Minerva; Confessions of a Food Addict.

[Minerva]

I wouldn't touch it if I knew it was courgette either! I had some the other day for the first time in my life, and the thought still makes me want to throw up. :jelous:
You should have just used carrot! ...!!!!

And your time will come! You are close to goal and doing so very, very well! Your creations won't run away from you, they are right there waiting for when you are done. No rush, no hurry.
I did find that the first time I did LL - I was collecting and studying recipes for what to do after, but when I finished RTM I fell right into old routine of having the same old things I was having before... But since you actually are cooking for the family with your new-found passion; it probably won't leave so quickly!

Experimenting is fun eh!

 

[Minerva]

Nothing really to report today.
Just sort of planned my meals out for today and made a "sugar-free" jelly using Splenda, gelatin, and a Mango I had lying around.

Supposed to be my last week of Lite RTM - but I hadn't had my packs for about a week and a half now - it's only 1 per day - and to be fair I'd rather spend the 130-150 calories they provide elsewhere with something more food worthy! Calories are fun to swap around - and somewhat fun in a way to count and know how calorie-dense something is. Not so much for obsessive purposes; or even counting so much... but just for future reference.

It's just that sense of 'control' that I like. Control is good.

Right; only had the breakfast so far, but I know what I'm having in the rest of the day already.


Breakfast: Mushroom & 'Sprouting' Bean omelette with half a tomato.
1 egg (75) + 2 mushrooms + 50g sprouted beans (65) + 30g milk + half tomato (24) = 180ish

Lunch: Chicken (50g) sautéed in some Teriyake sauce - together with sweet corn, carrot, garlic paste, quinoa, button mushrooms. Served with other half of tomato, and lettuce.
50g cooked chicken (78), 30g sweet corn (30), 100g carrot (40), 50g cooked quinoa (165),
= 350ish. ... didn't finish ... so 250ish

Dinner: Quorn Chicken (80g) oven cooked with garlic and red onion. Served with cauliflower & salad. + teaspoon of rice.
Quorn (82), cauliflower 150g (45), salad extras and gherkin/salad dressing/creme fraiche (100)
=230ish

Dessert: Mango - Jelly + 1 home-made low-cal flapjack.
Jelly: 35; Flapjack: 130. = 165.

So far: 825ish.

 

[Minerva]

29th May. Friday.

Just falling into a routine now… Food is less of a hassle as I’m slowly letting go of the neurotic mentality of it all; and mixing and making an uber tasty meal from lots of lovely flavours is exciting. Making sure those choices are ‘healthy’ and filling is slowly becoming ‘natural’ way of things. I don’t have to think about it as such; and leaving a bit as “left-overs” is becoming like second nature. I become more worried if I DON’T leave something on my plate… a few months ago I used to become agitated if I didn’t finish everything on my plate. … funny how you can actually deprogram yourself from certain habits if you do try.


Maybe my quitting smoking helped understand the nature of addiction in relation to myself. I used to get cravings for a smoke, and on very rare occasions I still do get those pangs. But I know I can’t act upon that urge so I move on. I still get urges to binge, I absolutely get urges to keep eating or eat at inappropriate times… but I recognise it for what it is. An addictive desire, an addictive behaviour. … Break the cycle, reprogram, learn a different way of coping. …


…I understand now. I understand myself.



Breakfast: 20g Oats (plain) porridge: ~75

Midday: A bit of flapjack : ~95

Lunch: Prawns with mushrooms in soya and garlic. Served on tomato, cauliflower, radishes and salad + balsamic vinegar dressing and splash of lemon and parmesan cheese. ~250.

Apple ~50

Dinner: Cabbage – Extra Lean Mince Bolognase with loooooots of vegetables (carrot, cauliflower, fresh tomato, lettuce) ~ 420 tops.

Dessert: 120g Blueberries with Half-Fat Creme Fraiche. ~90

Day Net: 1000ish.

 

[Minerva]

I do catch myself thinking sometimes – at the end of the meal; if there’s a small bit of food left on the plate and I can feel I’m full: “That little bit won’t make a difference, it’s so insignificant, a little won’t hurt”. … I can hear it clearly! But BECAUSE I can actually hear it in it’s full form – I do my best to say “No”. A little bit today – will be just a little more tomorrow, and then a little more … and then we’ll be back where we started.

I don’t want to get stuck in the undertow again.


Breakfast: Omelette with sprouted beans on a slice of wholegrain rye bread. A tomato on the side. Sprinkle of parmesan cheese. Mmmm. Cheese. ~285.


Spent about 5 hours on my feet walking around Kingston. Arrgh. But felt nice and 'full' for about 3 and a half hours after that lovely breakfast! Even the smell of sugary fried snacks didn't make me "feel" hungry... Strange - a good breakfast really does keep you going for ages. In fact it made me feel quite sick looking at ANY other food!


Lunch: Apple ~50

Dinner: Teriyaki Chicken stir-fry with vegetables, and cashews. ~460

Dessert: Sugar-free jelly + frozen summer fruits + crème fraiche. ~110


So far: 905

 

[Sean(JSF)]

Just wanted to say I admire the way your self-talk is having such a positive effect.

Great stuff

 

[Minerva]

Heheh talking to myself is the only way to go. After all; if I'm not firm with my head-monsters, then who will be?!



---

Hmmm… Having a hungry day today. It’s been harder to avoid food than the other days… Maybe it has something to do with the fact that yesterday I spent as many calories exercising as I consumed. 900 cal from walking to 900 cal in food. … so 0 net for the day?! LOL I don’t think it works that way; I don’t really compensate for what I ‘spend’ in exercise. … but my body does feel a bit tired and brain feels fuzzy today.



I did allow myself a tiny bit extra because I felt I needed it today. A bite of my bf’s pickle sandwich; and more controlled snacks during the day. Of course; it is “normal” eating, and I have many calories still available for me to play around with; but I was only going to start working on a higher calorie plan from Tuesday – the official end of Lite RTM.

Breakfast: Chocolate Porridge (10g Oats, 10g Wheatgerm, Cadbury’s HighLights, dash of ground almonds, dash of skim. Milk) ~165

Mid-Afternoon: Flapjack ~130

Lunch: Quorn Chicken in spiced passata with chickpeas, almond flakes on gem lettuce. ~290

1 small banana. ~65

Dinner: Half a tin of tuna with some red onion, garlic, and dill – souteed together with cabbage, carrot & wild mushrooms. Served with broccoli, salad and gherkins. ~190.

Dessert: 100g fresh Blueberries with 50g 0% Greek Yoghurt. ~90


So far: 930 plus 100 or so for extras such as skim milk in coffee and bite of my bf’s sandwich to try Branston Pickle for the first time in my life. Lol. Used to always hate the smell and taste - but after LL my tastebuds have significantly changed - it was tasty!! so ~ 1100 tops.

 

[Minerva]

Blah. Funny day today – spent most of it on my feet, then walked around a little (the large breakfast definitely helped me remain ‘strong’ for longer though! ) then waited around a little around the house, then even though I was feeling quite exhausted cycled to my LAST EVER LIGHTER LIFE MEETING!!! Yay I’m officially finished…! That part of my life is now over. Now begins the hard part, but I intend to make it easy. I just need to continue how I am now, keep busy, and on top of my feelings and emotions.

Funny, I did expect to lose a little at my last WI; instead I STS. But I wasn’t too bothered to be honest – usually a few months ago there was this mindset where STS would be DISASTER. Go home binge type of feeling would come. … not anymore. I’m happy where I am, not tempted to binge in the slightest. Things are going well.


Last WI: 9st 5. I have officially lost 9 stone. HALF of my original weight which was 18st 5. Wow. I can’t quite believe it.


Today’s menu:

Breakfast: 15g Gouda cheese in an omelette – with a piece of toasted wholegrain Rye bread and a small tomato. ~260


Lunch: Home-Made flapjack. ~110

Dinner: Creamy parmesan sauce (half-fat crème fraiche with herbs) with chicken souteed in an oxo cube with onion and lots of garlic. .. Served with some cabbage, carrots and broccoli. .. and a small helping of buckwheat on the side. ~500

Dessert: Sugar-free jelly with blueberries and 0% greek yoghurt. ~100


Skim. Milk through the day +50. +40 half cookie
Totals: 1050.

 

[Sean(JSF)]

Congratulations on officially finishing LL Min

 

[Minerva]

Thank you Sean!! I feel goooooooood.

--


Had a wonderful day walking around in the sunshine, at my leisure... Spent about 4 hours walking around Camden Market. Had a lovely lunch by the Stables bit; had a falafel wrap (minus hummus) – didn’t eat the tortilla, had the salad and falafel though. Was lovely to sit there a while in the warm summer breeze, enjoying a shisha pipe (smoking without the NASTY! Lol) , reading my book on Control Theory (which is turning out to be really quite interesting!) and picking at a falafel. Lol. I didn’t even finish it all.

This trip was my reward for finishing LL; and remaining in control even though I am “finished”. Last time when I finished I did rush out a little bit and started taking liberties because I wasn’t under the strict watchful eye of LL and my LLC. … Now I’m under the strict watchful eye of MYSELF!! Lol. Just because it’s over – doesn’t mean I can start to relax. I am floating now; with my head above the water. I am comfortable, but my feet can’t touch the ocean floor. If I lose sight of my goal I will sink… but it’s up to me. No one will hold my hand, I’m the only one in control.

I am finding that I don’t need or want anywhere near as much food as I used to serve myself. I actually serve myself much less than I used to – because my mind has finally caught up with my stomach – the mind now knows that I just won’t finish it. I have been making a conscious effort over the last few months to leave part of my meal on the plate, and actually it’s paying off! Even if I’m starving – I know how much I’ll actually eat. It’s funny! I used to serve myself an uber huge meal especially when I was famished. … now? … it just doesn’t make sense to! When I cook dinner for myself – I serve myself about half of my “allocated” portion – and usually find that it’s more than enough to satisfy me.

But then again I haven’t felt that euphoria you get after a big meal for a long time… I feel a little weak, a little let down by it all. Cooking is by far the most exciting bit; then the long eating (40 mins spent picking at various bits of my food and enjoying every morsel). I actually bought myself some chopsticks because my fork makes me take mouthfuls that are too large! I have developed a liking to crewing every little bit and *really* tasting it. More exciting with chopsticks that way.


Right, usual ramble mode : OFF. Tomorrow we’ll continue.
Food for today:


Breakfast: 1 fried egg with runny yolk. Yummm. – then 45g 0% Greek Yoghurt and 150g Blackberries. ~140

Lunch: Falafel with a little bit of Salad with Mayo. Then half of my flapjack a little later. ~260

Dinner: Prawn Chickpea curry with 2 fried Portobello Mushrooms, vegetables and salad. ~460

Dessert: 50g 0% Greek Yoghurt + 150g Blackberries with Sugar-free Jelly. ~100


Totals: 960
+40 Skim. Milk throughout the day. ~1000

 

[sukie sue]

well don min , youve had a helluva journey and have really made a huge impact on youre life , a true inspiration , well done and enjoy the rest of youre 'ride' now that youre fully in control.xxxxx
oh by the way , what is the book youre reading about contol , sounds very interesting .

 

[Minerva]

well don min , youve had a helluva journey and have really made a huge impact on youre life , a true inspiration , well done and enjoy the rest of youre 'ride' now that youre fully in control.xxxxx
oh by the way , what is the book youre reading about contol , sounds very interesting .

:hug99: Thank you Sukie for stopping by!

The book I'm reading is all about being aware that you and only you have the power over your own life (no matter what it throws at you). Sort of you choose which way it will go because you are the only one making the decisions.
I think I referred to it better here:
http://www.minimins.com/lighter-life-forum/92826-reading-material-suggestions-please.html
There is also a link to the original threads about the book there as well. Have a look. I'm a firm believer in this theory - it makes complete sense without the 'dress-up' of most self-help books out there. Simple, to the point - and is actually out of print. Lol. But there are copies floating about in America - very cheap from Amazon.

RAR!

 

[slendablenda]

Well done minerva

I've just looked ast your latest photo - you are looking so good and congratulations on losing half of you.Great achievement. You should be very proud and I'm sure you have got the whole thing sussed for life this time.
I also love your imaginative way with food and cooking. Fun isn't it?
I can see the Russan influence in some of the recipes you create and adapt.
Well done on the smoking too. You really are in control now. Lovely feeling.
I can't believe it's nearly six months since I reached my goal. I have had to address a lot of the same issues. Portion asizes, good and bad foods, not thinking i have to finish everything on my plate or eat something to please someone else. It's okay to say "NO". What a discovery!
Good luck for the future. I KNOW you'll be fine. xxx

 

[susianna]

Well done!

Congratulations Min you have done soooo well.... wow 9 stone how amazing is that!

You sound like you have so got your head around everything and are more than ready to continue with maintaining in "life after LL" lol!

Like SB I really enjoy reading your recipes ... very imaginative!

I really wish I was "in the zone" head wise (like you) but really feel like I am just treading water trying to stay afloat and somehow managing to blag it ... don't get me wrong I'm not lapsing and am keeping on track but if I'm honest i feel strangely out of control but I guess thats all part of RTM and I've only just begun week 5 so hopefully as time continues things will get easier!

Anyway ... really meant just to say WOW!and WELL DONE!

x

 

[sukie sue]

thanks so much min , got it ordered , cant wait to give it a read xx

 

[jcjazzy]

Congratulations Min on your awesome weight loss and the end of your very successful LL chapter.I hope you keep posting your thoughts and imaginative recipes.They sound very interesting.Will try them when I'm eating again xx.

 

[Minerva]

Thank you Splenda!
I guess it truly is a long journey to truly help yourself. I know that now... "losing the weight" is such a small fraction of the whole thing - the psychology we the "losers" have to deal with is immense; especially if we've been in a dark place for a very, very long time.
And yes, cooking is so much fun! I love to throw in random ingredients together and see what they do! And no idea where you see the Russian influence. Hehhe - I haven't truly indulged in the meat stews, and the cabbage soups, or anything like that... Though yesterday I did have a traditional Russian dish for dinner. It was yummy. I need to dig out my Russian Recipe cookbook!! Actually I'll do that now. YAY!
I hope to be like you 6 months down the line, and even for the rest of my life! Happy, living normally. The head stuff comes and goes - but it's the implementation of it that's important. We can all talk about the changes, we can all speculate what is best for us... but doing it is another matter. And you are doing it so very well! You shine happiness and no regrets. I admire that about you.

-------------------------------------------------

Susianna Thanks for stopping by and having a read. I do get heavy on the head stuff sometimes, but I write it down mostly for myself to keep a track record of my thought processes in order to help myself for the future... It's not enough for me to just 'think' it... writing it down makes it all the more real! It really helps psychologically. If you feel it a little difficult to get "in to the zone" head wise, I do suggest making a little journal for yourself and just letting go inside of it. It reaaaaaaaaaally helps. And to be fair, getting your head around these things the first time can be extremely difficult. Even after 9 months on abstinence I screwed up after RTM. LLLite really helped me cement things in my head - because I went back to the 'diet' I almost showed my head who's boss. ... and really did start working on the issues which arose during RTM and after.
I know that if you start working on it all now; you will definitely be successful. Remember that you are in control!

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Jcjazzy! Hi, I do very much intend to keep this blog going for as long as possible. It keeps me in control of what I do, and just writing about issues that come up during the day is useful... Sort of easier if you can get things off your chest. Don't you agree?

And enjoy the book Sukie Sue! It sounds very good - it's not just in relation to 'eating' but to your whole life and I like that aspect. It's not one of those books that makes you obssess over just one aspect of your life - but plays in relation to the big picture. After all - if we have no control in our lives, how do we ever plan to have any control over our minds and eating?


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Lol... my recipes aren't all that exciting; but perhaps I should post the recipe for flapjacks... 100 calories or so each, and very filling and nutritious. Mmmm.


Hmm.. Yesterday's food got a little messy due to a friend staying here for the week. Lol. Went to a cafe for breakfast which served manky food (the mushrooms I ordered were so OILY - I ate one and felt like someone just poured a bottle of oil down my throat?!). Blah. Left them all.

I'm having an issue with "fat days" as well at the moment. I just feel fat for no apparent reason. No relation to any physiological changes at all... I really do need to get my head around the 'eating again' issue. I'm scared to eat now. ... It's not healthy - sometimes I'm soooo hungry but I don't let myself. Then the hunger goes away and I eat because I 'have' to.

Meh, at least I'm aware of this issue at the moment, and slowly ... I'll get there. Patience is key, and I have patience in truckloads. I know things will come in good time, there is no point in rushing anything. Having the I want it nowNOWNOWNOW attitude just doesn't work. Things get broken and done BADLY when things are done too quickly. Corners get cut, the small details aren't ironed out. ... I want to do things right. Even if it takes me to painful places... I'd rather face them.


Hm... Meh. Oki - yesterday's menu.

Breakfast: At the manky cafe...1 fried egg, 1 vegetarian sausage, some baked beans, salad with dressing … ~330 … probably was less; I’m overestimating for the oily ‘cooking’ this café did … eeeeew.

Afternoon snack: Apple ~60

Dinner: 3 Russian meat dumplings (called Pelmeni) with lots of vegetables and a fried Portobello mushroom. ~250

Dessert: Necatrine + blueberries + sugar-free jelly. ~115.

So far: 755
Plus additional 50kcal from milk throughout day. 805

 

[daisydoll]

please post the flapjack recipe min
daisy x

 

[Minerva]

Okidoki. ...My boyfriend seems to enjoy these flapjacks. They're quite small to look at but they really do fill you up quite nicely as a snack!

"Wholegrain Breakfast Flapjack" -- if spread out quite thinly on the baking tray - it should divide into 12 pieces.
Number in bracket - amount of kcal for that amount of ingredient.

60g Quaker's Rolled Original Oats (215kcal)
10g Wheatgerm (35)
40g WholeMeal Flour (126)
50g GrapeNuts (175)
1 large egg (75)
1 stiffly beaten egg white (15)
6 tsp Brown Splenda sugar mix (96 : 16 kcal per tsp)
100g dry apricots finely chopped (182)
150g dry unsweetened finely chopped apple slices (127)
3 tsp honey (about 15ml) (45)
120g unweetened apple puree (70)
30g half-fat creme fraiche (50)
50-65g skimmed milk (as needed if mixture is too dry) (15-20)

(TOTALS: 1226 kcal for the whole mixture. +10 kcal from spray oil or so = 1236. 1236/12 = 103 each)

1/2 tsp bicarb. of soda + 1 tsp tartar powder stuff.
1tsp vanilla extract -- cinnamon & nutmeg to taste.

1) Line a small baking dish - lightly grease with fry-on oil. Preheat oven to 160 C.
2) Mix the oats, flour, cereals, bicarb of soda, cream of tartar and cinnamon/nutmeg in a large bowl.
3) In a seperate bowl blend together the egg, apple puree, honey, sugar and vanilla extract.
4) Stir the wet mixture into the dry. Add the chopped apricots and the chopped apples.
5) Keep mixing, if the mixture looks a little bit crumbly add the milk and creme fraiche. Sprinkle with some lemon juice if you feel like it.
6) The last job is to gently fold in the beaten egg white.
7) Lay out on the tray, squash it down gently and fairly thinly.
8) Bake for 40 minutes or so at 160 C in the middle of the oven. Depending on how 'spongey' you want this flapjack - you can bake for longer for a more dry finish.

------------------------------

I also made some muffins today because some bananas were going off and needed using up. If you don't like 'banana' bread/muffins - fear not. You can't taste the banana. I can confirm that - we have a friend staying here who hates bananas and was skeptical about the muffin. But he liked it and couldn't taste the "nasty"!


Raisin-Blueberry Oatmeal Muffin
Makes 6 muffins.

70g Wholemeal flour (220)
40g Quaker rolled oats (142)
1 large egg (75)
8 tsp brown Splenda mix (128)
20g raisins (60)
10g dried blueberries (35)
60g unsweetened apple puree (35)
130g mashed banana (130)
1/2 tsp cream of tartar
1 tsp bicarbonate of soda
1 tsp cinnamon (or to taste)
1 tsp vanilla extract (or to taste)
Dash of lemon juice.

(TOTALS: 825. 6 muffins = 825/6=137.5 ~140 each.)

1) In a small bowl combine the flour, tartar, bicarb. of soda, and cinnamon. Stir together.
2) In a larger bowl stir together the egg, apple puree, mashed banana, vanilla extract and sugar.
3) Add the flour mixture to the wet mixture and stir just enough to moisten.
4) Add the raisins, oats and blueberries - stir together quite well. Add a dash of milk if it looks too dry and a splash of lemon on the final stir through.
5) Pour into 6 muffin cups and bake at 200 C for about 25 mins.

 

[Minerva]

Buh... today. What is it with strange days? Feeling fat; wanting food, picking food up, getting scared of it and running away. Almost felt like a binge coming on with some cauliflower (lol I know... cauliflower...) but nah. It didn't. I saw - I conquered. Same with a cookie. I bought these Russian biscuits about a week ago for myself because I'd been craving some taste of home for a long time. ... didn't have any until today. Had one. Felt good - but the cookie was disappointing. The cauliflower. Started munching at it even though I was ... and still am absolutely stuffed from the mushroom soup I had at 5pm. Then I stopped, and put the rest of the cauliflower aside for 'dinner' later. ... except I'm still not hungry because of the soup.
Measured out my dinner, it's sat on the counter uncooked. ... Hm. It's 10 and I'm sleepy. Screw dinner and desert - I'm just plain not hungry. ...


Today:

Breakfast: Dill-mushroom omelette served with a piece of Rye bread and a tomato. ~200

After-noon snack: Apple, a couple of raisins and a bite of a banana ~80

Lunch: 300g “New Covent Garden Food Co” Wild Mushroom Soup with added 80g boiled buckwheat, sunflower and sesame seeds. ~300

Snack… because I felt like it: 40g cauliflower, and a Russian honey-gingerbread cookie (pryanik). ~45.

+little pickings of vegetables ... ~35.

Totals for today: about 700.

 

[Sean(JSF)]

Hmm Min, I'm starting to get a little concerned to be honest. It's important to eat at regular intervals, and also your body will need a steady intake of vitamins, minerals and a 'decent' amount of calories to continue to function and work efficiently. 700 KCal is still VERY VERY low and will continue to lose weight at that level.

There is the temptation to keep to very small portions and very low calories, and we both know how addictive continued weight losses can become.

If the 'volume' of food is difficult for you, maybe you should look at some higher calorie ingredients to help?

Hope you don't mind the input, but I'd hate to see anyone on here slipping too far with food obsessions!