Gen's CD Diary... Day 185... gonna give SS another bash!!
- Thread starter Gen
- Start date
Isobel1965
Gold Member
Hi babes - you can and will get through this tricky time, hun! We are all rooting for you!!!!!!
Thanks for the words of wisdom girls, its really appreciated.
Day 145... and unfortunately not day 4 of restart....
well i had a very head wrecked day yesterday and was quite emotional for no reason to be honest
didn't go to my relaxation class cos i think i was rebelling against being 'saved' from what i had planned to do, its strange cos i feared if i went to the relaxation class i wouldn't eat after it... have to say this was all done on a very semi-conscious level... i knew it was going on but i didn't really acknowledge it
anyway had my last pack about 7 and was still kinda undecided as to what i was doing so called up to a few friends and left early purposely to get a chinese and wine and to be honest driving home with the chinese i didn't even want it and did actually contemplate throwing it out but i didn't... anyway ate it, not a lot of it to be honest, threw about 3/4 of it out and had 2 glasses of wine and then bed. tasted ok eating it but was in no way glad i ate it afterwards. i don't go into giving myself a hard time cos it ain't worth it so i just said feck it. i could feel my trousers getting tighter, weird!!
another thing that happened last night in my friends house.. i was walking from his sitting room to the kitchen and as i was walking i looked down at my stomach and it was really flat... and a thought crossed my mind that what am i going to do when i lose the weight, i mean whats next??? will everything just be great and happy (i am very happy at the moment by the way) but will it be better??? why am i doing this??? i have read on other peoples posts that they have felt like this but just wondering what the ****!!! am i trying to sabotage my good work??? i know i will never go back to the way i was but am i afraid of getting any smaller in case my whole life doesn't change the way i probably thought it would if i was slimmer when i was fat??? all the questions... but this diet is the most thought provoking learning curve i have ever been on in my life and i really do take everything on board and learn little lessons!!
anyway weighed myself this morning and still 12st 5lb and have my cd stuff with me for today so will see how i get on. i'm gonna stick with it as much as i can this weekend and then monday start afresh and i'm just gonna do it this time cos i WANT to lose this weight as the nicole kidman and ewan mcgregor song goes 'come what may'... love that song!!!
rant over, hope everyone has a lovely day, its friday yay!!
love
Gen xx
Day 145... and unfortunately not day 4 of restart....
well i had a very head wrecked day yesterday and was quite emotional for no reason to be honest
didn't go to my relaxation class cos i think i was rebelling against being 'saved' from what i had planned to do, its strange cos i feared if i went to the relaxation class i wouldn't eat after it... have to say this was all done on a very semi-conscious level... i knew it was going on but i didn't really acknowledge it
anyway had my last pack about 7 and was still kinda undecided as to what i was doing so called up to a few friends and left early purposely to get a chinese and wine and to be honest driving home with the chinese i didn't even want it and did actually contemplate throwing it out but i didn't... anyway ate it, not a lot of it to be honest, threw about 3/4 of it out and had 2 glasses of wine and then bed. tasted ok eating it but was in no way glad i ate it afterwards. i don't go into giving myself a hard time cos it ain't worth it so i just said feck it. i could feel my trousers getting tighter, weird!!
another thing that happened last night in my friends house.. i was walking from his sitting room to the kitchen and as i was walking i looked down at my stomach and it was really flat... and a thought crossed my mind that what am i going to do when i lose the weight, i mean whats next??? will everything just be great and happy (i am very happy at the moment by the way) but will it be better??? why am i doing this??? i have read on other peoples posts that they have felt like this but just wondering what the ****!!! am i trying to sabotage my good work??? i know i will never go back to the way i was but am i afraid of getting any smaller in case my whole life doesn't change the way i probably thought it would if i was slimmer when i was fat??? all the questions... but this diet is the most thought provoking learning curve i have ever been on in my life and i really do take everything on board and learn little lessons!!
anyway weighed myself this morning and still 12st 5lb and have my cd stuff with me for today so will see how i get on. i'm gonna stick with it as much as i can this weekend and then monday start afresh and i'm just gonna do it this time cos i WANT to lose this weight as the nicole kidman and ewan mcgregor song goes 'come what may'... love that song!!!
rant over, hope everyone has a lovely day, its friday yay!!
love
Gen xx
kinda funny story relating to my last post.... went to make a cup of tea and have my cd bar (yummy) and got to the fridge and thought there was no milk which was fine cos i have my tea black on cd and its nice with the cd bar.... anyway opened the fridge to get my bar and there is was .... milk..... reason for saying this is because there i was with a cup of black tea and my cd bar in hand looking at the milk and biscuits saying to myself i think i'll pour this tea out and have one with milk and some biscuits instead of the cd bar..... its funny cos i wouldn't eat biscuits with black tea but anyway stood for about 10 seconds debating and then closed the fridge door and headed off with my cd bar!!! Yay i still have control!!!
canireallydothis!!
Gold Member
well done, you did brill to shut that fridge door!!
kandy
Silver Member
Hey Gen, Sorry i wasn't hear to shout at you yesterday as my lovely sister had her baby so it was a very luverly emotional day .
I myself have eaten and was going with the mondays a fresh start aproach but i am now thinking i should go with saturday is a fresh start too so i will be having a shake for brekkie we can do this Gen .
Christmas is coming rapidly and i wanna be a cracker and i bet you do too !!!!!!!!!
Catch ya later
If ya need me YELL !!!!!!!!!
I myself have eaten and was going with the mondays a fresh start aproach but i am now thinking i should go with saturday is a fresh start too so i will be having a shake for brekkie we can do this Gen .
Christmas is coming rapidly and i wanna be a cracker and i bet you do too !!!!!!!!!
Catch ya later
If ya need me YELL !!!!!!!!!
Hiya Julie
Congrats to ur sister on her lovely new arrival. was it a boy or a girl?? hope all is well with everyone anyway!
I'm actually gonna go out on saturday night to a bbq and its the last thing i have planned for ages so i'm thinking i'll drink and then either start sunday or if not DEFINITELY on monday. i don't want to eat anymore its weird.... i'm gonna do cd tomorrow during the day anyway cos i actually like just having the packs during the day.... i'm lazy and it saves me making anything lol
hope you have a lovely weekend and get a good bash at your restart and sure i'll be here all next week to spur ya on!!
love
Gen xx
Congrats to ur sister on her lovely new arrival. was it a boy or a girl?? hope all is well with everyone anyway!
I'm actually gonna go out on saturday night to a bbq and its the last thing i have planned for ages so i'm thinking i'll drink and then either start sunday or if not DEFINITELY on monday. i don't want to eat anymore its weird.... i'm gonna do cd tomorrow during the day anyway cos i actually like just having the packs during the day.... i'm lazy and it saves me making anything lol
hope you have a lovely weekend and get a good bash at your restart and sure i'll be here all next week to spur ya on!!
love
Gen xx
Day 147!!
i really don't know how i feel today.... i'm tired after a fairly hectic weekend, ate and drank quite badly altho on saturday i only had the cd packs until dinner time which i thought was good.
anyway plan is to start ss'ing tomorrow, was going to start today but stayed in friends house last night and didn't have my scales there and really want to weigh myself on the first day to get the full benefit of how much i lost, that is probably a big excuse but its kind of a valid one hee hee
i'm trawling through this site seeing how well people are doing and i know i just need to get my ass in gear and i really really want to so its operation get ur ass in gear gen and hopefully all will be well!!
i'm gonna have a fairly early night tonight and then start afresh in the morning. starting my pilates (intermediate) tomorrow night and really looking forward to that!
any words of wisdom guys??????
love
Gen xx
i really don't know how i feel today.... i'm tired after a fairly hectic weekend, ate and drank quite badly altho on saturday i only had the cd packs until dinner time which i thought was good.
anyway plan is to start ss'ing tomorrow, was going to start today but stayed in friends house last night and didn't have my scales there and really want to weigh myself on the first day to get the full benefit of how much i lost, that is probably a big excuse but its kind of a valid one hee hee
i'm trawling through this site seeing how well people are doing and i know i just need to get my ass in gear and i really really want to so its operation get ur ass in gear gen and hopefully all will be well!!
i'm gonna have a fairly early night tonight and then start afresh in the morning. starting my pilates (intermediate) tomorrow night and really looking forward to that!
any words of wisdom guys??????
love
Gen xx
sarahjj
Full Member
Hey Gen!
Sounds like you're stuck in a bit of a rut. No words of wisdom, apart from keep the image of the thin-you in your head, grit your teeth and stick to it. Easier said than done, I know, but that's what I find works! I can speak from experience, being at your target weight is the best feeling in the world, better than any food! You know you can do it, start tomorrow and DON'T let yourself slide! Probably sounds a bit harsh, sorry, but sometimes you need to give yourself a good kick up the @rse!! Hope you find the right place in your head to do this!!
With you all the way - and sending loadsa positive vibes! Give me a text if you need support tonight!
Love Sarah x
Sounds like you're stuck in a bit of a rut. No words of wisdom, apart from keep the image of the thin-you in your head, grit your teeth and stick to it. Easier said than done, I know, but that's what I find works! I can speak from experience, being at your target weight is the best feeling in the world, better than any food! You know you can do it, start tomorrow and DON'T let yourself slide! Probably sounds a bit harsh, sorry, but sometimes you need to give yourself a good kick up the @rse!! Hope you find the right place in your head to do this!!
With you all the way - and sending loadsa positive vibes! Give me a text if you need support tonight!
Love Sarah x
Karen1972
Gold Member
Hey Gen
Well i've just caught up on your post and if i was close enough to kick you up the arse then i bloody well would!!! Quit the excuses and just STICK TO IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm struggling on maintenance myself so i do know how hard it is, but come girlfriend you are just letting it slide really badly now and you really need to find some way of getting focussed.
I know i'm being harsh but i really think it's what you need honey!
Love ya
Well i've just caught up on your post and if i was close enough to kick you up the arse then i bloody well would!!! Quit the excuses and just STICK TO IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm struggling on maintenance myself so i do know how hard it is, but come girlfriend you are just letting it slide really badly now and you really need to find some way of getting focussed.
I know i'm being harsh but i really think it's what you need honey!
Love ya
Ta Karen
I know i do need a good kick up the arse and i fully intend on starting tomorrow. i was reading through my old discovery thread and when i started and it was very interesting how i just knuckled down and got through it!!! i will do it again
thanks for your reply girl!!
love
Gen xx
posted this on karen's dating thread but just wanted it on my own for when i look back and see just how god damn silly i was/am!!!
on WW (weekend wanker as opposed to weight watchers lol)... when i left him this morning he said i'll call ya later, don't call me (he says that when he is getting his **** together) anyway i just rang him there cos i just wanted to say hello, i know i shouldn't have, but he was soooo distant with me and then said what was the last thing i said to you leaving this morning re don't ring me..... i just made my excuses and hung up. i feel like i have just been punched in the stomach and there was just no need for that at all. i have been there for him so much and thats his fucking attitude. i just feel really hurt by that!
on WW (weekend wanker as opposed to weight watchers lol)... when i left him this morning he said i'll call ya later, don't call me (he says that when he is getting his **** together) anyway i just rang him there cos i just wanted to say hello, i know i shouldn't have, but he was soooo distant with me and then said what was the last thing i said to you leaving this morning re don't ring me..... i just made my excuses and hung up. i feel like i have just been punched in the stomach and there was just no need for that at all. i have been there for him so much and thats his fucking attitude. i just feel really hurt by that!
sarahjj
Full Member
Gen, if he can't see what a good friend you've been to him, he's just not worth it hun! He is so not worth it. You need to concentrate on you and getting you back on track. Please don't feel hurt - he doesn't know what he's talking about! You're such a fab person, couldn't have got through this without your help! Sorry if that's a bit mushy!!
Hope all works out!
Love Sarah x
Hope all works out!
Love Sarah x
Gen, if he can't see what a good friend you've been to him, he's just not worth it hun! He is so not worth it. You need to concentrate on you and getting you back on track. Please don't feel hurt - he doesn't know what he's talking about! You're such a fab person, couldn't have got through this without your help! Sorry if that's a bit mushy!!
Hope all works out!
Love Sarah x
ahhh thanks sarah ya got me all teary eyed now... i'm bloody wrecked and with that always comes mrs emotional!!!
i just think there was no need for it, he is in no place to be saying anything rational but **** him, i'm not gonna keep rolling over and letting him get away with **** like that. he gets away with far too much because he is 'sick'!
i shouldn't have rang him but i don't think i deserved that ****!
anyways thanks for your lovely words and ur a great help to me too girl!!
love
Gen xx
Gen,
Just reading that makes me sad that he was like that with you after all you have been through in the last few weeks with him.
It just seems to me he is a taker...with the above attitude I think you do deserve a lot better.
Your a kind loving genrous person and I think there is loads of lovely guys out there who would really appreciate a girl like you.
I know he is in a bad place right now, but that is bad behaviour and bad behaviour does not change with marriage, it gets worse
He knows you will be there for him time and again and you are!
Everytime he thinks he has you he seems to begin taken you for granted again and when he can't have you he comes all over nice. This is a tough roller coaster, it has its highs with all the excitement of getting back together and then the lows are really low.
It can be very addictive...
Sending you hugs and don't let him get you down and get on with your diet...a girl has to look her best for Mr. Right when he might happen to come along...
Love Mini xxx
Gen,
Just reading that makes me sad that he was like that with you after all you have been through in the last few weeks with him.
It just seems to me he is a taker...with the above attitude I think you do deserve a lot better.
Your a kind loving genrous person and I think there is loads of lovely guys out there who would really appreciate a girl like you.
I know he is in a bad place right now, but that is bad behaviour and bad behaviour does not change with marriage, it gets worse
He knows you will be there for him time and again and you are!
Everytime he thinks he has you he seems to begin taken you for granted again and when he can't have you he comes all over nice. This is a tough roller coaster, it has its highs with all the excitement of getting back together and then the lows are really low.
It can be very addictive...
Sending you hugs and don't let him get you down and get on with your diet...a girl has to look her best for Mr. Right when he might happen to come along...
Love Mini xxx
Thanks mini... believe me marriage was never on the cards for me and him, we were together casually for a while and still are on and off but nothing was ever going to come of it. we have never been boyfriend/girlfriend and while there were times i would have loved that now is certainly not one of them and i haven't wanted that for quite a while now, kinda since i got my own act together.
he is probably never gonna change but i'm not gonna let him treat me like that. i have text him telling him that he hurt me and i didn't deserve that and also to leave me alone for a bit cos i can't handle the 'rules' attached to his friendship.
anyway enough of that ****, i'll be grand!!!
thanks for the reply
love
Gen xx
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