JanD's Maintenance Diary. Week 15 onwards

[JanD]

Oh 'eck Tan ... if yer think that's bad!!! ....

I toyed with the idea of just saying that I'd fallen off the wagon and eaten the horse this morning but that'd be a cop out. I don't expect anyone to be interested and stay with this but there's something in me that says if I hide it I'm on the road to destruction and fooling nobody but myself.
Then there's another part of me that says ... does it really matter?? As long as I pull it back and end up staying the same why bother about what happens in between? But I'd really like to be someone who eats healthily and has a good relationship with food instead of this love/hate thing I seem to have going on.

Anyway - to the best of my memory .... not making excuses but I didn't get to bed till nearly 1pm with one thing and another so had FAR too much time to 'pick'!!
At Mum's after work - a small piece of wholemeal toast with clover and 2 'taste the difference' double choc cookies.
In tescos - white roll with 2 butter patts and 2 rashers of bacon, fat & all (it WAS lovely tho' ) and half a Wispa Gold
At home - 2 oatibix with splenda & skimmed milk, tesco biscuit & raisin bar.

Went to bed this afternoon for a few hours.

Tonight I've had 1/3rd of a fritatta (eggs, ham, onion, mushroom topped with some cheesy seasoning) & half large tin of smokey bbq beans.

Having some wine too (**big sigh** ) and daresay there'll be somatt else before I go to bed ...... xxx

 

[summergurl]

Jan I admire your honesty! You know you have had a bit of a picky day today and you know you can rein yourself in so the easiest thing would have been for you to say nothing and just rein yerself back in - but you dont and i admire you for it You've maintained for ages now and im sure one bad day isnt going to do too much damage! :hug99:

Ooooh ... and where the heck did you manage to buy bbq beans from?!!!!!!!!!!

 

[JanD]

Awwww thanks Tan .....

Smokey BBQ beans - as far as I know any supermarket, I get them in tescos, they're heinz and they do mexican and chilli flavours as well

BTW .... I got some of that mascara in tescos too. They did only have black but I thought I'd try it - it looks so good on you! It was £8.80.

And thanks again for your support xx

 

[summergurl]

£8.80 .... me knows where im going for my mascara! boots is way over priced!!!! :giggle: let me know how you get on with it x

I have to have some of them beans when onto maint!!! I love!!! :heartpump: bbq beans .... havnt seen them anywhere though! Although i have seen the chilli ones etc ... im on the hunt! :giggle: xx

 

[JanD]

They're VERY nice I must say - I love them cold.

Have just had 3 oatcakes ... 1 with red leicester, 1 with brie & 1 with houmous.

I'm thinking I've cocked up that midweeek loss. Serve me right for jumping on the scales when I shouldn't!! x

 

[JanD]

Hiya!!

I also took a tesco biscuit & raisin bar too bed (ha ha - just realised that sounds a bit pervy .... only to eat it I promise!)

I HAVE undone the good weigh in the other day ... official wi tomorrow anyway .. **big sigh**

Hope you're all having a great Sunday xx

 

[summergurl]

Ah jan just pull yourself back, you know you can do it.
Sometimes having a sneaky weigh in isnt good for us as we somehow think oh i've lost x amount ill allow myself to slip a bit. Just stick to your 1 weigh in now mrs

 

[kered]

Now come on Madam - get this nipped in the bud. Official wrist slap to you now Jan.

Seriously though, at least you are being honest about it and I do admire you, I could never eat a corner of a custard cream, I would need to eat the whole lot.

Good luck for your weigh in tomorrow.

I have gone the opposite, some days I am just not eating enough. I need to start back to 3 healthy meals on my days off, not just one!

 

[Scotsmist]

Jan
Reading your post smacks of me!! This is how my binges start...and there is simply no rhymn or reason for eating what I eat and the amount and the love/hate relationship. I can totally and utterly understand.

Problem is, dont try to analyse it, you wont manage it and it wont work. There is no doubt something else there that is deep within you that makes you do what you do..well, that is what I reckon any way.

One good thing, you are being honest about it....and not keeping it in the dark; that is the worst, because it gets more and more destructive then.

I dont have an answer: I would be a hypocrite if I said I did.

Just want you to know I am thinking of you and in some ways you need to really get a grip, before it pulls you down.

I have to do that too, as last night and today havent been good...see my post. I know that I need to live like a thin person and stop thinking that I am going to put all the weight back on....will post you a link that I had sent to me....which talks about this!

Anyway, take good care and just remember how far you have come.

Iris
x

 

[JanD]

Ah jan just pull yourself back, you know you can do it.
Sometimes having a sneaky weigh in isnt good for us as we somehow think oh i've lost x amount ill allow myself to slip a bit. Just stick to your 1 weigh in now mrs

I so know Tan .... I'm very good at knowing what I should be doing & handing out the advice ........ but thanks xxx

Now come on Madam - get this nipped in the bud. Official wrist slap to you now Jan.

Seriously though, at least you are being honest about it and I do admire you, I could never eat a corner of a custard cream, I would need to eat the whole lot.

Good luck for your weigh in tomorrow.

I have gone the opposite, some days I am just not eating enough. I need to start back to 3 healthy meals on my days off, not just one!

Thank you for the slapping Mrs - I know I need it ... **big sigh** mind you - slap back for not eating enough!! Lol xxx

Jan
Reading your post smacks of me!! This is how my binges start...and there is simply no rhymn or reason for eating what I eat and the amount and the love/hate relationship. I can totally and utterly understand.

Problem is, dont try to analyse it, you wont manage it and it wont work. There is no doubt something else there that is deep within you that makes you do what you do..well, that is what I reckon any way.

One good thing, you are being honest about it....and not keeping it in the dark; that is the worst, because it gets more and more destructive then.

I dont have an answer: I would be a hypocrite if I said I did.

Just want you to know I am thinking of you and in some ways you need to really get a grip, before it pulls you down.

I have to do that too, as last night and today havent been good...see my post. I know that I need to live like a thin person and stop thinking that I am going to put all the weight back on....will post you a link that I had sent to me....which talks about this!

Anyway, take good care and just remember how far you have come.

Iris
x

I get those newsletters from Mike Scott as well Iris - and they're great! .... Just wish I could put it all into practice

I don't know what I'd do without you all and this site!

Thank you all!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Today I've been fine food wise - I'm having the planned wine though ...

Breakie - 1 weetabix, blueberries, splenda & skimmed milk.

Lunch - at a friend's - ham, salami, cherry toms, mozerella balls & rocket, I think there was some olive oil involved there too but it was fine (I think )
A pear.

Tea - I'm having roast pork loin and stir fried veg.

(& wine )

I'd like to think I won't have anything else this evening but I may have something, though I'll try to stick to fruit.

Thanks again everyone **kiss kiss** xxx

(dreading weigh-in )

 

[kered]

Thanks for my slap too Mrs.

 

[JanD]

You're very welcome ... anytime

Finished the night off with a knob of brie and one oatcake with houmous xx

 

[Scotsmist]

We are all here for each other Jan - eh!! We know the ups and downs and keep each other sane

Sure you will get everything back into perspective..

Have a good day!!

 

[JanD]

Thank you Iris ...... **deep breath** Well I've put on another 1.4lbs ... seems to be my number - that's 3 1.4lb gains on the trot!

Much as I'd like to say I'm fine with that and it'll all even itself out I'm actually disgusted that I couldn't curb what was going on ....

HOWEVER!! I am determined to stop with the 'fat' negative thinking and start to try to think like a thin positive person ... though I have to say I'm not entirely sure exactly how to do that. (Looking forward to the next newsletter Iris )
The first thing I've done is change the name of my blog from 'keepingthe-weightoff' to 'keepingslim' .. I THINK that's along the right lines. And I'm going to try to think in terms of making healthy keepingmeslim choices instead of 'what can I have' (whilst thinking what I can't have!)

I did start off along these lines but I've lost my way somewhere. I guess it'll take some time to shed the 'fat person' attitude . Bear with me xx

 

[Doirin]

Hi JanD,
sorry you are going through a bad patch at the moment but thanks for sharing it as it does help the rest of us, however hard the learning curve may be for you. I am glad to hear you sounding a bit more positive. Looking at how we see food and how we are around it can only help us all in the long run. Wishing you all the best.
Doirin

 

[JanD]

Thanks Doirin .... I just hope I'm not sounding like I'm moaning. In my mind it's just telling like it is - warts and all

Today - Monday 28th Sept

Breakie - 35g granola with blueberries & skimmed milk.

Lunch - small tin of pichard in tomato sauce with cucumber, spring onion & cherry toms.

half a slice of corned beef & a nectarine (not together!)

Tea - DH is out tonight so when shopping in Aldi earlier - where I got loads of lovely frozen fishy things - I got a chicken with leek & bacon steam dinner. 313 cals. And I WILL be having a couple of v&dcs later - it's no good saying I won't.
I don't think the voddies are too much of a problem tbh but I AM beginning to think the wine might be .... too much sugar perhaps.

 

[summergurl]

oooh but wine is so nice!!! :drool: Could happily have a nice glass of rose right now with some cheese and crackers! :drool:

Jan, where do you get them tins of pilchards? and what is it, fish? What are the cals like etc?! xxx

 

[summergurl]

ooh scrap that have just googled it!!!

 

[JanD]

Ha Ha - yes I love 'em. They come in 3 sizes - the smallest ones can be hard to find, when I can't find them I have sardines instead. xx

 

[summergurl]

Where do you usually buy yours from? im intrigued! x