JanD's Maintenance Diary. Week 15 onwards

[JanD]

Hi All!!!

I've been shocking!

Caravan site was a hole! Caravan was shabby, grubby, just plain nasty really. If it hadn't been meant as a nice break for my 83 year old mother it might not have been so bad - as it was it was almost embarrassing. Fortunately we were able to make fun out of it. I intend writing it up in more detail on my blog if anyone's interested. I won't be doing that till the weekend though.

I'm not having an official weigh in till mext monday but I reckon I've put about 5lbs on. Unsurprising considering. The plan was to get back in control today and it started well but deteriorated rapidly. I've picked and picked. I DID have a long walk pushing 2 of the grandsons in a double pushchair this afternoon so hope that will have compensated somewhat.

I did get a bit fed up with people assuming they were twins ... I MEAN! There's 18 months between them - and at their age it SHOWS!
'Yeah' the answer became - 'they're names are Danny DeVito and Arnold Shwartzeneger' (sp?)

I have a cousin coming to stay and we're going out tomorrow night .... I go away on my little retreat on Monday for a week - somewhere in there I have to get this gain sorted out and not put any more on because if I do nothing will fit me for our US trip the following week .....

..... Ho Hum!!! It's never ending this isn't it??

To add insult to injury I somehow did something to either the ulna nerve or tendon (according to my GP) and so could hardly move my right arm until last night when I moved it in such a way it absolutely KILLED but I felt something shift - like the tendin sliding over the edge of the bone (BLURGH!!). Since then the swelling in my arm and hand has gone down loads and I'm beginning to think I WILL be able to do some writing next week which I was very worried I wouldn't be able to for several days .. what a waste that would have been!!

Sorry to be a moaner today. I really hope you're all doing okay. I read everything last night but didn't feel up to replying. I'll soon be back to normal ... whatever the hell that is xx

**hugs to all** xx

 

[Scotsmist]

Hi Jan
Missed ya hun!!!!!!! Been very lonely, not even posted :-(
Sorry to hear about your weekend...oh, it is annoying when you have to lay your head down somewhere and it doesnt feel clean, etc....I think you did well just staying put!!!! But, I am sure you had a great time with Dave and mum! And that is what matters the most.

Hope you are able to get back on track, but I can imagine it will be a wee bit tough with everything that is looming and coming up, but will be thinking of you.

I have been up and down...probably why I havent posted as not felt up to it to be honest. I have just had an Indian meal tonight....as was at physio then had to do a shop and the OH wanted one of those Indian meals for one, but we could only find for two, so had it!!! To be honest, it would have been ok if I didnt have the onion bhaji and the nan,,,but, unfortunately I did!!! oh dear....

Still going to the gym/exercise 3-4 times a week, so hopefully I can get it off..I dont think I have lost but I dont think I have gained, if I have it is only about a 1lb I reckon, but not weighing myself till I go to the pharmacy on either Thur or Fri..

I am struggling with carbs and my whole concept of carbs and frightened to eat them so consequently hate breakfast as I am stressed big time!...oh, who said it would be easy. Thankfully I am able to reign myself in and try and have everything in moderation. I have had the odd blip, but then again a normal thin person wouldnt even think it a blip, just normal!!!!! AGHHHHHH

Anyway, sorry, waffling.......oh, I hope your arm/hand gets better....esp with you wanting to do some writing next week! I will be thinking of you.

I will post further tomorrow, just wanted to say hi...albiet a wee bit long

Take care

iris

 

[JanD]

Awwwwww thanks Iris ..... I appreciate it ... really I do. Especially as I know you're not in the best place right this minute.

It's a carb thing with me too - we seem to have lots in common. Weeeeeel except for the exercise thing - I can't see me ever being a fan

Off to read your diary now xxx

BTW .... Who's Dave??? xx

 

[Scotsmist]

hahahhaah - oh Jan, I did laugh......dont know where I got Dave from..who is he..hahahaha.....

I can honestly say LT has given me an absolute fear of carbs; even to the point where I wont eat fruit!!! Never had it before. I knew I had probs with carbs but thought only bread/pasta....

I read the main forum and a lot of people coming up to refeed, etc are frightened too....I think I need to address this imbalancen in my life...so stupid!!!!!

Yes, we do have a lot in common......haha..swimming, or not as the case is, sore bones (wont call it what it is......haha), carbs!! What else On our second marriage/long term relationship (not sure if you are married or living in sin) ;-) haha...just winding you up!

I wonder how Mary is getting on? I bet she is loving it, but almost a week gone already!!!!! Doesnt time just fly!

What are you going to do next week? Are you writing a book?

 

[JanD]

Ha Ha - Yeah I had to laugh at Dave - My DH is John - they wrote books about us many years ago ya know 'Janet & John' ??! And we ARE married - not that it matters, I know.

No - not a book, though it could accumulate into a 'memoir' one day. I use writing as a form of therapy. The thought that I can write about it one day helps me cope with crises. In the last 2-3 years I've lost my father and my best friend (different people ) and gained 5 grandsons with varying amounts of trauma for various reasons amongst other more mundain but nevertheless noteworthy things.

It's like my head get 'full' and there comes a time when I have to go and 'get it all out' to make room for more.

I cope brilliantly (if I do say so myself) as long as I know that I have this safely valve I can release when I have to.

I don't have any more to deal with than anyone else and I'm full of admiration than everyone seems to cope without blowing a valve now and again. Maybe I'm just a drama queen but it's what I need.

The other thing is - I found when my father died that anything he'd ever written took on a new significance. I devoured everything I found eagerly, and searched for more. I think it made me realise that we don't really get into our parents' heads. I saw a side to him I didn't really recognise. I'd like to know that my kids will know all about me and what I thought about things ... albeit after I'm gone.

Bit deep sorry xx

 

[Scotsmist]

Oh Jan, I think that is absolutely incredible......I really do! I wish I could write down all my thoughts, feelings, etc......but I think I would frighten myself!!

But, if this helps you and I like the fact your kids can read it afterwards when you are gone. My parents are both dead and unfortunately they werent big talkers...so I knew nothing much about them..which is sad because as time passes the memories fade just a little. I would have loved to have had a diary, etc of their lives....

Where do you go? Do you go away on you own or with a friend.

I know what you mean though about having to do this to make way for other stuff! It is hard dealing with what life throws at you.

I think I could write a book of my life, but not sure if it would be easy reading for me or others ;-)

So, I am very impressed and very jelous (in a nice way) that you have this time to reflect, etc.......

EDITED!!!
I forgot to say, I will remember now - JANET AND JOHN....who could forget (well of our era)!!!!!!!!

 

[JanD]

Up to now I've done it at work but I've been putting this one off because I know it'll be very emotional and I can't risk getting that way at work but at the same time don't want to be inhibited in any way.
I can't do it at home because I always feel guilty and as if I should be doing something more 'useful' (like dusting! ?? !)
So this time I've been really self indulgent and booked myself a cottage on the Welsh Borders in Montgomery. I'll be all on my own, I've been & sussed the place out with Dave (!) and fell in love with it. He said he'll be comfortable with me being there - it's a lovely little town and there are places to walk etc.

I'm going Monday to Monday (because I'm working this weekend) and if I've got through a good chunk of what's in my head 'Dave' might join me for the weekend. Though to be honest I doubt it. Fortunately he's very supportive and facillitates what I need as much as he can.

I'm sure you could write a book of your life Iris and if I had my way everyone would put pen to paper/fingers to keyboard/whatever. It's incredibly cathartic. The hardest thing to do is to start. Once you start the hardest thing to do is stop!!!

AWWWW don't be jealous - you can be a wee bit envious if you like but don't be jealous xxx

 

[summergurl]

YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!! JAN you are back!!!!!!!!!!

Shame that the caravan wasnt up to much :S When are you leaving me again? boooooo hoooooo xxxx

 

[JanD]

Ha Ha! Monday - for a week, though I know the hotel in the village has wifi so don't know if I might make use of that. How I'll feel about going in & having a drink or a meal on me billie I'm not sure .. we'll see.

It HAS been quiet on here hasn't it? And I come back and start moaning LOL!

I've finished what I needed to do this afternoon before my cousin arrives (ie shift loads of dust & dog hairs etc ) so I thought I'd catch up on here and with some programmes I had recorded. Not sure it was a good idea to watch the pride of britain awards though! Cuz will think I didn't want her to come when she sees my face xx

 

[summergurl]

Ah i just cant watch that i blub the whole time so i avoid it! lol

It has been tooooo quiet on here and your leaving me again on monday - you are officially off my xmas card list! :giggle: xxx

 

[JanD]

R A Tan xxxx

 

[Scotsmist]

Up to now I've done it at work but I've been putting this one off because I know it'll be very emotional and I can't risk getting that way at work but at the same time don't want to be inhibited in any way.
I can't do it at home because I always feel guilty and as if I should be doing something more 'useful' (like dusting! ?? !)
So this time I've been really self indulgent and booked myself a cottage on the Welsh Borders in Montgomery. I'll be all on my own, I've been & sussed the place out with Dave (!) and fell in love with it. He said he'll be comfortable with me being there - it's a lovely little town and there are places to walk etc.

I'm going Monday to Monday (because I'm working this weekend) and if I've got through a good chunk of what's in my head 'Dave' might join me for the weekend. Though to be honest I doubt it. Fortunately he's very supportive and facillitates what I need as much as he can.

I'm sure you could write a book of your life Iris and if I had my way everyone would put pen to paper/fingers to keyboard/whatever. It's incredibly cathartic. The hardest thing to do is to start. Once you start the hardest thing to do is stop!!!

AWWWW don't be jealous - you can be a wee bit envious if you like but don't be jealous xxx

Oh, the place sounds lovely Jan..and you will have all the time to be able to do your writing and blubbing, which I am sure you will. But, like you say, it has to be done and I am sure it will be very therapeutic too...oh, I am not jelous in a horrible way,,yes, envious. I wish I had the inclination to even consider putting my thoughts down on paper

It is nice that Dave is supportive....makes all the difference and at least you can be YOU!!

You will be missed though, greatly!!

Just out of curiosity (again), have you already written lots? Have you started right at the beginning; ie. when you were younger?? Just wondering how you started.....

Take care

 

[JanD]

Ooo sorry Iris - though I'd replied to this! ..... I haven't gone right back with my writing ... it's something I'd like to do but whether I'll get round to it ....??
I tend to just do what's current - and necessary for my sanity - that's takes up enough time! ...well not so much takes up enough time as is hard to find the time to do it iykwim!

Still not got back to grips yet!
Thursday 15th October

Breakie - 2 weetabix, splenda & skimmed milk

Lunch - wholemeal wrap with ham salad & extra light salad cream

Snack - Costa coffee (black) & piece of caramel shortcake ( - this is one of the courses of my death row meal - LOVE it )

Tea - Pollock a la bordelaise, stir fried veg and baked sweet potato.

Few voddies tonight.

Piece of hovis seed sensation - toasted with (much too thick layer of) clover.

This menu would be fine if I was trying to maintain but as I'm supposed to be trying to lose what I've gained - it's too much xx

 

[summergurl]

Clover??? URGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Jan! what are you thinking there? Clover is absolutly disgusting!!! LOL

 

[JanD]

Sorry!!!
I love it - which is why I don't buy it but my daughter stayed here at the weekend and left it behind. Thanks for reminding me actually I'll take what's left to my mother's after! x

 

[summergurl]

Oh god ... minging!! Even before i started LT i was never a butter person - id only ever have it on toast - its minging in/on anything else but clover is rank! i just dont get it! My mum swears by it though and wont have anything else! lol

 

[JanD]

I swear by it too - I'm always saying '****ing Clover' when I see it in the fridge xx

 

[summergurl]

!!!

 

[JanD]

Friday 16th October

Breakie - 2 weetabix, raspberries, splenda & skimmed milk

Lunch - 2 slices of Hovis seed sensations, ham, salad & extra light salad cream.

Alpen light bar

Tea - Hake with cauliflower cheese (frozen from Aldi) brocolli & leek. Ff from frais with raspberries & blackberries.

Work - I'm taking a maintenance bar. I'm going to have a couple of days with 2 maintenance products and a light meal to try to shift these few lbs. xx

 

[Scotsmist]

Ooo sorry Iris - though I'd replied to this! ..... I haven't gone right back with my writing ... it's something I'd like to do but whether I'll get round to it ....??
I tend to just do what's current - and necessary for my sanity - that's takes up enough time! ...well not so much takes up enough time as is hard to find the time to do it iykwim!

Still not got back to grips yet!
Thursday 15th October

Breakie - 2 weetabix, splenda & skimmed milk

Lunch - wholemeal wrap with ham salad & extra light salad cream

Snack - Costa coffee (black) & piece of caramel shortcake ( - this is one of the courses of my death row meal - LOVE it )

Tea - Pollock a la bordelaise, stir fried veg and baked sweet potato.

Few voddies tonight.

Piece of hovis seed sensation - toasted with (much too thick layer of) clover.

This menu would be fine if I was trying to maintain but as I'm supposed to be trying to lose what I've gained - it's too much xx

Hi Jan,,,like you, I thought I had replied....hahaha...I am still amazed that you even know where to start. Now, do you write as in pen/paper, or do you keep it on your laptop???????