nikki's diary - closed...... moved over to maintenance to test the water!

Hope it all goes okay tomorrow Hun, I'll be thinking about you and your poor mum xx
 
what a day! lost track of how many times i've written that today.

got weight. 11st 3.25lb lost 1.5lb

got call from my dad pm. mum's phone him telling him she's dying. he's going in. i phone hubby to come home, i phone mum. she's tripping. she's lost reality over what's going on thanks to morphine. hubby come's home and i stick the kids in nursery with his blessing. i go in to see mum. she was in a right state. we calmed her down and stayed from 2pm til 7.30pm she's signed her op consent form. hard work. a brief view into my day. hense off plan grabbing what i can to eat. back on track tomorrow.
 
p.s mum's going in to HDU tomorrow for 24 hours. just hope she doesn't die on the op table it's my last worry. she's having a spinal which was news to her.
 
Spinal is better for her, although it means she'll be awake which is probably a bit daunting for her, it's less risky than a general anaesthetic. It's going to be a tough couple of days but you're strong, you and your mum will get through it xxx
 
Surfhunny said:
Spinal is better for her, although it means she'll be awake which is probably a bit daunting for her, it's less risky than a general anaesthetic. It's going to be a tough couple of days but you're strong, you and your mum will get through it xxx
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wish there was a like button on here :)
 
Thinking of you today hun xxx
 
thanks. haven't had a good nights sleep last night. i'm sure that it will all go fine.
 
thinking of you nikki. i came on to post on my diary that i have a hellish day with horribleness until at least 8pm tonight, but having read what you are dealing with today its put me to shame. well done for being amazing and losing another 1.5lbs through it all. my inspiration! report back as shall be thinking of you all day today.
 
thanks leeds. i'm finding dieting and the concept of it hard today. had some salted nuts.

mum went down at 12. she might be finished with now. so scared. feel physically sick, like i need to spew up those nuts.
 
Hi nikki, hope all is well. Thinking of you x
 
hi all

well my mum has spent ages in recovery, a new thing they're trying out at the hospital. her bp is still very low so they're moving her to the HDU (high dependency unit). she's having a couple more units of blood too. she's been asleep for most of the afternoon in no pain thanks to the spinal block. we've tried to see if she was back and made a trip back. when she woke she asked where we were. the sister told her that we can't be in the recovery but phoned us and we told her to say we'd been down etc. she'll have her own nurse with her all night.

i just want to see her with my own eyes to know that she's fine.

diet's been a bit pants. not too bad but have had some stuff that is not on plan. i must get back to it tomorrow.
 
Don't beat yourself up Nikki, the plan and the diet is not what matters right now. If it gives you something to focus on, then allow it, but don't let it get to you if it doesn't.

Hope you mum has a peaceful night and your mind is at rest soon.
 
A short stay on HDU will probably be better for you mum, although getting back onto the ward would mean she'd be back in familiar surroundings at least this way her pain will be more closely monitored and it's one-to-one care. Hopefully she'll be able to have a restful night, and you too, I think you probably need it too!!

And as for the diet, don't beat yourself up about it, you have got a lot to deal with without feeling guilty about that!! Xxx
 
restful night...... no chance. ems was feeling a bit ill yesterday. last night she was cold but felt really hot. she had a headache and just wanted me. so she came into our bed and hubby went to the spare room. so i was constantly aware of her there all night and trying to comfort her. she's better, or seems better this am. we were worried that it was the start of flu.

back on plan today, no excuses really. no need to eat anything i don't need.

i am knackered. so very tired. hoping for a good night tonight.
 
trying so hard to get back on track today.

1 pint of water
1 choc shake
1 pint of water
1 apple & cin porridge
1 pint of water
1 babybell (opps)
1 veg water flavouring
3 of cups of decaf coffee and 2 regular ones. and it's now 3.05pm - not too bad so far.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

off to hospital to visit my mum at 5pm so i'll take a bar and i'll buy a litre of water from the shop. then when i get home i'll have my 810 meal.
 
How're you doing Nikki? Food looks good for today! How's your mum doing? Keep strong my lovely xx
 
changed hair again. went whiter, silvery white.

i love it. i think i've found my colour!

Photoon2011-01-14at1829.jpg
 
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