Minerva; Confessions of a Food Addict.

[Minerva]

Feeling like I'm forcing myself to eat at the moment when I'm not very hungry... I know I'll get used to more calories in the day, or maybe I need to start learning how to spread them out better? ... I don't know. It's only day 2, I'll get there eventually I guess.

16th September. Wednesday.

Breakfast: Scrambled Bacon Eggs on Toast. ~180
Toast (55), Egg (75), 1 Bacon Medallion (30), 70g Salad (10), 50g Cherry Tomatoes (10)

Lunch: Warm Spicy Cabbage and Crispy Ham salad, sprinkled with sesame seeds. ~150
150g shredded white cabbage (45), 5g Sesame seeds (30), 35g Ham (40), 100g Shredded lettuce (15), Sliced tomato (20)

Dinner: Couscous served with Creamy Mushroom Carbonara sauce. ~410
25g dry couscous (95), 50g Sour Cream (50), 2 Bacon Medallions (60), 100ml milk (35), Onion (10), Dry Mushrooms (10), 100g sliced mushrooms (15), 50g Babycorn (15).
Veg & Salad: 100g Cabbage (30), 150g carrot (60), Salad (30)

Dessert: S/f Jelly with a Muller Light. ~145
Jelly (10), Muller (100), 100g Raspberries (35)

Snacks/Extras: Milk in Coffee, Vitamins (50) ~ 50

Totals: 935

 

[Sean(JSF)]

That's better MIn, sorry to hear of your continued struggles but we both know you've got it within you to beat these particular demons.

How about having a couple of handfuls of dried fruit and/or nuts throughout the day, will increase calories in a good way without increasing the 'volume' of food.

 

[KD]

Well done Min

Good advice from Sean too

I think forcing yourself to eat isn't such a bad thing, especially if you can look on the positive side of it. Giving your body what it needs despite your mind so to speak.

Small steps eh. A few days, or even a week on this level of cals, followed by a little higher.

Eventually moving on to the odd bit of less healthy stuff. Yeah, yeah, I know, why would anyone in their right mind suggest that??

I just want it to be less perfect and also for you to give yourself a chance to work out how to eat something that is often considered unhealthy in the dieting world, and be able to stop. Not just stop sometimes, but close to always. It take practice. I would hate to see you raise calories and take on an orthorexia way of life which is equally as worrying and just another eating disorder.

At this stage, fine. Doing fab. So small steps, but then add something you might think is just plain 'wrong' and work on being happy with it, in charge of it.

So pleased you've upped your cals...keep it going Min.

 

[Minerva]

Not quite ready for fruit and nuts just yet Sean! But I have a lovely stock pile of them in my cupboard, available and there for me when I decide to take the plunge!

As for the less healthy stuff KD: I have worked on self-restraint quite a lot, so I find it easy enough nowdays to stop after a slice of cake. I don't even HAVE to finish the cake itself! I usually just need to set a small boundary within which I am free to roam, and that is fine. Such as; a big bowl of tasty stuff... Not to over-do it, I measure myself out a portion and have my fill of it, rather than picking at the huge bowl all day and realistically not knowing how much I've had. It's all about having a taste, and not depriving myself if I'd *really* like something naughty. Right now my resolve seems to be wavering at cream cakes LOL! And onion bread. It smells SO GOOD!


But; as it is right now, I'm still feeling rather bloated and full! I guess my problem is that I like my meals to BE large without the calories. It's the visuals I always cling to - that's why I can't really truly indulge in a naughty thing, because I want a lot of it... whatever it is. I'd rather have a bucket of mushrooms than a small square of chocolate.... as stupid as that sounds. Lol. Maybe it's that genetic thing that drives me to need to eat more, but I have compensated by learning to want filling things such as beans, mushrooms, salad, and vegetables - because I know I can have those without paying the price of over indulgence.

Still making myself eat and finish things on my plate - it's hard! I keep wanting to leave some of the more calorie dense stuff (usually the meat/carbs), I'm forcing myself to have them all. ... GAH. I'm sure it'll get easier and my hunger will return again. Though I'm rather worried that only after 2 days of 950 calories I've already put on a pound. ... Lol I know WOE IS ME, 1LB! ... But just makes me think, is this a steep curve up and above; after all 950 is still below the BMR of 1200 for normal body function ... or is my metabolism THAT screwed up at the moment?

Ah well, I'm enjoying the slow resurgence of energy, and mental capacity to feel happy again... It's funny how, when you run on such low calorie in takes, yes you may be *functioning* ... but you're not living at all.


--
17th September. Thursday.

Breakfast: Warm Butter Bean, Mushroom and Cherry Tomato salad. ~150
85g Butter Beans (80), 100g Salad (15), 60g Trimmed beans (15), 100g Mushrooms (15), Soy (10), 50g Cherry Tomatoes (10), Radishes (5)

Lunch: King Prawns served on a bed of Trimmed Beans and sliced Babycorn. ~175
140g King Prawns (95), 30g Butter Beans (25), Salad (20), 50g Cherry Tomatoes (10), 50g Babycorn (15), 40g Trimmed Beans (10)

Dinner: Grilled garlic infused chicken breast, with egg noodles and vegetables. ~420
75g Roast Chicken Breast (125), 30g whole wheat pasta shells (100), 55g Butter Beans (50), 10g R/f Green Pesto (20) = 295
½ Vegetables: 150g Cauliflower (55), 100g broccoli (35), 100g carrot (40) = 130/2 = 65
Salad: Crunchy Salad (30), Cucumber (10), Radish (10), Cherry Tomatoes (10) = 60

Dessert: ½ Weight Watcher’s Jelly mix with 0% Greek Yoghurt and frozen berries. ~110
W/W Jelly (15), Yoghurt pot (80), 50g Frozen berries (15)

Snacks/Extras: Milk in Coffee, Vitamins (50) ~ 50

Totals: 905


...yes, it's slightly below 950, but I guess it was a too sudden jump from 700. I'll do my best to keep it above 900 for sure though. And at least I've stopped counting every piece of chewing gum and extra salad leaf that I consume.
And yes, all my meals had Butter Beans in them today, because I had to go through the whole damn tin in the whole day! ARGH... oh well, who am I to complain, I LIKE them.

 

[slendablenda]

Hey Minerva

How's it going? Don't hide now.
Tell us how it's been for you.
You can't expect to suddenly up your intake in one go - do it gradually.
What about smoothies with a spoonful of honey? Sometimes slips down easy.xxx

 

[Minerva]

What about smoothies with a spoonful of honey? Sometimes slips down easy.xxx

That sounds lovely! However, I like my food to be ... well, food, something I can CHEW! Though I suppose it would help if I'm not feeling all too hungry? Then again sweet things make me want to eat more than I should... Hmm. I like my savoury food more to be honest, though I'm looking forward to adding an apple in the day soon when the daily total goes up a little more in a few days.


Today's Menu:

18th September. Friday.

Breakfast: Toast with Beans and a sliced tomato. ~185
Slice of Whole wheat bread (55), Small tin of Heinz Beans (105), Tomato (20), Salad (5)

Lunch: Mushroom Burger with Salad. ~175
Mushroom Burger (125), 50g Radish (5), 45g Babycorn (15), Salad (20), 50g Cucumber (10)

Dinner: Reggae-Reggae Chicken Stir-Fry. ~420
½ : 150g Quorn Chicken (180), 80g Levi Roots Reggae Sauce (95), 250g Stir-Fry Mix (125), Red Onion (20) = 420/2 = 210 + 40g Egg Noodle Nest (140) =350
Salad & Veg: Crunchy Salad (30), 100g Carrot (40) = 70

Dessert: 0% Yoghurt with Frozen Berries and Pot Jelly. ~110
Yoghurt (80), Pot Jelly (10), 80g Berries (20)

Snacks/Extras: Milk in Coffee, Vitamins (50) ~ 50

Totals: 940

 

[Gemma79]

you're doing great min, lovely to see you fighting though.

(ps aion is out this weekend!)

 

[Minerva]

you're doing great min, lovely to see you fighting though.

(ps aion is out this weekend!)

I'm trying.

And Aion.. I'm not actually convinced by it... I've grown to love the less realistic styles of WoW and even Warhammer, and Aion looks way too realistic for me... That's why I've never touched the other games like Guild Wars, Everquest, because while I play I see too many faults in the realism of it. And being an artist doesn't help... Plus it looks quite influenced by Anime/Manga style, which I must say I'm not fond of either. *shudder*

I'll wait until Cataclysm comes out, I just KNOW you'll come back for it! Like we all did to Lich King after Warhammer!

 

[Gemma79]

haha catacylsm is appealing, but to make it work I'd have to drag my guild back there and not sure that would be fair, but we will see. 40 of us are gonig to aion so we will enjoy that for now

 

[slendablenda]

Haven't a clue.................I assume they are games (I feel so OLD!)
Baked cooking apples with frozen summer fruits and cinnamon stirred in and a dollop of fat free natural yougurt, maybe a few toasted pine nuts on top.
Filling and yummy xx

 

[Minerva]

Haven't a clue.................I assume they are games (I feel so OLD!)
Baked cooking apples with frozen summer fruits and cinnamon stirred in and a dollop of fat free natural yougurt, maybe a few toasted pine nuts on top.
Filling and yummy xx

Thanks for the idea SB - I do know that one, and am very much looking forward to baking my fruit, but I'm not ready yet for such sugary snacks, or fruit in general. I'm slowly working on just upping my calories without my brain freaking out.
And yes! Gemma and I were discussing video games! Never say you're too old though, because I know for a fact that everyone, of all age groups plays them!

--

Mmyes, as it stands, because I've been logging my daily intake here, it's easier to keep the routine going and slowly getting very much used to 'upping' the intake of calories rather than reducing it at every possible turn. I still try to 'reduce' for no apparent reason, but I'm slowly working on reducing the volume of food on my plate and replacing it with smaller, more calorie dense things like the couscous, pasta, and bread, more protein, and gently nudging myself towards nuts.
Getting a bit less scared of those things day by day, when I work out my meals I'm starting to feel a little more limited by the 950 margin. Not so much for the hunger, but - when I first increased the calories I got a surge of energy for a few days, now I again feel like my body could do with a little more energy intake, as it's starting to feel a bit fuzzy and lethargic again. I guess I *really* have to listen to what it's telling me physically.

I guess this re-learning to eat properly is quite fun. Rather than going back to 'old' ways and habits pre-LL, I'm rebuilding a fresh set of routines and needs because I had destroyed all the old. So this is all good!

19th September. Saturday.

Breakfast: Mushroom Omelette. ~150
Egg (75), 30ml milk (10), Salad (15), Tomato (20), 50g Babycorn (15), 100g Mushrooms (15)

Lunch: Quorn Chicken and Butter Bean stir-fry. ~180
60g Butter Beans (60), Stir-Fry Mix (50), 45g Quorn (45), Salad (20), 50g Radish (5)

Dinner: Quorn Chicken in Creamy Mushroom Sauce served over a Couscous stuffed Pepper. ~440
85g Quorn (90), Dry Mushrooms & Onion (20), Oxo (20), 155g Mushrooms (25), 50g sour cream (50), Milk (25) = 230
Pepper: 75g Sweet Pepper (25), 25g Ainsley's Couscous (95) = 120
½ Vegetables: 100g Cauliflower (35), 100g Carrot batons (40), 100g Trimmed Beans (25) = 100/2= 50 + Salad (30), 50g Tomato (10) = 90

Dessert: S/f Jelly and Apricot Muller Light. ~115
Jelly (15), Muller (100)

Snacks/Extras: Milk in Coffee, Vitamins (50) ~ 50

[FONT=&quot]Totals: 935 [/FONT]

 

[thin_inside]

Min, I love your menus. They do sound really tasty and very healthy and easy to add calories around the same food. You're doing well keeping above the 900 cals a day.

And you are SOOO Beautiful lady. You radiate from your gorgeous new avatar. xx

 

[Jezebella]

Min you are looking stunning in those pictures - you really are a fantastically pretty lady. Sorry to hear you are having such a rough time of things - I managed to read a few of the posts on the old Iphone whilst away this week, and have to say I was really concerned for you. So glad you are taking small steps to get there. I guess it is just the same as abstinence - one day at a time and do it in little baby steps.

Big hugs hun

Jez
xx

 

[daisydoll]

love the new avatar!
daisy x

 

[Minerva]

Lol. Thank you about the avatar...! Posing for the web-cam is always fun, don't you agree? And I still am amazed as to how well I fit in this chair.. I used to have to squash myself in, now I can sit cross-legged, and curled up on it, in this tiny bookcase corner! Feels good.
I uploaded some more pictures to a new album as well in my profile. Some more naked pictures but, I don't feel I should hide it. In fact I'm trying to show the extent of 'loose skin'; that so many people are worried about. I think most people think they'll have big bags and rolls of skin left over after they finish... And with my near-10 stone loss, nothing of the kind. Maybe I was lucky. ... It truly does depend on where your fat accumulates as well, I was fortunate enough not to have a 'saggy' belly (is it called a prolapse of the internal stomach muscles?). But my arse seems to have had a land-slide gravitationally. I didn't realise how saggy it was until I took a picture yesterday!

Either way; food wise today, I set myself the challenge of touching the 1000 calorie mark! I know, right? I was feeling comfortable within my 950 for a few days, so, the time was right to add 50 more to get to that scary threshhold. Feeling ok at the moment, though I still feel quite bloated... Need to work on pushing my meals to earlier times as well; rather than saving most of my food for late afternoon and night time.

20th September. Sunday.

Breakfast: Tinned Beans with grilled mushroom, served on toast. Salad on the side. ~150
15g Bread (35), 120g Tin Beans (85), Mushrooms (15), Salad (15)

Lunch: Warm Dill & Spring Onion Prawn Salad. ~125
70g Prawns (50), Shredded Lettuce (20), Spring Onion (5), Soy (5), 50g Babycorn (15), 70g Bell Pepper (25), 50g Radish (5)

Dinner: Chicken Curry Dhal with Wild Rice. ~520
½ : Green Lentils (225), 210g diced raw chicken (230), Oxo (20), Onion (20), 250ml Passata (55) = 550/2 = 275 + 40g Wild Rice (150) = 425
½ Veg: 140g Cauliflower (50), 150g Carrots (60) = 110/2 = 55 + Salad (30), Cucumber (10)

Dessert: Vanilla Yoghurt Crunch; drizzled with a Handful of Raisins and Honey. ~155
75g 0% Yoghurt (40), 10g Plain Puffed Wheat (40), 10g Honey (35), Pack of Raisins (40), Vanilla essence

Snacks/Extras: Milk in Coffee, Vitamins (50) ~ 50

Totals: 1000

 

[Blonde Logic]

You have age on your side hon. The loose skin is not always exagerated.

If I had your tum, I'd be running around in bikinis and midriffs all day long. As it is, also after 10 stone - you could play "Wheres Waldo" in all my crinkles and wrinkles on my tum.

 

[Jezebella]

Loving your menu choices for today Min, they sound absolutely delicious, especially your dessert!

Jez
xx

 

[Minerva]

You have age on your side hon. The loose skin is not always exagerated.

If I had your tum, I'd be running around in bikinis and midriffs all day long. As it is, also after 10 stone - you could play "Wheres Waldo" in all my crinkles and wrinkles on my tum.

Granted, I'm lucky to have age on my side, I know that if I was carrying my weight around for longer I'd be in much more trouble! Of course it's not always exhaggurated - I was actually referring to the fears in relation to actuality, sometimes, it doesn't turn out too badly, it needs time to shrink back.
And my tum is not ever going to be seen under any circumstances! Fortunately, the camera failed to display the road-map of stretch marks!

And thanks Jez, I'm glad you approve! Have had my dessert now, it was absolutely delicious (though too sweet!). Thank god for Morrison's own brand Puffed Wheat with absolutely no sugar, salt or anything-added!

 

[Blonde Logic]

it needs time to shrink back.

And my tum is not ever going to be seen under any circumstances! Fortunately, the camera failed to display the road-map of stretch marks!

I does indeed. IN fact, last night for the first time, I 'felt' a noticeable difference in the skin under my chin, it is suddenly getting a bit more taught. Took a year to make achange, but if it is changing, I am a happy bunny!!

lol at the "map"!

Hey - they are our battle wounds, ya know? I can live with it for now, but would hope one day, one way, I can get rid of the looseness on my tum, but it I can;t so be it.

 

[Minerva]

I don't mind my battle wounds, yes they're ugly, but they're me. No one else has a set like them! Lol.
And OMG fantastic with the tightening of the skin! I'm really chuffed for you, it must feel great to finally feel the difference in the one area which you may still be a little sensitive about. You have the patience of a saint - and you never stopped believing! One day it will be tight and smooth, just like you've always wanted. Hee! Though, I must say - age isn't always on our side! My boyfriend at the same age as me, when he finished LL, he had an apron belly left; which actually did hang down quite low. Not that I personally minded, I love him regardless, but because of it he aimed to regain some weight to fill it out again rather than working on the toning side and being patient. So, I guess, each individual deals with these things differenly.


Food wise, I really need to work on my schedule of eating, I always do push all my big meals until like 11pm; I try to cram a huge meal in then, and in the end can't even finish it. Need to start eating more in the day rather than tiny meals.
Ok; new plan. Each meal must not be less than 200 calories. And if I feel peckish (which I'm starting to during the day) I will have a small handful of nuts/seeds/dry fruit whatever - amounting to 100 calories or so.

Good luck to me!


--
21st September. Monday.

Breakfast: Butter Beans and Mushrooms on Toast. ~150
Slice of Bread (55), 60g Butter Beans (60), Mushrooms (15), 100g Salad (20)

Lunch: Mushroom Burger on a bed of Spring Greens. ~135
Mushroom Burger (80), Salad (25), 60g Spring Greens (10), 50g Babycorn (15), Soy (5)

Dinner: Prawn Mushroom Risotto. ~485
Peas (70), 70g Prawns (50), Dry Mushrooms & Onion (25), Spring Onion (5), 100g Mushrooms (15), Oxo (20) = 190 + 50g Wild Rice (185) = 370
½ Vegetables: 160g Carrots (65), 150g Broccoli (55) = 120/2 = 60
(Salad: Crunchy Salad (30), Gherkin (15), Babycorn (10) = 55)

Dessert: S/f Jelly with 0% Yoghurt and Frozen Berries. ~120
Jelly (20), Yoghurt (80), 80g Berries (20)

Snacks/Extras: Milk in Coffee, Vitamins (50) ~ 50

Totals: 940