Lizz's "to Inslimity and beyond" diary
- Thread starter LizzMB
- Start date
LizzMB
WILL be Slim!
managing to keep reasonably on track. Staying away from carbs totally....and eating salad and protein! Its not SS+ at the moment, but i'm getting there.
I have avoided crap food for 2 full days which is better than previously so cant grumble.
Had a telephone interview today and they loved me, so i am meeting up with them tomorrow morning for a coffee.....trouble is, the job requires me to live away from work 4 nights a week which sucks, but needs must so fingers crossed i get it and can get away from the bullies!
Thanks for your support ladies!
Its good to be back....
xxxx
I have avoided crap food for 2 full days which is better than previously so cant grumble.
Had a telephone interview today and they loved me, so i am meeting up with them tomorrow morning for a coffee.....trouble is, the job requires me to live away from work 4 nights a week which sucks, but needs must so fingers crossed i get it and can get away from the bullies!
Thanks for your support ladies!
Its good to be back....
xxxx
LizzMB
WILL be Slim!
phew! Nearly 1 full week gone without major binging! Feels like a life time away!
I wont lie and say i have been perfect, but i've been balanced so i feel a lot better for that.
I have been having 2 of my porridges, and then a salad and protein for dinner and a yogurt, shed loads of water and peppermint tea. I fell more in control and a lot more normal again.
I doubt i will ever go back to SS/SS+....i just get into that "panic" stage and think i have to go "back".....but really, all i need to do is move forward.
There was a meeting yesterday and they really lay on the food....and i admit to having a bacon roll for breakfast (leaving as much bread as possible), and then grabbed an apple and plum from the buffet before shooting off! I was SO proud of myself!
We then went into Milton Keynes to take Freya to see Santa and it was amazing! I got some amazing little oriental sushi type roll things from M&S and with only 60cal in i thought they would be horrible, but they were AMAZING!!!! I then had salad for tea with a Krispy Kream donut i admit...but it was had in the spirit of the day!
Today, porridges, salad and protein for tea and i have had 5 cadburys roses...but i'm not going back for more, and i enjoyed the ones i have.
Its weigh in tomorrow, first before Christmas....and i dread to think how much weight i have put on!
Oddly, i am still in my size 10 skinnies and my other clothes arent tight, but i do feel chunkier than when i was 11 stone. Its not a bad thing in a way, but i just to find my "natural" stabilisation weight.....thinking 11 and a half for the time being while i get used to not binging...and then i'll re-evaluate!
The best bit is in 14 sleeps, i get to see Freya's face when she is opening her presents...and i CAN NOT wait!!!!!!! Kind of puts things into perspective when you see things through a childs eyes...
We never use the word FAT in our house having been called it by strangers in the past, so we use the word chunky instead.....so she had some donut yesterday and then declared half way through that she'd had more than enough....so we got onto a conversation about fruit and veg not making you chunky and being good for your body etc, and i asked her if she thought i was chunky and she said no! i was so relieved! lol. I used to be massive in comparison and definately chunky/fat in a childs eyes, and now i'm not! YIPPEE!!
I know i'm going on a bit now arent i! lol.
Just feeling a lot happier i guess.
The only problem is that i have to have blood tests as i'm sweating so much at night that i keep having to change the sheets. It smells too which is nasty for myself and Simon! I keep waking up in the night soaked, and then i get upset because i'm soaked! Its a nightmare cycle! So went to see the doctors and they've referred me for blood tests.....god knows what the problem is but its really upsetting now and i feel like a freak...and a dirty freak at that!
The telephone interview on monday was super, meet up with them on tuesday and they loved me, gotta meet up with another bloke this tuesday coming but keeping my fingers crossed! I seem to already have a super reputation with this company so i'm happy!
Anyway, hope your all super and getting excited about Christmas!
Fingers crossed for Weigh in!!!!!
xxx
I wont lie and say i have been perfect, but i've been balanced so i feel a lot better for that.
I have been having 2 of my porridges, and then a salad and protein for dinner and a yogurt, shed loads of water and peppermint tea. I fell more in control and a lot more normal again.
I doubt i will ever go back to SS/SS+....i just get into that "panic" stage and think i have to go "back".....but really, all i need to do is move forward.
There was a meeting yesterday and they really lay on the food....and i admit to having a bacon roll for breakfast (leaving as much bread as possible), and then grabbed an apple and plum from the buffet before shooting off! I was SO proud of myself!
We then went into Milton Keynes to take Freya to see Santa and it was amazing! I got some amazing little oriental sushi type roll things from M&S and with only 60cal in i thought they would be horrible, but they were AMAZING!!!! I then had salad for tea with a Krispy Kream donut i admit...but it was had in the spirit of the day!
Today, porridges, salad and protein for tea and i have had 5 cadburys roses...but i'm not going back for more, and i enjoyed the ones i have.
Its weigh in tomorrow, first before Christmas....and i dread to think how much weight i have put on!
Oddly, i am still in my size 10 skinnies and my other clothes arent tight, but i do feel chunkier than when i was 11 stone. Its not a bad thing in a way, but i just to find my "natural" stabilisation weight.....thinking 11 and a half for the time being while i get used to not binging...and then i'll re-evaluate!The best bit is in 14 sleeps, i get to see Freya's face when she is opening her presents...and i CAN NOT wait!!!!!!! Kind of puts things into perspective when you see things through a childs eyes...
We never use the word FAT in our house having been called it by strangers in the past, so we use the word chunky instead.....so she had some donut yesterday and then declared half way through that she'd had more than enough....so we got onto a conversation about fruit and veg not making you chunky and being good for your body etc, and i asked her if she thought i was chunky and she said no! i was so relieved! lol. I used to be massive in comparison and definately chunky/fat in a childs eyes, and now i'm not! YIPPEE!!
I know i'm going on a bit now arent i! lol.
Just feeling a lot happier i guess.
The only problem is that i have to have blood tests as i'm sweating so much at night that i keep having to change the sheets. It smells too which is nasty for myself and Simon! I keep waking up in the night soaked, and then i get upset because i'm soaked! Its a nightmare cycle!
So went to see the doctors and they've referred me for blood tests.....god knows what the problem is but its really upsetting now and i feel like a freak...and a dirty freak at that! The telephone interview on monday was super, meet up with them on tuesday and they loved me, gotta meet up with another bloke this tuesday coming but keeping my fingers crossed! I seem to already have a super reputation with this company so i'm happy!
Anyway, hope your all super and getting excited about Christmas!
Fingers crossed for Weigh in!!!!!
xxx
Well done on getting the control back! I need to do that but it's a hard slog at the moment.
Oh and it's nice to see someone else as excited about Christmas as I am! I love Christmas as it is but having young children makes it even more magical! I am such a home person and to have a holiday where it's all about being at home with the family is just the best! Can't wait!
Stay strong for the weekend and good luck with the weigh in.
Oh and it's nice to see someone else as excited about Christmas as I am! I love Christmas as it is but having young children makes it even more magical! I am such a home person and to have a holiday where it's all about being at home with the family is just the best! Can't wait!
Stay strong for the weekend and good luck with the weigh in.
Brilliant to see you so much more positive, hope some of it rubs off on me!! I think you made a very wise remark, when you talked about not going back, but moving forward.......that's what I'm trying to do. Great about the job interviewa too - good luck, hope it all works out.
sleepybird
wants a pony
Fingers crossed for the job interview and please dont be so hard on yourself about the night time glowing.....its not your fault and you can't help it. Bloody nature having a laugh at your expense probably...bah!
Hope to hear an update from you soon x
Hope to hear an update from you soon x
LizzMB
WILL be Slim!
weigh in awful!
Shocked at how much i had gained and how fat i feel!
Back on track 100%! Terrified of getting back to the size i was! have 9 days until Christmas and i am going to be 100% until then, have Christmas day off, then straight back on!
Determined now to get back to that 11stone target as i loved my body at that point despite the excess skin!
WILL DO IT!
To ashamed to admit my new weight! its disgusting! I see it on every inch of my body and every time i look in the mirror!
Shock tactic seems to be the way forward!
Oh, and its snowing which sucks as i live 60 miles away from home so going to have to take a fair bit of work with me just in case! tut! I hate the snow! Bring on Christmas!!!!!!
xx
Shocked at how much i had gained and how fat i feel!
Back on track 100%! Terrified of getting back to the size i was! have 9 days until Christmas and i am going to be 100% until then, have Christmas day off, then straight back on!
Determined now to get back to that 11stone target as i loved my body at that point despite the excess skin!
WILL DO IT!
To ashamed to admit my new weight! its disgusting! I see it on every inch of my body and every time i look in the mirror!
Shock tactic seems to be the way forward!
Oh, and its snowing which sucks as i live 60 miles away from home so going to have to take a fair bit of work with me just in case! tut! I hate the snow! Bring on Christmas!!!!!!
xx
Katycakes
Stubborn tortoise
Aw, sorry to hear that Lizz. Funny how the scales can have such a major impact on our mood, as before that you didn't feel so bad, clothes still fit, etc. Shows that the number on the scale affects what we see in the mirror. The way forward is to accept it and use it to motivate you, and you can do that... you have done it before. I guess it makes sense of KDs advice to weigh daily in maintenance too, just to keep a grip of what is happening and not allow yourself to drift. I know that when I am off the straight & narrow I tend to avoid the scales, but need to make the weigh-in a part of my day.
Big hugs Lizz, you are tackling the gain... you'll get there.
Stay safe in that snow.
xxx
Big hugs Lizz, you are tackling the gain... you'll get there.
Stay safe in that snow.
xxx
LizzMB
WILL be Slim!
Thanks hun! Much appreciated!
Must get some scales in the house and do the same.
I know my clothes were feeling tight, but not THAT tight! lol....
cross at myself for how stupid it was to fall into the same old habits and traps!
esp considering i really love healthy food!
Having head in shame a lot at the moment!
xxx
Must get some scales in the house and do the same.
I know my clothes were feeling tight, but not THAT tight! lol....
cross at myself for how stupid it was to fall into the same old habits and traps!
esp considering i really love healthy food!
Having head in shame a lot at the moment!
xxx
Hi Lizz, don't worry too much if the scales don't say what you'd like them to, at least you aren't ignoring them or what you are eating which is good. Keep trying, just like me, even though I fall off the wagon so often. I think as long as I don't give up, eventually some kind of pattern will get through my thick skull and I'll find a way of maintaining. I hope.
curlywurly1234
Cambridge Consultant
Happy New year hon.. Hope all is ok and looking forward to seeing you back here soon! xxxxx
LizzMB
WILL be Slim!
Happy new year all! Hope you had super Christmas's!
Where do i start!
Saturday 19th September 2009 was when it all started to go wrong! My best mates wedding! Decided to come off plan having reached a size 10 and 11 stone....HEALTHY BMI!
Since then, i have put on at least 2 stone!
f*cking silly cow that i am!
I have managed to give up Chocolate now, on day 4 of that so the cravings are gone.
Off my anti-d's and my eczema has flared up in disgust!
Going horse riding every week now for my happy time!
Still hating my job but have interiews going on so thats not too bad
but i have every inch of my fat fat body!
I am desperately squeezing into my clothes! I feel every additional pound i have put on!
I hate the reflection in the mirror.....
The hardest bit.....my CDC doesnt quite know what she can say/do for me at the moment!
I am in a real bad way, i have a major probolem with food and i dont know what to do!
I keep thinking, tomorrow is a SS day...no more messing!
That lasts until 6pm when i get home, and then i eat! Tonight i had turkey breast from the deli, 2 small slices of cheese, sugar snap peas and beetroot! Not a massive meal and some might wonder why i'm still so miserable, but its the bag of banana toffee from thorntons i ate afterwards! I wasnt even bloomin hungry! It was pure impulse!
I'm scared to death right now becuase i feel like i have no control over my fat body again! I feel like i'm kidding myself that i ever thought i could be slim!
I feel like i am ruining everything for myself and that people are laughing at yet another cambridge failure! WOW...i never thought i would be in the 95% failure statistic but here i am and it hurts!
I long for my motivation to stick about in the evenings!
Literally, todays diary was
1 x CD Soup
6 x ltr water
1 Muller Yogurt
1/2 punnet blueberries
1 slice deli turkey
4 baby beetroot
2 slices of cheese
sugar snap peas
125g banana toffee
4 x black coffee
i CRAVE that first week loss! 13lbs off would be such a big difference...even 7lbs off would be massive! I know i am not a go slow dieter! I need results to keep me going, and yet the MASSIVE increases on the scales havent changed anything at all!
I am ashamed to admit this outloud but i am now 13st 7lbs! A whole 36lbs heavier.....in just over 3 months! Nearly a stone a month spent on binges!
in tears!
failure!
Pathetic!
and down right disgusting!
x
Where do i start!
Saturday 19th September 2009 was when it all started to go wrong! My best mates wedding! Decided to come off plan having reached a size 10 and 11 stone....HEALTHY BMI!
Since then, i have put on at least 2 stone!
f*cking silly cow that i am!
I have managed to give up Chocolate now, on day 4 of that so the cravings are gone.
Off my anti-d's and my eczema has flared up in disgust!
Going horse riding every week now for my happy time!
Still hating my job but have interiews going on so thats not too bad
but i have every inch of my fat fat body!
I am desperately squeezing into my clothes! I feel every additional pound i have put on!
I hate the reflection in the mirror.....
The hardest bit.....my CDC doesnt quite know what she can say/do for me at the moment!
I am in a real bad way, i have a major probolem with food and i dont know what to do!
I keep thinking, tomorrow is a SS day...no more messing!
That lasts until 6pm when i get home, and then i eat! Tonight i had turkey breast from the deli, 2 small slices of cheese, sugar snap peas and beetroot! Not a massive meal and some might wonder why i'm still so miserable, but its the bag of banana toffee from thorntons i ate afterwards! I wasnt even bloomin hungry! It was pure impulse!
I'm scared to death right now becuase i feel like i have no control over my fat body again! I feel like i'm kidding myself that i ever thought i could be slim!
I feel like i am ruining everything for myself and that people are laughing at yet another cambridge failure! WOW...i never thought i would be in the 95% failure statistic but here i am and it hurts!
I long for my motivation to stick about in the evenings!
Literally, todays diary was
1 x CD Soup
6 x ltr water
1 Muller Yogurt
1/2 punnet blueberries
1 slice deli turkey
4 baby beetroot
2 slices of cheese
sugar snap peas
125g banana toffee
4 x black coffee
i CRAVE that first week loss! 13lbs off would be such a big difference...even 7lbs off would be massive! I know i am not a go slow dieter! I need results to keep me going, and yet the MASSIVE increases on the scales havent changed anything at all!
I am ashamed to admit this outloud but i am now 13st 7lbs! A whole 36lbs heavier.....in just over 3 months! Nearly a stone a month spent on binges!
in tears!
failure!
Pathetic!
and down right disgusting!
x
Porgeous
Chilling
So sorry to hear you feeling so down on yourself. I'm afraid I haven't got any wise words but can share how I deal with cravings in case it may help. I take a moment to think about what I am about to do before acting on it. I remind myself that it is my choice, if I want to eat it then I can. I think about the reasons why I may be experiencing a craving to see if there are other options. I consider the consequences of my actions. I then make the decision. This doesn't always mean I choose not to but I does mean that I am making a conscious decision rather than acting on impulse.
Keep on keeping on, there is none of us who have got this cracked my lovely but we are all doing the best we can, you included.
xx
Keep on keeping on, there is none of us who have got this cracked my lovely but we are all doing the best we can, you included.
xx
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