my diary ~ no more CD for me

[kati]

thanks I did have a great time I managed to get a friend to go with me although she did ask who they were as we were travelling to the place and when they started playing she said "oooooh I do know them!" so now she's converted and wants to steal my cd's !!!

have decided the drummer was quite dishy (even though never game him a second thought before), the singer cute in an aww bless him kind of way, and the other one had the fastest fingers in the ...er... northeast lol (for tonight anyway)

we were right at the front so even though I'm only little had a perfect view of everything (till they moved to the stage in the middle of the arena) They weren't perfectly in tune for everything but who cares! I had a great time i would happily do that again tomorrow (although its a long drive to their next one in glasgow or somethingg tomorrow)

I was dying for a wee by the end though

 

[IreneH]

Glad you had a great time. So did we.

Irene xx

 

[kati]

lol ok I'm past my 15 year old stage now. glad you had a good time Irene. It's been years since I last went to see a band play so I'm glad I went to that. wish it didnt cost so much though so I could do it more often.

I'm in 2 minds whether to go to the gym tonight or not. I had decided to but my feet hurt. Maybe I should go for a swim. I dont know. I'll see later. Must clean the house too though

 

[cazmaz_irl]

hiya Nikki, i know we talk a LOT on msn, but sure I thought I'd pop past and see what your updating LOL.....gym, sore feet, swimming, MMMMMM this is all news to me LMAO...... :ignore: :giggle:

 

[kati]

lol ok so I never went. oh well.

watching this louise redknapp thing I'm actually finding it quite inspirin because it reminds m of how determined i was when i first started CD. Not to gte that small, just to get to goal finally. Even getting to goal i still wont be as small as she was when she started!

 

[westiegirl]

Hi Nikki, just popping by to say hello. It's taken me ages to catch up on threads after my weekend away. Glad you enjoyed Keane, you lucky thing you! Glad you managed to dump the creepy guy too!

I think you've done the right thing about the builder bloke if your heart wasn't in it. I really relate to what you said about wanting that special someone who makes your heart flutter. In fact I wrote something along the same lines on my thread a couple of days ago (felt like I was being unrealistic for wanting it all!) but as usual, wise words from Isobel reminded me that I wasn't being unreasonable and there is someone out there that will tick all my boxes. Same will happen for you too!

In the meantime, hope you are feeling better and can finally kick that bug into touch (do you take a multi vitamin?). Well done on sticking to CD1000 and btw you looked fabulous in Newcastle in January so don't beat yourself up (again) ok? Lecture over *lol*.

 

[kati]

Thanks Sarah. I don't take any extra vitamins maybe I should. After 4 weeks I think that nasty bug is finally going However I am seriously tired still. I went to bed last night at about 10, stayed asleep till about 10 30 this morning. I got up then and about 11 15 I went up to get dressed, thought I'd lie down for 5 minutes before getting dresses, next thing I knew it was 3pm!!! this isnt a one off saturday occurrence, I did a similar thing last week, plus weekdays I always fall asleep when I get in from work then still go to bed early the same night and have trouble getting up in the morning. This is really getting to be a serious problem for me I think because I just dont have the energy to do anything, including housework. My ex came into the house the other day and told me I had to have it cleaned by the time they were due to come home otherwise he wouldn't let them come home. I was in tears because I was just so tired I couldn't do it. It was only so bad because there was ironing all over the kitchen and the dog had gotten into the cat litter and spread it all over the house (which takes less than 5 minutes to do but ages to clean up) and the dog had pooed under the table which I hadn't seen but for some reason my ex was checking under the table and saw it so decided I never clean anything up. When I complained he shouldn't have been in the house he always just sas its my house I can go in it if I want! doesnt matter that he hasnt lived here for 3 1/2 years though. I hate him. Yes the house was a mess I knew that but not as bad as he was making out. He just goes overboard about everything, plus his family are all obsessed with cleaning so the poor kids cant play with anything cos it makes the house look messy. So, I have had a bad week. Everything has been getting me down not just him being a pratt aand me being tired, just everything.

I'm sick of doing everything on my own, I'm sick of being ill, sick of being skint, just sick of life basically. I'm going back to not wanting to go anywhere or seeing anyone or doing anything. I had got out of that when I started losing weight and I dont know why it's starting again.

I was meant to go shopping for food today but we had nothing in so had to take the kids to get something to eat first otherwise they'd have moaned all the way round the shops. It ended up costing about £35!!!!! but then afterwards I couldnt be bothered to go shopping so am going to have to do it all tomorrow. Plus oldest wants to go to a big park thing tomorrow and collect some stones from the stream so he can make them into rune stones, he has a list of things to buy to use on them too. I'm going to have to force myself to get up earlier tomorrow so we can do it. Oh he wants to take the dog and his remote control plane too to play with, meaning he has plenty to do but the twins are going to be bord and moany.

my head hurts

 

[cazmaz_irl]

kati hun, you sound like ya need a hug {{{HUG}}} don't mind that Wonker of an EX...thank god hes an EX eh!

I'm in my Mams, but i'm driving home now so i'll be online again in about 1.5hrs so if your about we can chat better on MSN....:grouphugg:

 

[kati]

thanks caroline, not so bad ow. Still hate my ex, apparently he's been telling the kids he's been paying the mortgage on the house when he hasnt paid a penny since he moved out! Hate him!

haad a busy day today shopping and dog walking poor dogy is knackered.

I'm feeling huge today even though when I ran my trousers fell down! but they're stretchy. I think it's partly to do with this size 0 thing. I don't really think she looked that thin on the telly then the next day I had to listen to a conversation between mrs stick insect and another stick insect about how its so much better to be curvy like them(?????? where????) than to be that small. I have to say mrs stick insect says she's size 10 (dont believe her) and the other one cant be ny more than an 8. where are the curves on someone that size??? the way they were talking they were just making me feel huge.

ack need to make beds ill be back

 

[westiegirl]

Nikki, hunny please will you go to the doctor. You shouldn't be tired all the time, going to bed early and still exhausted when you wake up. There is probably a simple explanation but it's worth being checked. I know you have a lot going on so maybe you are deficient in some vitamin or mineral or something, but the doctor can sort you!

Your ex sounds like a chamer *lol*. Don't stress about him though because that will make you more ill.

Glad you got out and had a nice walk today. But please take of yourself properly ok?

 

[kati]

ok I'm not going to be trying to get that thin I'm just feeling the need to get back into dieting, but the problem is when I feel fat I want to stuff myself. Stupid eh. Oh well I'll get over it.

I've been very er..angry this weekend. the slightest thing really winds me up, dont know why. grr more attention wanted back again in a minute

 

[kati]

ok sarah just saw what you wrote. I probably should go to the dr, I did feel better when i was doing Cd properly so I should probably try ssing again to make me feel better. I felt better physically as well as mentally so got to be worth a go hasnt it.

 

[westiegirl]

Nikki, please do go. I know what you mean about feeling so well on SS - it's just packed with good things. The trouble is that if you have become deficient in something I think you need help to get your levels back to normal (I remember reading somewhere this but someone more qualified will be able to confirm/deny).

Hope you are feeling better today.

 

[kati]

Thanks for caring sarah I'm feeling a lot more awake today thankfully. It's almost 6 pm and I haven't fallen asleep yet. I could have been close to it though if I'd allowed myself to rest enough, but then my cute little doggy wasn't so cute hen he wouldn't let me go to sleep last night grrr. Think he realised when I was ready to put him out the window lol.

My feet hurt though, it would be nice to have a day where I'm not on my feet alllll day.

Ok, I tried yesterday not to eat any carbs. I did really well up till about 6 pm. I forgot my keys to lock the shop up so had to borrow the spare set. I was supposed to return them after locking up before going home but I forgot so had to go home and get the kids then go straight back to my mams with the keys. Of course they knew we hadnt had time to eat, mams boyfriend pinched the dog and my eldest to go for a walk so we had to wait for them to et home, and they brought chips in for everyones tea. So I ended up feeling too guilty to not eat them since they'd been bought for me and would just end up in the bin. so yesterdays attempt was ruined.

And today I didnt even get past 9 am! one of the customers came in and asked for toast but had to rush off before it was cooked to do a job, so I was ordered to eat it for my breakfast since I'd already let it slip I hadnt had anything. I know I could have carried on from there and not had any more but I was soo hungry. I'd have been fine if I hadn't had the toast. I had some soup but it was too spicey so threw it away, then I had some ham salad which as ok but nothing fantastic, not too many carbs though. BUT, when I got home something snapped in me and er I had crisps and chocolate. Why???? I have no idea why. Oooooh, I know why....I almost crashed my car on the way home!!!!! I was on a dual carriageway in the middle lane but the right hand lane had to merge with my lane so I was looking in the mirror cos cars always come speeding up there and try and squash in, but the car in front of me slammed his breaks on only I was looking behing me instead of in front so I almost drove into the back of him!! I was shaking like a leaf all the rest of the way home then pigged out when I got in.

But even though I've had those things I'm still hungry, so I'm going to cook myself a meal tonight anad try again tomorrow. The only problem is I'm pretty sure I'm going to be given a curly wurly in the morning, and on thursday I'm supposed to be going out for a meal which I've already tried to get out of but they changed the day for me to make sur eI ould be able to go. hhmmmm. Why does everything have to revolve around food? I know everyone eats but why does it have to be made into such a big deal allllll the time??? How did I get around it the first time? I cant remember

 

[kati]

lol I just realised I said I was in the middle lane of a dual carriageway, that doesn't quite work does it??? ok well it's not a motorway but not a dual carriageway, what is it?? ok it's the bypass, it leads onto the motorway...will that make more sense?

 

[kati]

I will not spend another summer feeling fat!!!!!!!

Ok so maybe I cant ever go round with my belly hanging out if I wanted to (like a road map) but I will be able to go out i tight clothes without thinking people are looking disgutedly at me because I'm too big. I repeat I WILL be able to do that. So I'm going to eat tomorrow night and for the last weekend of the month other than that I will have 1 meal a day and the rest will be CD packs. I have nothing stopping me but me.

I do feel very pressured by people to go against what I want so I supose I'm going to have to say no and do what I want to do instead. I'm so sick of feeling like I'm always doing something for someone else and never just for me. When I've got my kids everything I do is for them, when I don't have the kid sI don't seem to be able to get time to do what I want because I've always got someone wanting me to do something else. Such as tomorrow my mam and her boyfriend want to have a "staff meeting" but it'll be at the pub and will have to have food and drink. I always end up having to drive everyone around so they can all get plastered and it's not much fun for me. Then on friday I dont really feel like going out because I have nothing to wear and could do with saving the money but my friend has no one else to go out with so is relying on me so she can get out. If there was anyone else going out then i wouldnt feel bad about staying home when she knows I dont have kids.

Ok so its not always for other people but I do often feel like I just cant say no. I sometimes would like to just go to the shops for a bit after work for a look around without kids but if I have to go out for the night I can't because I need to give the dog some company for a while. So like this week everyone has everything planned out for me so I wont get the chance to do that.

At times I long for the days when I was at university and never spoke to anyone for days on end. I was miserable yeah, but I got to sit in misery just how I wanted to.

Apparently my sister has been moaning about me not reminding her every time when she will be looking after the kids for me, but how hard is it to remember it gets a day later every week? Do I really need to remind her that much? Or is it just because she wants to make sure I contact her? Well how about she contacts me for a change? she only ever does that when she wants a hair cut or a babysitter. She never visits or phones, even though she just lives around the corner. even if I am babysitting for her she'll send me a text to tell me she is home and I should send the kids home, even though it's free to ring me for an hour yet costs her whatever it is to send a text! I'm trying to wait and see how long it takes her to bother to contact me for a change btu she's too busy moaning about not knowing when I need her to babysit. Is she just attention seeking or is she really just thick? i don't know but its annoying.

Anyway, it saves me more hassle.

I really just want to hide away for a couple of months and not have anyone interfere with my life

 

[cazmaz_irl]

Aww Nikki, you sound like you need a break, I see your on msn right now, i'm gonna try chat to ya ,,,:hug99: atback: in the meanwhile, take a big hug from me..

 

[cazmaz_irl]

To my bestest (sp?) pal on minimins....your off out tonite with pals and I'm suffering on msn all by meself LOL....hope your having a blast,,,,counting down the days till we meet...not long now,,,,clear de ironing, i'm coming soon LMAO I sure hope your grand, this is just me posting an hellooooo and saying....I know I'm a day, well a nite early but just popping past to say.....

Happy St. Patricks Day
Shona St. Padraigs Duit

 

[kati]

thanks caroline I just wished you a happy st patricks day on your diary

 

[kati]

had so much to say when I opened this up then the dog fought with me to move the laptop so he could sit on my knee and someone else distracted me so I've forgotten everything I was going to moan about lol.

Ok 1st things 1st... I'm getting waay too fat again am not going to eat today!! food was the first thing I thought of when I woke up this morning and was wandering round the hosue thinking what can I have to eat, then I remembered how I felt last night and told myself NO! I don't want to be feeling like that.

I went shopping yesterday and bought myself a £95 french connection dress, (lovely black wrapover dress) but I only paid £15 for it. It is a size 12 but it's too small, I cant get my boobs in it. Plus my boobs are gettng too big for my bra so they're hurting through being squashed all the time. Worst problem is my knee high boots are getting too tight!!!! I wore them last night with fishnet tights and I had the pattern imprinted onto my leg so much when I took them off it hurt, cant be doing with that.