My Personal Weight Loss Journey

So, it's Friday afternoon - it's a little late for my usual ramble, but this one will be quick.

CHEATING.

I said to CDC last week that I felt like my SS+ meals were cheating. She really put her foot down and said no way! Because I am allowed it, I can make the most of them whilst on this step if I need to and it will stop me from real cheating.

Now, as described before regarding secret eating, this was usually cheating eating too. I posted on PurpleFlower's log about how when I did Slimming World - the month or so before I stopped going, I would have secret treats after my Monday weigh in. These are only secret because I would eat them in the car and dispose of the evidence! I would cheat by doing this kind of thing, and because I wasn't accountable - i'd stopped writing my "diary" by then too, I just would conveniently forget about it.

Now, for the last month, i've been logging in MyFitnessPal - love it. Need to get back into it before proper ss+ and Step 2 - because it keeps me accountable. What is also really great is that I KNOW the weights of the foods i'm eating now, so I can accurately log...not like I used to. I was looking back in old logs from last year and thinking "there is no way in hell I only ate half a custard slice?!" - but that's all i'd logged, because I didn't want it to look worse than it was...

Now, remarkably - and probably due to me posting here, having treat meals out for occasions and the SS+ meals, I haven't properly cheated. Well, I suppose I did since I ate the pudding at the wedding last month actually... Now, at the time, I didn't count it as a big cheat, but I really should have. You see, I was just being greedy when I ate it. I WANTED it, I didn't NEED it.

So, yeah - since then, no cheats. No biscuits, cheeky tastes of the food i'm preparing, quick gobble of the cake on the side when nobody's looking. I feel great about this. I am usually such a self saboteur that I would have cheated and blamed something happening in life which led to me cheating. I know bad things happen and sometimes it is easier, but for as long as I can, I need to keep this resolve up. I don't need to reward myself with a meal because i've done well, or because i've done badly. I can have a treat meal because it's scheduled (this is into maintenance) or because it's planned, but need to stick to my 2:5 plan.

I am loving the confidence with food that this diet gives me. I am loving my new relationship with food that is already much healthier. I am loving the feeling of control in what I am doing and what I allow myself to do. I can stick with it, and I CAN DO IT.

I am able to go to the shop now and buy what I need, rather than what I want. I don't have to buy myself a treat, and I don't have to have a secret snack.

I hope I still feel like this in a couple of months. I am working really hard to get my head sorted before I get to eating properly again.

I know I'm rambling, but it's Friday, and almost hometime! :)

Weigh in tomorrow - i'll keep you posted!

xx
 
Morning All,

It's been a bit of a busy weekend - I did sit down to post my WI, but then my phone died and I was so frustrated that I didn't get around to posting again! Had a great chat with CDC on Saturday, and then the weigh in...

-2lb! :) I have now officially lost 3 stone!!
Ok, so I was hoping for more, but considering i'd had four ss+ meals during the week, that's fine.

This weekend I have had 2 ss+ meals, but I am being good for the rest of the week with SS 100% - till next Saturday when i'm off to meet friends. This week will be a day longer as a consequence so I really want it to be a good one.

So, yesterday - all day, I felt STARVING! I was home alone as OH was working but I stuck with it, drinking plenty of water...so anyways - guess who appears this morning? TOTM! I'm hoping that explains the low loss and the hunger. Feeling much more in control this morning - being at work helps.

Anyways, hope you've all had good weekends and thanks for following all!

xx
 
Hey Flic well done on the 2lb loss and on reaching your 3st loss! It is still a good loss and what an achievement to get 3st off! Totm could have effected it a little but I still think u should be pleased with the loss xx

Sent from my iPhone using MiniMins
 
Gosh, I am STARVING today! TOTM strikes.

Now, a little background - i'm sure none of you will actually care but wonder if any of you have had the same thing. I've had the implant for the last three years, and decided to go back to the pill as I wanted to have more control with contraception - plus, like many, periods were irregular and I just wasn't happy with it. Now, being back on the pill for a couple of months now, this is my first "proper" period (as in not taking the pill for a week thing.) As I said, yesterday I was starving, and today too!

I'm going to stick to my resolve of no more SS+ meals this week as I really need to get myself back to 100% ready for Saturday. Plus, I want Sunday to be a good weigh in!

This morning I have split two shakes so I have had a hot chocolate and a hot mint chocolate so far and then i'll have another half for lunch and then the last half this afternoon. Rice pudding for dinner which is SOOOOOO my new favourite! I think I could have three of these a day at the moment - I only got 5 from CDC so i'm rationing myself!

Hope you're all having a better Monday than I am!

xx
 
Well done on hitting the 3st mark :) You must be feeling more & more fab each day

TOTM can be a nightmare & certainly made me feel more hungry the other week, your strong though and I know it won't topple you.

Well done again hunni x x x

Ps I had the rice pudding for the 1st time last week and loved it :)
 
ah, rice pudding...it was soooooo tasty last night. Wish i'd got more of these this week. Next week i'm going to get LOADS!

Today is a combination of shake and bars. I am feeling starving, but just carrying on at 100% SS in the hope it will subside.

Decided that it's going to be easier to drive on Saturday up to York than get the train - cheaper too. Now, potential problem is motorway stops. On my own, availability to eat rubbish food...I will remain strong.

Last night, I made OH's dinner, made my rice pudding and then went back into the kitchen and made tomorrow night's dinner and chopped a load of veg ready for an oxtail ragu i'm going to make tonight for later in the week. I then grated a load of cheese (and the end of my finger) and tidied and cleaned the fridge out. Not a morsel passed my lips other than what I was allowed - my rice pudding. I think if I can still smell and touch food, I am fine, it's once I become detached from it that I find it difficult.

So, also - this morning, I had a sneaky weigh on the scales and i'm already showing 2lbs down from Sat's weigh in. I am bordering on my lowest weight that I got to with Dukan - I hope that Sunday's weigh will be at that point - or lower - and that will be another goal ticked off my list!

xx
 
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Flick your doing fab ! ! !

For your road trip maybe you could do something silly each time you pass the services to celebrate your will power. It's so hard to break our usual cycle of being naughty especially when away from home & alone.
I know being away at the weekend I was alone on the Friday at the hotel and could easily have devoured the biscuits in the room but what we eat in secret shows on the scales. You know yourself your so close to your Dukan lowest weight so keep that in mind and each service station you pass hold your head up & know that you my dear are in control :)
 
Now, usually I have a ramble on a Friday, but this week, i'm sneaking in an earlier one. This is covering ground I have been over before but come with some realisation too...

Why I do "Sneaky Eating."

So, i've covered what and how, but last night I was thinking about the why and I think i've found my answer. Freedom. So, since school, I would do a little sneaky eating - I would clean my step-sister's car at the weekend for £3 and that would enable me to buy sweets from the shop on the way to school and something from the tuck shop. Though I would probably buy something daily, I would savour it - taking 10-15 minutes to eat a mars bar, buying some love hearts but eating them in colour order.

I always used to do this as a child. It was me out of my brothers that would still have Easter chocolate left in August. I would often save a bit for the following Easter too - don't ask me why, it was horrible by then!

Back to school, and once I got a "job" I started to earn a bit more money - I would get dad to drop me at the shop, and once he'd gone round the corner, I would nip in and buy 2 wispa mints (ahhh, wispa mints) to eat. I remember being incredibly conscious about my weight - I was 15, but my body was growing and though I was still a size 10, I felt huge. My thighs were covered in stretch marks and I was so embarrassed. Do you ever look back at photos and wonder why - why did I feel fat when I was so small! I had a special "tuck tin" which I had in my bedroom and this would be topped up with sweets when I went to the shop. This was to share with my step-mum when we used to sit down and watch X-Factor, but also, I would munch through on my own.

School finished and I started college. I stopped taking a packed lunch of any sort, and I could have whatever I wanted! Cheesy chips were a favourite, but I would try to be a little heath conscious too - having soup and a roll some days...instead of a chocolate bar, a go ahead bar...There was the freedom, but I still felt quite restrained.

Then I turned 17 - Dad started to teach me to drive. He is just as bad as me - we would drive to the local town - about half an hour away - stop at the supermarket, get a drink and a pork pie each, and then drive home.

Then I passed my test. Suddenly, I could buy what I wanted and nobody would see. I would go to Morrisons and buy a pack of five cookies. Three times a week. I would get a tub of coronation chicken mix, and two rolls and sit in the car and eat them. I would have sausage rolls and pork pies. I would fill up with fuel and get sweets and pastries. I would buy chocolate bars to eat in the car...sneaky eating at it's best.

College turned to university and now I had even more freedom - breakfast, lunch and dinner were all open to me - drinking a lot, as you do when you start uni eating takeaways, eating rubbish...this is when it really started to alter. I was probably still a size 12/14 when I started uni, but quickly became a size 16. Three years of this kind of thing and I miraculously maintained a sixteen size - I think due to the fact I was at a university on a hill which involved a lot of walking around.

I graduated, moved back to home for a bit, and sneaky eating was back to it's usual standards - I would go every morning to get my lunch of maybe soup and salad, but also a pastie, chocolate bar and packet of crisps to eat before I got to work. I started the Dukan diet first time around at this point - I halfheartedly did it for a while but got bored of it.

I changed jobs and didn't want them to think I was weird. Every friday, we had a massive sandwich, and during the week, we were 5 minutes from Tescos, and I could sneak something on my way home. I moved in with my OH and would cook lovely meals, and have takeaways at least once a week. I started Dukan for the second time as I felt awful and got down to my lowest of 12st 4lb in November 2012. Then Christmas came and I didn't stick to any sort of plan. I tried to get back on it a stone and a half heavier, but gave up. I got back to buying large bars of chocolate and eating them in the car on my way home from work. Extra sandwiches, puddings and meals galore...

I changed jobs again, didn't want them to think I was weird. Went back to making myself sandwiches and salads. Sneaky petrol station stop offs. Decided I wanted to do something and joined the gym. Loved it. Tried the 5:2 diet for a month, but found my 5 days were full of cheats. Had lovely soup at lunch made by the chef, but sneaked chocolate and biscuits and cakes when I was in my office alone. It got to this January and I needed to do something again. Slimming World beckoned this time with it's promises of being allowed to eat "as much as you like" - that did not work for me. Too much freedom and not enough control meant that I was back to where I started two months in. I changed jobs again in March this year, but stuck with SW - started going to the gym a bit more, but was sneaking in cheats, going back to old habits, and feeling massively dispondent, went to SW on the Monday and saw my CDC on the Saturday of the same week!

I feel like my habits have spiralled because of the freedom. I've treated adult life like an extension of being a teenager - going to excess because I have the freedom to choose. My parents were quite strict with food so growing up, there wasn't snacking going on. I would sneak food then, and my habits haven't changed.

Until now.

Moving forward, I need to rein MYSELF in. I am responsible for my own eating and what I choose. If I only choose healthy things, I will only eat healthily. If I want a chocolate bar, that's fine - but it's a small one once a week, not a large one five times a week. It's everything in MODERATION, not excess. The food will always be there, it's not going to run out suddenly and I do have the willpower to say no.

I can do this by addressing where the problem came from and changing those habits and having a new lifestyle and relationship to food.

This was epic, and probably irrelevant for most of you, but it helps me to get it all down and I can read back on this to cement these feelings in my head!

If you've reached this point - well done! Go and get a cup of tea!

xx
 
angelupnorth said:
Flick your doing fab ! ! !

For your road trip maybe you could do something silly each time you pass the services to celebrate your will power. It's so hard to break our usual cycle of being naughty especially when away from home & alone.
I know being away at the weekend I was alone on the Friday at the hotel and could easily have devoured the biscuits in the room but what we eat in secret shows on the scales. You know yourself your so close to your Dukan lowest weight so keep that in mind and each service station you pass hold your head up & know that you my dear are in control :)
Click to expand...


Thanks my love! I will be speeding past the usual service stops, but will probably need to stop for a wee at some point! Haha. I used to go to uni in Durham and it was a four hour journey from home. My favourite services were approximately halfway, but my favourites as they were the only one with a McDonalds. I will NOT be stopping there - I WILL BE STRONG! :)

xx
 
FlicG said:
Now, usually I have a ramble on a Friday, but this week, i'm sneaking in an earlier one. This is covering ground I have been over before but come with some realisation too... Why I do "Sneaky Eating." So, i've covered what and how, but last night I was thinking about the why and I think i've found my answer. Freedom. So, since school, I would do a little sneaky eating - I would clean my step-sister's car at the weekend for £3 and that would enable me to buy sweets from the shop on the way to school and something from the tuck shop. Though I would probably buy something daily, I would savour it - taking 10-15 minutes to eat a mars bar, buying some love hearts but eating them in colour order. I always used to do this as a child. It was me out of my brothers that would still have Easter chocolate left in August. I would often save a bit for the following Easter too - don't ask me why, it was horrible by then! Back to school, and once I got a "job" I started to earn a bit more money - I would get dad to drop me at the shop, and once he'd gone round the corner, I would nip in and buy 2 wispa mints (ahhh, wispa mints) to eat. I remember being incredibly conscious about my weight - I was 15, but my body was growing and though I was still a size 10, I felt huge. My thighs were covered in stretch marks and I was so embarrassed. Do you ever look back at photos and wonder why - why did I feel fat when I was so small! I had a special "tuck tin" which I had in my bedroom and this would be topped up with sweets when I went to the shop. This was to share with my step-mum when we used to sit down and watch X-Factor, but also, I would munch through on my own. School finished and I started college. I stopped taking a packed lunch of any sort, and I could have whatever I wanted! Cheesy chips were a favourite, but I would try to be a little heath conscious too - having soup and a roll some days...instead of a chocolate bar, a go ahead bar...There was the freedom, but I still felt quite restrained. Then I turned 17 - Dad started to teach me to drive. He is just as bad as me - we would drive to the local town - about half an hour away - stop at the supermarket, get a drink and a pork pie each, and then drive home. Then I passed my test. Suddenly, I could buy what I wanted and nobody would see. I would go to Morrisons and buy a pack of five cookies. Three times a week. I would get a tub of coronation chicken mix, and two rolls and sit in the car and eat them. I would have sausage rolls and pork pies. I would fill up with fuel and get sweets and pastries. I would buy chocolate bars to eat in the car...sneaky eating at it's best. College turned to university and now I had even more freedom - breakfast, lunch and dinner were all open to me - drinking a lot, as you do when you start uni eating takeaways, eating rubbish...this is when it really started to alter. I was probably still a size 12/14 when I started uni, but quickly became a size 16. Three years of this kind of thing and I miraculously maintained a sixteen size - I think due to the fact I was at a university on a hill which involved a lot of walking around. I graduated, moved back to home for a bit, and sneaky eating was back to it's usual standards - I would go every morning to get my lunch of maybe soup and salad, but also a pastie, chocolate bar and packet of crisps to eat before I got to work. I started the Dukan diet first time around at this point - I halfheartedly did it for a while but got bored of it. I changed jobs and didn't want them to think I was weird. Every friday, we had a massive sandwich, and during the week, we were 5 minutes from Tescos, and I could sneak something on my way home. I moved in with my OH and would cook lovely meals, and have takeaways at least once a week. I started Dukan for the second time as I felt awful and got down to my lowest of 12st 4lb in November 2012. Then Christmas came and I didn't stick to any sort of plan. I tried to get back on it a stone and a half heavier, but gave up. I got back to buying large bars of chocolate and eating them in the car on my way home from work. Extra sandwiches, puddings and meals galore... I changed jobs again, didn't want them to think I was weird. Went back to making myself sandwiches and salads. Sneaky petrol station stop offs. Decided I wanted to do something and joined the gym. Loved it. Tried the 5:2 diet for a month, but found my 5 days were full of cheats. Had lovely soup at lunch made by the chef, but sneaked chocolate and biscuits and cakes when I was in my office alone. It got to this January and I needed to do something again. Slimming World beckoned this time with it's promises of being allowed to eat "as much as you like" - that did not work for me. Too much freedom and not enough control meant that I was back to where I started two months in. I changed jobs again in March this year, but stuck with SW - started going to the gym a bit more, but was sneaking in cheats, going back to old habits, and feeling massively dispondent, went to SW on the Monday and saw my CDC on the Saturday of the same week! I feel like my habits have spiralled because of the freedom. I've treated adult life like an extension of being a teenager - going to excess because I have the freedom to choose. My parents were quite strict with food so growing up, there wasn't snacking going on. I would sneak food then, and my habits haven't changed. Until now. Moving forward, I need to rein MYSELF in. I am responsible for my own eating and what I choose. If I only choose healthy things, I will only eat healthily. If I want a chocolate bar, that's fine - but it's a small one once a week, not a large one five times a week. It's everything in MODERATION, not excess. The food will always be there, it's not going to run out suddenly and I do have the willpower to say no. I can do this by addressing where the problem came from and changing those habits and having a new lifestyle and relationship to food. This was epic, and probably irrelevant for most of you, but it helps me to get it all down and I can read back on this to cement these feelings in my head! If you've reached this point - well done! Go and get a cup of tea! xx
Click to expand...

Well I had my cup of tea in hand already (with skinny milk!! Of course)

All of your conclusions make absolute sense to me. I also formed these patterns- my friends and I used to go to the sweet shop before school and buy tons of sweets. I used to put skittles in my glasses case and sneakily eat them during class!

The psychological aspect of eating habits cannot be underestimated and I think if we all analysed our eating habits it would help us keep the weight off long term! That's what I live about sole source it just disconnects you from food a bit so you can stand back and reassess things!!

Well done on your 3 stone loss too!! Xx
 
Well done on your three stone !
 
Thanks girlies,

It was a bit of a long one wasn't it?

So, anyway - 2 days of SS (rather than SS+) under my belt - feeling positive...if a little blocked.

Sneaky weigh this morning and showing 12st 3lb! WHOOP WHOOP - lowest EVER! :)

Hoping you all have a great Wednesday,

xx
 
Well done on your 3 stone loss! It's so good that's you've analysed your eating. I've been on ss for 2 weeks now and I'm beginning to realise where all those extra calories and weight was coming from and I wasn't aware before. Some things I've noticed: eating 'treats' at night - mindlessly stuffing my face with chocolate I wasn't enjoying or really tasting, feeling sick but pushing myself to finish the rest of the bar / bag thinking that once it was gone it was gone and start afresh tomorrow...only to buy more the next day. Also whenever we went on days out we would always have chocolate or sweets 'for the journey' even if we'd just had breakfast and wasn't even hungry! Work was definitely a contributing factor - there's always goodies of some kind around plus I was made tea and coffee with sugar in many times a day plus I work very close to many shops and instead of just buying a salad I would always end up buying a cake too.
I genuinely couldn't understand why I wasn't losing weight when my meals were cereal for breakfast, salad or sandwich for lunch and a healthy dinner but it's the additional stuff that was getting me!
Feel so ashamed of myself but glad I've got that off my chest!
Clare x
 
Morning Clare,

That's great that you've identified these things. I love cambridge for that freedom away from food that you get which seems to lead to these realisations. It's like that secret eaters program where people wouldn't understand how they had become overweight and it was all the little extras.

I have promised myself moving forward:
- NO eating in the car. This is a biggie for me, though I will be breaking it at the weekend on my long drive up north - at least it will be Cambridge bars and shakes and not sweets and mars bars!
- No snacking between meals. Snacks = unnecessary eating. I'm feeling a little anxious about this one after reading about step three - it seems like SO MUCH FOOD...not sure how i'll fit it all in.
- No more eating for the sake of it. I hope that I can continue to identify real hunger, rather than just boredom hunger. For now, i'm finding this ok - but do still look at the clock a lot when deciding if it's "time to eat." Something to continue to work on I think,
- 2 treat meals a week - In maintenance, old food habits will have had to go, but I don't want to say no all the time. Two treat meals a week.

Also essential for me is:
THE WEEKLY WEIGH. Once a week. Without fail. No staying away from them if i've been bad. I will log, record, track and do everything in my power to stay in my target range. Note range - not one weight. I know I will fluctuate, but giving myself a couple of lbs to play with I think will help.

Do you all have a plan of action for moving forward/maintenance?

xx
 
Hi FlicG,

Yes I agree and those points would be my targets too. Defo no snacking for me, particularly in the evenings. The weekly weigh ins are a must, I've been down to target (and beyond!) before and I let it slip - although I did get pregnant not long afterwards. I'm so annoyed with myself for being this weight again, I feel like I spend my whole life on one diet or another.

I dream of one day just eating and not having to think about it as I'll be eating the right foods at the right quantities. I don't want to be forever watching my weight and stressing out if I've got a big social event coming up. I'm really hoping that I can get my head into this and I think not eating anything at all at the moment (I even just have the shakes rather than anything to actually eat) will help me with this as my body doesn't need all this food and I'm not actually hungry.

No plan yet have you? I'm planning to follow the steps through but to be honest with you I'm terrified of eating anything in case I put it all back on :(

xx
 
I know what you mean. I feel like I can manage 810, but it's the steps beyond at the moment that are freaking me out.

My CDC is pretty chilled and said if I want to, I can have an SS+ meal if I feel the need. This resulted last week with 4 SS+ meals, because I could...i'm not sure that I needed them, other than to feel a bit more normal. I started to have them because I could rather than the need for them.

I've reined it in this week and am sticking with SS. I've made a decision to go to SS+ with half a stone to go - depending on how quickly I get to that point depends on what happens - I might just stick it out until I reach target - i'm keeping my options open till I get there. I can't believe how close I am now!

I am definitely going up the steps properly - this has been my focus from day one really - and trying to get these portions in control. This is my biggest weakness and I have found such freedom in weighing portion sizes in accordance to SS+ - I am hoping that 810 can keep this up!

There's very little on here about people actually doing the steps...

xx
 
You will be within the half stone of your goal before you know it. Your doing great hunni,

I love the way you plan ahead, I do think a awful lot of it is about the planning and knowing what we can & can't have instead of getting there and going into panic mode :-(
I also agree there isn't a awful lot on here about the steps but I guess that's where our consultants have to earn their money and guide us more than what we need now. I always say that NO food is easy for me it's the adding the food & keeping it in control is the hard bit, 40 plus years of bad habits for me so it's not easy to suddenly change.
The good thing is there are a few of us on here who will be around the same stage ( you will get there way before me ) but as always the support will be here x x x x x x
 
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