Step 1 Sole Source New team HARDCORE HOTTIES!!!
- Thread starter Blubell._.0422
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Lily
Gold Member
You can do it. I know what you mean about looking at old diaries. I found an entry the other day in one of mine where I was fed up about going back over 13st again. Ho ho! Think I may have sighted my mojo though. I'm feeling pretty optimistic that I might be getting it back again... :cross:
Surfhunny
Laugh in the face of food
Oh yes i know all about that too! As I read through the section in mine where I was cross at going back into the 13's I just thought 'you moaning cow, you'd give anything to be there now!' Never mind, I'll get there again!!
Well done for spotting your mojo, now to grab hold of it and keep it hostage! Mine is putting up a fight to get free again but I'm not letting it!
This is my mojo, look at him trying to get free!!!
Well done for spotting your mojo, now to grab hold of it and keep it hostage! Mine is putting up a fight to get free again but I'm not letting it!
This is my mojo, look at him trying to get free!!!
Starlit_Cazza
Restart 3/9/2013
Morning all, Sat at hospital waiting to see orthopaedic surgeon. Eek. Needless to say I slept terribly... Come to the conclusion appointments are always late so they can generate extra revenue from car park charges.
Starlit_Cazza
Restart 3/9/2013
So they are going to operate. Sometime in the next 18 weeks. Helpful! Hoping it is towards the latter end of that 18 weeks, as I should be nearly at target by then! Apparently the nerve is quite damaged, and also have quite a bit of tendon damage in the elbow, so they are going to go in and do both jobs at once.
Very mixed emotions about this. Its a relief in a way as elbow will hopefully now get sorted. But it is also terrifying as means coming off diet, not being able to train for a while etc etc. Basically I am terrified of putting every ounce I have lost back on while I recouperate.
Will hopefully be day surgery or will be in overnight, depending how it goes. 6 weeks off work and 12 weeks before I am able to lift anything or drive for more than 5 minutes. Fun times! Forgot to ask if he could sort my bingo wings at same time
One good thing though... He looked at his notes and said "I have in here that you are 152kg... I don't think that is right, is it?" bless him. Then he complimented me on losing the weight so far and encouraged me to keep going before the surgery (which obviously I had planned to anyway)
Will get two weeks notice of surgery date. Can almost guarantee it will be just before or during my holiday in August (14 weeks time). Like I said, the later the better for me. Once I have a date I will go right up plans pre surgery and make a plan for post surgery with CDC (obviously won't be sole sourcing anytime soon after surgery!!!)
Sorry for waffling but it is helping me to get it all down.
Very mixed emotions about this. Its a relief in a way as elbow will hopefully now get sorted. But it is also terrifying as means coming off diet, not being able to train for a while etc etc. Basically I am terrified of putting every ounce I have lost back on while I recouperate.
Will hopefully be day surgery or will be in overnight, depending how it goes. 6 weeks off work and 12 weeks before I am able to lift anything or drive for more than 5 minutes. Fun times! Forgot to ask if he could sort my bingo wings at same time
One good thing though... He looked at his notes and said "I have in here that you are 152kg... I don't think that is right, is it?" bless him. Then he complimented me on losing the weight so far and encouraged me to keep going before the surgery (which obviously I had planned to anyway)
Will get two weeks notice of surgery date. Can almost guarantee it will be just before or during my holiday in August (14 weeks time). Like I said, the later the better for me. Once I have a date I will go right up plans pre surgery and make a plan for post surgery with CDC (obviously won't be sole sourcing anytime soon after surgery!!!)
Sorry for waffling but it is helping me to get it all down.
Surfhunny
Laugh in the face of food
Good news about surgery!! I think it'll be good for you in the long run! And I like your positivity in how close to goal you'll be by then.
Don't worry about regaining all the weight, it won't happen. You've got the right attitude of working up the plans before surgery. That makes a huge difference. I never do it and look where I am. I'm not going to repeat that. This time apart from the occasional planned break I'm sticking this out until the end, then going up the plans.
I suspect that my CDC is thinking of retiring soon, her hubby has just retired and I think it's on the cards for her too. This leaves me with 3 options, 1) go it alone 2) go to my old CDC or 3) go to the next closest CDC to me who is quite the stickler and has a great success rate.
Option 1 is a complete no go. I'd love to go back to my old CDC but with my new shift pattern there's no way she could accommodate me, I need someone who is fairly flexible, which leaves me with option 3 which might actually be good for me.... I don't know. I guess I'll have to just wait and see what my CDC decides. It's a scary thought seeing a new CDC after all this time but it might just be what I need.
Don't worry about regaining all the weight, it won't happen. You've got the right attitude of working up the plans before surgery. That makes a huge difference. I never do it and look where I am. I'm not going to repeat that. This time apart from the occasional planned break I'm sticking this out until the end, then going up the plans.
I suspect that my CDC is thinking of retiring soon, her hubby has just retired and I think it's on the cards for her too. This leaves me with 3 options, 1) go it alone 2) go to my old CDC or 3) go to the next closest CDC to me who is quite the stickler and has a great success rate.
Option 1 is a complete no go. I'd love to go back to my old CDC but with my new shift pattern there's no way she could accommodate me, I need someone who is fairly flexible, which leaves me with option 3 which might actually be good for me.... I don't know. I guess I'll have to just wait and see what my CDC decides. It's a scary thought seeing a new CDC after all this time but it might just be what I need.
Starlit_Cazza
Restart 3/9/2013
Might be exactly what you need to see you through to the end!
I have unfortunately worked out that 18 weeks from today is 29th August. I am away on holiday from 10th - 24th August. Argh. So chances are the surgery will either be before my holiday or will be during my holiday - marvellous. I can turn down one date, so hoping I can delay it until I get back from holiday - preferrably until I have a permanent job sorted too!!!
I have unfortunately worked out that 18 weeks from today is 29th August. I am away on holiday from 10th - 24th August. Argh. So chances are the surgery will either be before my holiday or will be during my holiday - marvellous. I can turn down one date, so hoping I can delay it until I get back from holiday - preferrably until I have a permanent job sorted too!!!
Lily
Gold Member
So they are going to operate. Sometime in the next 18 weeks. Helpful! Hoping it is towards the latter end of that 18 weeks, as I should be nearly at target by then! Apparently the nerve is quite damaged, and also have quite a bit of tendon damage in the elbow, so they are going to go in and do both jobs at once.
Very mixed emotions about this. Its a relief in a way as elbow will hopefully now get sorted. But it is also terrifying as means coming off diet, not being able to train for a while etc etc. Basically I am terrified of putting every ounce I have lost back on while I recouperate.
Will hopefully be day surgery or will be in overnight, depending how it goes. 6 weeks off work and 12 weeks before I am able to lift anything or drive for more than 5 minutes. Fun times! Forgot to ask if he could sort my bingo wings at same time
One good thing though... He looked at his notes and said "I have in here that you are 152kg... I don't think that is right, is it?" bless him. Then he complimented me on losing the weight so far and encouraged me to keep going before the surgery (which obviously I had planned to anyway)
Will get two weeks notice of surgery date. Can almost guarantee it will be just before or during my holiday in August (14 weeks time). Like I said, the later the better for me. Once I have a date I will go right up plans pre surgery and make a plan for post surgery with CDC (obviously won't be sole sourcing anytime soon after surgery!!!)
Sorry for waffling but it is helping me to get it all down.
No need to apologise, that's not waffling - it's thinking out loud. Sort of.
You won't put all the weight back on. I suspect the trick might be to stick to the highest Cambridge plan rather than come off altogether. Can't remember - I'll have to look it up. How soon before and after surgery do you have to be off SS?
Good that the surgeon commented on your fab weight loss :clap:
Lily
Gold Member
Think my mojo is back. :cross: :cross: :cross:
I'm on day 3, it's 17.21 and I still have a shake to go.
I kidded myself back on to plan. I did day one as though I was going to do 5:2 fasting (so no Cambridge products, just 2 yogurts and some peach slices!). And by day 2, the Cambridge products looked quite edible again, so I had those.
Worth remembering for another time. I'd like to believe I'll never fall off the wagon again but that's probably unrealistic. Good to have another strategy up my sleeve!
I'm on day 3, it's 17.21 and I still have a shake to go.
I kidded myself back on to plan.
I did day one as though I was going to do 5:2 fasting (so no Cambridge products, just 2 yogurts and some peach slices!). And by day 2, the Cambridge products looked quite edible again, so I had those. Worth remembering for another time. I'd like to believe I'll never fall off the wagon again but that's probably unrealistic. Good to have another strategy up my sleeve!
Starlit_Cazza
Restart 3/9/2013
I have to move up to 1200 the week before. I emailed Cambridge and they got back to me saying I could go back on SS as soon as 4-6 weeks after my op, depending on my recovery and healing! Obviously any infections or anything like that will mean it will be a bit longer. Unfortunately I am quite good at picking up post-op infections - managed to get abcesses after appendix and c-section (but I was a big girl for both of those, maybe it will be better now?). We shall see. I have ordered the Atkins book to have a read of as a possible post-surgery plan B.
Tonsillitis continues but went back to work today. Must remember to pick up second half of prescription tomorrow! I am one of those difficult allergic to penicillin types so pharmacy couldn't fill my whole prescription. The plus side is I have absolutely no appetite whatsoever! Does mean I have been a bit rubbish though... 1 shake Tuesday and that was it (plus some lucozade, though managed to restrict myself), Wednesday forced down 2 shakes, Thursday half a salad for lunch (met friends out) and 2 shakes, and so far today salad for lunch (forgot to take products to work) and just forced a shake down now. Could have gone right through the day til now with nothing, but I was tired rather than hungry. Have been taking multivitamins - know that isn't ideal, but figured it was better than nothing at all. Will fit in another shake before bed but doubt I can force 2 more down - I'm just not hungry and they are making me feel a bit sicky. But don't fancy anything else either! Tomorrows aim is to get 3 shakes down my neck! Have managed to get my fluids up to above minimum levels though so not all bad.
Meant to be heading up to my grandads for the weekend, but he is still in hospital He still has a catheter in and they want to get his test results back before they send him home. Worrying times, but at 86 he has already outlived 2 of his 3 children and his wife. Hope it turns out to be nothing too major but my head tells me otherwise. Probably not really helping my appetite...
Lily - sounds good, you are back on that wagon! Well done!!! So proud of you
Tonsillitis continues but went back to work today. Must remember to pick up second half of prescription tomorrow! I am one of those difficult allergic to penicillin types so pharmacy couldn't fill my whole prescription. The plus side is I have absolutely no appetite whatsoever! Does mean I have been a bit rubbish though... 1 shake Tuesday and that was it (plus some lucozade, though managed to restrict myself), Wednesday forced down 2 shakes, Thursday half a salad for lunch (met friends out) and 2 shakes, and so far today salad for lunch (forgot to take products to work) and just forced a shake down now. Could have gone right through the day til now with nothing, but I was tired rather than hungry. Have been taking multivitamins - know that isn't ideal, but figured it was better than nothing at all. Will fit in another shake before bed but doubt I can force 2 more down - I'm just not hungry and they are making me feel a bit sicky. But don't fancy anything else either! Tomorrows aim is to get 3 shakes down my neck! Have managed to get my fluids up to above minimum levels though so not all bad.
Meant to be heading up to my grandads for the weekend, but he is still in hospital
He still has a catheter in and they want to get his test results back before they send him home. Worrying times, but at 86 he has already outlived 2 of his 3 children and his wife. Hope it turns out to be nothing too major but my head tells me otherwise. Probably not really helping my appetite...Lily - sounds good, you are back on that wagon! Well done!!! So proud of you
Starlit_Cazza
Restart 3/9/2013
Oh... and I got chatted up by a really fit bloke in Costa today! Made me feel amazing Sadly couldn't stay chatting as he was working there and the person behind me was getting a tad impatient! Will be popping back there again soon
Also... had to buy a new sports bra! Old one now far too big and totally ineffective! We have a big shopping outlet near us with a Wonderbra shop. I went there before at the start of my journey and was left humiliated as nothing would come close to doing up! Today I fitted comfortably in to a 38H Shock Absorber bra! Amazing! Even better it cost me less than £19 The woman who works there needs to develop some boundaries though...
Sadly couldn't stay chatting as he was working there and the person behind me was getting a tad impatient! Will be popping back there again soon Also... had to buy a new sports bra! Old one now far too big and totally ineffective! We have a big shopping outlet near us with a Wonderbra shop. I went there before at the start of my journey and was left humiliated as nothing would come close to doing up! Today I fitted comfortably in to a 38H Shock Absorber bra! Amazing! Even better it cost me less than £19
The woman who works there needs to develop some boundaries though...
Lily
Gold Member
Oh... and I got chatted up by a really fit bloke in Costa today! Made me feel amazing
Also... had to buy a new sports bra! Old one now far too big and totally ineffective! We have a big shopping outlet near us with a Wonderbra shop. I went there before at the start of my journey and was left humiliated as nothing would come close to doing up! Today I fitted comfortably in to a 38H Shock Absorber bra! Amazing! Even better it cost me less than £19
Did she do some Gok style groping?
Starlit_Cazza
Restart 3/9/2013
No thank god - measured me, got a bra, left me to put it on and flung the curtain open to come back in 10 seconds later! Then later when I was paying told me how she couldn't believe I had lost 6st and my breasts were still so full! Erm... thanks, I think...
Surfhunny
Laugh in the face of food
I went to my weigh in and actually got weighed!! Although I was really tempted to say I'd weigh next week instead. But I didn't, I faced the music!! I told my CDC I was disappointed with myself for not doing better, but she said at least I turned up and got weighed, half her clients for the day cancelled.
I've decided that in an effort to try and save money I'm not allowed to buy anything other than petrol, toilet paper and necessary toiletries & cleaning products for the next few months. My "food" is taken care of in the form of CD so I should be able to save a fortune. Also by not setting foot in the shops means I won't be tempted to stray! I might even give my parents a shopping list and the money and get them to go for me....
I do have two planned events in May. I'm visiting an old friend in Leeds on the 10th and my birthday on the 31st. Last year my birthday was miserable, I had cd products and nothing else and didn't enjoy it so this year I'll have the weekend off!!
Oh well my break is over, back to work for the last 3 hours.
I've decided that in an effort to try and save money I'm not allowed to buy anything other than petrol, toilet paper and necessary toiletries & cleaning products for the next few months. My "food" is taken care of in the form of CD so I should be able to save a fortune. Also by not setting foot in the shops means I won't be tempted to stray! I might even give my parents a shopping list and the money and get them to go for me....
I do have two planned events in May. I'm visiting an old friend in Leeds on the 10th and my birthday on the 31st. Last year my birthday was miserable, I had cd products and nothing else and didn't enjoy it so this year I'll have the weekend off!!
Oh well my break is over, back to work for the last 3 hours.
Surfhunny
Laugh in the face of food
There's going to be a bit TMI shared here I think but I am seriously fcuked up in the head!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I was showing my friend all the posing gym hard bodies on Plenty of Fish when she pointed a bloke out who not only looks normal, not topless, but is articulate and seems reasonably intelligent too. My friend encouraged me to contact him and I burst into tears, wtf!!
I've pretty much avoided dating sites because deep down I feel like I'm not worthy. I find my body repulsive so cannot understand how anyone could possibly find me attractive with my ruined body. I also secretly partly blame this for why Ash left me. Obviously I'll never find out if that's true. We never ever conducted bedroom activities with the lights on, unless I was covered up. He never complained but a month or so before we broke up he insisted on lights on etc and I've convinced myself that was enough to put him off me.... I don't know for sure though
But now my self esteem is so low I just can't possibly see how anyone could even want to be with me. This might seem like I'm after compliments but I'm not I'm beyond that I'm just lonely and I don't particularly like myself right now. I'm feeling pathetic, hormonal and very tired which doesn't help :cry: Sorry for offloading.
I was showing my friend all the posing gym hard bodies on Plenty of Fish when she pointed a bloke out who not only looks normal, not topless, but is articulate and seems reasonably intelligent too. My friend encouraged me to contact him and I burst into tears, wtf!!
I've pretty much avoided dating sites because deep down I feel like I'm not worthy. I find my body repulsive so cannot understand how anyone could possibly find me attractive with my ruined body. I also secretly partly blame this for why Ash left me. Obviously I'll never find out if that's true. We never ever conducted bedroom activities with the lights on, unless I was covered up. He never complained but a month or so before we broke up he insisted on lights on etc and I've convinced myself that was enough to put him off me.... I don't know for sure though
But now my self esteem is so low I just can't possibly see how anyone could even want to be with me. This might seem like I'm after compliments but I'm not I'm beyond that I'm just lonely and I don't particularly like myself right now. I'm feeling pathetic, hormonal and very tired which doesn't help :cry: Sorry for offloading.
Starlit_Cazza
Restart 3/9/2013
I do completely understand, I looked down earlier and saw my weird crinkly boobs and actually shed a tear - how will I ever be able to bring myself to get naked in front of a man again?
In the past I have projected my own insecurities by choosing men even more physically insecure than myself. Its taken me a long time to realise and accept that, but it was my way of protecting myself I guess. I hate to admit it but I have slept with men I have not found physically attractive in any way whatsoever just because they wanted me. Makes me feel sick right now.
Part of my personal change this year is digging out some self respect. I am lonely too, but I am also being a lot pickier than I have ever been before! I am concentrating on me this year.
Being tired certainly isn't going to help how you feel. Do you think you are ready for another relationship?
In the past I have projected my own insecurities by choosing men even more physically insecure than myself. Its taken me a long time to realise and accept that, but it was my way of protecting myself I guess. I hate to admit it but I have slept with men I have not found physically attractive in any way whatsoever just because they wanted me. Makes me feel sick right now.
Part of my personal change this year is digging out some self respect. I am lonely too, but I am also being a lot pickier than I have ever been before! I am concentrating on me this year.
Being tired certainly isn't going to help how you feel. Do you think you are ready for another relationship?
Surfhunny
Laugh in the face of food
I feel ready but I'm not sure that I want to go down the online dating route again, but these days it seems to be the only way to actually meet people. Maybe I'm not ready, it's too stressful and I've got enough stress in my life with work and dieting. I kind of just want to skip the dating game stage and get to the comfortable relationship stage. I'm tired of mind games I had my fill of mind games with Ash. I hate it, and that's what putting me off, and of course the fear of having to get naked!
So I guess the answer is no? And I'm probably never going to be ready in that respect. I'm screwed
So I guess the answer is no? And I'm probably never going to be ready in that respect. I'm screwed
Starlit_Cazza
Restart 3/9/2013
Snap!
Surfhunny
Laugh in the face of food
Maybe I need to push it out of my mind again!! Forget all about finding Mr Right
Anyway I've had quite the productive day so far. I went to the opticians this morning, who had managed to cock up my appointment and had me scheduled for a contact lens check not an eye test, but it turns out that it was for the best anyway. The optician checked my eyes and said they were absolutely fine, just a bit on the dry side. But it turns out that the preservative in my old lenses might be irritating me so he's switched me to a different brand and they seem fine! Also he's tweaked my prescription slightly and my vision is amazing!!! I can't believe I've been walking round with slightly the wrong prescription for all these years! I'm so glad I changed opticians!!!
I've also booked my car in to be repaired at the end of the month. I get it back on my birthday!! Which also means that if my neighbour won't pay, I have 2 pay days to save for it rather than use my savings. Also I had a little moment at the garage. The hot owner called me Mrs M..... Which in my twisted brain means that he thinks that someone must find me attractive enough to marry me! Ha over thinking much???
Anyway I've had quite the productive day so far. I went to the opticians this morning, who had managed to cock up my appointment and had me scheduled for a contact lens check not an eye test, but it turns out that it was for the best anyway. The optician checked my eyes and said they were absolutely fine, just a bit on the dry side. But it turns out that the preservative in my old lenses might be irritating me so he's switched me to a different brand and they seem fine! Also he's tweaked my prescription slightly and my vision is amazing!!! I can't believe I've been walking round with slightly the wrong prescription for all these years! I'm so glad I changed opticians!!!
I've also booked my car in to be repaired at the end of the month. I get it back on my birthday!! Which also means that if my neighbour won't pay, I have 2 pay days to save for it rather than use my savings. Also I had a little moment at the garage. The hot owner called me Mrs M..... Which in my twisted brain means that he thinks that someone must find me attractive enough to marry me! Ha over thinking much???
Starlit_Cazza
Restart 3/9/2013
Excellent. At work and so busy, will reply properly later. Sorry to read and run xxx
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