Imagine if i wasn't fat

[differentusername]

Hiya!!!! Wow i just read some of ur diary but as its d middle of d night ive had to stop and pick up tomorrow. I LOVE your style of writting!!!! Its like being inside your head!! And from what ive read a lot like being inside my head too!! U seem like a very fit person with all the running so fair play to u. I could do with taking a leaf out of ur book on that front. I cant wait to read more tomorrow. I wonder what u work at when you write so well. Iv read refences to your work but havent yet figured out what u do. Congrats on ur achievements so far and thanks for a great read!!!! X

 

[kellierocks]

I'm in an eating mood sadly.
Somehow I know it will not spiral as the marathon looms up ahead. This evening JK and I met, and walked- we were both wrecked, but a bad day with a 5 mile walk is not too bad a day. Today I was with some fantastic young people. One had their grandma there, and told me I was a "lovely girl". As I told JK, I could take her saying you work very well with kids, or you are orginised, but being told by a stranger that i was lovely??? wow.

She also asked what school I went to!! hahahahahahahaha So I'm lovely and still a teenager- ok maybe she was senile, but I'm taking all the compliments I can get.

 

[kellierocks]

I'm tired. Really really tired. Not just today, I can feel it now for maybe a week. So I need to manage this. There needs to be 20 miles done on saturday morning, my last pre-marathon long run (3 weeks tapering ahead). The week at work will be crazy. I need to make sure that everything else is geared to keep me fresh and sane. So eating well, not to do with weight but happiness. Relaxing. Time with friends.

This week will be a test.

 

[joh2605]

Wow can't believe that the marathon is coming up so soon, it seemed like a long way off when I started reading your diary.

I'm looking forward to reading all about it in the coming weeks.

 

[kellierocks]

badum badum

I've been smiling since 10.30.

We had a stand in photographer today. He has beautiful eyes. Kind and happy. I am totally smitten. My heart thumps excitedly when I think of him.

He seems quiet, maybe not quite shy.

When we talked, I was very aware of how close we were.

He could have a partner, 3 kids, or be completely single and have no interest in me, but right now, I am like a 15 year old, totally besotted with the new boy.:heartpump:

 

[x Nee x]

Ahhh is this where the 'I am in Love' comes from <3 xx

 

[judith55]

ya big softie Kels I <3 romance.

 

[kellierocks]

yip, still like him.
He was there again today for an hour, and thankfully someone was late so he stayed for an extra 30 mins
Its not like we talk loads, but I am happy just to be standing beside him.

Dare i dream?

 

[kellierocks]

:cry:
he is engaged.
Gutted.

ah well the dream was good

 

[kellierocks]

no, wrong person, cyber stalking is dangerous....

 

[x Nee x]

hee hee Kel, keep on with the dream, nothing wrong with a little dreaming xx

 

[kellierocks]

social networking - making snooping easy

Well the little dream romance is over before it could start. By more social networking snooping, I found his girlfriend. And there on her page was boxer boy's gym's page. And then it clicked. The love of my life (ok that's a stretch but my object of desire this week) is going out with boxer boy's little sister.

Small world. Too small. Because I know for her 18th birthday he bought her a car(she's 10 years younger- auch). And that she helps him at work. And that she lives in letterkenny.
So yes the little heart is a little broken and I think back on the little things this week that made me think he was interested. Because, I actually did think he was interested. I genuinely thought the spark was felt on both sides. I felt his eyes held for longer than they should, and that when our hands touched, he didn't mind. And that he didn;t mind hanging around, becasue he was hanging around with me. Part of me thought, yip this is him.
:sigh:
So i'm putting it all to bed, and locking the bedroom door. Tight. And burning down the house. (metaphorically speaking)

I am going out tonight and the photographer will be all forgotten.

 

[kellierocks]

hmmm a 6 ft 4 rugby player yummy... haha meant to meeting him again tonight. Our 2 mates snogged too. He is a really big guy and very cosy to snuggle into after being tossed out of apub. (while awaiting a taxi, no antics to report). That house of wasted desire i set on fire has gone out now, and there are only some ashes to remind me it ever happened at all...

And I am not running today either, need to go buy a dress for a wedding... must remind myself I'm running a marathon..

 

[Pink!]

Your dary cheers me up to no end, love the way you write!
Hope you find a wonderful dress

 

[judith55]

Well the little dream romance is over before it could start. By more social networking snooping, I found his girlfriend. And there on her page was boxer boy's gym's page. And then it clicked. The love of my life (ok that's a stretch but my object of desire this week) is going out with boxer boy's little sister.

Small world. Too small. Because I know for her 18th birthday he bought her a car(she's 10 years younger- auch). And that she helps him at work. And that she lives in letterkenny.
So yes the little heart is a little broken and I think back on the little things this week that made me think he was interested. Because, I actually did think he was interested. I genuinely thought the spark was felt on both sides. I felt his eyes held for longer than they should, and that when our hands touched, he didn't mind. And that he didn;t mind hanging around, becasue he was hanging around with me. Part of me thought, yip this is him.
:sigh:
So i'm putting it all to bed, and locking the bedroom door. Tight. And burning down the house. (metaphorically speaking)

I am going out tonight and the photographer will be all forgotten.

Kels, just cos he has a g/f doesn't mean that there wasn't a spark! Hell, when I was married I wasn't unaware of the attraction of others and sometimes a little mild flirting wasn't out of the question. For most this is a case of look but don't touch. And if he was the type to look and touch when he's with someone else, you wouldn't want him anyway. Think of it as "putting down a marker". If at some point in the future he finds himself single he may well remember that cutie he met at a photoshoot and look you up. x

 

[kellierocks]

hahahahahahhahaha, My friends spent last night Jud telling me to cop on and move on, and you put that little bit of hope back into my heart! yeah life is long.Pink if my hopeless love life cheers you up you go for it- at least my heartache is making someone smile hahahahaha
_________________________________________________________
no dress was found shopping, but I did get a very nice skirt which teamed with black tights and white blouse will look very good I'm sure. I am not sure what to do about the dress. There are so few styles that suit me. Why are dresses designed for the skinnies??
What I did get to do was go into starbucks and have a skinny caramel maccino, she asked if I wanted the sugar free syrup and I said yes, wondering silently, how can syrup be sugarless? Isn't syrup like sugar's alter ego? I sat and read and thought and it was nice. So tonight,ems and I hit the town again. She is really looking forward to meeting her guy again, I am a little concerned about seeing mine (and not, as in him not showing- go figure). For some reason, right now I feel a little self-conscious. Why is it at times we feel confident and fabulous and at others we lose our mojo?

 

[kellierocks]

I am trying to work out when to run. My last 20 miles has to be done by Wednesday, so I am thinking about running this evening, then tomorrow morning at the track, then taking a half day Wednesday and doing it. All fitting around work.

Sometimes we look at celebs ant think "I wish". But when your life is all geared to look good, the time is there. Us mere mortals have to get to work, be with the family, friends, whatever else is going on.if you are paid because you look good, you are going to make damned sure you lok good.
Imagine if I wasn't fat- I still wouldn't have had time to run this week, and this weekend was such a great stress reliever that it was def worth it. And imagine if I wasn't fat- I'd be making sure this week to get plenty of water and fruit and veg into me after eating takeaways and ready meals last week. So that's what I'll do.

Always i am reminded that were it not for marathon, I'd be off plan log ago. And that scares me as in 3 weeks and 12 hours, the marathon will be over (actually not taking in the time difference, I'll be warming up with 45,000 people). Like the celebs, I need the bigger reason to keep at this, doing it for weight loss alone does not work....

Rugby player was not there last night. I didn't mind. I knew they were to be in the pub all day so was a bit worried about how drunk he'd be. And i have to say- I didn't take it personally at all! I did talk to the silver fox- a guy from the gym who is hot- silver flecks in his hair. We joked about going for a run today, wish he wasn't joking- that would motivate me to move my ass and run for my life (whilst still looking fabulous naturally!)

 

[x Nee x]

Im sure u always look fab naturally xxxx

 

[Pink!]

Wasn't laughing at the situation, just the wonderful way in which you write about it.
Silver fox sounds a bit of okay

You're right about not losing weight for the sake of losing weight. Maybe make a list of all of the things you hate/hated about being overweight and how they affected you; and then another list about how you'd like to feel and the changes you've already noticed in yourself.

Hope that you ahve a good week

 

[x Nee x]

hey Kellie, Hope your ok xxxx