Minerva's on a mission!!

[Minerva]

I did too, and all of the related illnesses (anxiety, panic attacks, OCD social phobia, GAD.....just about had em all!). Luckily, I am now okay for the most part, but I suffered for almost 24 years. Took a long time and a hell of a lot of intensive therapy, but I finally overcame almost all of my problems.
Just letting you know, so you know you're not alone.

Yep, I've read a lot about a boost on cals can really boost weight loss, so I'm doing it at least once a week. I know all the VLCD Companies say it's vital to stay on the diet for it to work, but I've found out otherwise, so I'm doing this VLCD, but I'm doing it my way!!

It's weird isn't it? Exercise can slow down weight loss! Don't understand that one - yet to look in to it. I mean, my week 2, I walked 8 miles over a matter of 4 days, and given I only lost a measly 1lb, I think that says it all really!

That's a good plan, and I was thinking about that, but may be having one pack per day to replace one meal. It'll remind me I'm being cautious, and will help keep the cals down. Definitely going to treat myself though, once a week, else I will just be slimmer but very miserable!!

If you can stay away from the scales, that's a very good idea. I'm doing this diet until 23rd April, then a refeed week, then my friend's wedding on 4th May. I'm not missing out on that, and I am not going to be upset that I am being super careful whilst everyone around me is stuffing their faces with yummy stuff!
That'll be my one blow out (oh, as well as my LO's first BD party!!), then back to the diet until I reach goal.

Why don't you try one day a week of going over 1,000 cals? You can't possibly gain weight on that, especially if you keep your carbs low. We both know this works, so give it a try?

I hope you know we're always here if you need us lovely!!

xxx

I'm sorry to hear you had all the ailments for so long (), but it's good that you have overcome them on the most part, it's encouraging. Thank you for your support on that front, I tend to choose to suffer in silence as is the Russian way. Battle on, suffer through, keep going, don't wave your problems out in public sort of mentality.
Ever since I did LL, I have since learned a lot about calories and intake, so any subsequent VLCD attempts had been my own plan as I know my weight loss is generally slower if I consume the same very low amount. I wish I knew what it is in my genetics that is so sensitive to this sort of thing, but what can you do. Still, S&S is a saviour, the packs are delicious so there's not much need to stray away. Though I have 4 packs + veg - I regularly go above 60g carbs, how do you manage to stay below 50g? At least according to MyFitness counter thingum-majig anyway. The packs alone take me over the 50. I don't generally have the Spaghetti Bolognese and I don't have the bars... So who knows. I won't worry about it too much I guess.

Exercise can slow down weight loss on VLCD because 1) water builds up around our muscle to repair it and 2) the calorie deficit is so large (especially if you're not used to exercise) that body does dip into starvation mode. I mean, on this diet we're not consuming enough for our Basal Metabolic Rate as it is (basic breathing, heart pumping, digestion energy) and then intense exercise on top of it and we'd have hardly anything coming in at all. Energy has to come from somewhere, so body will take from fat and start eating away at the muscle too. At least that is my understanding from what I have been reading on the subject a while ago.

I have heard people maintaining by replacing one meal per day with packs A cup soup would work or porridge in the morning.. I'd just find it too tempting to start adding stuff, so I think just for me, it'd almost be easier to just do one day which is just packs and nothing else. ... the OH were also thinking of replacing stir-fry noodles with zero-noodles as he and I both like them.

Oh well, I hope you're having a good day today! x

Aww Hun I'm pleased things are better with your dad.. Being an Asian it is all about performance.. But it did me good... It's all about the balance... I'm ready to move on to something else I am going to see how i do at Wi on sat.. If it is less then 3lb I'm going to move on to juddd being on a vcld like you for so long is making me miserable and I don't feel like I am getting the benefits.. I have not bought any more packs I have enough until Tues.. I think I am to used to low calories and my body is holding on.. It is a good idea to stay away from the scales of you can... I just can't do it... You are doing so well xxx

I hope your Wi went well today, but you shouldn't make yourself feel awful! There's a point when this diet becomes overwhelming. It's easy and extremely hard at the same time. I think you're ready to move onto JuDDD, we're all right behind you whatever you decide to do! xx

Hi Minerva! Yay found your diary! Your photos are class - you're gorgeous xxx And you're doing brilliantly!

Hi Peri!! Thank you How are you doing my lovely? Has the consultant still been giving you a hard time? xx

 

[Minerva]

Right so.. day 68.

Well, so!! Umm... I went off plan yesterday! ... No, not in a OMG I FELL OFF WAGON WAY.. not at all. I was going to plan a 1000 calorie day to try to jog the weight loss. Which both ended in success and disaster? Lol.
Originally the plan was for OH to go out with his friends and I was going to cook myself up a kidney bean and vegetable stir-fry! (because I LOVE pulses, sometimes more than meat ...).

His plans fell through early in the morning and all week he'd been whining and craving Pieragi (a Russian meat dumpling/tortellini style thing). So... Ended up with us cooking some together (he got so excited when I suggested it, bless him!!). I'd never actually made them from scratch before myself (always seen my grandma do it). Still, I knew all the measurements and calories in the entire thing...

But it still ended up with me having less than 900 calories in the entire day because I was trying to be careful over how much I ate. So I'm not sure. Is that a success or failure?

Well back on plan today, I have to say I've grown to love SnS porridge more than LL ones, they come out thicker and creamier. Their Chicken Noodle soup is also outstanding. Om-nom! I know how much I weighed on Thursday morning so ... hopefully it hasn't gone up from my Russian cuisine venture . I'm sure it'll be fine though.

 

[NatM70]

I'm fine thanks Minerva,
I didn't talk about it for a very long time, I lived with it for years, keeping it a secret on the whole. I was embarrassed, but looking back, I had no reason to be - Depression, Anxiety, Panic Attacks, all-sorts of mental illnesses, a a product of trying to be too strong, for too long. Something has to give eventually.

I use the S&S online meal planner to ensure my carbs stay low. If say, I get to my last pack and I can see a bar would send me over 60g, I choose a shake instead. It's also easier to keeps carbs low by having 3 packs & 1 low carb meal. I can usually get my carbs in to the 30g+ mark if I do that.

I've gone over today - had two packs so far, then 3 boiled eggs with lettuce and cucumber. Then I had a portion of Chicken Tikka pieces, and I have one pack to have - because of the carbs in the Tikka, I'll probably have a shake. I know as long as I keep the carbs low, going over 1,000 cals won't affect my diet, and can only help by boosting my metabolism.

I hate not exercising! I love Zumba, and it really tones me up, so I hate it that I can't exercise! Once I get to goal, Zumba is straight back on my list of things to do!

I don't like the idea of my muscles being eaten away - my heart is one after all, lol! That's why I'm tailoring this plan to suit me, and what I know is going to be best in the long run.

Yum, a Pieragi sounds gorgeous! You must list ingredients and how to make it when you have a min - I wouldn't mind trying that!
Well, you went over 800 cals, so I'd call that a success!

Love both of those too! Reminds me to have both of them tomo!!

I doubt your weight loss will have been affected by the Pieragi, you didn't eat enough cals for it to affect your diet (I think it's anything over 1,200 cals that can have an effect).
Been cleaning and having to deal with idiots all day. Ever felt that you wanted to really punch someone? That's how I feel today, about a few people, and they're all my in-laws, lol!!

Hope you're having a good day!
xxx

 

[Minerva]

I'm fine thanks Minerva,
I didn't talk about it for a very long time, I lived with it for years, keeping it a secret on the whole. I was embarrassed, but looking back, I had no reason to be - Depression, Anxiety, Panic Attacks, all-sorts of mental illnesses, a a product of trying to be too strong, for too long. Something has to give eventually.

I use the S&S online meal planner to ensure my carbs stay low. If say, I get to my last pack and I can see a bar would send me over 60g, I choose a shake instead. It's also easier to keeps carbs low by having 3 packs & 1 low carb meal. I can usually get my carbs in to the 30g+ mark if I do that.

I've gone over today - had two packs so far, then 3 boiled eggs with lettuce and cucumber. Then I had a portion of Chicken Tikka pieces, and I have one pack to have - because of the carbs in the Tikka, I'll probably have a shake. I know as long as I keep the carbs low, going over 1,000 cals won't affect my diet, and can only help by boosting my metabolism.

I hate not exercising! I love Zumba, and it really tones me up, so I hate it that I can't exercise! Once I get to goal, Zumba is straight back on my list of things to do!

I don't like the idea of my muscles being eaten away - my heart is one after all, lol! That's why I'm tailoring this plan to suit me, and what I know is going to be best in the long run.

Yum, a Pieragi sounds gorgeous! You must list ingredients and how to make it when you have a min - I wouldn't mind trying that!
Well, you went over 800 cals, so I'd call that a success!

Love both of those too! Reminds me to have both of them tomo!!

I doubt your weight loss will have been affected by the Pieragi, you didn't eat enough cals for it to affect your diet (I think it's anything over 1,200 cals that can have an effect).
Been cleaning and having to deal with idiots all day. Ever felt that you wanted to really punch someone? That's how I feel today, about a few people, and they're all my in-laws, lol!!

Hope you're having a good day!
xxx

It's weird how we feel embarrassed to tell anyone... Mental health is something that is slightly taboo, but in the UK it's much less so than in Europe. God forbid you had to see any kind of psychologist in Russia - you'd be ostracised! My granddad towards the end of his life after my granny died was prescribed some medication for depression and anxiety and he was trying to refuse to take them saying "I'm not crazy!!" ...
I developed depression early in my teens on top of social anxiety which I still very much have. I get panic attacks sometimes and talking to people is hard. Oh well, got to get on with it!! Life doesn't stop and I can't avoid it, right? My OH doesn't really get the fact that I can get this way, he's such a positive and happy person - he encourages me to get over it. Though sometimes I do have to pretend I'm ok which isn't easy.

I'll try again with 1000 calorie day next week - I'll add some protein to my regular 4 packs, that'll probably be the easiest way to do it. Some extra quorn in my chilli! That'd be nice

As for Russian cuisine.. I called them wrong, it's pelmeni, I think this ketosis brain is getting to me, called my own food by the wrong name!! Pierogi is a yeast-based meat filled pasty, pelmenis is the tortellini style dumpling! Gosh. Here's a video and a short recipe - the woman in the video makes a right mess of it!! I'd use less flour when rolling (so that the dough doesn't dry out so much and becomes unuseable on subsequent rerolls) and a smaller diameter glass for smaller pelmeni. But you get the idea. A very easy and quick dinner recipe.

How to make Russian Pelmeni (Meat Ravioli)
How to Make the Best Pelmeni | Russian Language Blog


Lol, I've felt many times like I'd love to punch someone, but usually come to the conclusion that they're not worth wasting energy on. Hehe

x

 

[NatM70]

It's a shame it's so taboo - but it is becoming something more people are becoming aware of. And rightly so - it can be just as dilapidating, if not more so, than a psychical illness, which people understand because they can SEE it.

If I can over come it, I promise you this, so can you.
I was the worst case they'd ever seen - I mean, I couldn't even walk to the post box a couple of doors down, I was that agoraphobic. Really, really bad - like a living hell.
Now, I can pretty much do what I want - a complete transformation.

I totally empathise, because I've been there and I know what it's like. You can beat it you know, it doesn't have to be a life-long sentence.

And I know what you mean re OH's not understanding - mine couldn't for a very long time, and to an extent, still can't. I believe that until one has actually experienced it, it must be hard to imagine. 'Don't judge a man until you've walked a mile in his shoes'' springs to mind here.

Thanks so much for the recipe - I'm going to have a go at making that!

Right, must get ready - going out for Mother's day, my first, so I am excited!!

Have a great day honey xxx

 

[Minerva]

It's a shame it's so taboo - but it is becoming something more people are becoming aware of. And rightly so - it can be just as dilapidating, if not more so, than a psychical illness, which people understand because they can SEE it.

If I can over come it, I promise you this, so can you.
I was the worst case they'd ever seen - I mean, I couldn't even walk to the post box a couple of doors down, I was that agoraphobic. Really, really bad - like a living hell.
Now, I can pretty much do what I want - a complete transformation.

I totally empathise, because I've been there and I know what it's like. You can beat it you know, it doesn't have to be a life-long sentence.

And I know what you mean re OH's not understanding - mine couldn't for a very long time, and to an extent, still can't. I believe that until one has actually experienced it, it must be hard to imagine. 'Don't judge a man until you've walked a mile in his shoes'' springs to mind here.

Thanks so much for the recipe - I'm going to have a go at making that!

Right, must get ready - going out for Mother's day, my first, so I am excited!!

Have a great day honey xxx

I suppose we all have our ailments, I'm sorry you suffered so badly. But, I'm glad you've had the support and the right frame of mind to overcome it. It shows a real strength of character - and it shines through on these boards too. You have a will of iron and a really kind soul!

The OH is understanding enough thankfully, he tries his hardest to cheer me up if I'm down, he doesn't ignore it - he just doesn't believe that it can be a chemical problem in the brain in my case. This does have a good reason, as his mum has bi-polar, so he knows what that's like. So, he does 'get' that I'm depressed, but he believes there's always a reason for it and prods me with a stick (metaphorically...) until we find a reason for my trigger.. He's sat with me many times trying to wrestle it out, he's so patient... He's a good man, I'm lucky that way.
---


Day 70 today! Wow. Well, -3lbs for me this morning which is great as it evens out my poor 1lb loss last week.

10 weeks on the dot, brings me 2 stone loss. Right, so half a stone per month I'm hoping for now. I really wish I could be like most other people and drop between 3 and 4 lb per week!! Arggh. -_-


Well off I go to study and to uni. Have a great day everyone, I'll catch up on diaries later.

x

 

[Minerva]

On a side note, I got into two pairs of my old size 16 jeans today! One's a Jane Norman pair and the other Dorothy Perkins. I always found DP to be quite good for sizing (at least for my body shape).
The jeans fit really well - but my jelly belly gives a little bit of a muffin top. That'd be the case with any pair of jeans though and at any size, probably why I quit wearing them!!

Quite happy to be honest! Went from size 20 to size 16 in 10 weeks!

My weight loss is slow, but I can't deny the size difference - which is hard to see when I wear the same thing all the time (got used to wearing stretchy jersey dresses and tights in my fatdom...).

Mmm The less I weigh the more the difference each pound will make as well! Can't wait...!

Yay

 

[Curvy1]

Hey Minerva !! well done on the jeans!! you have done fab !! And what an amazing result on the 3lbs!! I am 1 day behind you. so on Day 69 Today. even though I have moved on from a VLCD I still count it a another day in my journey... I am really pleased that you are getting better loses!!

 

[Periwinkle]

Well done Minerva!!! 2 stone in 10 weeks!!! That's fab! I hope you take time to bask in that! xxx Hope you're having a good day at college!

 

[NatM70]

Thanks lovely,
I think when one reaches the bottom, the only way is up - I didn't really have much choice if I wanted a life!
Luckily, it was something I had conditioned myself to over the years, so I conditioned my way out of it.
Unlike depression, which IS a chemical imbalance. Your OH sounds amazing, and I am pleased, because you deserve a good man.
I hope that your mood lifts - are you struggling on your own or on meds? Don't have to tell me if you don't want, I just wondered.
I suppose this cra-ppy weather isn't helping! It gets me down, and I'm no longer depressed.

On a lighter note (pardon the pun!) WHOOP WHOOP on your jeans! That's BRILLIANT!
Isn't it an amazing feeling!?

And yes, every lb counts now - remember those pics of body fat? 1lb is just so big!!
You're doing fabulously!

You remember that - it takes guts and gumption to do this - you've got some strength for sure!

xxx

 

[Minerva]

Thanks lovely,
I think when one reaches the bottom, the only way is up - I didn't really have much choice if I wanted a life!
Luckily, it was something I had conditioned myself to over the years, so I conditioned my way out of it.
Unlike depression, which IS a chemical imbalance. Your OH sounds amazing, and I am pleased, because you deserve a good man.
I hope that your mood lifts - are you struggling on your own or on meds? Don't have to tell me if you don't want, I just wondered.
I suppose this cra-ppy weather isn't helping! It gets me down, and I'm no longer depressed.

On a lighter note (pardon the pun!) WHOOP WHOOP on your jeans! That's BRILLIANT!
Isn't it an amazing feeling!?

And yes, every lb counts now - remember those pics of body fat? 1lb is just so big!!
You're doing fabulously!

You remember that - it takes guts and gumption to do this - you've got some strength for sure!

xxx

My OH is one of the loveliest, most sensitive and positive guys ever. I don't know how I found him, but I definitely know I'm lucky! He has good parents, they raised him right! He doesn't like to admit that depression in me is a chemical imbalance, but, that's ok, I can live with that. He helped me get off the medication when we met - he said I was like a zombie on them. And to be fair, they weren't helping, I was in a state where depression was my friend, I had known it for so long and I loved it. Medication was only making it worse because it wasn't allowing me to feel it as much. I felt like I was in a boat, in the middle of a frozen lake, and I could see the darkness scratching at the ice from below. Medication also gave me awful nightmares - painful and disturbing, I was scared to go to sleep.
With the medication gone - with OH's help, I was able to work out some strategies of dealing with it. Most of which is: "Just get on with life, it doesn't stop because you're feeling like sh*t." <- doesn't shift the mood at all, but at least it keeps life going and doesn't make it worse, either for me or anyone else around me. A depressive person who wallows in it is a burden and it gets tiring. I don't want that. It's my problem.
Luckily now that I'm older and have more support I don't turn to the extremely self-destructive things I used to do, but instead I draw when I need to or go sit somewhere on my own. Drawing is an amazing outlet for it. Art therapy works for me I guess

---

And on a lighter note!!!!! Bloody hell. Lol. How does my blog always become to depressing?! At least it's not as bad as it was when I started this diary in 2011, this 2013 section is SO much happier. I was in a bad place back then, but I'm more positive now. Yay. Positivity of mind makes this diet a shed load easier, I'm not tempted to go off plan or even if I do - getting back on it is NOT a problem - because I just have this picture of a better, brighter, slimmer, more confident summer, I WANT to lose this weight, I WANT to look good - I'm sick of feeling like a fat blob when I go out with OH and his friends!! I HATE that. Doing this is worth it!


Day 73 today - I've been faffing around way too long on here already! Nothing spectacular planned today.

Hope everyone's having a good day so far!

x

 

[beelishy]

Im here! Not sure what Im doing just yet (for me) but I will follow and cheer you on, whatever you do! xx

 

[Minerva]

Im here! Not sure what Im doing just yet (for me) but I will follow and cheer you on, whatever you do! xx

Hee hee thank you! And you're doing really well! You know you will lose weight whatever diet you're on - just a matter of sticking to it. I'm sorry SnS didn't work out for you, but it's not the end of the world. Health is the most important thing!

x

 

[NatM70]

My OH is one of the loveliest, most sensitive and positive guys ever. I don't know how I found him, but I definitely know I'm lucky! He has good parents, they raised him right! He doesn't like to admit that depression in me is a chemical imbalance, but, that's ok, I can live with that. He helped me get off the medication when we met - he said I was like a zombie on them. And to be fair, they weren't helping, I was in a state where depression was my friend, I had known it for so long and I loved it. Medication was only making it worse because it wasn't allowing me to feel it as much. I felt like I was in a boat, in the middle of a frozen lake, and I could see the darkness scratching at the ice from below. Medication also gave me awful nightmares - painful and disturbing, I was scared to go to sleep.
With the medication gone - with OH's help, I was able to work out some strategies of dealing with it. Most of which is: "Just get on with life, it doesn't stop because you're feeling like sh*t." <- doesn't shift the mood at all, but at least it keeps life going and doesn't make it worse, either for me or anyone else around me. A depressive person who wallows in it is a burden and it gets tiring. I don't want that. It's my problem.
Luckily now that I'm older and have more support I don't turn to the extremely self-destructive things I used to do, but instead I draw when I need to or go sit somewhere on my own. Drawing is an amazing outlet for it. Art therapy works for me I guess

---

And on a lighter note!!!!! Bloody hell. Lol. How does my blog always become to depressing?! At least it's not as bad as it was when I started this diary in 2011, this 2013 section is SO much happier. I was in a bad place back then, but I'm more positive now. Yay. Positivity of mind makes this diet a shed load easier, I'm not tempted to go off plan or even if I do - getting back on it is NOT a problem - because I just have this picture of a better, brighter, slimmer, more confident summer, I WANT to lose this weight, I WANT to look good - I'm sick of feeling like a fat blob when I go out with OH and his friends!! I HATE that. Doing this is worth it!


Day 73 today - I've been faffing around way too long on here already! Nothing spectacular planned today.

Hope everyone's having a good day so far!

x

You are in a really good mind-set, and with your attitude, you'll overcome everything, especially with the support of your amazing OH! Where did you find him btw, does he have brothers?!!

LOL!! I NEVER read your blogs and think you're depressing. I find you articulate, intelligent, caring, honest, inspiring, funny, and just really, really nice!!

Yep, art therapy works for me too. MUST get back to it - may do when Max starts pre-school, by which time, I'll probably have to do another course as I'll be so out of date with techniques!

Sounds like you're in a good mood (am pleased!) - I've not managed much - not managed to do what I had planned, but I've moved that to tomo, so that's something to look forward to.

Enjoy the rest of your night lovely, and have a great day tomo! xxx

 

[carrieclaus]

LOL!! I NEVER read your blogs and think you're depressing. I find you articulate, intelligent, caring, honest, inspiring, funny, and just really, really nice!!


Couldn't have put it better myself xxx

 

[beelishy]

I ditto that sentiment. Youre lovely Minerva! I have suffered with depression for years on and off but am much better since Ive had my girls. I still think almost 100% that I have PMDD. A severe form of PMS that makes women severely depressed and can even make you suicidal. I get bad bouts now and then...about a week before my period starts. This stopped completely when I was pregnant with my girls (both of them) which just reinforces my belief that I definitely suffer from this. Anyway. I find you very kind, lovely, helpful, caring and very human. I love when people are just human. No fluff and fakeness. xxxx

 

[Minerva]

Thank you ladies... I think I ran away from compliments as I find them very hard to take! You're all wonderful, caring and very kind. Whoever has you all as their other (and more sensible) halves - are very lucky men indeed!!

--

Day 76.
Day starts with a usual cup of coffee and cat on my lap. The cat seems to have an emotional attachment to my legs, he sleeps all night on them and then insists on lap time throughout the day.

Tomorrow's Wi day, not sure it'll be a good result as I've felt bloated for a few days now (I have lost keeping track of TOTM, so no idea when I'm due).

On Friday in an effort to trick my body a little I added some extra Quorn to my Spicy Spaghetti, raised total calories for the day just below 900. Yesterday I was naughty and had two sugar-free jelly pots while the OH was out with his friend at Nando's. Not compulsive or emotional - just wanted a little bit of a change.

Apart from that... diet's quite easy going, not an issue at the moment. I just need to watch for severe fog-brain (which usually means my body's going into starvation mode). At the end of this week my mad study period will begin and I need to make sure not to sacrifice brain clarity for the diet. I NEED to have enough energy to remember all this stuff so I can at least pass the damn course!
Since I'll be going into University to study for peace and quiet and there are no facilities to even get some hot water - I'll be buying a pack of chicken / meat to take with me. So nothing drastic - just going to be doing 3 packs and protein option - adding a little more protein if I need it. I know, not a seriously shocking change, but I have been sticking to 4 packs per day so far.

This will be a mad 11 weeks ahead... I really should NOT have counted the number of weeks!!... Ouch. Routine to consist of 8am start > to Uni for 9:30 > study until 6 or 7 pm. 6 days a week with 1 study period at home. Let's hope that's enough. Though looking at the amount of stuff I need to memorise, I'm not so sure... Oh well!! "Que sera, sera... whatever will be, will be..."

 

[Periwinkle]

I know you find compliments hard but I just wanted to echo what everyone else has been saying - you're fab! You always come across as very kind, balanced, genuine, mature, articulate and intelligent. I've no doubt you're gonna kick ass at college! The time WILL fly - it always did for me in Uni xxx think of the amazing summer you will have!!! I really admire your study dedication btw! Be sure to plan lil treats to reward all your hard work xxx

 

[beelishy]

You're doing so well to balance everything. And that thing you said about fog-brain...you know, the day before i had my scary episode..I couldnt think straight. I just put it down to being tired or left over baby-brain, but looking back I think it WAS what you said...my body slipped into starvation mode! Eeek! Oh well...onward now. You're going to do so well. So much discipline and dedication to your studies...you cant NOT do well. xx

 

[NatM70]

Good Evening Minerva!

Compliments where compliments are due - I don't hand them out to just anyone, so accept with grace, lol!!

Looking forward to hearing your results - be sure to post asap!

I did the same today, had over 900 cals - did it on purpose for the same reason as you. We'll see on Tuesday!

The thing with a VLCD, it can really mess with TOTM, so it may be due now but it may be late - you've been on this a while, have you noticed it's messed with your you-know-what? (that's me being polite, ha!).

You're doing amazingly well to do this and work so hard with your studies too! I am certain in will pay off - you don't seem like the kind of person who accepts anything less than 100% from yourself.

Hope today's been a good one for you!

:bighug: