Jenni's diary: Given up chocolate!

[jennikay]

I think I'm less bothered about the number now, but definitely bothered about my jeans being rather tight.

I was quite comfortable at 9st 5, and maintained it quite easily, so I think I might have that as my target instead of 9 stone.

I think, that I thought 9 stone was difficult to maintain, and 9st 5 was easy - hence, 9st was difficult and 9st 5 was easy

To be fair, I liked being 12 stone in that I could eat anything and not fuss about it - after all, I was already 12 stone so it didn't really matter (!)

I viewed myself as a failure for not losing 2st 11, instead of being successful for losing 2st 6lbs and maintaining THAT for about 2 months. I do tend to think 'ah, screw it' when I've messed up, which may account for why I had a complete blowout which led to almost a stone gain

I WILL do it this time. Grr.

x

 

[ugg]

Good luck Jennikay, You've done it before so you can do it again! 2st 6ib is something to be very proud of :O)

 

[jennikay]

Thanks Hayley

Was just reminiscing about my time on Cambridge, decided I need to lose this weight otherwise I'll either:

1. End up overweight/obese for the rest of my life
2. Have to go through losing 2/3 stone (or more!) all over again.

Now, I'm a lazy person, so I'm choosing to lose the weight now ahaha.

I have another counselling session tomorrow, yay for me
Jon says I come back from them a different person - can't describe it, but apparently it's good, lol
Have my first therapy session next Thursday too, so we shall see if I can't overcome my OCD too. I heard that it's actually easier to tackle 2 things at once - OCD and weight it is then!

Really, though, this resisting compulsions business is ten times easier than resisting chocolate!

x

 

[CCPM]

Go get it under control Jenni you sounf roght on track for dealing with both. Ever good wish to you and I'm sure you'll be there soonest.

M

 

[Less Rotund One]

Go get it under control Jenni you sounf roght on track for dealing with both. Ever good wish to you and I'm sure you'll be there soonest.

M

M, had you been on the sauce when you posted yesterday????


Jenni, you should be immensely proud of yourself - losing the weight and tackling your OCD. You're right though - easier to get it off now than when it has got its friends along to play!! xx

 

[jennikay]

So, counselling today. Been doing more relaxing techniques - I have to admit that simply the chance to relax for half an hour is SO nice!
Feel like I can control myself when I'm feeling mildly panicky now, which is going to be a huge benefit for tackling my OCD.

On the dieting front, not so good
No way did I stick to Core, neither did I stick to all my rules, but I wasn't as bad as I have been over the past few weeks, so I have that I suppose
Weekend away tomorrow, so on the plus side, I have less control over WHEN I eat. On the the down side, I have less control over WHAT I eat. Hmm.

Last time I went on one of these weekends I lost a few lbs, so I'm hopeful

xx

 

[Curlz]

Hope you have a nice w/end away.xx

 

[jennikay]

Weekend away was good, didn't half eat some crap though
But I STSed, so it's all good

Just had tea, pasta with pesto. Feel slightly sick, it was a lil bit too greasy for my liking lol.

x

 

[ugg]

Congratulations on sts, pleased you had a nice time away xx

 

[Less Rotund One]

Hi Jenni, glad your weekend away was not too damaging.

Sounds like the counselling is really working for you - that's great news. xx

 

[jennikay]

Oooh, therapy today.
Ended up talking about food/eating habits for an entire hour, instead of OCD

Had to do a questionnaire, and I basically ticked every box for an eating disorder, apart from the anorexia/bulimia ones. Hmm.

Binging today, surprise surprise - I don't like talking about myself

Had my crown fitted today, it's really weird, not like my other teeth - smoother, I suppose.

Off to cadets now

x

 

[Less Rotund One]

Is it common then for someone suffering with OCD to also have other conditions like eating disorders?

Sounds like its at least raising a few issues and I suppose that awareness is good way to cure.

Enjoy cadets - have you also stopped weighing daily? xx

 

[jennikay]

I think what is most often found alongside OCD is depression, but thankfully I don't suffer with that. I do sometimes struggle to motivate myself to do anything, but that might just be me being lazy

But yes, it's quite common to have something else too. I've heard people having Bipolar, Borderline PD, Tourettes, anything really. There's a few disorders which are in the OCD 'spectrum', such as compulsive skin picking, trichotillomania (hair pulling) and body dysmorphic disorder .


Yes, I still weigh daily. 10st 4 this morning.

x

 

[Less Rotund One]

This site is such a great source of info. Thanks for that Jenni - I am just neurotically curious!!!

Hope that you are back on track and feeling in control. xx

 

[jennikay]

Was researching eating disorders earlier, I reckon if I have one, it's either binge eating disorder or compulsive overeating - most likely the latter, since I tend to be pretty out of control around food most of the time, not just sometimes.

Shan't post Jon's reply to me pondering which one I might have, suffice to say it was rather patronising (or at least came across that way) and I'm rather peeved right now!
I mean, he won't understand, cause he's never had any eating problems, but he could try and be a little less insensitive

Grr.

xx

 

[CCPM]

He's a man Jenni and sounding good at it just ignore him, we're all here for support. The STS sounds a good result. Counselling will open up many avenues for discussion and it sounds as if you are already finding it useful.

Take care

M

 

[Less Rotund One]

M's right. You will learn this painful lesson with blokes (sounding like your mum now )- they're not girls and don't really do sensitivity around issues like weight. Most of them have a "if you don't like it, then do something about it" attitude....I am sure he didn't mean to upset you - they rarely mean it, it just happens!!!!

You did so well when on the CD and maybe that was because all the choice around food was taken away. So if you don't eat at all, you're fine, but have a little and you want a lot. I can understand that. I found W8 really easy in that sense too. I didn't have to think about food - and I used to think about food all the time.

I hope that you manage to find something that helps. It would be a real shame to undo all the great work you have done in the last few months to get where you are now.

Have a great weekend, honey. xx

 

[jennikay]

Thanks M

It wasn't actually the counselling, it was therapy (for my OCD) which brought it up - we started talking about it and suddenly it had been an hour

Got to talk about some stuff which I wouldn't dare talk about to anyone ever, which was kinda nice

Hopefully they'll be able to do something about it

xx

 

[jennikay]

M's right. You will learn this painful lesson with blokes (sounding like your mum now )- they're not girls and don't really do sensitivity around issues like weight. Most of them have a "if you don't like it, then do something about it" attitude....I am sure he didn't mean to upset you - they rarely mean it, it just happens!!!!

You did so well when on the CD and maybe that was because all the choice around food was taken away. So if you don't eat at all, you're fine, but have a little and you want a lot. I can understand that. I found W8 really easy in that sense too. I didn't have to think about food - and I used to think about food all the time.

I hope that you manage to find something that helps. It would be a real shame to undo all the great work you have done in the last few months to get where you are now.

Have a great weekend, honey. xx

Yeah, I get that men are insensitive
He said himself, that the only eating problems he sees are 'eating too much' or 'eating too little', but then he's thin himself and has never had problems with his weight

Yeah, I get that about CD. I still have some packs left and do think about it from time to time! I think I just had the dieting mentality sorted last year, all I could see was getting to 9 stone and nothing was going to get in my way!

And now I just can't stop myself from eating. I seem to have a rather negative mentality at the moment, like 'I'm going through a really tough time and I'll diet when I feel better' sort of thing. But then I'm not really having as tough a time as my mind thinks - just that I keep telling it that I am!

Should really at least do some exercise, but I can never find the time or the motivation. (By which I mean that I can never find the motivation )

xx

 

[Less Rotund One]

...and there you have nailed it! Well done.

Whatever you focus on gets bigger - so if you focus on negative thoughts, they will take over. Turn it round (like you did with getting to 9st) and that took over too.

So.....you know exactly what you need to do - its just a case of can you be a***d to do it?

What was it about getting to 9st that made you so motivated? Is that goal still relevant to you? Are you bothered about not being where you want to be?

I just remember that Jenni that was so determined to hit 9st - and how totally chuffed you were when you were there - you can do it if you want to - you know you can! Losing weight is always the easy bit - its keeping your motivation up that's the tough bit unfortunately. :sigh:

I am sure that the OCD therapist will help you massively. I hope so as its sad to see you feeling negative and out of control. :cry:

Sending you positive thought vibes to get you started....xxxxx