Jo's Journey - 175lbs to happiness...

[Darcys Mummy]

Morning everyone,

I have lost 4.5lbs this week which gives me my 2st award so YAY!! Also this is the last week of my 2lb challenge I was hoping to get 14lbs by today and I got 21.5lbs so pretty happy with that. This also means I am now 1.5lb off my Club 10 so I'll be aiming for that next week but if it doesn't happen I will accept it as I have had 2 great weeks.

Really happy with my loss as my eating for the last 3 days has been erratic due to preparing for my daughters party but still on plan but I have basically been living on one meal a day and then just grazing which is always trouble in disguise but thankfully I stuck to good grazing lol.

I have also 'nearly' completed my syn free week (just today to go) then I have 135 syns to enjoy at my daughters birthday party tomorrow. Some people may not agree with carrying syns over but I can't see the harm...it will most likely be reflected in my weight next week but better this way than restricting myself and feeling guilty if I go too far.

Also had a none scale victory this week...I can't keep my wedding ring on...it keeps falling off lol.

So good week this week all in all...

Also went and had my doodles photos done yesterday...soooooooooo funny...lol Darcy like her Mum cannot fake smile and this is the first year she's understood the whole 'cheese' thing when she had her photos done so before they were all gorgeous natural smile pictures...not this year lol...so we have some right corkers lol but it just goes to show my daughters personality which I love. Also I didn't know the kids a Diva!. She thought she was something with bells on yesterday and that the woman should spend all her time taking her photo and when the woman stopped she started playing up...god help them when she has her first school photos...she'll be bringing a chuffin' entourage lol. Anyway I'll post some of my faves in a minute as it's easier to do it from my phone...not posting them all as I have 30...usually only get 12 but that's how much of a diva she is lol.

 

[Darcys Mummy]

My favourite picture...bit of a blooper but I love it lol
- I have decided that I am getting ENTER AT OWN RISK put on this picture and putting it on her bedroom door as she looks vicious lol...she didn't intend to its just one of those action shots that's not very flattering lol

OMG my babies 3 tomorrow... ...OMG I love this little girl.

 

[Darcys Mummy]

Argh!! I just needed to come and have a vent. This morning my husband got called up to his mums because she wasn't well which she hasn't been for a long time but it was worse today and now shes in hospital and they're preparing us all for the worse telling us she will be lucky to make it through the weekend. I am sad that its happening and I'm feel sorry for both my mother in law and the entire family and this is going to sound so selfish but I'm petrified how this is going to effect MY family, myself, hubby and darcy. If you've been reading you will know I mentioned before my husband is a recovering alcoholic and I'm sorry but pigs will fly before my hubby loses and mourns for his mother without the aid of alcohol. I know I should have more faith but when his sister passed he was 14 months sober and within a few hours of hearing the news he was slaughtered. I have my mum to talk to but it doesn't help me feel any better or more secure and I just want to scream at the top of my lungs. Now my hubby is usually the first one to his mums side if anything happens but for some reason I don't know whether its because of darcys birthday tomorrow or what but hes just...sombre...he's not kicking off hes not rushing to get to the hospital and I dont know whether this is growth or the calm before the storm. I hope it isn't because I love my husband and I want to support him but I cannot have my child arouns him if he falls off the wagon. All we seem to have had lately is bad luck...when does that change?

So sad right now.

 

[sarahmun]

Hi jo

I hope your daughter had a fab birthday party and general birthday.

Hope your hubby is ok too and dealing with his mum being so ill without regressing to drink. I can understand how you feel that you work so hard to keep the family together and you dont want to have to go back steps especially as your daughter is getting older she starrs to notice more behaviour than wgen their little. My husbands drug is his phycotic states that he gets into and ive got to constantly monitre his medication, its draining. If you ever need to talk private message me.
Sarah xx

 

[Darcys Mummy]

Update: my mother in law passed away at 4am.

 

[NewMe14]

Jo I am so sorry to hear about your mum in law. We are all here it you need to chat ((((((hugs)))))

 

[sarahmun]

Aw so sorry jo hope you and your husband are ok xx

 

[Darcys Mummy]

First of all thank you guys for checking up on me and caring so much it's nice to know my moaning isn't going unread lol...not that it would matter if it did as it's just good to get it all off my chest.

The worst did happen with regards to my hubby, he wouldn't stay at the hospital he kept getting up and leaving it was like he had springs on his arse but anyway he disappeared for a long period of time so I rang him and he said he had gone back to his dads house and they were just having some alone time as soon as I heard dads house I knew he was drinking. His brother and dad are both alcoholics and none of them know how to cope without drink so they have of course stocked up on drink to get through this difficult time. Anyway they both returned after an hour and a half both pissed out their heads and I was just disgusted in him...his mum disagreed with his drinking and was so proud of him for sobering up and turning his life around and I know if she had been conscious she would have gave him what for. Anyway I couldn't sit and watch him in his drunken state so I left the room and in true pissed fashion he was obsessively phoning/texting etc and I was trying to ignore it and avoid having a row with him as we were at the hospital...ultimately waiting for his mum to pass. However he just kept pushing and he eventually found me in the main entrance and I couldn't help myself and I tore him a new one and I probably said things I shouldn't have but I don't regret them if he can do that, leave his mums death bed to go on a bender and then come back and try and hide it from everyone then I most definitely am not going to feel guilty for the things I said and did. I took his door keys off him and told him if he wanted to deal with this situation with the aid of a bottle then he was going to do it at his dads house and not at ours and that I wasn't going to have him around our daughter and that there are other ways of dealing with it without the aid of a bottle and if he couldn't at least try those ways for the sake of his family (me and Darcy) then we could no longer be a family because I do not have anymore fight left in me when he sister died 1 1/2 years ago he fell off the wagon for 8 months and I have been waiting for this to happen ever since she died...I thought his mum would have given up long before now after losing her own child so shocked she made it this far but I did know it was inevitable but I just cannot continue to live like this...people die, bad **** happens...I can't keep sitting on the edge of my seat waiting for something bad to happen and worry constantly about mine and my daughters futures...he either needs to find a way to deal with it without drink or we cannot be together...I can't go through this again...I've been with him for 5 years enough is enough...I do have to give credit where credit is due hubby from 5 years ago would still be drinking now...he woke up on the Sunday and rather than continue to drink he walked away from his dads house and came home and he paid for his stupidity all day with a hangover and for the last 2 days he's not touched any...and this may not seem like a big deal but there were times where my hubby would wake up at 4am and pound a litre bottle of vodka for breakfast and then drink cans for the rest of the day so its miraculous but I can't tell him that because he'll think he can get away with that slip up...and he can't. I sat with him and had a do's and don'ts conversation with him, told him he was not to go to his dads by himself if he needed to go we would go together - this was the main one. Then yesterday we came back from picking my daughter up from my mums and he was trying to get her out the car and I said why can't you just pull onto the drive with her in the car and he said because I'm nipping up to see my dad and well...I lost it again...I told him no I reminded him of the conversation we had the pact we made and he when bonkers and then he said he was guna go passed his dads every night from work and I again...lost my head...I started screaming and saying if he dares try it he can pack his bags...and I feel so bad because he's going through such a horrible thing but so am I! He's lost his mum but if I am not a ***** and I don't tell him what to do I could lose my whole family...my daughter could lose her dad. He just doesn't get it! He doesn't understand that although in a different way I'm suffering too...but I have to be strong for both of us when all I want to do is curl up in a ball sob myself to sleep and hope when I wake up it's all been a bad dream. We had another talk and I convinced him the best thing to do was for him to go to work, because sitting at home was going to be torture (for both of us) and that if he kept himself busy he wouldn't find it so difficult and he agreed and he's currently at work and saying he's ok the problem is now...I have to trust him to come straight home from work...which I don't think he's going to and I won't know this till 6pm so I am now going to be worrying about it all day.

Due to all of this and due to being at the hospital since Friday barring the time I spent at my daughters party on Saturday I haven't been 100% on plan I haven't been eating the wrong things don't get me wrong I haven't relied on takeaways etc but since Friday I have only had one proper meal, I've been grazing or not eating...I haven't been monitoring what I've eaten so no idea about syn value but I am just going to continue the week on plan with my daily syns allowance and take the hit on Friday then start a complete fresh on Friday. Some things can't be helped. I feel guilty and selfish even being on here worrying about my eating but I needed to come back on here to get my head straight so I can sort it out and move on...also with my hubby going back to work as normal this morning as sad as it is to say things are as normal today.

Now onto a lighter topic...my daughters party was so so, she loved it and was over the moon so as long as she enjoyed it the rest doesn't matter but I did lose 2/3 of my guest list due to his mum being hospitalised so there was only 5 kids at the party and there should have been 17. I was...preoccupied so I wasn't 100% focused on my daughter and I hate myself for that but like I said she loved every second of it so I can't feel too guilty about it because nothing was ruined as far as she was concerned. She loved the bouncy castle, then Cinderella arrived and her face was a picture she ran up to her and cuddled and kissed her and followed her around like a shadow for the rest of the party...I am sooo happy I got a party planner in because otherwise it would have been a shambles. I haven't got the photos back yet but once I do I will share them but all in all mixed emotions over her party...happy she loved it sorry for her that it was less of a priority than it should have been and she wasn't the focus of the day. I'm just thankful my mother in law didn't pass away on her birthday because her birthday would have had that negativity to it every year. His sister died December 21st so Christmas is already a downer without Darcy's day being ruined as well...but thankfully she held off...I'd like to think that she did it purposely as her last act as Nanny to her.

So going through a bit of shitty patch right now and it's going to be a long time before it gets better but just one day at a time I guess.

 

[Darcys Mummy]

- forgot to do this Friday. Wow thats amazing.

 

[Darcys Mummy]

Sorry to hear you're going through such a difficult time, but well done for getting back on plan. Take each day as it comes hun x

Thanks

 

[Darcys Mummy]

1pm

Hello!

I'm sorry it's a late entry today but I have been busy this morning. I woke up and went on cross trainer (only 30 minutes away from Silver Award don't know whether to just crack on with it and do it today or to take it steady and get it when I get it) then I went with my hubby to see his drinks counsellor. The bloke said exactly as I have been doing since Friday but obviously coming from him it meant more but we all seem to be on the right track and I understand it's not as simple as that (I wish) but my hubby from 2 years ago would have been so far into a bottle of vodka with no intention of stopping so he's doing really well bless him. I then came back caught up on minis and then my SW folder which looks as though it's been abandoned lol. I am now back in the sw swing of things and this is day 2 back on plan I know its Wednesday and I only have 3 days on plan this week before weigh in but I am proud of myself for coming back and getting back on plan instead of writing the whole week off...Like I said I didn't eat unhealthy I wasn't eating takeaways or anything but from Friday to yesterday my food intake consisted of...coffee (lots of it with sugar not sweetener as I didn't think to take it to hospital with me), half a new York deli sandwich on a slice of white bread which had salad, mayo, mustard and mustard ham on it (minimal filling as it was a prepacked sandwich). Then on Monday my mum took us out for a meal at Frankie and Bennys and I just ate like I hadn't eaten (which I hadn't really apart from the half sandwich) I had bruschetta, a Philly cheeseburger, chips and salsa followed by cinnamon waffle and ice cream. I know the Frankie and Bennys sounds bad but take into consideration very little food on Thursday as I was busy doing daughters birthday party then no food Friday, Saturday and Sunday and only F&Bs on Monday so that meal based over those days isn't that bad. The problem is now I am hungry! I wanna eat everything in sight and it isn't because I am hungry I think it's just because I went without and I feel like I need to eat to fill up...I duno anyway I'm not going to and I'm being good when I do eat. Although I have only calculated using 1 syn today so I think I'm going to enjoy my syns and use them on a chocolate milkshake (using HEX A), a curly wurly and some biscuits that are left over from my daughters birthday in fact I not bother with biscuits I may have a creamy coffee as I have some single cream open in the fridge and there's nothing better than creamy coffee lol.

Ok whilst I've been typing this my new SW magazine came through the post so I am going to nuke my dinner (hubbys dinner from last night) and have a good read of my new mag. Speak to you all later.

 

[Darcys Mummy]

Ooooo is there a new SW magazine out? I've got the august/sep issue x

It has a blue cover (I think left it at my mums for her to read lol) when my phones charged and I fetch it back later I'll take a picture lol but it has to be oct/nov one.

 

[NewMe14]

Hi Jo, just catching up. You are doing so well for getting back on plan with all that is going on. Just take one day at a time and be kind to yourself too along the way.

There was a new mag at group today with a blue cover but I didnt buy it so can't tell which issue it is.

 

[Darcys Mummy]

Hi Jo, just catching up. You are doing so well for getting back on plan with all that is going on. Just take one day at a time and be kind to yourself too along the way.

Thanks hun, I know its not going to be easy so I'm taking the pressure off myself with SW but I'm not going to stop completely just going to do the best I can considering the situation. So far so good. As for the rest can't worry about stuff that hasn't happened yet deal with it as it comes.

 

[Darcys Mummy]

10:30

MORNING!!

Same as always got up went on cross trainer, had breakfast (Weetabix with banana and a yogurt), then went to work, came back and I'm now on minis catching up and today I am sorting my bills out, writing my shopping list for tomorrow, sorting the washing out, cleaning the house...boring day really.

Now tomorrow is weigh in and I am totally unsure about this week. As you know I had a weird first half to my week and I haven't counted syns so I really truly honestly don't know what damage I have done. Now as of last week I was 1lb off my Club 10 so I would love to get that this week but I have prepared myself for a gain purely for the fact I am so unsure so I figured preparing myself for the worse was my best option. I hope that I'm wrong but if I am I hope I haven't done too much damage I just keep thinking back to my 10 week hiatus where I ate like crap and only gained 6lbs so I'm hoping it isn't a drastic gain if I get one but I am aware I have had two good losses so there's the chance for a big gain. I guess I can't do anything about it and I will take what is coming tomorrow morning but I really do hope its a small gain, sts or most ideally just a 1lb loss. I am doing the best I can for damage limitation, green tea, water, exercise etc...So bring on tomorrow to get it over and done with so I can start a fresh.

I am 15 minutes away from my Silver Body Magic Award so I think I may go and get that done with after I've finished on here.

Also my monthly check list photo, measurements etc I usually do it the 1st of each month but I think I've made a decision. I think rather than the 1st of each month because it won't always fall on a weigh in day I'm going to do them on the last weigh in of the month as I will be struggling to fit it in and remember if I don't do it on a weigh in day so tomorrow will also be my monthly check list. Should be interesting to see what differences there are as up to today I have lost 13.5lbs in August.

Some people are obsessive weighers I've decided I'm an obsessive looker. I have a full length mirror right outside my bedroom (don't know why lol last occupier put it there) but I find every time I go upstairs or to the bathroom I go stand in front of the mirror and look at myself. Now I don't know whether its a case of looking too often or being a harsh critic on myself but I am 2st lighter up to now and I don't see a difference and I see people posting pictures after 2 months on SW and the difference is dramatic but I just don't see it in myself and apart from one person who is always nice to me even when I haven't lost weight she says have you lost weight lol apart from her no one has noticed or mentioned me looking any different. Even though my trousers are more comfortable I don't think I am ready for the next size down and my tops again although more comfortable I don't think I could get away with the next size down. So I'm feeling a bit down about this as I don't know when it will start becoming obvious and when I will start noticing it in myself. I have had plenty of none scale victories so I know something's happening but I just want to be able to go shopping and buy a new size in clothes. Maybe I'm just being impatient.

Off to get silver body magic now.

 

[NewMe14]

Best of luck for weigh in hun. I really hope you get the 1lb loss for your club 10.

I still look in the mirror and don't see any difference despite having lost nearly 5stone. I still feel massive. I know I've lost weigh the proof is there my clothes started hanging off me around the 3 stone stage. I'm trying to hold off buying any new clothes for the moment as I don't plan on wearing them for long.

Well done on getting your body magic in. It's great to see you back on track I know you were never really off but your head has to be focused and you are so it's brill. I hope you have a great day x

 

[Darcys Mummy]

Best of luck for weigh in hun. I really hope you get the 1lb loss for your club 10.

I still look in the mirror and don't see any difference despite having lost nearly 5stone. I still feel massive. I know I've lost weigh the proof is there my clothes started hanging off me around the 3 stone stage. I'm trying to hold off buying any new clothes for the moment as I don't plan on wearing them for long.

Well done on getting your body magic in. It's great to see you back on track I know you were never really off but your head has to be focused and you are so it's brill. I hope you have a great day x

Thanks hun and I have heard different things from different people about when they noticed the loss but I decided I'd do my measurements today instead of tomorrow as I had the tape measure in my hand lol and I have lost the following in a month:

Hips: 1
Bust: 2
Waist: 1.5
Upper Arm: 1.5
Thigh: 1

So something is happening. Although as of today I am 2st 2.5lb lighter and I have only lost 2" off my hips since August 2013 which I am not happy about and I don't know what to do about it. I do cross trainer everyday but obviously it's not working. I don't know whether this is something that will happen with more weight loss or if I can find a tummy/hips workout somewhere. I was considering retrying my Davina dvd. I struggled with it last time but I am 2st 2.5lb lighter so you never know.

I think the weeks catching up with me I'm on a bit of a downer.

 

[Darcys Mummy]

12:30

Got my silver body magic award :talk017: WOOHOO!! YAY ME!!

Worked out I can have Platinum before Christmas so c'mon!! LoL

 

[Darcys Mummy]

4:45pm

Ok so I have decided to ditch my food diary and incorporate it into my weight loss diary just because I keep forgetting to update it lol. I'm also going to log my exercising because I am just starting Gold Award and you have to do 10 x 15 minute sessions or 5 x 30 minute sessions and with doing my measurements today I have decided to do something about my hip measurement and I am incorporating some tummycises so going to be doing that as well as cross trainer and bingo wing exercises so I need to monitor it so I know I am meeting my requirements for Gold otherwise I'm going to get soooo confused and it doesn't take much lol.

I have also just ordered the Fakeaways book and the Little Book of Soups. A friend was suppose to get them me from group 2 weeks ago got fed up of waiting so I ordered them online. Looking forward to the fakeaways book...not so much the soup as they all say 'now put in a food processor' and I don't have one yet it's my 3st gift and I'm not there yet lol.

Just a cute note I think me and my daughter watch too much Honey Boo Boo because she has now started calling me Mama lol...it's sooooo weird lol

Had bacon sarnie for lunch and I had a packet of crisps to accompany it...I don't generally like crisps so it was weird for me to crave them but now I've had them it's out of my system now the only dilemma I have is left over sweets from daughters birthday there's a double lolly sitting on the side in the kitchen tormenting me once its gone I won't care but while it's there I want it that's why I ended up with a refresher bar as part of my breakfast this morning because I couldn't resist it. I also had a yogurt to follow. My mum bought me some Muller cheesecake yogurts...bless her always thinking of me...they're ok...I still prefer my toffee and vanilla ones and my fave raspberry and cranberry and the banana and custard one is to die for but I begrudge buying 12 ordinary ones for £4 and then buying 5 banana and custard/skinny latte ones for £3. I'm cheap lol when they put them in multipacks I'll buy them lol.

Gammon and chips for tea a heavy meal for night before weigh in I usually go for salmon night before weigh in but I figure my weeks already blown due to circumstances so rather than freezing and defrosting the gammon just get it eaten.

 

[Darcys Mummy]

5pm

Thursday 28th August

Breakfast: Weetabix (HEX B), banana and yogurt
Lunch: Bacon Sandwich with crisps and yogurt
Dinner: Gammon with chips and sweetcorn/egg not decided yet
Snacks: refresher chew bar, yogurt

Syns: Yogurt (1), Refresher (1.5), bread (6), crisps (6.5)

Syns used: 15

BTW I almost always use HEX A on Semi Skimmed milk...use it for coffee and so forth.