Gen's CD Diary... Day 185... gonna give SS another bash!!

[Karen1972]

Sending you lots of willpower honey.... You so deserve to be the slim person you dream of and it's so close to you. If you need time out, take it. You absolutely have to be 100% focussed to make this diet work.

Wish i could say something miraculous for you to click back into the right mode honey....

Lots of luv,

 

[Gen]

Sending you lots of willpower honey.... You so deserve to be the slim person you dream of and it's so close to you. If you need time out, take it. You absolutely have to be 100% focussed to make this diet work.

Wish i could say something miraculous for you to click back into the right mode honey....

Lots of luv,

Hiya Karen

I'm still not sure really whether i'm in the right frame of mind but i am really trying hard to get there whereas the past couple of weeks i have been ignoring me so that i wouldn't have to be in the right frame of mind, if that makes any sense!!

I've had my first shake and feel fine and am planning just going out for a stroll at lunchtime and then having my chick & mush around 3ish so thats the plan.

i'm kinda thinking i might take monday off and do a proper restart then but thats only me putting it off.... my mind is flying today but i'm keeping some control on it!!

i also don't have a cdc at the moment which is kinda hard, didn't think it would be that hard but come two weeks i will have one again so thats cool.

hows things with you??

love

Gen xx

 

[Karen1972]

Hey Gen

Oh babe i do know how hard it is as i'm struggling on maintaining big stylee!! Feel really fat altho i'm BMI 25 i'm 10lbs over my original goal weight.

I found LL really easy whilst abstaining but as soon as you start eating then control seems to go out the window. My sis is doing CD and i warned her that if she does it she has to do it with no cheating whatsoever, and to only start when her head was ready for it. She took my advice and in 8 weeks has lost 2 stone, i'm so proud of her, she only has 1.5 stone to lose now. She's going on holiday at end of this month and i'm worried for her though, cos if she slips you and i know it's so flipping hard to get back on track.

My routine is 3 LL packs with a healthy meal in the evening, i can lose weight relatively quickly doing this, then when i get back under 10stones i will just have a higher calorie meal in the evening until i find the balance of maintaining! Or just stay low calorie and have a binge day on a sunday or something?

One thing i know is that i will be on 3 LL packs for the rest of my life if i wanna stay slim. I've accepted this and am happy with it though.

I feel knackered today, drove 9 hours to and from london yesterday, plus did almost a full days work, i slept in til 10am this morning as i'm working from home today but have to go london again tomorrow so up at 4.30am, am meeting ML on way home for a an hour or so won't get home til 10pm earliest zzzzzz.

I can't wait to meet my DCI on sunday, he sounds lovely, been texting me constantly since yesterday lunchtime, i'm getting rsi with all this texting hahahaha. He's asked to meet me for a coffee today but i look tired and minging today.

I think you need a new focus in your life babe, your life seems to consist of the diet and WW at the moment, both of which are not very positive right now so no wonder you're in a downward spiral. You need something to look forward to... you mentioned that before when dieting you had a goal to aim for (like a holiday) but at the moment you say you don't have anything.

What would be the best thing for you about being slim?

For me it was that i would be fanciable to the opposite sex (yes it is ridiculous), but i've always felt sexy on the inside and i knew i'd be dangerous if i was attractive so that is why i thought god kept me fat!! I think he's regretting letting me lose the weight now haha.

There is only one thing that will keep me slim - vanity. I'm the most shallow person i know!

Luv

 

[Mini]

thanks guys for your support!!

i have totally been putting other people before myself for the past couple of weeks and thats where i have fallen down, its time for me to be mrs selfish again for a while!!!

just had my choc mint shake and it was yummy!!! my chatterbox is chattering away but i'm keeping it at bay for the moment.

heres to a great day for us all

love

Gen xx

Hi Gen,

You have to put yourself first...you have been there for him day in and day out and you have not been looking after yourself the way you should...

You can only give so much and in the end your friend is going to have to help himself instead of draining you and then doing nothing...What happened to all the promises he made a few weeks ago?

Gen, you focus back on you and your diet and as you said this will help you get back some control over your own life again.

You have a big heart and are very kind and generous, but you do need to give yourself a little of the same love and attention.

Chicken and non starcy veggies are the dieters stand by...and much better than throwing caution to the wind and digging into a bucket of carbs...I know I have been there.

You will do this and we are going to have those figures for Christmas!!!

I was going through my photos last night and husband put some up in the Gallery for me...I was so depressed with myself...for falling off the wagon when I was doing so well, but hey, I am back on and head up to goal...

Not sure now about the blonde hair Will get some photos of it taken at the wedding, the other ones taken a few weeks ago did not show up the colour as is Should get at least one good one at the wedding on Friday? Won't be for the want of camera.

Love Mini xxx

ps but one of me and husband up as well.

 

[Gen]

Hey Gen

Oh babe i do know how hard it is as i'm struggling on maintaining big stylee!! Feel really fat altho i'm BMI 25 i'm 10lbs over my original goal weight.

I found LL really easy whilst abstaining but as soon as you start eating then control seems to go out the window. My sis is doing CD and i warned her that if she does it she has to do it with no cheating whatsoever, and to only start when her head was ready for it. She took my advice and in 8 weeks has lost 2 stone, i'm so proud of her, she only has 1.5 stone to lose now. She's going on holiday at end of this month and i'm worried for her though, cos if she slips you and i know it's so flipping hard to get back on track.

My routine is 3 LL packs with a healthy meal in the evening, i can lose weight relatively quickly doing this, then when i get back under 10stones i will just have a higher calorie meal in the evening until i find the balance of maintaining! Or just stay low calorie and have a binge day on a sunday or something?

One thing i know is that i will be on 3 LL packs for the rest of my life if i wanna stay slim. I've accepted this and am happy with it though.

I feel knackered today, drove 9 hours to and from london yesterday, plus did almost a full days work, i slept in til 10am this morning as i'm working from home today but have to go london again tomorrow so up at 4.30am, am meeting ML on way home for a an hour or so won't get home til 10pm earliest zzzzzz.

I can't wait to meet my DCI on sunday, he sounds lovely, been texting me constantly since yesterday lunchtime, i'm getting rsi with all this texting hahahaha. He's asked to meet me for a coffee today but i look tired and minging today.

I think you need a new focus in your life babe, your life seems to consist of the diet and WW at the moment, both of which are not very positive right now so no wonder you're in a downward spiral. You need something to look forward to... you mentioned that before when dieting you had a goal to aim for (like a holiday) but at the moment you say you don't have anything.

What would be the best thing for you about being slim?

For me it was that i would be fanciable to the opposite sex (yes it is ridiculous), but i've always felt sexy on the inside and i knew i'd be dangerous if i was attractive so that is why i thought god kept me fat!! I think he's regretting letting me lose the weight now haha.

There is only one thing that will keep me slim - vanity. I'm the most shallow person i know!

Luv

Hiya Karen

my goodness ur life is hectic at the moment, it is really hard to try to keep a handle on food and do everything else isn't it!!!

to be honest ww has only been an excuse i have just been using his problems to forget about what i should be focussing on, i'm a dab hand at that one!!! i can easily forget his problems and leave him very much in the backround if i want to and thats what i'm gonna do. its so easy to focus on other peoples issues when you are trying to forget ur own!!

my reasons for wanting to be slim are to be attractive to the opposite sex also but also to wear lovely clothes and not fear going shopping in case i can't get anything to wear!! i can't wait to get dating and having the crack, but some part of me doesn't want that and is sabotaging the whole process!!!!

i'm thinking i might go and get a bit of counselling... i had fully intended on getting this when i was starting to eat again just so i wouldn't go nuts with food but i think i might just need a little nudge in the right direction at the moment, will see how i get on over the next few days!

thanks for the post girl, its good to know people care

love

Gen xx

 

[Gen]

Hi Gen,

You have to put yourself first...you have been there for him day in and day out and you have not been looking after yourself the way you should...

You can only give so much and in the end your friend is going to have to help himself instead of draining you and then doing nothing...What happened to all the promises he made a few weeks ago?

Gen, you focus back on you and your diet and as you said this will help you get back some control over your own life again.

You have a big heart and are very kind and generous, but you do need to give yourself a little of the same love and attention.

Chicken and non starcy veggies are the dieters stand by...and much better than throwing caution to the wind and digging into a bucket of carbs...I know I have been there.

You will do this and we are going to have those figures for Christmas!!!

I was going through my photos last night and husband put some up in the Gallery for me...I was so depressed with myself...for falling off the wagon when I was doing so well, but hey, I am back on and head up to goal...

Not sure now about the blonde hair Will get some photos of it taken at the wedding, the other ones taken a few weeks ago did not show up the colour as is Should get at least one good one at the wedding on Friday? Won't be for the want of camera.

Love Mini xxx

ps but one of me and husband up as well.

hiya mini

just had a peak at your DH.... mmmmm very tasty he is quite a cutie isn't he, ya lucky duck!!

as i have just said to karen in relation to my friend its all me just avoiding my own issues by trying to help him deal with his, i knew this all along and used to do it all the time but it kinda hit me yesterday evening that this really is no way to live my life cos i'll never get to where i really want to be and i know by ignoring my own issues in some way i'm putting off dealing with them by focusing on someone else but i think if at least i stop focusing on other peoples issues then i'll eventually start looking after myself properly!! sorry for that rant it just came as i was typing hee hee

are ya all set for the wedding??? can't wait to see the pics. where is the wedding on??

love

Gen xx

 

[Gen]

the guys i work with have just come back with chips and yummy curry sauce ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh why is god doing this to me lol lol i would love one tho!!!

 

[Gen]

ok well i resisted the chips only just tho... they still smell yummy!!!

so i have devised a plan for me....

i'm taking next monday off work and starting SS'ing fully, i find that if i have a full day off on my own it is easier and i am going to change my room around, something i've wanted to do for ages. my cdc is back the following week so i'll be seeing her then so it will feel like i doing it properly

i'm going to do one of the plans up until that, well i'm gonna have 2 packs per day to keep my weight stable-ish.

i am gonna have a night with ww on friday hopefully and then a night camping with friends on saturday and both will probably include eating (defo) and drinking defo saturday night anyway and then thats it i'm gonna full on ss until i'm finished.

i'm going to go to my relaxation class on thursday night and then saturday morning to get my head back together and then there is one on monday night as well. i'm also thinking of going back for a couple of sessions one on one counselling to get my head right for getting back eating cos i really didn't think it would be such a problem!

so while i'm kinda using this as an excuse i'm not throwing caution to the wind i'm just trying to get my head around ss'ing slowly and hopefully that will work for me.

wish me luck guys cos i really really want this more than anything!!

i have done this before and I CAN and WILL do it again!!!!

love

Gen xx

PS... before if i made a decision like this i would be thinking of all the bad food i could have but to be honest now i'm thinking of the healthy options i can have while getting my head together so hopefully thats a good sign!

 

[Karen1972]

the guys i work with have just come back with chips and yummy curry sauce ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh why is god doing this to me lol lol i would love one tho!!!

Genevieve,

STEP AWAY FROM THE CHIPS

lol,

 

[sarahjj]

GOOD FOR YOU!

Love Sarah x

 

[Karen1972]

Good luck sweetie

 

[Gen]

Hi all

well i'm in good form i think having made a plan i'm not in final supper mode constantly... its weird its as if food is being wiped off the planet FOR GOOD when i am in last supper mode!!! anyway ss'd all day yesterday until last night and then had a chinese, i wasn't even hungry was a bit pissed off that i felt i HAD to have it, weird or what!!!

anyway i have a lovely weekend planned and i'm just about to ask for monday off so that should be that sorted. i know monday is going to be difficult but i have a plan to totally move my room around, something i have been meaning to do for AGES and just to keep busy and ss all day, i find it easier when i'm at home for some reason???? monday evening will be the hardest but i'm gonna go to my relaxation so that should take the pressure off!!! i think maybe if i make a point of taking a day and startint cd it might make it feel real... not sure if that makes sense to anyone but it does to me hee hee

hope you are all having a lovely day!!

love

Gen xx

 

[sarahjj]

Hey Gen!

Sounds like a good plan to me! Know what you mean about last supper mode! Why do we feel like it??? I mean it's not as if we're never going to be able to eat again! Weird huh??!!

Hope Mr Boss lets you take Monday! Have a good day today - are you ssing?

Love Sarah x

 

[Tash86]

Hi Gen!

Glad you got a plan sorted - I'm a great planner and always feel by having things planned in my head things become more managable and I usually find them easier to do - so good luck!!

Hope your having a good day yourself - are you putting the packs aside completely until Monday or having 2 a day and a meal or something?

What are you up to at the weekend? I have a lovely weekend planned too - why do things always revolve around food though?! To be honest - I really like it - I like being social and enjoying a nice meal with friends and I don't think thats necessarily a bad thing! (But i'm probably wrong!)

Anyway - enjoy your day!

Tash xx

 

[Gen]

Hi guys

Well i went to my relaxation class last night and yawned the whole way through it which means i needed it soooo bad!!! i felt really good after it cos i felt really **** going in all pissed off and emotional. so i now have a couple of different exercises to keep me all grounded and level headed through the day so i'm gonna do them a few times a day and they should help me along. i remember when i used to do them every day i was flying so fingers crossed!!!

i got a chinese last night and just felt **** after it and nearly after everything i ate this week felt ****. i can't believe how i have slipped back into my eating patterns and i'm more aware now that they were my eating patterns and i'm shocked at how bad i ate and not one bit surprised i ended up at 16 odd stone cos i had a really bad diet.

i can't wait to start on monday, and i know that is such a stupid thing to say cos i could start sooner and stop feeling **** but thats my plan and i'm sticking to it and i'm really glad i have that plan in place cos i'm striving towards it! i can't wait to get rid of food again and feel the CD highs of not feeling sick and headachey after eating horrible foods!!

spending tonight with ww, gonna have some nice food and some wine and then going camping tomorrow with a couple of friends and their kids, there is a bbq at that and then sunday no plans but monday it the day... i really can't wait to wake up on monday morning and KNOW that is it!! i feel more prepared for the rest of my life eating now because of this... i really thought i would just be able to start eating healthy again my goodness was i wrong!! so told my counsellor person who does the relaxation that i'm gonna be coming to see her one on one over the next couple of weeks to re programme my brain so she is aware of it!!

anyway i'm grand other than all of that and looking forward to the weekend!!

love

Gen xx

 

[Karen1972]

Hi honey

Well it sounds like you're going about this in the right way.

It's good to have a goal date in mind so that you can mentally prepare for it in advance!! Enjoy your weekend, but don't go too crazy or the getting into ketosis will be hard!!!

have fun babe,

 

[sarahjj]

Here here Karen! Have a good weekend, but don't enjoy it too much!! He he!

Hope Monday goes well - at least you know what to expect!!

Love Sarah x

 

[Gen]

thanks girlies. i really am determined and i think the plan thing really works cos i'm just aiming for that now.

there is a relaxation class on monday night so have arranged to go to that so that will get me through my difficult time ie monday evening!!!

thanks again, this is it my last push to slimdom yay yay yay

love

Gen xx

 

[Karen1972]

That's cool babe, you could get to target easily by Christmas and be a right Irish Christmas Cracker (whale oil beef hooked)! - this is the only thing i can say in an irish accent, get it? haha

And i'm sure the fabulous Isobel will keep you well on track now you've buddied up with her....

I'll also be watching you like a hawk though young lady so be warned lol

Luv,

 

[Isobel1965]

Watch mee tooooooooo!!!!!! I don't trust myself to be good right now lol!