Minerva's on a mission!!

[Minerva]

I only study because I've somehow avoided going into the 'real' world of jobs. It's a strange one - I want to, but no idea how. My parents have been awfully over-protective (not letting me out of the house unsupervised until I was 18 or so) and have always said "You don't need a job, don't bother trying" and my dad's been awful in putting me off every single thing, he's very dismissive and patronising.

Now I'm 26 and am REALLY struggling. All the job tips and advice about CV's and interviews and what to apply for - has come from my OH! He's a lovely fellow and always wants to help everyone out with everything, he's even gone on job hunts with me, reads over my CV, tries to coach me on interview techniques, bless him... He's a good man. I feel hopeless at my age, I should have achieved more by now, experience wise... which is such a huge block.

My dad's a good man too, but his standards are way too high on one hand and on the other - he doesn't want us (my sister and I) to work. I don't even know what the heck he wants anymore. He's got an extremely high IQ, intellectually, but socially - NONE - at least where parenting is concerned... I love him to pieces, but I can only remember ONE time he's said he's proud of me. Now I just feel like I'm letting him down constantly.

----------------------------------

So... day 57.

Another 2lb down since Thursday - I'm switching my Wi day to Mondays from Thursdays, so weighed myself today - next time, Monday. I'm stopping going to LL for weigh ins as it's just silly, I don't take her measurement into account at all, I only go out of loyalty... and some of the packs are still pretty good. May as well make the switch to S&S completely, as making the trek over there feels a bit pointless. I don't feel I need that control anymore - from someone else weighing me, I thought I did in the beginning, but... doesn't matter. I'm my own boss now, I'm doing this diet for me, not for some lady for a weigh in at the end of the week. I want to feel better, not be fat in the summer and maybe not feel so damn lumpy for my birthday this year (in May).

But with 7-8 lb per month, it feels a bit... disappointing. This diet is supposed to yield better losses than this. Still, the break 'away' from food has been beneficial and that's the point. I needed to take a step back and reassess my portions and what I was eating. It simply got out of control - portion sizes were too big and eating the wrong thing - too much pasta and bread, which are my trigger foods anyway. It is good to re-evaluate my daily needs, made me see I CAN survive on 700-800 calories a day, I DON'T need to eat all the time, I CAN push through the hunger, I DON'T need such large portions... etc.

So I've decided I'll keep on S&S until after my exams (1st June) and see what weight I'm at then. I find calorie restriction - while it makes it more challenging to study, it also focuses me and there are no food distractions (which actually take such a large amount of time sometimes...).
THEORETICALLY at 8lb loss per month - I could lose 24 lb and be at around 12st 2 by then, which is below BMI 30. Then I'll reassess - but probably keep going until about 10st 7ish at which point I may do a re-feed and go to something like JuDDD to lose the rest slower and to regain control of calorie intake per day. MyFitnessPal will be my best friend I'm sure I'm getting into the habit of logging it every day now - even though it seems rather pointless with just logging packs!

It's good to have a plan!

 

[Curvy1]

Well done hun!! 2lbs is great... I understand your thinking about moving away from LL - you are in CONTROL!


Great minds think alike - I was just thinking that I would like to move to something like JUDDD or 5:2 for maintenance - I still have a way to go and it looks like it will probably be mid to late april before I hit my goal.

What can i say about Dads, my dad is also very over protective of me - even though i am 36! - BTH he has always pushed for me to be independent and has been quite hard on me.. If i am honest I am grateful as it has made me in to the person I am ... Maybe you should have a chat with him and let him know your feelings?

xx

 

[Minerva]

Well done hun!! 2lbs is great... I understand your thinking about moving away from LL - you are in CONTROL!

Great minds think alike - I was just thinking that I would like to move to something like JUDDD or 5:2 for maintenance - I still have a way to go and it looks like it will probably be mid to late april before I hit my goal.

What can i say about Dads, my dad is also very over protective of me - even though i am 36! - BTH he has always pushed for me to be independent and has been quite hard on me.. If i am honest I am grateful as it has made me in to the person I am ... Maybe you should have a chat with him and let him know your feelings?
xx

I think JuDDD is better if you still want to lose weight (as it's 3 down 4 up?) and 5:2 for more maintenance purposes? I first heard of it as Lyle's parents are doing it since January. We've introduced them to S&S packs so that cooking on the low days has become easier! His dad was absolutely disgusted at Zero Noodles though (and we got the lot ! Score!). Aaaaand since you and I are doing packs now, the low days really won't bother us as much as it does those who are coming down to that level. Fully sustainable I'd say.

You're 36? Really? I thought you look much younger in your photo!! Like 28-30. BTW - been meaning to say (without trying to sound weird...) STUNNING photo. You're so so so beautiful.

Dads - Lyle's parents have always pushed him to be independent too, since he was 12 or so. That's why he knows what to do here. I came to England when I was 10 - so in a way my dad has old Russian views of society and no knowledge of the ins and outs of this one (job wise at least). I've been kept indoors, kept safe, due to various factors in my past... Talking to him is pointless, he's not that sort of dad. He's the kindest, most intelligent (IQ - Einstein levels - I'm not kidding) and caring person, but with the high IQ his social and emotional understanding is something he has to THINK about, it's not something he really gets. For example: when my granny died, I wanted to go to the funeral and he asked me 'Why?' (Not in an insensitive way, but just trying to understand what motivation I had... Quite innocent question from him). If he had it his way, he'd do the funeral very quickly, on his own - without understanding that people need to say their goodbyes.
But having said that, we don't live near each other anymore, so now i just deal with the residual guilt of failure and inability to satisfy him because I can't get a 'high paying' job like he expects!!

Oh well. Maybe on some level he expects me to be a mum with some crappy job - like most women in the Soviet Union! And in all honesty, I'd probably be pretty happy with that. I want to be a mum. Never thought I'd say this, but I'm ready for all that ...

 

[Minerva]

I don't think the hunger is going to go for me either, arrghhh!

In Fine Art - That's what I do for a living - paint, draw, exhibit, etc. Doesn't pay the bills tho (as yet!), so I also work part time for hubby doing all his paperwork (hate it!).

Blimey, how many degree's! That's brilliant tho, well done you! If you enjoy drawing, etc., am sure you'll enjoy that next

I'm going to do Art History next, after I've finished writing my second novel. It's fitting everything in, because looking after a baby is not as easy as I thought it would be, lol!!

Awww, I know what you mean re confidence - I HATE interviews to start with! Fingers crossed you find something - with your qualifications, and obvious intelligence, you should do!

xxx

I wish I did Fine Art in all honesty! I was going to apply for it when I was doing Art Foundation after school was finished. But, something told me I wanted to study something else, so went for Sociology instead. Wow, what are your novels about? I've always been awful at writing from imagination and terrible at telling stories!!
What sort of things do you draw and paint?

 

[Curvy1]

aww hun!!

ok - the way I look at it is that you cant have the best of relationships with all your family... I have really close bond with my dad, but not so much with my mum, I love my sister in law ( my OH sister) but I really dont get on with my own sisters? experience tells me that sometimes you need to accept it and stop trying to please? not every relationship will be good.

Be yourself and eventually people/relations will accept you and get on with life.


Thanks for the complement. yep I am 37 years old in August.

I met my husband when i was 16 and we got married when i was 19 ( in Asian families you are either single or married, there is nothing in between ) And my parents were dead against us being together, but gave me the independence to make the decision...

It was really tough going and there was a lot tension in both families - my M-I-L was very tough, and she really did make life difficult at first. Things changed when I had my fisrt son at 22! ( he has just turned 14!) children seem to bring the family together.. then when my other 2 kids arrived things have def gotton better. My dad absolutley loves my OH and he calls him more that he does me now!!

We have been married nearly 18 years now and over time I have become really close with my In laws and even my M-I-L, she did realise that I was not as bad as she thought! and that i was really building a good life with her son and grandkids. If I am honest she still resents me for taking her son away - but it very grateful that I have given her grandchildren and built a stable home (with the OH)

we have learnt to co-exist and she does actually "ask" rather than tell now..

So relationships do change over time but over time people have to learn to accept you as you are... there is really no point in trying to change yourself to please others.

i think you will make a fab mum xxx


Thanks for the info on JUDDD - I will be looking in to it nearer the time - we will move to that forum soon


Enjoy the noodles!!! - I still have to try mine!

 

[NatM70]

I wish I did Fine Art in all honesty! I was going to apply for it when I was doing Art Foundation after school was finished. But, something told me I wanted to study something else, so went for Sociology instead. Wow, what are your novels about? I've always been awful at writing from imagination and terrible at telling stories!!
What sort of things do you draw and paint?

Firstly, please don't feel like a failure, you're not, not at all! Look at your qualifications, that is SOME achievement indeed!
And, plenty of people start work later now, choosing to study first.
Is there anything you're interested in doing? Something you REALLY want to do? If so, go for it, follow your dreams. It's your life, no one else's.

My Dad was the same (lost him ) - very intelligent, but found it very, very difficult to express emotion or give praise. After I'd lost him, my Sis and I were going through his things, and couldn't believe he'd saved postcards we'd sent to him and Mum when we were on school trips, etc. I never knew his sentimentality. Not until it was too late. He told me ONCE in my whole life that he loved me, and that was the night before he died.

I didn't know then - but I do now, that he loved me, and was proud of me.

I am sure your Dad loves you very much, and IS proud of you, but because of how he is, it will be very difficult for him to show you.

Please stop feeling guilty - you've achieved so much, and have so much to be proud of. I am willingly to bet your Dad feels like I said above - he just doesn't know how to show you.

I'd love to do Sociology! I did Psychology, that was very interesting. Definitely Art History next though....I'll work my way through them as and when I can, so be the time I'm around 65, I should have a fair few qualifications under my belt, lol!!

My novels are just light reading Chick Lit. For now!! I want to write a psychological thriller, but need some inspiration from somewhere!!

I draw and paint anything! I've done a few commissions - portraits, family pets, homes, stately homes & architecture. I also love abstract. The next project is the church where my friends are getting married. It's beautiful, and my intention was to give it the TLC it deserved. However, my friend has other idea's! She wants me to paint in a comical bride and groom in the grounds of the church - the bride in the entrance to the church, and the groom hidden somewhere, so people have to look hard to spot him (where's wally springs to mind lol!). So, I am going to have to rethink that one - may have to use watercolour and ink instead of acrylics to achieve what they want!

6-8lbs pm is what I'm hoping for from now on. A nice, steady weight loss. The slower it's lost the better. So, don't be disheartened, at least you're losing, and am sure you will be fabulous for Summer! You've not got that much to lose really.

Sorry to tell you how to suck eggs, I am sure you know all this already, lol!!

xxx

 

[Minerva]

In regards to family and dads... you're both so right... it took me a few days to think about.. It's hard to reply straight away when people give you so much food for thought!

I was going to go into a lot of detail about my dad and family... but erased it. No need really. But long and short of it - basically, my guilt is misplaced - my dad's expectations are unrealistic based on the childhood I had. This is going to sound weird - but I was pretty much locked indoors until age 18 (exception of going to school obviously), given no life skills, hell my dad made my doctor/dentist appointments and came WITH me until I was 18. And now he expects me to be some high-flying career woman? Right, of course that's going to happen. Buuuuuuuuuut, I'll make my way... somehow. Even if it takes me longer than for most...

Having said that though - my dad's the kindest and the nicest person one would hope to meet. Albeit, very eccentric. He's the type who would quack in the middle of the street at a relative and think nothing of it. And you are right, he's a sentimental beast in a way - he keeps all the drawings and mini-models my sister and I make for him.

Oh well!!! Ladies - you're amazing and made me realise a few home truths!! :bighug:Really... Thank you!

Curvy, I'm happy to hear your OH's family came around and they now accept you more (and vice versa for OH and your family) - even if it's taken them way too long!!
It brought up a memory about my friend, she's of Nepalese descent... her sister decided to marry someone her dad didn't approve of (a white man, shock horror)... as a consequence she was cut off - my friend wasn't even allowed to communicate with sister for fear of being thrown out herself. Sometimes I'm grateful that I come from a boring European background... I only moved to London when I was 10 - and man, I'm still learning something new about people every day Human beings are so complicated!!

---

Right, so Day 61!!
Made another order with S&S today, didn't realise I'd run low on packs! Weekend's going alright, been studying. Tomorrow I may venture out to the London Zoo, OH's mum wanted to go for Mother's Day (a week early, I know..). Hope it won't be too cold, but it'll be good to get out of the house I suppose. Depends, I really do need to study more though. The eternal dilemma - study & let OH down (he likes my company it seems ) or go and feel guilty for not studying?

 

[NatM70]

I'm SO pleased you're feeling better about your relationship with your Dad. Mine too was so overly protective. I rebelled, and there was much friction between us for so many years.
So many wasted years. We grew very close when he became ill, and for the 19 months before I lost him, he was by best friend.
I miss him.
Treasure your Dad for all his quirks - One always thinks parents are immortal, so it's a huge shock to the system to lose someone whom you love so much, and who has always been in your life.
It's taken me years (and a total breakdown) to come to some sort of resigned belief he's really gone. I still grieve, but I try not to dwell on what could have been, because I know he would hate that.

I seeso much of my Dad in my LO, so much so, it's a little scary at times. But somehow, I feel like I've got him back in a way

If you led such a sheltered childhood, right up to being 18, of course it's going to take you time to adjust - I was given a lot of freedom from being 14 yrs old (tho Dad hated it!), so I made mistakes and learned from them, from a relatively young age.
You didn't get to that point until you were 18 yrs old, so cut yourself some slack - you're doing everything right in my opinion.
Your qualifications alone speak volumes. And when you're ready, I have no doubt you'll find what you want to do, and grab the chance with both hands

Treasure each other, for we never know what the future holds for any of us

Be lovely to get out to London Zoo! Hubby gone to London today, to pick up some flippin golf clubs be won on ebay - I tell ya, he's obsessed!
I wanted us to make a day of it, as I fancied a day in London, but he was having none of it. Miserable sod!
So, we're taking LO to a big play area later so he can have a play, learn new skills, and interact with other babies

Go out and enjoy! And don't feel guilty about it - you have to have a life too as well as your studies, else you will slowly go mad!
Get out and embrace the day! Your renewed energy will help with your studies.

I'm telling you how to suck eggs again aren't I!!

Please feel free to tell me to shut up, lol!

Hope you have a FAB day, whatever you decide!

xxx

 

[Minerva]

I'm SO pleased you're feeling better about your relationship with your Dad. Mine too was so overly protective. I rebelled, and there was much friction between us for so many years.
So many wasted years. We grew very close when he became ill, and for the 19 months before I lost him, he was by best friend.
I miss him.
Treasure your Dad for all his quirks - One always thinks parents are immortal, so it's a huge shock to the system to lose someone whom you love so much, and who has always been in your life.
It's taken me years (and a total breakdown) to come to some sort of resigned belief he's really gone. I still grieve, but I try not to dwell on what could have been, because I know he would hate that.

I seeso much of my Dad in my LO, so much so, it's a little scary at times. But somehow, I feel like I've got him back in a way

If you led such a sheltered childhood, right up to being 18, of course it's going to take you time to adjust - I was given a lot of freedom from being 14 yrs old (tho Dad hated it!), so I made mistakes and learned from them, from a relatively young age.
You didn't get to that point until you were 18 yrs old, so cut yourself some slack - you're doing everything right in my opinion.
Your qualifications alone speak volumes. And when you're ready, I have no doubt you'll find what you want to do, and grab the chance with both hands

Treasure each other, for we never know what the future holds for any of us

Yeah... parents can be so overprotective.. I'm sorry you lost your dad hug99 - it's always too early to lose parents, especially when you find that you're just starting to get to know them.

My mum died when I was 4 - which led to the over-protection of my sister and I. My dad decided to bury himself in business in Russia while the parenting duties fell onto my grandparents in another country (the ones who lost their daughter...). We probably saw him 3 times a year until I was 10 (at which point he took us away to the UK after announcing he'd remarried - which sounds worse than it actually was)... So the sad thing is, I love my dad dearly, but he's not my "parent". My grandparents died slowly and steadily over the last 4 years, the last grandparent passed away just after the Queen's Jubilee a few months ago - she was the "mum" figure. Even when she passed, my dad knew what they were to us - he said "Your childhood is officially over". Not in a bad way though... The agony I felt over their deaths was excruciating, that grief made me crumble
My dad's always had a mystical air attached to him, because I saw him so rarely - he became a superhero in my mind, so he's beyond "dad". Once I got to know him, maybe that bitter disappointment that he wasn't a superhero also provoked skepticism... Who knows. I rebelled too - he wouldn't talk to me for a week after I got my lip piercing done! But I didn't do it to annoy him, I honestly didn't know what his reaction would be.
Oh well.. I do love him and I love my stepmum - even though it took so very long to actually get along with her! She'd inherited moody teens in culture shock - bless her.

--
Well Day 63
Only lost 1 lb this week. Stayed the same weight for nearly a week now, no shift. Not lost inches either. Been 100%... Obviously I'm going to stick to this - because a diet is better than none, but ... Just ... :cry:

 

[NatM70]

Thanks, it hit me hard, and that's putting it mildly. I still miss him, always will, but I accept now. Took me years to get to this point.

Awww, I am SO sorry to hear that How devastating for a little girl. I can't even begin to imagine how hard that must have been for you.
I'm also sorry to hear about you losing your Grandparents too I never met my Dad's parents, they died before I was born. I lost my Mum's parents in the 1990's - still miss them.
Life's a b**** sometimes.

I'm sure, as the years go by, your relationship with your Dad will go from strength to strength. It's obvious how much you love him, and of course he will love you too.
As we get older, we appreciate our parents more and realise the sacrifices they made for us.
I didn't give a hoot as a teen - all I was interested in was me. Very selfish.
Now I'm older, especially now I have a LO of my own, I realise what my parents did for me, sacrificed for me....
It's good you get on with your step-mum too - I know how hard those kind of relationships can be to establish.

It's very disheartening when no loss is seen! Have you been losing okay so far? I see from your signature, you seem to have had a steady loss after week one, is this usual for you?
Do you feel better in your clothes?
I know now, I will be a slow loser. Week two - put 2lbs on and lost them again, but no further losses, and it's weigh-in day tomo!
Oh well, I will plod on, as I know it's impossible not to lose weight on this diet!

xxx

 

[Curvy1]

Big Hugs xxx i cant really comment on your the people that you have lost, it is unimaginable for me... all I can offer is support and be here to listen xxx

On your losses - I know how you feel, I scraped 1 lb only just this week... but as you say to me the slower it comes off the longer is will stay off!!

Onwards and "downwards "chick !!

 

[Minerva]

Thanks Nat, you're as comforting as ever... And thank you Curvy.. You two are the best! :bighug:

I feel a bit miserable today .. Not sure why, just.. well, this sort of diet makes me all angry and lethargic and everything's that much harder and everything is irritating as hell. Grrr. As much as I hate being fat - I do feel like I'm a nicer person when I can eat. It's not really a conscious thing. When I got thin I was so.. horrid. I'm afraid of becoming that again.
And this weight is shifting sooo slowly. No intention of leaving the diet just yet, there's no point in doing that, it's just ANNOYING.

Yes I appear to be a ball of rage today. GRARGH.


Hm. I just have to remind myself that I can look like this again... as opposed to the fat lump I look like in the previous ones I posted...





Some of my thin pictures... I can't see me in them anymore, it's like it's someone else. Maybe it's not me really... I've been fat for so long, such a large portion of my life.. It's hard to switch that off.
There was a Lighter Life module concerning this - some of us are merely visitors to the land of thin... To occupy that land and set up permanent residence is actually... extremely hard - not on the maintenance level... but ... feeling like you belong, seeing that as your place to be. A fat person will always be fat inside. ... There's just no way around that I guess..

 

[NatM70]

Good morning my lovely!

Firstly, that pic is lovely, you're so pretty!

It's been proven a VLCD affects the mood. Any one who suffers with depression should not go within a mile of one.
I'm not depressed but I've had a couple of days where I could have bitten anyone's head off, or cried at the slightest thing. I found that yesterday (once I got home), I didn't have anything to say to hubby - I just didn't seem to have any words I wanted to use.
But I know it's this diet doing this, and nothing else.

May be it's about finding a balance - I don't want to be too thin, I'm the same height as you, and would be happy at 10.5st. I'd be a size 12 at that, may be a 10 from some stores. I'd still have womanly curves, and I would be be no means skinny. Being skinny can bring a whole heap of problems, at the other end of the spectrum, as you found out.

Just because you've been overweight, doesn't mean you will always have to be. The choices you make will ensure you stay at a healthy weight, along with a bit of exercise. And of course, you don't have to be a Saint, you can indulge too! My hubby watched calories, very loosely, and still treat himself to a huge Indian takeaway ever Saturday evening. That actually boosted his metabolism and helped him to carry on losing weight!
I'm doing that - one day a week, I'm going up to 1,000+ cals per day, to trick my body out of starvation mode - it will boost my metabolism and lift my mood.
I've been looking in to it, and I think it's the way forward

You can be slim and happy - it is really about finding the right balance. If you always almost starve yourself to stay thin, your metabolism slows right down anyway, so anything you do indulge in, your body will grab a hold of it and keep it there.
When I finish this, I am sticking to around 1,500 cals pd, with at least one good treat a week - I know it will keep me sane, whilst I maintain a healthy attitude towards food

Sorry for speaking the obvious - just really saying that's what I've been looking in to, and that's what I am going to do, because I know if I carry on trying to starve myself after I finish this, I will really mess up my metabolism and I will be miserable. No point being thin and miserable, so I am going for a happy medium

Have a great day lovely
xxx

 

[Curvy1]

Minerva - I love your pic - you are so beautiful. I know what you mean about being miserable on a VLCD - I am so miserable and I am a pain to be around.... add TOTM to that and I am even worse.


You can do it - and you speak so much sense , you already know what you need to do to make this work and keep the weight off so dont worry. it is all about getting the balance right, no one can stay on a diet forever, and you have to enjoy life... it just about getting the balance right ( but you already know that )

 

[Minerva]

Just a quick note... spoke to my dad on the phone just now - I'm glad I did. All that emo earlier, I really shouldn't project so much negativity on him...

I told him I was concerned about passing this course and I felt bad about letting him down if I don't - and he in his usual humorous way just said 'Doesn't matter! Who cares if you don't pass? We're not some Chinese / Asian (pardon his projection of stereotypes!!), but we're Russian, we don't crucify our family if we don't live up to some standard! My main concern is that you're happy, and it upsets me when you're upset."

... while it sounds a lot better in Russian... it lifted a weight off my heart. He is mainly concerned that I don't get depressed and stressed again as I've had some heavy depression related mental health problems in the past and he knows my triggers. ... The pressure of wanting my dad to be proud of me is always such a heavy burden - but I suppose most children feel that in some way.

Phew.. I thought I'd document this here, so that I don't forget - and in a moment of too much stress I can look back and see that it's ok.

 

[Minerva]

Good morning my lovely!
It's been proven a VLCD affects the mood. Any one who suffers with depression should not go within a mile of one.
I'm not depressed but I've had a couple of days where I could have bitten anyone's head off, or cried at the slightest thing. I found that yesterday (once I got home), I didn't have anything to say to hubby - I just didn't seem to have any words I wanted to use.
But I know it's this diet doing this, and nothing else.

May be it's about finding a balance - I don't want to be too thin, I'm the same height as you, and would be happy at 10.5st. I'd be a size 12 at that, may be a 10 from some stores. I'd still have womanly curves, and I would be be no means skinny. Being skinny can bring a whole heap of problems, at the other end of the spectrum, as you found out.

Just because you've been overweight, doesn't mean you will always have to be. The choices you make will ensure you stay at a healthy weight, along with a bit of exercise. And of course, you don't have to be a Saint, you can indulge too! My hubby watched calories, very loosely, and still treat himself to a huge Indian takeaway ever Saturday evening. That actually boosted his metabolism and helped him to carry on losing weight!
I'm doing that - one day a week, I'm going up to 1,000+ cals per day, to trick my body out of starvation mode - it will boost my metabolism and lift my mood.
I've been looking in to it, and I think it's the way forward

You can be slim and happy - it is really about finding the right balance. If you always almost starve yourself to stay thin, your metabolism slows right down anyway, so anything you do indulge in, your body will grab a hold of it and keep it there.
When I finish this, I am sticking to around 1,500 cals pd, with at least one good treat a week - I know it will keep me sane, whilst I maintain a healthy attitude towards food

Have a great day lovely
xxx

I suffer from depression as it is, though less severely than in my teenage years (understandably). The VLCD is making it harder to 'cover up' my mood for those around me, I guess that's the major difference...!

I do get what you're saying on the metabolism side - I do in fact know that losses - can and do (at least in some people - not everyone) - stagnate if the body runs on too low calories for a long time, and lets not kid ourselves - 600-700 calories isn't enough.
I know that upping calories is a help on occasion and I have proof from previous VLCD attempts over the years: such as - losing more after an evening out (having alcohol - I know naughty), or last year - doing 6 days on VLCD and 1 day heavy carb day and still losing 1-2lb per week. Walking a lot while 100% actually made the losses slow down to a crawl. Which flies in the face of a lot of advice out there. Eat more and exercise less? At least while on VLCD.

Your plan of staying at around 1,500 per day is a good one as a maintaining formula - that way the odd treat won't feel so guilty! Maybe I'll even go a step further and as a way of maintenance appoint a day (say a Monday) to be the low day and have just packs, always on Monday and get into a habit of doing it. If the habit is there, set in concrete, it's quite hard to break, whether it's a bad one or a good one!


I was also thinking of not weighing myself until April 1st after next WI on Monday... I'm getting too upset over not losing quickly and it's having a negative effect of missing packs. The guilt of having all 4 sometimes is overwhelming because a crooked thought comes in - "the less you eat the quicker you'll lose!" ... when actually on this diet it'll have the opposite effect! Plus the missing nutrition bit. It's not healthy, so I need to distance myself from the scales a bit, move them to the wardrobe in the bedroom.

That's a plan anyway.

 

[Curvy1]

Re: I'll keep digging, 'till I feel something.

Aww Hun I'm pleased things are better with your dad.. Being an Asian it is all about performance.. But it did me good... It's all about the balance... I'm ready to move on to something else I am going to see how i do at Wi on sat.. If it is less then 3lb I'm going to move on to juddd being on a vcld like you for so long is making me miserable and I don't feel like I am getting the benefits.. I have not bought any more packs I have enough until Tues.. I think I am to used to low calories and my body is holding on.. It is a good idea to stay away from the scales of you can... I just can't do it... You are doing so well xxx

 

[NatM70]

Just a quick note... spoke to my dad on the phone just now - I'm glad I did. All that emo earlier, I really shouldn't project so much negativity on him...

I told him I was concerned about passing this course and I felt bad about letting him down if I don't - and he in his usual humorous way just said 'Doesn't matter! Who cares if you don't pass? We're not some Chinese / Asian (pardon his projection of stereotypes!!), but we're Russian, we don't crucify our family if we don't live up to some standard! My main concern is that you're happy, and it upsets me when you're upset."

... while it sounds a lot better in Russian... it lifted a weight off my heart. He is mainly concerned that I don't get depressed and stressed again as I've had some heavy depression related mental health problems in the past and he knows my triggers. ... The pressure of wanting my dad to be proud of me is always such a heavy burden - but I suppose most children feel that in some way.

Phew.. I thought I'd document this here, so that I don't forget - and in a moment of too much stress I can look back and see that it's ok.

Hiya Minerva,

I am just so pleased to hear this! I think that may be you're expecting too much of yourself. If your Dad said that, it proves he just wants what makes YOU happy, and that's all he wants.

Now you've had a chance to process these thoughts, I am sure that you are starting to feel like you don't have to be the best at everything, you don't have to be what you perceive your Dad wants you to be because he's proved he doesn't need what you think he wants from you, or expects of you.

You're human, give yourself a break, and just think about what you've achieved so far, which is a hell of a lot!

If I were your Dad, I would be SO proud of you, as is your Dad!

You're one of life's winners my lovely, start to be kinder to yourself because you deserve it.

xxx

 

[NatM70]

I suffer from depression as it is, though less severely than in my teenage years (understandably). The VLCD is making it harder to 'cover up' my mood for those around me, I guess that's the major difference...!

I do get what you're saying on the metabolism side - I do in fact know that losses - can and do (at least in some people - not everyone) - stagnate if the body runs on too low calories for a long time, and lets not kid ourselves - 600-700 calories isn't enough.
I know that upping calories is a help on occasion and I have proof from previous VLCD attempts over the years: such as - losing more after an evening out (having alcohol - I know naughty), or last year - doing 6 days on VLCD and 1 day heavy carb day and still losing 1-2lb per week. Walking a lot while 100% actually made the losses slow down to a crawl. Which flies in the face of a lot of advice out there. Eat more and exercise less? At least while on VLCD.

Your plan of staying at around 1,500 per day is a good one as a maintaining formula - that way the odd treat won't feel so guilty! Maybe I'll even go a step further and as a way of maintenance appoint a day (say a Monday) to be the low day and have just packs, always on Monday and get into a habit of doing it. If the habit is there, set in concrete, it's quite hard to break, whether it's a bad one or a good one!


I was also thinking of not weighing myself until April 1st after next WI on Monday... I'm getting too upset over not losing quickly and it's having a negative effect of missing packs. The guilt of having all 4 sometimes is overwhelming because a crooked thought comes in - "the less you eat the quicker you'll lose!" ... when actually on this diet it'll have the opposite effect! Plus the missing nutrition bit. It's not healthy, so I need to distance myself from the scales a bit, move them to the wardrobe in the bedroom.

That's a plan anyway.

I did too, and all of the related illnesses (anxiety, panic attacks, OCD social phobia, GAD.....just about had em all!). Luckily, I am now okay for the most part, but I suffered for almost 24 years. Took a long time and a hell of a lot of intensive therapy, but I finally overcame almost all of my problems.
Just letting you know, so you know you're not alone.

Yep, I've read a lot about a boost on cals can really boost weight loss, so I'm doing it at least once a week. I know all the VLCD Companies say it's vital to stay on the diet for it to work, but I've found out otherwise, so I'm doing this VLCD, but I'm doing it my way!!

It's weird isn't it? Exercise can slow down weight loss! Don't understand that one - yet to look in to it. I mean, my week 2, I walked 8 miles over a matter of 4 days, and given I only lost a measly 1lb, I think that says it all really!

That's a good plan, and I was thinking about that, but may be having one pack per day to replace one meal. It'll remind me I'm being cautious, and will help keep the cals down. Definitely going to treat myself though, once a week, else I will just be slimmer but very miserable!!

If you can stay away from the scales, that's a very good idea. I'm doing this diet until 23rd April, then a refeed week, then my friend's wedding on 4th May. I'm not missing out on that, and I am not going to be upset that I am being super careful whilst everyone around me is stuffing their faces with yummy stuff!
That'll be my one blow out (oh, as well as my LO's first BD party!!), then back to the diet until I reach goal.

Why don't you try one day a week of going over 1,000 cals? You can't possibly gain weight on that, especially if you keep your carbs low. We both know this works, so give it a try?

I hope you know we're always here if you need us lovely!!

xxx

 

[Periwinkle]

Hi Minerva! Yay found your diary! Your photos are class - you're gorgeous xxx And you're doing brilliantly!