Consolidation Eilidh's 285 days of conso!

[xeilidhx]

Well tonight I went to the pub with folk from the orchestra for the first time. Trying to move on and socialise without him. Have work folks but don't know anyone else in this area! Have forgotten meds the last few days which has been ok since I've hardly eaten but after bolognese tonight I'm suffering! Will weigh in on Friday at work- today at home I was 9st 1 which would be 9st7 at work. That's a massive drop so it's either stress or it's wrong!

 

[xeilidhx]

To add to the boyfriend/ £200 car bill woes my flatmate has just announced she's moving out. Wonderful times! C

 

[xeilidhx]

Pp Thursday- haven't had all the conso extras this week so pp thurs seems silly! Am doing it though! All the bits I have enjoyed the last few days have been conso- bread, cheese etc! So three turkey steaks r grilling and I'll work out tea later. X

 

[xeilidhx]

He's text. As per usual half a conversation but better than nothing.

 

[Paulinegin]

He's text. As per usual half a conversation but better than nothing.

Nope E, worse than nothing. He should leave you in peace

P x

 

[alottolose]

I'm inclined to agree with P...you need time and space and not to keep having the elastoplast ripped off the wound...him staying on your radar will do you more harm than good in the long run

He wanted space enough to break up with you, yet he's giving you "half conversation" texts within days, but he hasn't changed his mind - it's akin to game playing

be strong and don't allow him to use you as a crutch or pal on the end of the phone when and if he gets bored enough to text you - you're worth so much more than that x

 

[xeilidhx]

You're not going to like my update. We chatted for about an hour tonight and he apologised profusely for not being in contact very well. He's explained more of how he's feeling, he's made a doctors appointment and I've said all I felt I needed to say. Hes opened up, and we've both said how much we want to be friends. He says this stage should be my choice as he feels he doesn't want to push me in any way since the split was his decision. I know I still love him but I also understand how he's feeling now and that pining and hoping aren't going to get him back. I'm now going to enjoy having a best pal who can cut the grass/carry heavy bags but won't steal my clothes...

It'll take give and take, but I feel we're more on the same wavelength than we've been at all in the last 19 months. Maybe things happen for a reason, and this is the "relationship" we were meant to have.

 

[alottolose]

Eilidh it's not about whether we like it or not it's your decision and we'll always support you, but from my own point of view and I think I speak for the others also when I say this - we wouldn't be being good friends to you if we didn't be honest and give you our opinion, ultimately the choice is yours and we'll support you as best we can

take it steady, keep yourself in mind as #1 priority

xx

 

[xeilidhx]

Thanks. I know it's all about how he feels in himself, he still loves me but feels that he'll hurt me and doesn't think he'll get his head sorted out. I'll see him a lot less , but ive not totally lost him. X

 

[trudyc]

Whatever the outcome you sound soooo much more settled with what is happening now which is great. As Lotto said whatever happens you Dukan friends are here for you..... Now start eating some Dukan food and cherish yourself!!! LOL!

 

[xeilidhx]

I appear to be 61kg now, don't know if I should update that or not! That's about another 2.5kg off but I've not been eating enough this week

Thanks trudy I feel a bit more settled. It's still hard. I have to get used to the fact that I can't just call him when I want or just nip over when I need a hug, he's said I can call/text/go round whenever. He's made me feel a bit better in that I know there's nothing I could have done. We had a long talk about it all and he says it's just the way he's been feeling, he's tried to stop himself from feeling this way but doesn't think he can.

Ultimately he's said I'm his best friend and he's mine. I went and saw him and got a hug and a chat which was nice. It felt a bit awkward but we both said we'd need to take it day by day. He just says he doesn't want to give me false hope of rekindling the relationship as he doesn't think he'll ever feel like he wants a relationship but has also said that being around as friends won't hinder us if the situation did arise. That being said I've made it clear that he's hurt me and let me down so I wouldn't necessarily reconsider us now. He's said (again) that even if he got his head in order and I'd moved on, even though he'd be sad he'd lost me he couldn't describe how happy he'd be to see me sorted and happy. I think that's a nice sentiment.

Much as I'd love to just go back to where we were if his heads not there then I can't. As we both said when we left, I love him and he loves me so that aspect hasn't changed. We can't just turn our feelings off but over time I'm sure I'll love him as a friend instead. I'm glad he's seeing his doctor about how he's feeling (withdrawing etc) and rather than rubbish what I think he's asked me to write it down for him to take. Its a big step for him so I appreciate it.

Feel less like crying and more settled. I still miss him but I know I've not totally lost him. That's a bonus

Essay over! X

 

[Eve69]

Hi Eilidh,

Just caught up with your news. Keep strong as I know it's hard to be friends with someone you love. Hope it all works out for you x

 

[xeilidhx]

Gala meal last night=yum!! X

 

[Paulinegin]

Yo E, thinking of you.

P x

 

[xeilidhx]

Thanks P.

Friday:

B: three boiled eggs

L: toast, cheese and some bolognese

D: gala. Haggis, chips and whisky sauce
Vodka and coke

No one wanted a sweet guess this is moderation on gala!

Met a guy from school who didn't recognise me at all. Cue "f*ck me you've changed" being shouted very loudly in the pub.

Met ex-OH after pub and had a good chat.

Sat:
B: bread and cheese

L: porridge

D: venison sausages (wanted a treat!)

Sweetned milk (x1)
Diet coke

Today:

No idea!! Have lots of food leftover from last week so might do a big cook of it all to freeze. Getting my hair done now, rehersal this afternoon then a big clear out of my room is required! X

 

[xeilidhx]

Just a wee post so I know where I am conso wise as my phones being so rubbish keeping the calendar entries. Today is conso day 69. Weighed day 67 at 61kg.

 

[xeilidhx]

Crap at keeping up with this. Sticking to dukan. Had some venison as a treat tonight! Need to get planning for pp Thursday comes around too fast!! Thinking chicken with quark and korna? Keep forgetting my fruit too. And have adjusted my weeks so they start on a Friday so between each pp thurs I have one gala and one starch. Saw someone had rice noodles- what are these? Where can i get them!

 

[trudyc]

Found them in sainsburys with the fresh egg noodles!!!

 

[xeilidhx]

Thanks trudy I'll have to look- no sainsburys near me though

Wore a dress I had taken in for an event last night and it was too big again!!

 

[sididd]

Nsv xxx