My Loss = My gain and His loss -new hair photo added

[mommyB]

Great to hear that you're feeling so good today and that everyone had a good night sleep.

Rest assured that the postman is waiting around the corner until he sees you go out,then will turn up to leave the dreaded red card. Well that's what ours does anyway-I'm convinced of it !!

 

[mommyB]

I saw this and thort of you and BB !!

 

[missy1978]

Ahhh you sound like you are doing so well at the moment! Love reading your positive thoughts <3

And the pup pictures are lovely! What a cutey x

 

[Leeanne910]

Hope ur ok today!!

Xx

Start:: 217lb current:: 214.5lb...Goal:: 154lb 60.5lb to go!! club10 goal 195lb 19.5lb to go! Mini goals: 12lb by holiday 11.5 to go. 40lb by xmas 39.5 to go. 61lb by mid march 60.5 to go

 

[Aaleigha]

That pic is so cute I will have to give him a bath at some point
I think sunday is supposed to be nice so perhaps they can all have a bath on sunday

this is a late post for me

today is not so good for some reason I have fallen from the height of feeling so good to being in the depths for no reason
I have today received Kaydans bag
so he and I have been over the post box

and we will both be visiting my friend Sue this afternoon - I think she is looking forward to a puppy visit more than she is looking forward to seeing me


last night was not a good nights sleep
I put him in his crate and covered it right up so he was in the dark and out of all possible drafts - he woke at 3 30 for a pee and then wanted to play I put him back to bed at 4.30 to lots of cries

I got up and had a both just after DH left at 7 - I have a headache (so as I didnt have one yesterday I am feeling it is due to lack of sleep not meds)

so positives for today are thin on the ground

the sun is shining
I have been for a short walk
I will be seeing a friend later

breakfast was yog and fruit
lunch is ryvita minis with houmous and crudites
dinner will be a bolagnaise bake

dont know about snacks as I have not really needed any - perhaps that should be a positive

if the weather stays like this I might encourage Sue to go for a bit of a walk this afternoon with Gizzy and Kaydan

really hoping everyone is having a good day

 

[Aaleigha]

well its been a day since I visited
so last night I slept through - well I woke a couple of times but straight back to sleep
so I feel I have had a fair amount of sleep

I still feel tense and moody and have no idea why unless it is the moon

so today we have had a nice day out
went to the large market at wellesbourne and I managed to walk all the way around
we took Gizzy on his lead and Kaydan in his bag - he got SO much attention - he has even had his picture taken by one girl
on the way back we stopped at a lovely town - so small it would be a good designation as a village North Leach typical cotswold village

we are now home and I am so tired - feel like I should go to bed for an hour or so - not done that since last week when we got Kaydan - it seems my body is screaming out for sleep - has to be something to do with the healing

DH has just popped into work for his resetting of the machines and 2hours overtime (so paid for three hours) for 20 mins work - all great before our holiday

positives for today

I was motivated to go somewhere today where I would have to do some walking - thanks pods
the sun was shining
I coped with so many people wanting to talk to me - due to Kaydan - quite a biggy for me

although I feel tense and premenstrual with a headache - I still went -

we didnt over spend I bought one skirt Dh bought a couple of shirts and we got Kaydan a little harness and some pigs ears for the dogs

think I will get a bit of extra sleep then catch up with diaries
H xx

 

[missy1978]

Oh I love his little bag! How cute, I bet he looks adorable in that. Sounds like you managed to have a good day too!

I'm having a reasonable weekend, totm came which is endlessly depressing But had some nice times too.

 

[mommyB]

Totm and mood madness, there seems to be alot of it about !!!

Hope today is better for you H and that you got some sleep last night.

 

[Aaleigha]

Jane I seem to have gone out like a light last night
I have not taken any of the tramadol today and now feel awful
I have headache real dizzyness - so much so I cant move my head - think I need to take one

I will have to ask for a lower dose to get off this med

I am off to the farm to collect a few veggies

then I think it will be home to sleep for a bit before dinner time

I really cant believe how ill I feel

all I did was go for a walk yesterday and now I am hurting my lower thigh at the front is really hard and tight (so must be inflammed) all I want is my life back - is it too much to ask
I really hope not

off for a good cry and some meds I seem addicted too which is not my fault before going to the farm

 

[mommyB]

Aw Haezl, I hope you feel better soon.
For what it's worth I think asking for a lower dosage is a good idea-you clearly still need it ,dont make yourself suffer needlesly

Hope a bit of a rest helps too

 

[mommyB]

Stupid edit isnt working again
I wanted to add

you may not quite be where you want to be yet, but just look at how far you have come already !!!

 

[Aaleigha]

Thanks Jane
I honestly was not expecting to get withdrawal symptoms from taking a pain killer 0 I thought new knee let it heal no meds then get on with my life but for some reason its just not happening for me

DH says I am expecting too much too soon
I most likely am - however I only want my life back

I had to give in a take a tablet - what I might try is not to take one tonight then try days only to reduce the dose and see if that will work

due to feeling like carp the diet is not going as well as I want it too
and feeling as bad a I do today positives are really hard to find

the best I can come up with are
Gizzy has gone home
I have fresh organic home grown veg to go with dinner


a third well nothing

finding positives really works for me and today I feel total ***** so of course I cant find any

think I will find some nice hand dyed cashmere I have been saving for a project and just try it out

and start this
Loosely knitted DROPS sweater in Vivaldi ~ DROPS Design


wont matter what size I make it as it will stretch but I will make it in the biggest size and belt it when it gets far too big

 

[missy1978]

I'm sorry today's not so good for you You are doing great though! Those painkillers are really hardcore and difficult to come off so you are honestly doing really well. I know someone who was taking them when she had a broken ankle and they made her feel awful while she was taking them and trying to come off them too.

And you are still finding positives which is awesome! I hope today gets better for you xxx

 

[Aaleigha]

thanks darling
I think with me I need to get used to those feelings - but being off the anti D's now since May I have nothing to support my mood
I know these lows and highs are normal - but that did not feel too normal it did feel like a possible slide into depression and I need to be well aware of all the signs so I can work extra hard (I need to work daily) to pull myself back out of the whole - or put on bigger stomping boots to get to the end of the tunnel and find the light

so plans for today are
been awake since about 6 and have been brought a drink
I will stay in bed until at least 9 then have a bath and do my hair (which I hate - dont really know why but I really really dont like it)
then a late breakfast - I might at that point go out for a walk - but it will be a short walk round the bloke most likely not more than 1500 steps - but if I can do that twice a day and slowly build on that it will be good

today I can feel my knee at the bottom of the thigh and top of the shin so the ends of the bone that were cut seem to be sore - cant explain it any other way - I so wish I had had a broke bone before then I would know if this is healing oddness or something else

as for the tramadol I will be taking my 100 dose this morning - after yesterday I have to admit to not being brave enough to even think of NOT taking it

so meals for today will be (very unslimming world) I will be making a smoothie out of my yog and fruit and adding some milk from my allowance with flax seeds added

lunch will be a light salad - maybe halloumi as I know I have some
dinner will be plate of fresh organic veggies chard broad beans carrots and runner beans - with quorn fillet

snacks - I have no idea whatever I fancy as the calories on the meals look low

oh if I want a salad I will have to go to the super market - think I will do sainsburys for a bag of organic salad leaves

for the Kaydan fans
he is on the bed sleeping making small puppy noises

 

[Aaleigha]

I have just sent my hair dresser the longest message ever
I HATE my hair so much
story
last time she cut it it was to last until hospital but when I stood up her boss said that needs coming off there and took her scissors to it = start of the problem

then when I could first drive I was desperate to get it done Naomi was on holiday so I said I could come down and S could colour it but boss talked me into letting letting S cut it as she was there and knew what I had/wanted

it is Fing carp never had such horrible hair its so bad its really really affecting my depression I have spent time covering it with a scarf and sobbing over it
if I have not heard from my girl but tonight I will go elsewhere tomorrow - my problem is the salon have lost the picture of what I was working towards so I cant even show someone else
not they anyone can do anything about it as the top just back from fringe is cut far to short I was growing it and it was half way there I have lost a good two inches

sorry everyone I will be off to sainsburys shortly I have washed and CANNOT style my hair and sobbed and cried yet again - depression is obviously very very close
I need to do something and really dont know what I can do - I will start with SAD lamp and increased B vitamins

 

[Aaleigha]

Naomi is fantastic
she phoned me from college and we have had a long chat that has settled me no end
obviously nothing can be done before I have to go out tomorrow but before the end of the week something will be done

so the choices are to tweak what I have (but I might not be happy) or go for a radical change
now its ONLY the top that is wrong so we could perhaps go for a shorter version of what I wanted - which is likely to work (I think) or as I say something quite new
if we go for something quite new I am thinking of something along the lines of these
I will of course have a good coffee and a long chat with Naomi before any scissors are involved

 

[mommyB]

Both are lovely and very 'you' .
I'm so glad you have it sorted ( well on the way to being anyway) I know from my own experiences that if I'm feeling low, bothering with my appearance does help to lift me a little, so I do know how important these things can be.

 

[Aaleigha]

thanks Jane
N phoned me last night and we chatted for ages - she is going to the salon today (Monday college) so will book out an extra long appointment for consultation and cut so we can go over everything - luckily she found the original pic we were working towards until it all go ruined but it will be at least 6-9 months to get it where it needs to be instead of christmas at the latest - so still not happy

went to hospital today for my post op check up - all is looking well and I am doing as well as I should be and better than many people would be - he said as I am young to have it done I have high expectations of getting my life back he was most impressed with the straight leg lifts I was able to do as most people have problems straightening the knee but I have found that fine all along - so basically I have to just go with it as he is pleased - like he said if I were 75 and wanted to potter I would feel I had my life back - and anyone working in an office who sat around at weekends would be fine - but those with an active lifestyle firstly push the new knee to it limits and still want more - he said if I were still complaining in a year he would be surprised - so I am going to get a nice lined journal - a really nice one and I will use that to record journeys I do and day outs - so I can look back on it in a few months and I will then be able to see progress

as for the food he is still not wanting me to 'diet' as my body still needs to do healing he thinks a good time to start dieting for me would be after Christmas - but we will see - if I can get out of hospital and be sitting on my sofa watching the news 48 hours after being in the recovery room I am sure I can do an eating plan and heal - but I will be doing it more along the lines of cutting back and perhaps sticking to approx 1500 cals a day rather than 1200 so I most likely wont lose weight but I wont be putting any on either and if the healing uses calories then I could still lose weight so slimpods for now and now eating plan

Kaydan came with us and stayed in the car (windows open) while I was in having my appointment and then went to visit Bradford on Avon with us and we had coffee he had water and lots of attention from shoppers

 

[mommyB]

It's good to hear that the doc is pleased with your progress, in fact you are ahead of shedule !! all good stuff.
As for the diet, well I know you are eager but dont try to run before you can walk-and yes that pun was fully intended LOL

 

[missy1978]

Do what your doc says, you getting better and healing up is the most important thing And brilliant to hear how well you are doing!

I have to say as well - the comment about the sleepy puppy noises made me melt a bit hehe. Soooo cute! <3