nikki's diary - closed...... moved over to maintenance to test the water!

what a day. i was going to get my outside decs down today. it didn't happen, instead hubby came home from work and i went off to hospital as my mum was really upset. it seems that her infection is not responding to antibiotics and they were talking amputation. we went in and mr parry came in and we talked about it all. my mum wasn't able to make a decision just said she would be guided by the doc. there was 2 options. a 5 hour op which was very risky as her heart is not strong enough and the 2 hour amputation. we decided that amputation is the only real option. my mum's loosing her leg this weekend.

my body reacted in giving me period pains and bleeding - shock i think. then i wanted to eat myself senseless and drink myself stupid. none of which would help me in anyway. i did have a bit more cheese today even though i was trying not to. then i put too much salad dressing on my tea. bleurgh. i ended up having my 3rd product as a mint bar. just needed the 'sugar'!
 
new pics

the bits i hate, my flappy bra back. me wearing my tight sports bra with the overhanging bulge. don't know what to do about it. it's just not going!

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in my gym gear at 11st 4.5lb - thinnest pic

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Looking good Nik! Such a shame about your poor mum :( hope she (and you) cope with it!!! Well done for not giving in to the food demons!

I've got arm bra bulges too I have no idea how to make them disappear :( they make me very self conscious.
 
Surfhunny said:
Looking good Nik! Such a shame about your poor mum :( hope she (and you) cope with it!!! Well done for not giving in to the food demons!

I've got arm bra bulges too I have no idea how to make them disappear :( they make me very self conscious.
Click to expand...

meant to say.... the gym was busier than normal but still plenty of machines but i can imagine that at night it will be busier than normal and it's normally very busy anyway..... how many times did i just use busy????? :)

my mum will be fine. we've been trying to hang on to her leg and it should maybe have gone last year. they're going to try a below the knee amputation.
 
quite grumpy today. frustrated at the slowness of things, the need to want to do things that i just can't do for one reason or another and my cheese addiction. i was determined as i am every day to kick it to the curb but every day i feel bad and stressed and have the cheese. i must stop this from tomorrow as it is just no good for me and the fact that on monday i really want to loose some weight so that on the 17th i am at goal.

flaming christmas, got me right off step.
 
i've been bumped to page 2 nooooooooooooooooooo!

i'm a dieting disaster zone. it's all just a bit much. mum was out of it today. she's getting her op tuesday. her blood was low today so she's having a blood transfusion, 2 units. i'm not coping.

i'm playing mum to my mum. it's not fair! i hate it all. i'm scared. i'm frightened. i'm waiting for the call.
 
just had my hair cut.

my old cut

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here it is

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what i was aiming for

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hubby does not like it said something like 'bloody hell' when he saw it. the colour isn't quite right and i need to mess it up more but it's a start.
 
I like it!! What's not right with the colour? It looks good to me. I'm sure Paul will come round to it.

I'm watching old episodes of BL at the moment just to keep me motivated, I have to get out of the 15s!! I've got them Sky+d for times like this. Lol.
 
it needs to go more silvery and looking at it, it needs to be shorter too. i haven't watched the episode i taped the other night yet. still haven't unwrapped the kinetics game. hubby's going to do it with me. do you have all the stuff for it too? the ball, weights, resistance bands?
 
No I haven't, but while I was doing it last night I didn't get to a point where I needed it all. But I did struggle with the floor stuff cos the sensor wasn't picking me up for sone reason and it cut the fitness test short because of it, I need to have a mess about with the position of it I think.
 
my kids like it. dude wanted to touch it :)
 
Hey Nikki, sorry to hear about your mum. But maybe it will give her body the chance it needs to recover, maybe her body is putting so much into trying to fix the leg that it's not giving the rest of the body what it needs.

How are you finding the kinects? I can only play mine in the living room, not enough room in the bedroom and Scott is always down here watching tv! I won't do it in front of him.

I've got the dance central which is great, it's amazing how sweated up you get having a boogie. I keep pulling my back though, I think because you really throw yourself into some shapes with no warm up or cool down ?!

I've got the Your Shape game as well, which is pretty good. But like I said haven't used it much as Scott always seems to be sat in front of the TV! If I asked him to leave the room, he'd laugh and say to use it in front of him....no way!
 
kez he should do it with you :)

my mum needs the op now it's life or death, it keeps getting infected and now it's not going the risk of blood poisoning is very bad.
 
my weight's gone up this week and not down. not sure why other than stress and water retention, fingers feel like sausages, really heavy. sometimes i think when i drink too much water or too much liquid (coffee etc) my body retains water. scales are reading 11st 6.5lb today. had a nervous breakdown on friday night and did eat but i was back at it yesterday and i will be today. didn't even feel hungry too after friday's disasterous diet evening. wanted to loose weight this week and it just looks like i've put on! crazy body!
 
i love your new hair nikki!
 
thanks leeds

dreading this week and the next few weeks. it's going to be very hard emotionally. haven't been coping too well the past few days. had a big crying episode yesterday. just so worried about my mum.
 
Hang in there Nikki!!! You're doing great, even though you've got a lot to deal with. Your mum is in good hands at JC! I hope all goes as well as to be expected. Good luck with your WI today !!!!
 
Hey Nikki, just dropping in to send my best for tomorrow. Be strong, we'll be thinking of you and your mum xxxx
 
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