't it?

Are you being treated for your iron deficiency? I can totally identify with your exhaustion - I get really anaemic, I think because I can't absorb iron very well after the gastric bypass. And the iron tablets had me doubled over inn agony and spending far too much time in the bathroom! Luckily for me my gp referred me to see a gastroenterologist and he suggested iron infusions which worked very well. So when I got anaemic again earlier this year, my gp was wiling to just send me to the day unit for more infusions. I'm sure you know that vitamin c helps iron to be absorbed, so an orange with your iron tablets would be quite helpful! (or a vitamin c supplement!) I hope you get it sorted soon!

Did your doctor check your B12 and folate levels too? Apparently it is quite common to be deficient in one of these too if you are iron deficient.

By the way, WELL DONE for sticking to your exposure therapy! It really does work, just stick at it! And as for the drinks evening - that is amazing! You must feel so proud, things like that are the stuff of nightmares for all of us anxious people!

I know it is upsetting when we think of what these stupid illnesses / problems have taken away from us but my therapist also tries to get me to see what I have gained from it too - insight, empathy, made me stronger etc. whilst I dont always believe it, sometimes it helps!

Weirdly your night-time binges are the same time as mine - although I guess the time zones mean it isn't really! But I found what you said about what you think to yourself to try and stop yourself really helpful - I'm wondering whether to write something similar down and stick it on the back of my bedroom door so I see it when I go wandering!

I think I might also have to copy you with the three positives - it must surely be a self esteem and confidence booster?

I hope you had a good sleep once you eventually got to bed!

Claire x

Hi Claire

Yes I am being treated for my iron deficiancy but like you - I can't tolerate proper iron supplements so on advice from my Doctor I'm taking kids iron multivits 4 times a day - They don't upset my stomach
However - when they test my levels again we'll see if I'm absorbing enough (I take it with cranberry juice for the vit C) & may look into infusions if I haven't improved.
Yes they tested practically every vitamin & minreal level they could & they were convinced I would need B12 injections but it turned out my level was normal! Surprised everyone cos of the state I'm in and the fact I've a life long vegetarian & even though I know what I need to include in my diet ... I'm not great at it.

Thanks - I really really don't know how I went to that drinks thing! I'm glaf I went but I am terrible at taking on board anything I accomplise so it hasn't lessened my anxiety
I TRY to take it in & see that things are still possible to me.
Anxiety is such a random sneaky thing - I know it's all down to how I percieve things but it still has a hold on me.
Thank goodness for people like us who can share these stories - many if my friends just don't understand it one bit...

I think the note on the door (or fridge) sounds great it'll be a little reminder to just take a moment & talk with yourself - I may do the same

Oh yes you should defo do the positives - they really do give me a boost

CGxx

Sent from my HTC Sensation XL using MiniMins

 

[Carriegirl21]

Hiya! Thanks, it does feel good to be well on my way, I keep getting nice compliments from family and colleagues, which is encouraging. In answer to your question, I do zero exercise, it's all diet. I have ME, as well as osteoarthritis, so all I can manage is to work full time and look after my daughter, I'm afraid! xxx

Oh I am sorry you are dealing with all those health issues at once I'm extra impressed that you've lost all the weight without extra exercise - that's fantastic!

CGxx

Sent from my HTC Sensation XL using MiniMins

 

[Carriegirl21]

well done on the social drinks night out CG as someone myself who suffers with depression / anxiety I know going out can be very stressful, but good on you for doing it anyway. I am only now starting to push myself more and more to get out and face my fears as I refuse to live like a recluse for any longer, its not easy but I am enjoying my life more since doing it, I still get so anxious but at least I finally am now having fun as well with family and friends, my therapist pushes me so hard ha ha and I then in turn push myself! The exposure therapy sounds very useful I have had to have CBT before for my OCD and exposure was the only way of beating it although at the moment due to lack of binges thanks to my DBT therapy I have noticed my OCD has got unbearable again, I always used both binges and OCD to avoid emotions etc and now I am not using the binges the OCD has just x 100, its worrying me right now so I will have to talk that through with my therpist tomorrow. Em xx

Oh my gosh I really know what you mean! - since I've started trying to control my eating again my anxiety has gone through the roof!
I've removed too many crutches & I'm flailing around all lost!
It's horrid that one issue seems to take the place of another - one of the nurses that comes to visit me (bit like a therapy home visit) did mention that tackling my Anxiety and eating at the same time may be too hard & not the best plan... But I'm still doing both lol, If I have a day when my Anxiety takes over & I decide I NEED food to get me through then I'm going to try my hardest not to beat myself up about it - food has been my biggest coping mechanism all my life so it's not suprising that when it's controlled I get freaked out because I've not learnt new coping strategies yet.

It happened tonight as it goes... I do feel proper guilty but I only went over my allowance by 250cals so I'm trying to compare it favourably to what I would have eaten if I hadn't been on this mission at all!

I hope you have a good session with your therapist tomorrow - I'm sure they will have come up against this current issuse before - hope they can help you out

Yes exposure is the only way forward. It's bl**dy horrible!!
I'll never understand how I went out to that drinks thing - I could barely do my half block walk today
The worst part for me is accepting that my progress will not be linear - I hate the 2 steps forward 1 step back (or further) thing with recovery - I have slight ocd tendancies in that I like control & order - so because my progress is not going steadily in the 'right' order it drives me completly potty!

Oh dear oh dear... Still at least we can talk about it here

CGxx

Sent from my HTC Sensation XL using MiniMins

 

[Carriegirl21]

What a day.

I weighed-in & my idiot scales that weigh different every time you step on then, even though they are new & weren't cheap!... Said I'd put on 1/2 a pound! It's only my 2nd week

I've been 100% all week & more active so I call nonsense on my body & the scales!

I will be totally honest - I wasn't even going to post about this gain but what's the point in hiding it?
I was LIVID.
So much anger & confusion which quickly turned to self loathing... Which ended up with me eating a Lemon cupcake straight after breakfast.
Why?
Why sickly lemon cupcake? Why were you even in my fridge?!
I felt disgusting afterwards - my knee-jerk reaction is that of a petulant toddler. A gain doesn't make me think "must try harder & keep at it"... A gain sends me straight to the fridge!
VERY frustrating! I couldn't stop myself but thankfully after 30 minutes of feeling sick I decided the best thing to do was throw the last 2 cupcakes left in the box in the trash. Now - I hate wasting food but this was an act of defiance - I needed to make a point to myself - my sucess is worth more than the price of 2 cupcakes. I knew if I kept them I would probably eat them out of anget so Off the went down the chute!

After that I was mad all day but I did an x-box kinect work-out, did my cbt exposure therapy (short outdoor walk alone) got on with the cleaning & tried to ignore all the negative chatter in my head willing me to binge.

It's so strange how your mindset can change so dramatically from one day to the next.
Yesterday I was on the ball food wise & felt positive about it.
Today that gain sent me straight into binge-town & all the horror that comes with it.

I ended up getting so worked up with anxiety that I thought I was going to panic so in the end I gave in to food again - but not a huge amount, just 250cals over my daily allowance - but it's more than just the calories to me now - I want to know the reason I find such relief & comfort in food when all I feel is stress around it.

I hope I can carry on tomorrow on plan & not go down the 'I've blown it' route - cos lets face it - that only leads to one place & it's the opposite of where I want to go.

Positives:

1. Got rid of binge-worthy food before I demolished all of it.

2. Did a work-out & a walk even in my negative state.

3. Ate the rest of my 'extra' food in front of OH watching tv & did not keep it secret.

Hoping for a better tomorrow
CGxx

Sent from my HTC Sensation XL using MiniMins

 

[1978Emma]

Oh Tracy that is so similar to me, I used to try and eat my calorie allowance any way I wanted like low fat crisps, always looking at a way of trying to get away with eating my trigger foods ha ha but like you now I am trying to eat healthier options like snacking on fruit etc, its all new to me but I am really enjoying it and I'm saving my treat foods for my planned meals out. Em xx