Paulinegin
Gold Member
Well done E, one day at a time, love.
P x
P x
Consolidation Eilidh's 285 days of conso!
- Thread starter xeilidhx
- Start date
xeilidhx
Gold Member
P I failed! Spoke to him last night and saw him. Just for a walk and a chat in a neutral location cause we both got upset on the phone. He seems so confused. And is making no sense! He said he'll be able to explain better when it's not so raw but confirmed it really that it's not a break it's final. I need to keep reminding myself that. X
Timetogetserious
Gold Member
Oh Hun I'm sorry there really isn't anything that will help other than time( I never believed that until I had a broken heart!)
Just keep thinking about you, and make sure you get plenty of sleep and eat! Don't make yourself ill. Xxx
Just keep thinking about you, and make sure you get plenty of sleep and eat! Don't make yourself ill. Xxx
Paulinegin
Gold Member
xeilidhx said:
You didn't fail darling, take that thought out of your head right now.
Laura's right, it's a cliche but the only thing that makes it better is time.
My husband upped and left me out of the blue 10 years ago; I actually thought I would die from the pain but, do you know what, life is much much better now than it ever would have been if we'd stayed/got back together. Truly.
Hope your mum is still with you for lots of TLC.
P x
alottolose
Gold Member
Aww Eilidh sweetheart 
(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((MASSIVELY HUGE HUGS))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
How long is your Mum staying with you? Not easy but you need to find ways to distract yourself, keep your mind occupied and look after yourself physically - rest, healthy food and try to keep your chin up
It's been said already - we're here for you xxx
(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((MASSIVELY HUGE HUGS))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
How long is your Mum staying with you? Not easy but you need to find ways to distract yourself, keep your mind occupied and look after yourself physically - rest, healthy food and try to keep your chin up
It's been said already - we're here for you
xxx
xeilidhx
Gold Member
Thanks guys. I feel ridiculous- its not even comparable to the stories some of you are telling yet im being so pathetic! I have to be honest with myself I really do want him back. And I can't have him. All I can think of is how much I took him for granted and didn't appreciate him enough. Or spend enough time with him and it's all just my fault. I've caused this but I can't fix it. It's horrible. X
Paulinegin
Gold Member
You're beating yourself up again .... and you really don't need to, you know.
P x
P x
alottolose
Gold Member
Relationships work both ways hun, even IF there were things you did or didn't do...he didn't make any attempts to fix things - you need to move forward and find someone who will work with you in a relationship, you can't be dragging someone along behind you who clearly isn't in the right place mentally for a relationship.
You're a lovely woman, deserve to be happy and although it's already been said I do think a clean break from your ex at least in the short to midterm would be better for you. You don't need to hate him, just be out of contact with him or else you'll never move on and spend time pining for him when he's not available.
I have a book out of the library at the moment, called the ex factor I'll have a read through it later on and see if there's any advice in it
Be good to yourself honey, you can't help him if he doesn't want help and ultimately even if you could, he still wont want a relationship and you'll end up hurting yourself and wasting your time in the process
Sorry if any of this causes any offences - just been in the same boat and got the t-shirt x
You're a lovely woman, deserve to be happy and although it's already been said I do think a clean break from your ex at least in the short to midterm would be better for you. You don't need to hate him, just be out of contact with him or else you'll never move on and spend time pining for him when he's not available.
I have a book out of the library at the moment, called the ex factor I'll have a read through it later on and see if there's any advice in it
Be good to yourself honey, you can't help him if he doesn't want help and ultimately even if you could, he still wont want a relationship and you'll end up hurting yourself and wasting your time in the process
Sorry if any of this causes any offences - just been in the same boat and got the t-shirt
x
Timetogetserious
Gold Member
xeilidhx said:
Now! Pictures, numbers songs everything!
Download eminem and start running lol that's what I did! Oh got drunk alot with girlfriends! Xx
alottolose
Gold Member
You can't have him as a friend until you don't think of him romantically anymore, generally I find it easier to be friends with exes when I'm happily in a new relationship, by that time I'm so engrossed in the new guy that I've "immunity" to the ex...
You have to do what's best for you, certainly he shouldn't be using you as a crutch, if he's a decent guy he will want you to be happy and will let/want you to move on without him dragging you back/down....beware the emotional vampire who keeps you on a leash but doesn't offer you anything in return...
To be a "good ex" involves giving the other person space after finishing with them - that works for both of you, he should respect that you now have a new life to move on with and he either sorts himself out or doesn't (that's his choice)
I'd recommend removing methods of contact like Laura suggests, distract yourself, work, exercise, friends, family etc.
How long to cut contact for...well as long as it takes to feel happy single or be seeing someone new, just my opinion x
I agree with the eminem and exercise
...or alanis morisette, kelly clarkson, beyonce that sorta thing Alcohol enhances carp emotions and is actually a depressant - best avoided when you're already feeling low, best to nourish yourself with good fruits n veggies, don't let your health suffer, keep on the plan, put your face on and SMILE even if you don't want to, it apparently helps to raise the mood hormones
You go out there, you show the world what you're made of, you're strong - you don't need any man and with that confidence you will find someone who's right for you and doesn't make you upset xxx
alottolose
Gold Member
sorry for the essay x
x
Timetogetserious
Gold Member
alottolose said:sorry for the essay
Much more diplomatic! Lol gin became my best friend but yes I agree if your feeling crap already then have an apple instead!! Xx
xeilidhx
Gold Member
You girls talk too much sense haha.... Thanks for all bein so helpful!
I'm not contacting him again. He said hed get in touch today and thats how I'll leave it. Id hate to be out of contact for the next 6 months though cause I know in myself I'd resent him in that time. I don't see me wanting to be interested in someone else for a considerable period of time, he's my first love as I was his so it'll not go away quickly. I don't think he intends to use me as a crutch but he hasn't got other people. I still wish we could be working on these issues whilst workingon us, concentrating on the "here and now" and not fixating on or worrying about future plans. His home life means he's got anxieties around these but that shouldnt make it not work.
I'm not contacting him again. He said hed get in touch today and thats how I'll leave it. Id hate to be out of contact for the next 6 months though cause I know in myself I'd resent him in that time. I don't see me wanting to be interested in someone else for a considerable period of time, he's my first love as I was his so it'll not go away quickly. I don't think he intends to use me as a crutch but he hasn't got other people. I still wish we could be working on these issues whilst workingon us, concentrating on the "here and now" and not fixating on or worrying about future plans. His home life means he's got anxieties around these but that shouldnt make it not work.
xeilidhx
Gold Member
Im writing in here as I sob in loos at work. I'm so upset that he hasn't got in touch like he said he would about his doctors appointment. Its getting me so down. I'm determined not to get in touch with him but I'm struggling so much. He's my best friend and I need him too. He's always been crap at texting and never realises how I get so worried by it but I'm really struggling. X
Timetogetserious
Gold Member
xeilidhx said:
Honestly and I know this sounds harsh, but leave him, if he needs to cut u out to make it better then let him sometimes its cruel to be kind
It's hell at the mo but just focus on u and getting over this, what ever he's doing is up to him and his way of dealing with it!
I know it's hard but this is the time you need to concentrate on you not him! Xxxx
