Jim's lazy Atkins diary

[ladyfelsham]

Cold here to start with, Jim, but has brightened up and it's now lovely outside

 

[Jim]

Morning all, it turned out really hot in the end. I was bad yesterday, ended up eating out and having a mixed grill, no problem there but I had a plate of chips with it, cue bloated feeling and much wind.

 

[Gemstone]

I thought something had blown the rain down this way Jim x

 

[ladyfelsham]

I had rice for the first time in ages yesterday and will stick to cauli rice in future!

Grey skies are back here

 

[Jim]

Morning all, I think one of the problems with Atkins is maybe that you become de sensitised to carbs, so when you do have them the effect is far worse.

 

[Gemstone]

Morning Jim - Mr Sun has his hat on but I don't know how long its gonna last x

 

[Jim]

Morning all, Gem it's raining here now *sigh* It was nice while it lasted wasn't it.

 

[Gemstone]

We had rain in the night so its wet outside but not raining at the moment - I think we have more to come though. It was certainly lovely to see the sun Jim but I unfortunately fell foul of it at the weekend while sorting out the conservatory - I worked in 10 min bursts and got very dehydrated, resulting in being unwell Sunday and yesterday - stupidly I didn't have a bottle of water to hand while I was working and didn't drink enough x

 

[ladyfelsham]

Not good to hear, Gem, hope you're feeling OK now?

Morning Jim

 

[Gemstone]

I am thanks Susie x

 

[Jim]

Morning all, Yes Gem, you have to be careful with lack of water.

Big problems with my Mother, she's been having fainting fits, I finally managed to persuade her to go to the Dr's a week or so ago. We've been monitoring and recording her BP for the last week, she's had an ecg and they've taken blood samples. We need to take her back to see the Dr on Friday when all the results are back. I suppose at 87 you're not going to be 100% are you

 

[Gemstone]

That's true Jim - she's doing very well by the sound of it. My MIL is 93 and had a stroke around 10 years ago. She was shaky for a couple of years when we thought we could lose her any time but then she perked up and, although she is quite frail and wobbly on her feet (walking with an aid) she has gone from strengh to strength and looks set to go on forever. They are a generation that knew great hardship Jim and have a resilliance that can surprise us x

 

[Jim]

Morning all, Gem that is so true, they knew hardship that we can only begin to imagine. I jst found this on ARRSE, the Army board. had me in fits

THIS IS AN ACTUAL CUSTOMER REVIEW FROM A MAN ON AMAZON.CO.UK AFTER USING VEET HAIR REMOVAL CREAM FOR MEN. I ACTUALLY HAD TEARS ROLLING DOWN MY FACE WHILE READING IT!!!!!!!!!!!! SOOOO FUNNY!!!: After having been told my danglies looked like an elderly Rastafarian I decided to take the plunge and buy some of this as previous shaving attempts had only been mildly successful and I nearly put my back out trying to reach the more difficult bits. Being a bit of a romantic I thought I would do the deed on the missus's birthday as a bit if a treat. I ordered it well in advance and working in the North Sea I considered myself a bit above some of the characters writing the previous reviews and wrote them off as soft office types...Oh my fellow sufferers how wrong I was. I waited until the other half was tucked up in bed and after giving some vague hints about a special surprise I went down to the bathroom. Initially all went well and I applied the gel and stood waiting for something to happen. I didn’t have long to wait. At first there was a gentle warmth which in a matter of seconds was replaced by an intense burning and a feeling I can only describe as like being given a barbed wire wedgie by two people intent on hitting the ceiling with my head. Religion hadn't featured much in my life until that night but I suddenly became willing to convert to any religion to stop the violent burning around the turd tunnel and what seemed like the the destruction of the meat and two veg. Struggling not to bite through my bottom lip I tried to wash the gel off in the sink and only succeeded in blocking the plughole with a mat of hair. Through the haze of tears I struggled out of the bathroom across the hall into the kitchen, by this time walking was not really possible and I crawled the final yard to the fridge in the hope of some form of cold relief. I yanked the freezer drawer out and found a tub of ice cream, toe the lid off and positioned it under me. The relief was fantastic but only temporary as it melted fairly quickly and the fiery stabbing returned. Due to the shape of the ice cream tub I hadn’t managed to give the starfish any treatment and I groped around in the draw for something else as I was sure my vision was going to fail fairly soon. I grabbed a bag of what I later found out was frozen sprouts and tore it open trying to be quiet as I did so. I took a handful of them and an tried in vain to clench some between the cheeks of my arse. This was not doing the trick as some of the gel had found its way up the chutney channel and it felt like the space shuttle was running its engines behind me. This was probably and hopefully the only time in my life I was going to wish there was a gay snowman in the kitchen which should give you some idea of the depths I was willing to sink to in order to ease the pain. The only solution my pain crazed mind could come up with was to gently ease one of the sprouts where no veg had gone before. Unfortunately, alerted by the strange grunts coming from the kitchen the other half chose that moment to come and investigate and was greeted by the sight of me, arse in the air, strawberry ice cream dripping from my bell end pushing a sprout up my arse while muttering “ooooohhh that feels good” Understandably this was a shock to her and she let out a scream and as I hadn’t heard her come in it caused an involuntary spasm of shock in myself which resulted in the sprout being ejected at quite some speed in her direction. I can understand that having a sprout fired against your leg at 11 at night in the kitchen probably wasn’t the special surprise she was expecting and having to explain to the kids the next day what the strange hollow in the ice cream was didn’t improve my status…so to sum it up, VEET removes hair, dignity and self-respect ~

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[Gemstone]

Oh Jim, I'm crying and laughing all at once......... and I've copied and pasted it just in case it "gets lost" so that I can show my 0H and friends. That is brilliant and a good start to a grey day x

 

[Dietkitty]

Hahaha Jim. I've seen it before but still had to read it all again and chuckle!

 

[Jim]

Morning all, I've been suffering a lot of cramp this week, I think after reading up on night time calf cramp that I'm suffering from a lack of potassium, I'm a bit surprised at that given the amount of leafy greens I eat. I think I need to eat more oily fish, so I'll be having kippers for lunch today. Interesting that the spell checker here want's to change cramp to cr*p

 

[ladyfelsham]

Hi Jim

I can also highly recommend cholated potassium tablets from H&B. As part of my ongoing battle with the change, I've been getting Restless Leg Syndrome (absolutely hideous) but I take one potassium tablet at night before bed and it doesn't happen, which is bliss!

 

[Gemstone]

When I was pregnant (and I'm not suggesting.....) I used to get night cramps and it was suggested that I might be low on calcium due to the baby taking what she needed - a glass of milk before bedtime stopped it in one. If upping the potassium doesn't work try milk x

 

[Jim]

Morning all,

You may have a point there Gem, I drink no milk at all, not even in coffee or tea. I'll give it a week Susie, if it doesn't stop I'll take your advice and visit H&B.

Got the dreaded jack Duties today

 

[Gemstone]

Good luck with that Jim x