Ty Kandy and Sweetbun for your posts sorry did not respond but have not posted at all since November just been lurking.
Well here i am and as i said have been lurking for the past few months and needed to gain enough courage to start posting again, started by saying hello in the shoutbox but could not gain the courage to post again, but here i am.
We opened up the 0ffice "moss cars" in November and my buisness partner decided to sell the company on after 3 weeks and as i did not put any finances in but just had 15% shares i did not have any real say, so after 3 weeks i had no job again and major depression hit in and i became a total recluse and did not even leave the house to even go shopping, did that online and most days wouyld get up have a shower and put clean pj`s back on and just mong and of course eat and eat and as my sciatica has not eased up at all i was quite happy to be a couch potato.
All this carried on till i got a letter from my housing association offering me an urgent housing transfer from my flat to a 2 bed semi detatched house in Enfield, this really perked me up and came to view the house, what a sorry disgusting state it was in and they only did major repairs and cosmetically it was up to me, but i took the house and now 8 weeks on am just getting sorted, but its been hard coping with the depression and trying to deal wiith fixing the house up.
Weight wise i am at my heaviest i have ever been most prob around 29 stone and of course felt like sh-t phyisically and emotionaly and flet like giving up many times and like i said b4 did not have the courage to come online and post as i felt like i was posting to just get support and did not want
peeps to feel sorry for me and this is not what i am about. I got myself in this sitution myself and i have to drag myself out and straighten myself out, and taking the first steps to post today makes me feel better.
My house is coming on nicely and have just finished getting the bathroom tiled from top to bottom and also got the kitchen tiled and it looks lovely, bit by bit its starting to feel like a home and not a shell lol.
I decided to go back on the anti d tabs as i feel that i really need a serious helping hand and have been on them for the past 4 days and am already sleeping much better so thats a plus big time.
I decided to have a restyle and went to the hairdressers and had my hair cut like Michelle Steves girlfriend in coronation st, except mine has blond highlights, my hair was only 3 inches from my waist it was seriously long, everyone says it makes me look much younger, pmsl !!( for any of u who are not couch potato like me thand dont watch sad programmes like C street her haikr is cut into a sharp jaw length bob)
To put the icing on the cake i was told i had to get rid of my puppy phatboy which made me so upset as i was breaking the terms of my tenancy as i am only allowed one dog, but we found a good home for him round the corner from our new home and it is a good friend of Aarons, so when we walk Ebony Aarons friend walks Phatboy so they see each other.
I had so many dreams and aspirations for the cab office and how ikt was going to change my life but unfortunately it was not meant to be and i have done my time monging and feeling sorry for myself and now its time to get up and get out.
I will be "40" in 8 weeks time and i really need to be looking different by then and feeling confident and more happy, they say life starts at 40 and i really hope that my life will def change by the time i reach 40, but i know that nobody can make those changes for me but myself and i am responsible for myself and everything is out there waiting for me to reach out and grab my chances and happiness and i just need to start beleiving in myself and making those changes.
I must admit i do need support as i have cut myself off from everybody even my best friend i have distanced myself a bit from as i feel i am an embarassing person to be seen with at this size and when ever i am with her and peeps make comments she tells me to just ignore them i feel bad and embarassed, although my best friend would cuss me off if she read what i wrote i cant help how i feel.
I am starting a new pc course net week to do more levels on the ECDL course i started last year as i did level 1 and passed but need to finish the other levels, also am doing a typing course from home to improve all my typing skills as i only type around 25 words a min now with a few mistakes lol and want to get it up to 60 wpm, so at least i will be employable with decent skills, but that is if employers can see past my phyisical side and see my personality and skills.
Weight wise i am going to try lipotrim again, yes i know i have tried every vlcd hundreds of times and every diet plan thousands of times and given up at the first stumbling block but as i have always been told " try and try again till u sucseed " and hopefully that will be the scenario for me.
So from today onwards i am cutting down the carbs and from friday will do no carbs at all till i start my packs on Monday so hopefull this will make it a bit easier for me, without grumbling tummys and carb withdrawal headaches.
Am off to B&Q now to get some grass seed for my little bit of grass outside my house, and just had my turf laid in my back garden, it will be so nice to be able to sit outside in the back garden in the summer just chillin.
Well catch up later, take care and have a good day xx
