how do you lose 2 thirds of your self?

[broadsbean]

Hi Mandy, finally located your diary, sorry it's taken me so long!

Reading through it, all I can say is that you are a true inspiration, and to keep up the good work! It's funny, reading your post about the old family pictures, I have also always thought I was big (compared to my sister, who is a tiny little size 8, I'm huge) but last time I was at my Dad's house I looked through some old photos, and at the age of 15, which is the first time I remember looking at myself and deciding I was a disgrace, I was actually really slim. As you say, I think I started some sort of self-fulfilling prophecy there and then! How crazy is that??!!

At least I now know I can do something about it, and rather than starting some sort of fad diet, I am changing my whole life to a healthier one, as are you!

Keep writing, keep motivated and keep inspiring me!

It's funny how teenagers make these discissions isn't it, i have been so careful with my kids to prevent any of this happening

good to see you here, probably arriving at the right time cos i am getting more positive by the day

And of course i am about to embark on the gym campaign

which i am sure is going to entertain !!!!!!

if not kill me :8855::8855:

 

[broadsbean]

I have bought my gym kit, as suspected very little choice cos no time to order on line so had to rely on good old evans

It always amazes me how little they stock in the larger sizes. i still need a 30. on the plus side it is a while since i comfortably fitted into a 30


As a consequences i look abit like waldo in the in the puzzle thingy
just need a bob hat:8855::8855:

my big purchase was the trainers they cost me £50 but they are asics gels for maximum shock absorbtion.
I have giggled all day about my knowledgeable conversation with the salesman talking about what type of walker i was
slow obviously:8855::8855::8855::8855:
I did say to him in the end " do i look like some one who knows anything about trainers" :8855:

so i am all ready for tomorrow look like the first day at school, new bag, new shoes, new clothes and new waterbottle

and a huggggggggggggge credit card bill !!!!

any how food diary for today :

B none

L ham, rocket, philli light 6 wm crackerbreads, banana.

T talipia with chilli and coriander, sw chips and lots of mushy peas
easy cheese cake with strawberries (5 syns)

S amerreto biscuits x 4 (3 syns),bag cheese curls (4.5 syns)

meals all planned for tomorrow too

going to make a rice pudding and beef stew i can do both before the gym and then if i can't move after i will be fine


incidently the no brekkie was cos i had to go out of my comfort zone to get my trainers and couldn't bring myself to eat:sigh::sigh::sigh:

hope everybody is having a good weekend

29.5/105

 

[Lily42uk]

Well done you, I'm a stay at home exerciser, gyms don't do it for me, but I don't think I could do any more than I do either...I regularly look up different exercises on line to do and I have my step son and son in law to help too, both fitness experts and seems I am doing ok, although I did know that by the way my skin is shrinking....great you have your dad for support, can't wait to hear how you get on and I am glad you have decided to make food before going cos I suspect you may well ache a little , but it does get easier as you go on hun, I promise. As for battering your credit card, it will all be worthwhile in a short time, you'll have worked that weight off and that will in turn have made sure you got your money's worth.
I know this sounds funny, but have fun, it may not seem fun at first but once you really get into it I can assure you you'll really look forward to going xxxxxxxxxxxx

 

[*SugarPlum*]

Hi Lily,

Just trying to catch up on diaries!

Hope your having a nice weekend?

Not been on here for a couple of days and feel like its been weeks! Lol

Catch up properly soon xxx

 

[LoChan1984]

I have bought my gym kit, as suspected very little choice cos no time to order on line so had to rely on good old evans

It always amazes me how little they stock in the larger sizes. i still need a 30. on the plus side it is a while since i comfortably fitted into a 30


As a consequences i look abit like waldo in the in the puzzle thingy
just need a bob hat:8855::8855:

my big purchase was the trainers they cost me £50 but they are asics gels for maximum shock absorbtion.
I have giggled all day about my knowledgeable conversation with the salesman talking about what type of walker i was
slow obviously:8855::8855::8855::8855:
I did say to him in the end " do i look like some one who knows anything about trainers" :8855:

so i am all ready for tomorrow look like the first day at school, new bag, new shoes, new clothes and new waterbottle

and a huggggggggggggge credit card bill !!!!

any how food diary for today :

B none

L ham, rocket, philli light 6 wm crackerbreads, banana.

T talipia with chilli and coriander, sw chips and lots of mushy peas
easy cheese cake with strawberries (5 syns)

S amerreto biscuits x 4 (3 syns),bag cheese curls (4.5 syns)

meals all planned for tomorrow too

going to make a rice pudding and beef stew i can do both before the gym and then if i can't move after i will be fine


incidently the no brekkie was cos i had to go out of my comfort zone to get my trainers and couldn't bring myself to eat:sigh::sigh::sigh:

hope everybody is having a good weekend

29.5/105

Evans is such a frustrating place to shop - hard to find nice things in there most of the time :sigh: Can't wait to be free of the place lol Bonus of exercising at home - can just use scruffy pyjama pants and t-shirts, keep nicking my OH's

Glad you can giggle about the trainers encounter now after it made you so nervous you couldn't eat brekkie beforehand. A splurge is good now and then

How was your tilapia? Still pondering when I'll get round to that again, not done the fish week challenge yet so maybe then. And mmm, rice pudding - think I'll make one of those myself in the week You doing it with milk? xxx

 

[*SugarPlum*]

Evans is such a frustrating place to shop - hard to find nice things in there most of the time :sigh: Can't wait to be free of the place lol Bonus of exercising at home - can just use scruffy pyjama pants and t-shirts, keep nicking my OH's

Glad you can giggle about the trainers encounter now after it made you so nervous you couldn't eat brekkie beforehand. A splurge is good now and then

How was your tilapia? Still pondering when I'll get round to that again, not done the fish week challenge yet so maybe then. And mmm, rice pudding - think I'll make one of those myself in the week You doing it with milk? xxx

I also HATE Evans!!

I think there clothes are over priced and old fashioned!!

I have been shopping from Next alot recently. Online they have a fab selection of Plus Sized clothes. Really modern and alot cheaper than Evans or Simple Be! xx

 

[LoChan1984]

I also HATE Evans!!

I think there clothes are over priced and old fashioned!!

I have been shopping from Next alot recently. Online they have a fab selection of Plus Sized clothes. Really modern and alot cheaper than Evans or Simple Be! xx

I've recently been getting some bits from next too! Though the trousers/skirts won't be big enough for me yet since most things are only up to size 26 :sigh:

And crap you've just reminded me I owe them a monthly payment, eep! lol

 

[JackieN]

WOW Mandy are you Mandy? am I in the right diary? I am sitting here like in a good way naturally. I mean this is the later that didn't want to venture out only a matter of days ago and just look what you have achieved. Mandy you truely are an inspiration. I can't tell you how happy I feel for you I am so impressed re the gym, gym kit, trainers, but more impressed as you stepped out of your comfort zone and you did it girl I know how hard that must of been and have tears in my eyes reading about it all.

You have made me feel more determined to step out of mine, nervous, but it can be done, you are proof :bighug: xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

 

[broadsbean]

Evans is such a frustrating place to shop - hard to find nice things in there most of the time :sigh: Can't wait to be free of the place lol Bonus of exercising at home - can just use scruffy pyjama pants and t-shirts, keep nicking my OH's

Glad you can giggle about the trainers encounter now after it made you so nervous you couldn't eat brekkie beforehand. A splurge is good now and then

How was your tilapia? Still pondering when I'll get round to that again, not done the fish week challenge yet so maybe then. And mmm, rice pudding - think I'll make one of those myself in the week You doing it with milk? xxx

tilapia was lovely, baked it with coriander and chilli, i really have to be in the mood for fish but just felt like it tonight

making the rice pudding with Kara lactose free coconut milk 200mls is a hex a i think but will check it out they just adding splenda and nutmeg got the recipe from the hex thread

really looking forward to it. not putting any potatoes in the stew cos having rice

 

[LoChan1984]

Thanks for the milk link - it said you can have 400mls as a hexa... very generous if it doesn't taste foul.

I bought some oatly milk, the chocolate one was nice but you only get 200mls for a hexa... I foolishly tried making a latte with the regular oat 'milk' and it looked like watery gravy :9529:

Looking forward to hearing how it works out in your rice pud

Good luck for gymming it up today hun xxxx

 

[Lily42uk]

Omg not got time to read up on your diary now but seen some of the comments as I scrolled down and I am dying to know what you have done, but I can bet it's something amazing as you have been and are an amazing inspiration to everyone xxxxxxx
Have a lovely day hunni and I will catch up after the "family" have gone home xxxxx

 

[broadsbean]

well i did it !!!! when i first got up this morning i didn't think i would go i had a headache and felt sick
Tried to convince myself it was a migraine but I know i don't get them

I know it was the physical manifestations of panic so took the tablets and pulled my self together
Bit disappointed that i needed the tablets cos have now used them twice this week:sigh: but it is what they are for, to relax me enougth to make me push that boundry.
(its my secret weapon jackie )

I am so determined to beat this and to become the person i know i am, I am willing to push them, might shed a few tears and have a few tantrums but i will not give in.
I think i am very lucky as have a lot of support at the mo and I don't want to abuse that, but for the first time ever it is not about letting others down but about not letting me down .

One of the leaflets i have been given by my counseler and the book she recomended, basicly says that inorder to over come the anxiety i have to except I am going to feel it, and that probebly i am not alone. Accepting that i am anxious is a big step, and once i accept it I am able to convince myself to take the next step, which is usually going out

Unfourtunetly every thing goes to pot if i bump into somebody i know, then i just go to pieces and tremble like a jelly and start to babble which is a big problem. so this is my next big challenge to start to integrate with my friends family and work colleuges. Big fail last week by backing out of meeting one of them , which i think made me more determined to go to the gym (so i didn't fail twice in one week )

I really want to get back to work but now need to cross the hurdle of how i react to people before i can make that happen:sigh:

I have my head around the losing weight and getting fitter ( remind me i said this if i stumble won't you)
I know there will be good days and bad days but the good will out way the bad and i know to just get right back on there and carry on after a bad day.

I now need to get my head around the fact that losing weight won't make me feel better on its own and I think it was the subconcious knowledge that it wouldn't "cure" me that has held me back.
so now i am addressing everything, my selfesteme, my marriage, my life style and my head, so that i am never in this mess again


will pop back on later with my food for today when i have got over all the deep thinking i have just done

 

[JackieN]

do excuse me marking your post in red :giggle: I find it easier so I don't forget what I want to say

Firstly this post bought tears to my eyes, mainly because so much of this is me (not the gym bit :8855

well i did it !!!! when i first got up this morning i didn't think i would go i had a headache and felt sick
Tried to convince myself it was a migraine but I know i don't get them

anxiety
I know it was the physical manifestations of panic so took the tablets and pulled my self together
Bit disappointed that i needed the tablets cos have now used them twice this week:sigh: but it is what they are for, to relax me enougth to make me push that boundry.

don't be disappointed sweetheart, ok you 've taken the tablets twice this week but please look what you have achieved this week I am that proud of you
(its my secret weapon jackie )

you think it is but its not because ultimately you still have to do it and you did
I am so determined to beat this and to become the person i know i am, I am willing to push them, might shed a few tears and have a few tantrums but i will not give in.

this person you know you are, is blossoming in front of our eyes
I think i am very lucky as have a lot of support at the mo and I don't want to abuse that, but for the first time ever it is not about letting others down but about not letting me down .

well done
One of the leaflets i have been given by my counseler and the book she recomended, basicly says that inorder to over come the anxiety i have to except I am going to feel it, and that probebly i am not alone. Accepting that i am anxious is a big step, and once i accept it I am able to convince myself to take the next step, which is usually going out

yep its hard to accept but its the only way and you are doing so well
Unfourtunetly every thing goes to pot if i bump into somebody i know, then i just go to pieces and tremble like a jelly and start to babble which is a big problem. so this is my next big challenge to start to integrate with my friends family and work colleuges. Big fail last week by backing out of meeting one of them , which i think made me more determined to go to the gym (so i didn't fail twice in one week )

I sympathise here. I struggle meeting up with people and socialising unless they are people I feel very very comfortable with and there arent many. I babble and talk rubbish and its very embarassing but of course avoiding doesnt help it makes us worse abit of a vicious circle so I find myself hibernating alot you sure as hell didn't fail ths week

I really want to get back to work but now need to cross the hurdle of how i react to people before i can make that happen:sigh:
okay well little steps sweetheart. Chose someone you feel comfortableish with first and work your way up as each time will become easier :bighug: :bighug:
I have my head around the losing weight and getting fitter ( remind me i said this if i stumble won't you)
I know there will be good days and bad days but the good will out way the bad and i know to just get right back on there and carry on after a bad day.

I now need to get my head around the fact that losing weight won't make me feel better on its own and I think it was the subconcious knowledge that it wouldn't "cure" me that has held me back.
so now i am addressing everything, my selfesteme, my marriage, my life style and my head, so that i am never in this mess again


will pop back on later with my food for today when i have got over all the deep thinking i have just done

again little steps Mandy its all coming together, they gym will help as you are communicating with people and gradually you will feel better and better about you making the rest a little easier xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

 

[broadsbean]

thankyou jackie

I know how far i have come and am really proud of it (not often i can be that positive about myself )

Had a busy day really gym this morning and visiting grandad this afternoon, then mike decided he wanted to go for a walk around go camping (if he thinks i am ever going to go camping he is going to be disappointed !!!! :8855::8855::8855

Then i cleared my wardrobe out of all the clothes i know i am never going to wear again some truly awful stuff in there
some of it may fit at a later date but wouldn't be seen dead in it, my mum had a horrible habit of buying me old lady clothes a few years ago always too small till she realised it wasn't helping

so now i have lots of space to house my eventual posh new wardrobe

Food for today

B banana

L ham and rocket sandwich with mustard pickle (2 syns)

T beef and bean casserole full of carrot turnip swede and leek, ricepudding with sultanas ( 2 syns and hexa )

Tea was fabulous really enjoyed it and very filling. Rice pudding was sooooooooo good It felt as if i was having something really bad when it really wasn't

definetly be having that again during the winter xx

The milk didn't really taste of coconut but was actually quite nice. hubby doesn't do rice pudding but went back for seconds

 

[LoChan1984]

well i did it !!!! when i first got up this morning i didn't think i would go i had a headache and felt sick
Tried to convince myself it was a migraine but I know i don't get them

I know it was the physical manifestations of panic so took the tablets and pulled my self together
Bit disappointed that i needed the tablets cos have now used them twice this week:sigh: but it is what they are for, to relax me enougth to make me push that boundry.
(its my secret weapon jackie )

I am so determined to beat this and to become the person i know i am, I am willing to push them, might shed a few tears and have a few tantrums but i will not give in.
I think i am very lucky as have a lot of support at the mo and I don't want to abuse that, but for the first time ever it is not about letting others down but about not letting me down .

One of the leaflets i have been given by my counseler and the book she recomended, basicly says that inorder to over come the anxiety i have to except I am going to feel it, and that probebly i am not alone. Accepting that i am anxious is a big step, and once i accept it I am able to convince myself to take the next step, which is usually going out

Unfourtunetly every thing goes to pot if i bump into somebody i know, then i just go to pieces and tremble like a jelly and start to babble which is a big problem. so this is my next big challenge to start to integrate with my friends family and work colleuges. Big fail last week by backing out of meeting one of them , which i think made me more determined to go to the gym (so i didn't fail twice in one week )

I really want to get back to work but now need to cross the hurdle of how i react to people before i can make that happen:sigh:

I have my head around the losing weight and getting fitter ( remind me i said this if i stumble won't you)
I know there will be good days and bad days but the good will out way the bad and i know to just get right back on there and carry on after a bad day.

I now need to get my head around the fact that losing weight won't make me feel better on its own and I think it was the subconcious knowledge that it wouldn't "cure" me that has held me back.
so now i am addressing everything, my selfesteme, my marriage, my life style and my head, so that i am never in this mess again


will pop back on later with my food for today when i have got over all the deep thinking i have just done

*smiles* You truly amaze and inspire me Mandy :bighug:You rock! xxxxxxx

PS Hurrah for the yummy rice pudding! Wish I'd had some of that ready today, might have stopped me being dumb Soon soon

 

[Lily42uk]

Hey sweetie,
I don't know if anyone else has noticed this (bet you all have and I'm the last to know as usual :giggle, about how much we all have in common, Jackie, Lo, Me and you Mandy and many more too, the weight, the anxiety and panic attacks to name but a few ....but does our weight come from the other problems or have the other problems caused the weight hmmmm....?
Mandy every step you take I can remember being there (not at such a fast pace mind, took me a hell of a lot longer to get where you are ), and I am in absolute awe of you, you are so determined and so ready to leave all that behind and move forward, I know you will get there and every obstacle that you come across, you will find a way round it (I fear that I have buried some of the same problems, might be time to dig them up and face them), when I look at who and how you were just 3 short months ago, I don't recognise you to some degree, you sound so full of confidence in what you have to do, so self assured and, it makes me so proud to know you and call you my friend, I don't believe you need to address those things such as your self esteem etc, and the reason I don't believe that is because you are already doing that, you'll never be that "mess" that you called yourself again cos you are facing it head on.
Have a fab night hunni xxx

 

[LoChan1984]

Hey sweetie,
I don't know if anyone else has noticed this (bet you all have and I'm the last to know as usual :giggle, about how much we all have in common, Jackie, Lo, Me and you Mandy and many more too, the weight, the anxiety and panic attacks to name but a few ....but does our weight come from the other problems or have the other problems caused the weight hmmmm....?
Mandy every step you take I can remember being there (not at such a fast pace mind, took me a hell of a lot longer to get where you are ), and I am in absolute awe of you, you are so determined and so ready to leave all that behind and move forward, I know you will get there and every obstacle that you come across, you will find a way round it (I fear that I have buried some of the same problems, might be time to dig them up and face them), when I look at who and how you were just 3 short months ago, I don't recognise you to some degree, you sound so full of confidence in what you have to do, so self assured and, it makes me so proud to know you and call you my friend, I don't believe you need to address those things such as your self esteem etc, and the reason I don't believe that is because you are already doing that, you'll never be that "mess" that you called yourself again cos you are facing it head on.
Have a fab night hunni xxx

I've noticed the similarities too, it's great - madness loves company

Seriously though, it really is amazing to have been here to see how much Mandy has changed from that very first post. I too feel lucky to call you my friend and an inspiration :bighug:

I'm a bit wobbly with too much sugar and * week, welling up a little now lol

Don't know what I'd do without minimins anymore Hope I don't go round the bend being away for three nights!

 

[broadsbean]

well got up this morning and groaned, muscles are objecting this morning for some reason

so my plan ? go and do it all again

another 1/2 hour work out for me today in my attempt to become an exercise junky:8855:

i too had noticed the similarities amongst us all and i am wondering which came first the anxiety or the weight suppose we are all going to find out

half term this week i have teen under my feet ! wrecking my routine :sigh:

he is currently dismantling the keyboard of his lap top in order to clean it and of course he is doing it in the living room cos where else would you do it

hopefully he will do some college work in a bit and go upstairs and i can clean up :sigh:


hope everybody is having a good day

 

[ginlin]

Well done on your quest to become an exercise junky!

I just hoover the keyboards, easier than taking them apart!:8855:

 

[LoChan1984]

well got up this morning and groaned, muscles are objecting this morning for some reason

so my plan ? go and do it all again

another 1/2 hour work out for me today in my attempt to become an exercise junky:8855:

i too had noticed the similarities amongst us all and i am wondering which came first the anxiety or the weight suppose we are all going to find out

half term this week i have teen under my feet ! wrecking my routine :sigh:

he is currently dismantling the keyboard of his lap top in order to clean it and of course he is doing it in the living room cos where else would you do it

hopefully he will do some college work in a bit and go upstairs and i can clean up :sigh:


hope everybody is having a good day

Ah well, lads have to have hobbies :8855:

I think mine's turned into a teenager already - he's spent his time in his room on his playstation 2 or listening to dance/hip hop music much too loudly for my liking! Do kids develop early these days?

Must follow your example and do some exercise myself today - none done over the weekend