Hi i`m back again lol

Hey Roch, how you doing? You've gone very quiet again, hope you haven't gone AWOL!

Love
 
Hiya Roch,
I am so sorry i missed your post i was wondering where you had been. Sorry that the business was sold on thats bad luck, but glad your keeping going. Great news about your new house must be nice to have a new project to focus on we moved into our new house in sept last yr and its only just getting straight we haven't even decorated yet because we need the whole house re-wiring then replastering so waiting on that, it is really a labour of love lol !
Hope the tabs are doing there thing for you. Your hair sounds lovely and i am sure that whatever weight your at you will be fab at forty !
Lotsa love Julie xxx
 
Sorry everyone, have been really down since i last posted and did not think it was fair that i just posted when i was down so i stayed away. Well have been having some probs with Aarons health and he has been under the pedriatrician and a few weeks ago he was walkin home with his friend and he blacked out and ended up in a river and then the next morning he blacked out again and ended up on the floor so i made an emergency app with the pedriatrician and he did an ecg and found out that Aaron has a heart condition called "right branch bundle block" he booked aaron in for a Echocardiagram in 4 weeks time but i was so mega stressed and worried that i pawned my laptop and gold and raised 400 and tok him privately to the cardioligist" Mr Sullivan" at Great ormond street and he said that we r very lucky as if the blockage was on the left side then he has to have hear surgery, I walked out of the private wing feeling like i was a millionaire and the luckiest woman on this planet and not a single parent on benefits who does not have a life lol.

I managed to get my laptop out of Cash converters a few days ago, will have to wait a bit for my gold lol.
I was very shocked to find out that in the past few weeks i have lost 22lbs and have gone from my biggest ever at 29 stone to 27.6 not sure how this happened but it was an accurate scales that talk at the chemist so i def believe it.
My sciatica and other pains due to my chronic morbid obesity have got worse and now have trapped nerves in my 2 shoulder blades which sent pain down to my wrists sand i feel like i am a very old lady and my body is falling apart and i know i only have myself to blame and am not sure why i am still allowing myself to be like this, i seem to be sinking deeper and deeper and am finding it hard to pull myself out of this pit.
My gp has put me back on anti d tabs and i take tramadol and co codamol and arcoxia anti inflamatory tabs just to be able to stand up each day and i walk up and down the stairs on my hands and knees as its the only way i can.

I am 40 in just under 4 weeks time but i feel like i am 70, my gp wont allow me to ss on any plan as the tabs are 2 strong which i can manage without.
I am rejoining SS which is 5 mins away from me and will go on Thursday.
Sorry have not responded individually to ur posts today but my back and arms are really hurting me so hopefully later on will be back online.I cant carry on with this level of pain it is crippling me and i know its all my fault and i am weak willed and end up giving up time and time again, why do i do this, what is it about me that makes me happy with the terrible standard of life that i have with chronic pain and no social life and no job that i cant get my backside into gear and beat this depression and get on with losing weight and starting to live life again.

Like i said b4 i feel like i am just coming online and moaning but i will admit i feel very lonely and i will admit that i do need support which i dont have and i know that i need to come online more often when thingd are good and bad but i find it hard to post all the time that i have failed again or that i am in alot of pain and feel low and like cr-p.

Hope u r enjoying ur easter break, and having a good rest,take care and chat soon and ty for ur support xxx
 
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Hiya Roch,
Firstly andf most importantly gorgeous, we are all online because at some time we are lonely lacking support and need help.
If it wasn't a natural feeling then these kinds of support forums wouldn't exist let alone be so popular so if you need to scream and shout and moan about every single thing in your life you do it hunny if thats what makes you feel better.

Your not a failure either you need a break thats all . Like you said you have lost weight the past few weeks without even trying probably because your focus has been on Aaron and not your weight which goes to prove that dwellling on something can make it worse so theres a lesson you have learnt.
I believe you will lose your weight because you want it so bad but you need to find the best way for you, beating yourself up because you can't ss is no good it does work we all know that but it's not the way for all of us. Every diet has it's success stories and you just have to find the way that works for you.
It must be very difficult when your in so much pain and i truly hope it gets easier for you.
Lotsa love and if you need to moan you do it !
Julie xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
 
Hi Roch

sorry to hear you have had such worries - there is nothing worse than someone you love being ill.

Congratulations on losing 22lbs though! that is amazing. It would be interesting if you could look back over the last few weeks and realise what you did to do it! Was it not having time to eat, was it having something more important to think about than dieting? Either way it proves something very, very important. YOU DO NOT NEED TO SS TO LOSE WEIGHT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You can do it on your own, you've proved that!

Be encouraged Roch, you may have just found your own answer!

Lots of love
 
kandy said:
Hiya Roch,
Firstly andf most importantly gorgeous, we are all online because at some time we are lonely lacking support and need help.
If it wasn't a natural feeling then these kinds of support forums wouldn't exist let alone be so popular so if you need to scream and shout and moan about every single thing in your life you do it hunny if thats what makes you feel better.

Your not a failure either you need a break thats all . Like you said you have lost weight the past few weeks without even trying probably because your focus has been on Aaron and not your weight which goes to prove that dwellling on something can make it worse so theres a lesson you have learnt.
I believe you will lose your weight because you want it so bad but you need to find the best way for you, beating yourself up because you can't ss is no good it does work we all know that but it's not the way for all of us. Every diet has it's success stories and you just have to find the way that works for you.
It must be very difficult when your in so much pain and i truly hope it gets easier for you.
Lotsa love and if you need to moan you do it !
Julie xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Click to expand...


Hi Julie, how u doing hun, ty 4 such a lovely post i really appreciate it.It is nice to know that someone believes in me as i think the few people that i have allowed to stay round me recently(as i have cut myself off from everyone) have heard me saying on so many occasions i am going to lose weight and of course i have lost a bit then failed that i cant blame them for not believing in me concerning my weight.

My weight controlls my happiness some people say thats not true and u controll ur happiness but for me weighing so much and not being able to walk far or get a job or have a social life, my weight controlls me as none of these are going to change till i have lost weight to enable me to do the above things.
Ty again hun will pop along to ur thread later on, got to finish cooking aarons dinner, so catch up later.
Take care and ty soooo much xxx
 
So pleased to see you have posted. I can appreciate how worried you have been about Aaron. Hopefully things will improve for him now and so will make you feel easier too.

I have started WW and going to the class and at the first weigh in lost 6 lb. I had put all of my CD losses back on and more.

Congratulations on the pounds lost and also suggest you think whether you did anything special to lose them.

Never give up. We know you are struggling and are definately here for you so don't be afraid to tell us how you are feeling.

Irene xx
 
Barb said:
Hi Roch

sorry to hear you have had such worries - there is nothing worse than someone you love being ill.

Congratulations on losing 22lbs though! that is amazing. It would be interesting if you could look back over the last few weeks and realise what you did to do it! Was it not having time to eat, was it having something more important to think about than dieting? Either way it proves something very, very important. YOU DO NOT NEED TO SS TO LOSE WEIGHT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You can do it on your own, you've proved that!

Be encouraged Roch, you may have just found your own answer!

Lots of love
Click to expand...

Hi Barb, hows things hun, hope u and ur family are all ok. 2 tell u the truth am so dosed up on meds that i feel sick alot of the time and was put on anti sickness tabs as could not manage to smell any food as it made me heave or vommit it was like being pregnant lol(no chance of that been single for 5 years lol).

Maybe i just have to get the idea of ssing out of my head once and for all as its always there at the back of my head like an addiction and concentrate on taking things slowly as that seems the only way i can do things as i am in constant pain all day and not very mobile, and concentrate on Sw and folow it by eating low glycemic foods.

Am sick and tired of being in so much pain and relying on meds to walk around i cant live my life like this no more, it has to change and i know only i can do it !!!

Take care hun and have a nice day xxxx
 
Hi darling, glad to see you back posting again, but sorry to hear about your worries over Aaron's health.

As Julie so rightly said, we all come online for help and support and Minis is the best place to get that. Just keep posting as best you can and we will all be here to love and support you xxx
 
IreneH said:
So pleased to see you have posted. I can appreciate how worried you have been about Aaron. Hopefully things will improve for him now and so will make you feel easier too.

I have started WW and going to the class and at the first weigh in lost 6 lb. I had put all of my CD losses back on and more.

Congratulations on the pounds lost and also suggest you think whether you did anything special to lose them.

Never give up. We know you are struggling and are definately here for you so don't be afraid to tell us how you are feeling.

Irene xx
Click to expand...


Hi Irene, how r u doing hun, well done to u for getting back on track i know u r a fighter and wont give up, and congrats on your weight loss this week.

I am joing SW this week as its round the corner from me and as i have recently moved to my new home i dont know snyone round here except for some of Aarons friends mums, i thought a local group would be really good for me.

You r such a sweetie and u r so supportive but i feel like i dont have the right to come here and ask for support as i have not been an active member of this wonderful forum due to my emotional probs.

I have stayed away for over a year now except for lurking and an occasional post and now feel i would like to become active again but not only to get support to help myself but to offer support and friendship to others who might be in a simular situation to me.

I know i need to get my head into the right place but sometimes it just seems very hard but i cant give up and i wont give up even if my route is very scenic i intend to get to my destination in the future.

Take care hun and have a good day xxx
 
Eclipse said:
Hi darling, glad to see you back posting again, but sorry to hear about your worries over Aaron's health.

As Julie so rightly said, we all come online for help and support and Minis is the best place to get that. Just keep posting as best you can and we will all be here to love and support you xxx
Click to expand...


Hey you, was just bout to replu to ur post was scrolling up to reply but u beat me lol.
Hows things with u hope u r ok and doing good.
Brownies honour lol i intend to post each and every day as many times as i am able to lol xx

Take care hun and have a good day xxx
 
Hiya Roch,
Thanks for the PM xxx

I am so glad you posted again and look forward to catching up with you each day!
Joining your SW group sounds like a great idea it's good to meet new people and SW is a nice healthy way to lose weight go for it!
As for ss'ing like i said we know it works but not for all of us i was obsessed with ssing in fact i believe we had a telephone convo about the very problem last year!
I couldn't get rid of the ss monster niggling away in the back of my head and if i lost 2lbs healthy eating i would just be disappointed knowing that i could lose 8-10 lbs ssing. I know i was wrong but i know was not alone.
If you can drown the sound of the ss monster out that's a great start!
So keep posting hunnybunch and heres to each day being a bit better, bit healthier, and alot happier !
Love Julie xxx
 
kandy said:
Hiya Roch,
Thanks for the PM xxx

I am so glad you posted again and look forward to catching up with you each day!
Joining your SW group sounds like a great idea it's good to meet new people and SW is a nice healthy way to lose weight go for it!
As for ss'ing like i said we know it works but not for all of us i was obsessed with ssing in fact i believe we had a telephone convo about the very problem last year!
I couldn't get rid of the ss monster niggling away in the back of my head and if i lost 2lbs healthy eating i would just be disappointed knowing that i could lose 8-10 lbs ssing. I know i was wrong but i know was not alone.
If you can drown the sound of the ss monster out that's a great start!
So keep posting hunnybunch and heres to each day being a bit better, bit healthier, and alot happier !
Love Julie xxx
Click to expand...

Hi Julie, i remember the convo "the ss demon obsession" i am going to try and drown the ss monster for ever and let it never resurface lol.
Am lookin forward to joining the SW meeting on Thursday and starting on the right track yet again.
How r u doing hun, hope u have a good day, take care xx
 
Why do i give up so easy,why oh why do i just let time pass me by with no positive changes to my life !!!

No i am not going mad just talkin out loud to myself, i looked at my profile yesterday and saw that i joined in July 06 and i sit back and think what the hell have i acheived in the last 2 years and all i can say " IS A BIG FAT 0" and thats not me feeling sorry for myself its the truth, i have let time just pass me by without achieveing anything at all, just yo yoing with my weight still being super morbidly obese and still having mega health probs related to my obesity.
I even talked myself out of going to study Social work and said i would study housing instead as it was an easier option as i talked myself into believing i was not a strong and patient enough person to be a social worker and i was not inteligent enough to study at uni.

Well enough is enough i am so sick and tired of having second best and sick and tired of not having a life, sick and tired of being single for 5 years as i am so ashamed of my body and although been asked out many times cant uderstand how anyone would like to look at so much nasty fat, sick and tired of being in so much pain constnatly as my joints and bones cant manage the fat, sick and tired of peeps staring at me and making comments,sick and tired of having no energy, sick and tired of being housebound and bored and a couch potato, sick and tired of not being able to just be spontaneous having to make sure where ever i go i dont have to walk to far or there is seats strong enough for me or they are not attached to the floor, sick and tired of being me I WANT A DIFFERENT LIFE AND I AM GOING TO SUCSEED THIS TIME NO MATTER WHAT OBSTACLES ARE INFRONT OF ME AS I HAVE HAD ENOUGH AND WONT PUT UP WITH THIS LIFE NO MORE !!!


Sorry for going on and on but i have no one to tell this to and felt like this is the only place i can write my true emotions and not get laughed at.
This moring i went to my local college and got the prospective and application for to register for my course in Sept 08 i want to study "access to social work" and in Sep 09 will go to uni,but i have to be at least 7 stone lighter to go to college to be able to walk round the campus and up and down the stairs and although i have said on many occasions i am going to lose weight but now i have had enough and there is no way i am going to be this miserable on my 40th birthday which is just over 3 weeks time, i want to be able to smile on my 40th and say i have lost a bit of weight, gone down a size as i have some lovely brand new stretch jeans which i cant wait to wear.with a gorgeous sexy top and some high heeled boots.

I am not going to sit back and waste time no more, peeps say that life starts at 40 so roll on my new life as i cant wait to start living it.

Off to do some washing and housework although my back is throbbing and am buzzing on meds i still have housework to do and cant bear a messy house am obsessed with cleanliness even with a teenage son and my dog that loves to bring mud in the lounge from the garden so many times a day, i hoover at least 6 times a day lol.

Chat later and bye xxxxxxxxxx
 
Back again and this time no more whingeing and moaning. Am feeling positive and looking forward to start living again,i want a job and a social life, so i am going to work my hardest at SW to achieve this.

When i first got Ebony my sciatica and back probs were not so bad and i used to walk her alot or she would play in the communal garden but now we have moved she is not exercising so much and i feel guilty for that, Aaron does walk her every day or take her for a run while he is riding his bike but i feel bad when she does not get to go out so often, when its not 2 cold i leave the back door open and she runs in and out of the back garden but she loves to bring in half of the earth with her lol. Hopefully once i lose the first couple of stone then the back ache might ease up a bit and i will be able to walk her a bit, as we have this beautiful place called Forty Hall and its miles and miles of fields and she loves running around there but i do take her up[ there in the car and cant walk her but have to sit on the bench as she runs around so am looking forward to the time when i can walk around and play with her even for 10 mins.

I am really looking forward to going to the meeting on Thursday and see how much i weigh if i have lost any more hope have not gained lol and 2 meet new peeps as i feel very lonely living here as when i lived in the flat i had mates to chat 2 but i live out in the sticks now and i do feel cut off, its funny as i did not like livng in a flat, as i felt i had no privacy, i loved my flat and if i could of moved it somewhere else more private that would of been cool and now i finally got the transfer i had been fighting 4 and got a house i feel lonely.

I do honestly feel like this is the worst i have ever been phyisically and emotionally and maybe i had to get to the lowest stage of my life to see sense and realise how much i am missing out by being housebound and i def have got to that stage and now i want to take steps to change my life, not because i am being told to by everyone around me but "BECUSE I WANT 2 ROCHELLE WANTS 2 FOR MYSELF SO I CAN BECOME THE WOMAN I HAVE DREAMED OF BEING SINCE I WAS A YOUNG GIRL AND ACHIEVING ALL MY GOALS AND BEING HAPPY"
 
Welcome to " The New Roch" ............... wishing you every success - you CAN do it and we'll be here for you every step and pound of the way.
 
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