Kez's struggles and troubles! 17th June Restart!

[Surfhunny]

Oh hun I know how you feel. It's a vicious circle isn't it? I've always thought you wouldn't expect an alcoholic to get over his addiction by giving him a couple of pints a day, but in effect thats what we have to do because we still have to consume food of some description to stay alive. It makes it soooo very hard to switch off the addictive nature of food. To make matters worse food companies pay their scientists a fortune to sit in labs coming up with ingredients that will make us more addicted to their products.

If you're anything like me the fact that you've got a fixed goal will be adding huge amounts of pressure and making your body subconsciously rebel against the goal one way or another. As soon as I set a goal everything I see I want to eat. It's madness!! All the adverts on telly suddenly become about food and I feel like I'm never going to be able to have nice (for nice read fattening) food again.

I hope you can get through this rough patch, don't be too hard on yoursefl about it. I'm here at the end of day 1 for the billionth time, we'll see how long I last this time. But I know exactly how you feel, and I'm always around for moral support. xxx

 

[cornishkez]

Thanks hun, it just gets me down a bit knowing that this isn't just about a goal, it's about the rest of my life! I'm going to have this battle forever. But then I guess everyone here is in the same boat.

 

[Surfhunny]

I read something a while back that totally depressed me about dieting and being big and I kinda thought 'whats the point if I'm always going to have to struggle?' But the truth is, I wasn't happy being big, and if I'm prepared to work hard to lose the weight, then I'm also going to have to be prepared to work even harder to keep the weight off. For each day that goes by the easier it'll become I hope. I've made plans for how I'm going to maintain when I eventually get there. I hadn't done that last time which is why I ended up back where I am now. I'm always going to have to watch what I eat very carefully. I don't think it's going to be easy but at the same time I don't think it's going to be any harder than losing the weight in the first place, so long as you've got plans in place.

Keep your chin up hun, you'll get there!!! xxx

 

[cornishkez]

Thanks sweetie, as fantastic as it is being able to come on here and vent and share, it has made me realise how much turmoil I go through on a daily basis about my weight. Usually I keep it to myself and bottle it all up, but here I can voice my thoughts.

I hope one day I will be where I want to be and I will print this diary off, page by page and keep it forever as a reminder of the pain I went through to get where I am and to help me stay there. Also, when I get to where I want to be I think I will hand this to my partner to explain to him what I go through. To try to make him understand, cause he just doesnt get it.

 

[*Shanny*]

Morning it does really sound as if you are struggling, we have all been through it, or going through it NOW.!

please do not bottle it all up inside hun.!

On any diet your head has got to be in the right place.

Good luck xx

 

[suepat10]

Totally agree with what the others (and you) have said here about the pressures we put ourselves under (and how much of the time our weight is at the back of our minds).

Also that it DOES help to let it all out. Sometimes we can have something 'niggling' at us that someone else can put into words or get in to perspective.

Have a good day xx

 

[DappyMare]

hi Kez

was looking thru the diaries and read yours and had to post as you are like me with how i struggle ..and agree with everyone else about the pressures we put on our selves for goals etc....i read this post by size102b and it is me and so true. Hun aim for a lb a week they all add up, and you will be in that lovely wedding dress and also getting ready to ride ya beautiful boy.


Posted on weight watchers forum .....

Hi I know myself being a yoyo 'dieter' how easy it is to give up and losing what I feel is 'slow' also makes me want to think I want to give up........

So before you do please read and think​

Miss A and Miss B Have been yoyoing (losing weight & regaining weight) every year for 5 years,they both now have 4 stone to lose each after it started off 1 stone.....(Yoyoing usually makes us gain more than we lose over a period of time).

Miss A and Miss B started WW on Jan 02 2009 both losing that steady 'slow' 1 lbs a week..........

Miss B after 12 week's was really down at just losing 14lbs (1 stone ) that she thought I cant do this anymore........
So she stopped
2 Months later May and 7lbs back on she thought OH NO SUMMERS HERE I NEED TO LOSE WEIGHT
So she restarted WW
12 Weeks later again losing the fantastic 1 lbs a week she loses a stone
Again Miss B cant in her head feel this is fast enough so she stops again!
2 Months later Septembers and CHRISTMAS is mentioned at work the office party she gasps OH NO I have to lose weight,this time a stone has come back on so she restarts ww again
She sticks to plan she knows it works and by Jan 2nd 2010 she loses a stone

Miss A she started WW 2nd Jan 2009 and she loses that steady fantastic 1 lbs a week and by Jan 2nd 2010 she has lost her 4 stone and is in a size 10 and starts the New year yoyo free and in maintance, learning along the way that this is a plan for life and 1 lb per week is slow but consistant

So Miss A lost 4 stone
And Miss B Lost 3 stone but still has to lose 2 1/2 stone as she has regained and lost.....

So I was Miss B last year and every year
Now I am Miss A

WHO DO YOU WANT TO BE?

sorry for the long post but thought it may help when the slow losses really get to you... 1lb can add up to alot of lbs ...ya have done sooo well...

 

[Eternalflame]

Morning Kez.

Thanks for your post. I was at work Fri night and thinking of our posts re your noodes, OMG I could have gone to local chineese had it not been I was working. I so miss noodles and will make that the first thing I have on Monday next week when I get back to SW.

Can't quite fathom out how CD works, and more shocked about how I gained 5lb in 4 days last week. I suppose it you put it on that quick, it comes off quickly at first, but.. doubt that will last. Need to do CD til Thursday eve at least, to try and get another 3lb off before my weekend away, hoping I don't then put the whole lot back on . Then getting my but to SW group on the Monday eve (and noodles ). Love CD as I do, but for me, its a quick fix and nothing I can stick at. SW just feels more of a way of life, then a diet.. plus it works!

Why do we weave in and out of CD and SW?

What you up to today Kez? x

 

[cornishkez]

Morning ladies, thanks for all your support. I felt a bit guilty about all the attention I attracted. Don't feel like I deserve your sympathy!

CD is not sustainable in the long term, you guys that have done it for months...hats off to you! SW is the way forward and is the life time plan. But I just want some of this weight gone quickly. In my head I want 3 stone gone and then I can settle into a slower pace.

It's 60 weeks today until my wedding and I have 83lbs left to lose. 1.5lbs a week until the wedding would give me my goal, plus an extra half a stone off. When I think about it like that, it seems much more achievable.

I know what I am like though and I get complacent. I'll think, it's ok that I've put on 1lb this week. I'll just loose 2.5lbs next week, but it never happens. I would rather be ahead of myself.

I weighed this morning and I am 4lbs up on my wednesday morning weigh in. I am feeling panicky now! When I can off CD last month, I was so scared about eating carbs again that I managed to maintain and although I put 5lbs back on, it was over the course of a few weeks. This time, granted I haven't been as careful, but it has gone on in a few days. Scary stuff!

 

[cornishkez]

Oh and I have torn the muscle in my back again. I am in bloody agony! I was only just gettin back to normal after last time. Think I might have to give in and pay out for a chiropractor or something?!

Any one else seen the adverts for 'Dance your Ass off?'. It looks very good.

 

[cornishkez]

I am meant to be going to Manchester in 2 weeks, to a family do of the OH's. I was hoping to have 2 stone off by then. I am 9lbs away, which on CD is achievable. But still not feeling very happy with myself. Not feeling as confident as I thought I might. All this bouncing around has left me feeling very unsure of myself.

I have tried to get out of it, as it will mean travelling up with OH and his 2 sisters on the Friday, then coming back on the Monday.

1. I hate travelling unless I am driving, serious travel sickness sufferer.
2. It means missing work on the Saturday, which will be the busiest this year to date, and losing out on £60.
3. It will mean either leaving the dogs home alone and in the capable care of our neighbour, (who I'm happy will walk, feed and put them in and out of their run) but still isn't ideal. Or pay for kennels for 4 days and 3 nights. Probably be £120 ish...
4. I haven't met any of his extended family before. He hasn't seen them in 8-10 years. He is only going as his gran is poorly and this may be the last chance he has.
5. I have only met his gran a couple of times and she now has altziemers and will have no idea who I am, she doesn't know who OH is.
6. I am not feeling confident enough to be introduced to all this extended family, when the WHOLE of OH family are extremely slim. I mean the girls are all 8's and the boys are all 28" waists.

So am trying to get out of it without offending his dad, who is quite excited about this family get together.

I am hoping that they will accept that the dog factor is important enough for me to be passing up on the trip.

Also, on another note. My IBS is really giving me jip. I usually get a bout the day I come on, but other than that I don't suffer. But the cramps have been unbearable these past few days. I am sure my body is punishing me for going in and out of ketosis. It can't be any good.

 

[Surfhunny]

Poor you, you seem to be having a rough time right now. I hope your back gets better soon, torn muscles are really painful, I did mine shovelling snow after Christmas. I had physio for about a month which I'm not convinced helped much but he told me a few things that have helped when I've been gardening etc. He said if you've been bending one way for a length of time bend slowing the opposite way to stretch your muscles, it stops them from going into spasm and tearing apparently... A bit late now I know sorry, but might help for the future.

Anyway, I've started taking those enzymes, they taste bloody aweful but I'm keeping going with them. I've also started taking psyllium husks in order to keep me regular... they're huge, like bullets!! Not sure I'll keep them up for long, they're really difficult to swallow.

I hope your OH's family understand, cos you sound like you could really do without the added pressure at the moment. Keep smiling Kez xxx

 

[cornishkez]

Thanks hun, I never noticed the enzymes tasting bad. I just gulped them down with lots of water. I'm not very good with taking tablets, I always get them stuck in my thorat...yuk!

Just had a piping hot bath up to my armpits and it's helped loads! Has eased it right up. Am hoping it will last out to the morning. When I ripped it earlier in the year I should have starte doing stretching exercises. I will do that this time.

 

[cornishkez]

Morning All! Am feeling bright eyed and busy tailed today. Having an early night has helped no end. The back hasn't eased up, had a pretty restless night, kept rolling over and waking myself up. And the dogs were restless as well for some reason. I got up twice to look out the window, to see if I could see what they were whining about? But couldn't spot anything.

Have got £50 cashback rewards on my catalogue, so I have ordered some new tracksuit bottoms (I don't own any!). I need to get a swimming cap as well, as I need to get back into my swimming before work, but since the perm have been too scared my hair will go green or fall out... so swimming cap it must be!

Weighed this morning and I am 4lbs up. Am gutted really as I havent been bad. The only bad thing I have done is not drink any water since Wednesday, which I am sure has contributed, but not that much surely?! I am also feeling a bit blocked up and bloated. Must drink my water today!

In the back on my mind I am thinking today is Monday, a new week you really should go and see your CDC tonight and try again. But I'm just not convinced I can or will stick to it. It would have to be in secret too as Scott will not be happy with me spending the money on CDC when we have other things to pay for.

I just don't get, how I can be prepared to do SS and go through all the misery of reaching ketosis. But I can't do SW and have no syns? Surely that would be the easier option. To do SW and eat only free foods and super speed foods and have no syns? The weight would drop off then, but I just can't do it?! It would be much cheaper too and if all I was eating was fruit and veg then I certainly would have no problem in the loo department would I? lol

That's how I lost the weight before, a very, very strict SW diet and swimming nearly every morning. I think I lost nearly 3 stone in 4 months, which by SW standards is pretty good going.

So for the minute I am 1 coffee down and 0 pints of water...must get cracking on the water!

Well see how the day plans out. Have a good one everyone!

 

[cornishkez]

Well.. I phoned my CDC and I am popping over to see her after work. I've got 9 shakes left in the cupboard, so will pick up enough to last the rest of the week. I am not promising myself anything, if I can last the week then that will be an achievement and I can decide where to go after that. Im not thinking long term here, just 1 day at a time.

I just want this first few stone off, so I am at a size/weight where by I can start doing some proper exercise. Sign up for some classes etc.

I spoke to the jeweller about my engagement ring, got the quote for having the diamond replaced. But as well as having the diamond replaced it needs some work to have the shank restraightened and they want to build it back up to strangthen it and hopefully stop it happening again. So the quote is for around the £200 mark. It's more than I was expecting as I was hoping to just replace the diamond, but it will be worth it, if it stops it happening again.

 

[cornishkez]

Just worked out that 12lbs would take me out of the morbidely obese bracket and into obese.

 

[great things]

Have got £50 cashback rewards on my catalogue, so I have ordered some new tracksuit bottoms (I don't own any!). I need to get a swimming cap as well, as I need to get back into my swimming before work, but since the perm have been too scared my hair will go green or fall out... so swimming cap it must be!

PMSL green hair just put ketchup on it as the toms neutralise the green

 

[YummyMummy2B]

Take 1 day at a time. Im always about and struggling. I too would be suprised if I can get through a whole week =]

 

[cornishkez]

Nikki, so I can have a green, falling out perm covered in ketchup. Nice! haha

Kim, I'll be struggling for sure. I'm always here! I need to do some catching up, I've been out of the CD zone for 6 weeks and am fed up with watching you guys doing all the weight oss.

 

[Surfhunny]

Well you can rest assured I'll be here with you too struggling with my small little losses. xxx