Eeek! Re-starter - 10stone to lose
- Thread starter Carriegirl21
- Start date
Carriegirl21
Silver Member
Hi to anyone who is still around!
I don't even know how I found myself back on here tonight.
Desperate for an outlet for my brain ? maybe!
I'll start a new thread & do a proper update but seeing as this us the last place I posted It seemed logical to pop this here.
So - it's been 2 years since I last posted, feels longer.
I miss talking to people in the same situation as me with their weight & knowing they truly understand.
I've gained so much that I had to change my measurements to lbs & not stones - that's how silly my head is!
Unfortunately I'm not terrible at maths so I can make a good guess at the stone value anyway - just can't handle looking at it yet.
Oh I'm in a rambly mood.
I updated my stats (would update my profile pic but wanted to see if anyone remembered me 1st lol) and was surprised to see how heavy I was when I last posted.
I assumed I'd gained a lot more since then.
I was 306lbs 2 years ago (1st page of this thread will say) & I'm managed to 'aquire' an extra 34lbs since then. Most of it came on in the last year.
I'm currently 340 but that's accordingly to my Dr's scales - my home scales won't weigh me anymore!!! I think that was the shock that really gave me a wake up call.
I'm officially at my heaviest ever.
That's very hard to admit considering I've been trying to lose weight for over half my life & at my lowest was roughly 7.5stone lighter than I am now.
I never thought I'd gain so much back, let alone exceed my original highest weight.
The main factor has been being properly diagnosed with Endometriosis, Depression, Anxiety, Panic disorder, PTSD & CFS. All really fun stuff to deal with together.
I don't mean to write a sob story - just getting my thoughts & the truth out there.
I've had a lot of treatment, including surgery, medication & soooo much therapy (still ongoing)
That's one positive thing I can see in myself - I never stop trying.
Sometimes that's all you can do when you're dealing with too much 'stuff'.
The combo of surgery, medication, inactivity due to pain, grief & turning to food for comfort = my weight gain.
It's hard to know whether to post this or not as it feels so honest.
I obviously came on here for a reason I guess.. No-one in my real life can understand what it's like to be this weight & feel like you're spiralling out of control.
I can only shop in 1 Bricks & Mortar store for Jeans now - I've hit there biggest size & they only have them in stock online every few months! At least it's local - I get a lot of stuff online from abroad.
I have a very supportive fiance who, over the past month, has really got on board with a change in our meals - he even shares the cooking due to my CFS & it helps so much that he doesn't try to cheer me up with treat/junk food anymore - we'll only get it if I'm there buying it myself & taking accountability for it.
I never want him to feel like an enabler.
Everything I eat is my choice - I'm 100% accountable for my food choices.
Obviously I'm fighting with health issues that affect weight loss/gain but I can do whatever I can that's within my power to make healthier choices. And I am.
I'm still using MFP to track my food as it's free & simple.
I've been at in for a month but can't tell my weight till I see my Dr. Again in a few weeks.
I don't feel any difference in the way my clothes feel so that's scary - I feel like no matter how hard I try that I could still not lose anything.
I need to up my activity levels asap buuuuut I have an ongoing foot injury & am SO far from being comfortable in a swimming pool it's ridiculous.
I have no idea what I can do to get more active - even 20mins walking puts my foot in agony. It's upsetting when you really want to get moving!
Well, if anyone ever reads this essay I say thank-you very much!
Didn't realise just how much I needed to talk/offload.
I can only talk this openly here because it's anonymous.
I don't see many familiar faces on here but I look forward to meeting new ones
I promise I'm not always quite this long winded!
Hope everyone has a good week
Oh! I almost forgot my 3 daily positives! (remember those?)
1. I bit the bullet & posted on here again. Updated my stats. The whole truth.
2. I'm way under my calorie budget for today so I'm off to have a nice satisfying snack - kashi toasted berry cereal is my favourite at the moment.
3. There's a cat sitting on me.
? (that really is a positive!)
CG xx
I don't even know how I found myself back on here tonight.
Desperate for an outlet for my brain ? maybe!
I'll start a new thread & do a proper update but seeing as this us the last place I posted It seemed logical to pop this here.
So - it's been 2 years since I last posted, feels longer.
I miss talking to people in the same situation as me with their weight & knowing they truly understand.
I've gained so much that I had to change my measurements to lbs & not stones - that's how silly my head is!
Unfortunately I'm not terrible at maths so I can make a good guess at the stone value anyway - just can't handle looking at it yet.
Oh I'm in a rambly mood.
I updated my stats (would update my profile pic but wanted to see if anyone remembered me 1st lol) and was surprised to see how heavy I was when I last posted.
I assumed I'd gained a lot more since then.
I was 306lbs 2 years ago (1st page of this thread will say) & I'm managed to 'aquire' an extra 34lbs since then. Most of it came on in the last year.
I'm currently 340 but that's accordingly to my Dr's scales - my home scales won't weigh me anymore!!! I think that was the shock that really gave me a wake up call.
I'm officially at my heaviest ever.
That's very hard to admit considering I've been trying to lose weight for over half my life & at my lowest was roughly 7.5stone lighter than I am now.
I never thought I'd gain so much back, let alone exceed my original highest weight.
The main factor has been being properly diagnosed with Endometriosis, Depression, Anxiety, Panic disorder, PTSD & CFS. All really fun stuff to deal with together.
I don't mean to write a sob story - just getting my thoughts & the truth out there.
I've had a lot of treatment, including surgery, medication & soooo much therapy (still ongoing)
That's one positive thing I can see in myself - I never stop trying.
Sometimes that's all you can do when you're dealing with too much 'stuff'.
The combo of surgery, medication, inactivity due to pain, grief & turning to food for comfort = my weight gain.
It's hard to know whether to post this or not as it feels so honest.
I obviously came on here for a reason I guess.. No-one in my real life can understand what it's like to be this weight & feel like you're spiralling out of control.
I can only shop in 1 Bricks & Mortar store for Jeans now - I've hit there biggest size & they only have them in stock online every few months! At least it's local - I get a lot of stuff online from abroad.
I have a very supportive fiance who, over the past month, has really got on board with a change in our meals - he even shares the cooking due to my CFS & it helps so much that he doesn't try to cheer me up with treat/junk food anymore - we'll only get it if I'm there buying it myself & taking accountability for it.
I never want him to feel like an enabler.
Everything I eat is my choice - I'm 100% accountable for my food choices.
Obviously I'm fighting with health issues that affect weight loss/gain but I can do whatever I can that's within my power to make healthier choices. And I am.
I'm still using MFP to track my food as it's free & simple.
I've been at in for a month but can't tell my weight till I see my Dr. Again in a few weeks.
I don't feel any difference in the way my clothes feel so that's scary - I feel like no matter how hard I try that I could still not lose anything.
I need to up my activity levels asap buuuuut I have an ongoing foot injury & am SO far from being comfortable in a swimming pool it's ridiculous.
I have no idea what I can do to get more active - even 20mins walking puts my foot in agony. It's upsetting when you really want to get moving!
Well, if anyone ever reads this essay I say thank-you very much!
Didn't realise just how much I needed to talk/offload.
I can only talk this openly here because it's anonymous.
I don't see many familiar faces on here but I look forward to meeting new ones
I promise I'm not always quite this long winded!
Hope everyone has a good week
Oh! I almost forgot my 3 daily positives! (remember those?)
1. I bit the bullet & posted on here again. Updated my stats. The whole truth.
2. I'm way under my calorie budget for today so I'm off to have a nice satisfying snack - kashi toasted berry cereal is my favourite at the moment.
3. There's a cat sitting on me.
? (that really is a positive!)
CG xx
Destamia
Gold Member
Hello there.
I dont know you as I have been here a year only but your weight is the same as mine was. Fact mine was little more 352 .. I know how much pressure it is to lose weight and how hard it is to keep it off when you already lost some. This is story of my life, lose some , gain twice as much. Right now I have lost over 8 st at my max weight and 7 st in sw and I have become at point when I find it hard to keep going. Not that Im giving up , not this time but it just harder then it was year ago when I was in fire.
So I know where you coming from and how hard it is to be so honest as you have. Being honest to yourself and write this all down is the most important step of your journey. Everything else will follow.
I love miniminis as it gives so much support and I hope you find that little extra help you need in here =) Good luck, you can do it
I dont know you as I have been here a year only but your weight is the same as mine was. Fact mine was little more 352 .. I know how much pressure it is to lose weight and how hard it is to keep it off when you already lost some. This is story of my life, lose some , gain twice as much. Right now I have lost over 8 st at my max weight and 7 st in sw and I have become at point when I find it hard to keep going. Not that Im giving up , not this time but it just harder then it was year ago when I was in fire.
So I know where you coming from and how hard it is to be so honest as you have. Being honest to yourself and write this all down is the most important step of your journey. Everything else will follow.
I love miniminis as it gives so much support and I hope you find that little extra help you need in here =) Good luck, you can do it
ladyfelsham
Back to SW again
Hi Carrie
Lovely to meet you - and well done for coming back to the friendly faces in Minis.
My starting weight wasn't far from yours and Destamia's either - after trying every diet known to woman, I started Slimming World in Jan and have lost 42lbs since then so far - so I'm a big fan of SW, although I know it doesn't work for everyone.
Really looking forward to hearing all about your weight loss successes x
Lovely to meet you - and well done for coming back to the friendly faces in Minis
.My starting weight wasn't far from yours and Destamia's either - after trying every diet known to woman, I started Slimming World in Jan and have lost 42lbs since then so far - so I'm a big fan of SW, although I know it doesn't work for everyone.
Really looking forward to hearing all about your weight loss successes x
TracyGWill
Gold Member
Welcome back, hon. I'm sorry to hear you've been have such struggles. I can empathise a bit as I have ME/CFS and depression/anxiety, as well as osteoarthritis, so I know how difficult life in general, and weight loss, can be when you're battling things like that. Take care - keep coming on here for support and you can definitely beat this weight issue. xx
xx
Carriegirl21
Silver Member
Gosh I can hardly remember how to use the mobile site so sorry if I'm doing this all wrong! I can't remember how to reply!
Wow you've done so well
Thanks for sharing your story with me & supporting!I completely agree - I really need to write stuff down & this was the only place I could imagine doing it, I really want to carry on.
CGx
Last edited:
Carriegirl21
Silver Member
Hi Carrie
Lovely to meet you - and well done for coming back to the friendly faces in Minis
My starting weight wasn't far from yours and Destamia's either - after trying every diet known to woman, I started Slimming World in Jan and have lost 42lbs since then so far - so I'm a big fan of SW, although I know it doesn't work for everyone.
Really looking forward to hearing all about your weight loss successes x
Thanks so much for your support, it was lovely to see some replies to my incredibly long post!
I did SW many times over the years - had a lot of success with it but unfortunately put it all back on again. It definitely taught me how to cook properly though
CGx
Carriegirl21
Silver Member
Welcome back, hon. I'm sorry to hear you've been have such struggles. I can empathise a bit as I have ME/CFS and depression/anxiety, as well as osteoarthritis, so I know how difficult life in general, and weight loss, can be when you're battling things like that. Take care - keep coming on here for support and you can definitely beat this weight issue.
Hi!
I've completely forgotten how to use the mobile site - can't remember how to reply & can't see anyone's avatars or tickers!
Glad to see a familiar face
Sorry to hear you also suffer with these things.
I'm glad I posted last night
CGx
Carriegirl21
Silver Member
Hi!
Another familiar face, how great
Hope you are doing well, I've not been on to check anyone's diaries yet, hope to find some reading time soon!
Thanks for the support
CGx
Carriegirl21
Silver Member
So...
Today was hard.
I forgot for a while that I'd posted on here again & when I remembered I felt ashamed. Ashamed of admitting it all.
I know that it's always best to face facts - I've been living in a bit of denial for the past year.
Silly part is that I'd never judge anyone for their weight - only judge myself - own worst critic & all that eh?
I was doing great food-wise today... Until I had a big emotion meltdown at bedtime & my real hunger turned into a bit of comfort eating :/ not a lot but enough to make me feel the guilt I've been working so hard to shed.
I hate how intense my mood swings are now - they seem to get worse every year.
I did do some therapy around food recently, which really helped, but it wasn't for long enough. I never got to the root of my problem - just got given news strategies to cope with it.
Definitely something that needs revisiting but I still want to try my best in the meantime.
Something that got me down today was my lack of activity & the reasons behind that. I wish I could go & walk 5miles every day but I'd literally be able to do nothing else for days if I did that!
It really isn't just an excuse, as anyone who has experienced CFS or knows someone with fatigue issues will understand.
Sorry if I sound defensive when I talk about this - I'm just so used to people not understanding & straight out not believing that I truly have a problem - they just think I'm lazy & I hate that word so much.
I try & fight so hard every day.
Oop, went off on a tangent!
Anyway - even my current Dr. Doesn't accept my limitations & insisted that I would only lose weight if I exercised a lot (really helpful eh? Need to switch Dr.!) I want to get active so much but in a way that won't ruin me for the day/days after.
I have not found anything other than a short walk to be achievable.
Harrumph.
I'm pretty tired, hope tomorrow I can finally work out some meal plans (I wirk well with a strategy!)
Daily Positives:
1. I was very productive with a personal project I'm working on.
2. I walked 1 extra block on purpose when I went for my coffee!
3. I came back on here.
CGx
Today was hard.
I forgot for a while that I'd posted on here again & when I remembered I felt ashamed. Ashamed of admitting it all.
I know that it's always best to face facts - I've been living in a bit of denial for the past year.
Silly part is that I'd never judge anyone for their weight - only judge myself - own worst critic & all that eh?
I was doing great food-wise today... Until I had a big emotion meltdown at bedtime & my real hunger turned into a bit of comfort eating :/ not a lot but enough to make me feel the guilt I've been working so hard to shed.
I hate how intense my mood swings are now - they seem to get worse every year.
I did do some therapy around food recently, which really helped, but it wasn't for long enough. I never got to the root of my problem - just got given news strategies to cope with it.
Definitely something that needs revisiting but I still want to try my best in the meantime.
Something that got me down today was my lack of activity & the reasons behind that. I wish I could go & walk 5miles every day but I'd literally be able to do nothing else for days if I did that!
It really isn't just an excuse, as anyone who has experienced CFS or knows someone with fatigue issues will understand.
Sorry if I sound defensive when I talk about this - I'm just so used to people not understanding & straight out not believing that I truly have a problem - they just think I'm lazy & I hate that word so much.
I try & fight so hard every day.
Oop, went off on a tangent!
Anyway - even my current Dr. Doesn't accept my limitations & insisted that I would only lose weight if I exercised a lot (really helpful eh? Need to switch Dr.!) I want to get active so much but in a way that won't ruin me for the day/days after.
I have not found anything other than a short walk to be achievable.
Harrumph.
I'm pretty tired, hope tomorrow I can finally work out some meal plans (I wirk well with a strategy!)
Daily Positives:
1. I was very productive with a personal project I'm working on.
2. I walked 1 extra block on purpose when I went for my coffee!
3. I came back on here.
CGx
TracyGWill
Gold Member
Oh your doctor's comment has made me so mad! You might like to tell him I've lost 11.5 stone doing absolutely zero exercise, and I mean zero! Like you, any over-exertion completely wipes me out, and as I work full time I can't afford to put myself out of action, so basically when I'm not at work (at my desk job) I'm resting. I've lost more than half my body weight purely by controlling my diet, so tell your doctor to...... (Hadn't better say what I'm thinking, lol). You do not need to exercise to lose weight, he doesn't know what he's talking about! Sorry, rant over. xx
xx
ladyfelsham
Back to SW again
Grrrr here too - tell your doctor to read the papers - this study, which says that exercise is good to do but won't help you lose weight, was published just 7 days ago!
Exercise is good
Exercise is good
TracyGWill
Gold Member
Absolutely Susie! Exercise is obviously good for your health, and we should all do it if we can, but it isn't necessary, or even particularly helpful, for weight loss.
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