RD's life diary: I'm back (sort of)
- Thread starter Russiandoll
- Start date
Karen1972
Gold Member
Awww RD I'm so sorry to hear what you're going through. It's just really unfair.
I went through the same thing with my dear dear nana, so know exactly how you are feeling.
You are such a strong lady and i know your mum, dad and your sisters are lucky to have you with them at this difficult time.
((((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))
I went through the same thing with my dear dear nana, so know exactly how you are feeling.
You are such a strong lady and i know your mum, dad and your sisters are lucky to have you with them at this difficult time.
((((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))
Russiandoll
Carpe diem
No idea what's going on in my head now regarding my diet. One day, I'll be pretty good and eat fairly healthily ... a bit of cereal or a CD shake, maybe some tuna and perhaps some cottage cheese ...
... and on other days, I just eat until I feel physically sick. Today is one of those days. I don't even want to confess everything I've eaten except to say that some of it was pretty bizarre (I pigged out on two big bowls of porrige about an hour ago ... WTF??) I feel stuffed, tired to the point of dropping and just disgusted with myself.
I've made an appointment to see a doctor next week because I can feel I'm cracking under the stress: what with the situation with my dad, the recent loss of James, another major issue that I can't divulge on here and some heavy-duty financial problems, I feel things are spiralling out of control.
I don't really see what a doctor can do but I'm not sure who else to turn to. Maybe just the chance to talk and iron things out might help.
... and on other days, I just eat until I feel physically sick. Today is one of those days. I don't even want to confess everything I've eaten except to say that some of it was pretty bizarre (I pigged out on two big bowls of porrige about an hour ago ... WTF??) I feel stuffed, tired to the point of dropping and just disgusted with myself.
I've made an appointment to see a doctor next week because I can feel I'm cracking under the stress: what with the situation with my dad, the recent loss of James, another major issue that I can't divulge on here and some heavy-duty financial problems, I feel things are spiralling out of control.
I don't really see what a doctor can do but I'm not sure who else to turn to. Maybe just the chance to talk and iron things out might help.
movingmountains
Banned
Dear RD,
I have been watching your journey through your ups and downs. And even though you are going through a bad time at the moment I know in my heart of heart you will be strong and you will beat the weight issue. BUt please don't beat yourself up life is far to short for that you've done it before you'll do it again.
Thinking of you and your parents.
MM xx
I have been watching your journey through your ups and downs. And even though you are going through a bad time at the moment I know in my heart of heart you will be strong and you will beat the weight issue. BUt please don't beat yourself up life is far to short for that you've done it before you'll do it again.
Thinking of you and your parents.
MM xx
Barb
Gold Member
Morning RD, not getting on here much but check on you when I do. I don't think you should be surprised at your random eating pattern, your life is so totally out of your control at the moment, why shouldn't your eating be the same? I loved that photo of your Dad and you, the closeness was almost palpable. I am so sorry you are having all this sadness to deal with. If I could, I would give you a great big hug, you know I am sending you a cyber one, which is better than nothing. My Mum is a bit better and we hope to get her home today, maybe if things are picking up a bit for me, they will for you too - after all we do seem to be in step a lot of the time.
Wishing you a better day, much love,
Wishing you a better day, much love,
Russiandoll
Carpe diem
Just got back from the vets where I paid £27 to find that my little dog, Pepper, ISN'T pregnant - oh well, at least I now know for sure. It's such a beautiful day ... looks like Summer is here at last so I decided to take Pepper and DD4 for a little walk along the beach whereupon Pepper decided to 'go to the loo': it was at this point I noticed that some kind soul had removed the little tub of doggy poo bags normally dangling from her extending lead. 
So, without any poo bags but not wanting to leave her 'calling card' on the promenade, I searched my bag for a substitute. All I could come up with was an A4 sheet of paper used as a shopping list. Let's just say the air was blue above me as I tried to gift wrap a pile of steaming dog poo in full view of passers by taking their morning constitutional!
I have to say that, walking in the warmth of the sun, I wished more than ever that I'd stuck to the diet and was slim and trim instead of piling it back on and finding myself backslidden to 6st over my goal. I have nothing nice and Summery - I look like how I feel: a dreary, frumpy drudge!
Still, I prefer the nice weather regardless and the kids can now start enjoying a proper Summer (for as long as it lasts!) I said I'd drop them down at the beach on my way to taking my mum to the hospital so I think that's the plan for later.
DH has an appointment at the Urology Dept of a different hospital this afternoon so after dropping my mum off and having a quick visit with my dad, I'll shoot off to St Mary's and meet DH there (he's terribly nervous about the whole thing - understandably).
I think they're letting my dad go home this evening which is great for us, but apparently my dad was acually starting to settle in and enjoy the hospital routine!
I think it's because, at home, he just sits in the flat and can see very little (they live on the top floor in a block of retirement apartments) but in hospital, there's always something going on - there are different faces passing by and everything generally 'buzzes'.
Right,time for a coffee
So, without any poo bags but not wanting to leave her 'calling card' on the promenade, I searched my bag for a substitute. All I could come up with was an A4 sheet of paper used as a shopping list. Let's just say the air was blue above me as I tried to gift wrap a pile of steaming dog poo in full view of passers by taking their morning constitutional!
I have to say that, walking in the warmth of the sun, I wished more than ever that I'd stuck to the diet and was slim and trim instead of piling it back on and finding myself backslidden to 6st over my goal. I have nothing nice and Summery - I look like how I feel: a dreary, frumpy drudge!
Still, I prefer the nice weather regardless and the kids can now start enjoying a proper Summer (for as long as it lasts!) I said I'd drop them down at the beach on my way to taking my mum to the hospital so I think that's the plan for later.
DH has an appointment at the Urology Dept of a different hospital this afternoon so after dropping my mum off and having a quick visit with my dad, I'll shoot off to St Mary's and meet DH there (he's terribly nervous about the whole thing - understandably).
I think they're letting my dad go home this evening which is great for us, but apparently my dad was acually starting to settle in and enjoy the hospital routine!
I think it's because, at home, he just sits in the flat and can see very little (they live on the top floor in a block of retirement apartments) but in hospital, there's always something going on - there are different faces passing by and everything generally 'buzzes'.
Right,time for a coffee
Hi Debbie,
The picture of yourself and your Dad is beautiful.:hug99:
You have done very well under the circumstances of being hammered with one thing after the other and being torn apart emotionally that you have not regained all of your weight, which is so easily done. So pat yourself on the backatback: for that
The warm sunshine today is a wee reminder of how good you have felt with your weight off and how you do need to try and make some time for yourself if you can. Remember your worth it!
Wishing you and your family well.
Love Mini xxx
The picture of yourself and your Dad is beautiful.:hug99:
You have done very well under the circumstances of being hammered with one thing after the other and being torn apart emotionally that you have not regained all of your weight, which is so easily done. So pat yourself on the back
atback: for that The warm sunshine today is a wee reminder of how good you have felt with your weight off and how you do need to try and make some time for yourself if you can. Remember your worth it!
Wishing you and your family well.
Love Mini xxx
canireallydothis!!
Gold Member
God Bless you RD.
What a lovely photo, it shines through, the connection you have is a joy to see.
Talking to the Doc may help, I think so many people would have cracked by now, and its no wonder that you may need a little bit of help a long the way.
Keep chatting to us hun, remember, you are worth it, how ever the diet is going.
Love x
What a lovely photo, it shines through, the connection you have is a joy to see.
Talking to the Doc may help, I think so many people would have cracked by now, and its no wonder that you may need a little bit of help a long the way.
Keep chatting to us hun, remember, you are worth it, how ever the diet is going.
Love x
Isis
Ancient Egypt Nut!
Hi RD
Just wanted to add my support and send every best wish to you at the moment. I do agree with Vicky that a chat with your GP may help, even if you are doubtful of how it may help. You've flagged up that you are dealing with many stressful issues all at once because you're very self aware.
I would take any support you're offered hun if it was me. Just until things ease and you feel better.
Lacey xx
Just wanted to add my support and send every best wish to you at the moment. I do agree with Vicky that a chat with your GP may help, even if you are doubtful of how it may help. You've flagged up that you are dealing with many stressful issues all at once because you're very self aware.
I would take any support you're offered hun if it was me. Just until things ease and you feel better.
Lacey xx
Russiandoll
Carpe diem
Thanks for your kind comments: they help more than you can imagine.
My dad was sent home last night but has to return to see the Oncologist on Aug 10th for the results of his lung biopsy. I'll let him and my mum have a restful day today and pop round tomorrow: I'll just phone later to see how he's settling back at home.
I thought I might take my youngest daughter crabbing today and perhaps invite my granddaughters along.
For those who've never been crabbing before ... you take a hand-line (like string wrapped around a little wooden frame) and bait it with meat of some kind - we have some out of date ham. Then you lower it into the water (we're going to the local boating lake) and wait ...
Very quickly, the little blighters try to nick the meat and hang on with their claws. You pull the line up and deposit the crabs into a big bucket of water. When everyone has had enough (or you've run out of bait) you gently tip the bucket over near the edge of the water and watch all the crabs scuttle home ... counting them of course so you know what your 'score' for the day is.
It's a cheap, harmless activity that kids love and brings them close to nature and away from the computer consoles / TV.
Hubby has taken one of the the batteries out of my scales so I can't use them. I know he was trying to be helpful by stopping me obsessing over them but I told him I need to monitor my weight ... gain or lose I need to know what's going on. I think that, when I'm in a self-destruct mode, my weight will climb regardless of whether I'm checking or not ... but at least it's not the huge 1 or 2 stone leaps that happen when you don't look for ages.
Hubby is working away so I'm now going to have to hunt down a triple 'A' battery!
My dad was sent home last night but has to return to see the Oncologist on Aug 10th for the results of his lung biopsy. I'll let him and my mum have a restful day today and pop round tomorrow: I'll just phone later to see how he's settling back at home.
I thought I might take my youngest daughter crabbing today and perhaps invite my granddaughters along.
For those who've never been crabbing before ... you take a hand-line (like string wrapped around a little wooden frame) and bait it with meat of some kind - we have some out of date ham. Then you lower it into the water (we're going to the local boating lake) and wait ...
Very quickly, the little blighters try to nick the meat and hang on with their claws. You pull the line up and deposit the crabs into a big bucket of water. When everyone has had enough (or you've run out of bait) you gently tip the bucket over near the edge of the water and watch all the crabs scuttle home ... counting them of course so you know what your 'score' for the day is.
It's a cheap, harmless activity that kids love and brings them close to nature and away from the computer consoles / TV.
Hubby has taken one of the the batteries out of my scales so I can't use them. I know he was trying to be helpful by stopping me obsessing over them but I told him I need to monitor my weight ... gain or lose I need to know what's going on. I think that, when I'm in a self-destruct mode, my weight will climb regardless of whether I'm checking or not ... but at least it's not the huge 1 or 2 stone leaps that happen when you don't look for ages.
Hubby is working away so I'm now going to have to hunt down a triple 'A' battery!
FatFairNForty(ish)
Gold Member
Hope you have a smashing day, loved 'crabbing' as a child and as parent when children were little... might have to do it again! Take care of yourself Debbie (((hugs))) xxxxx
Take care of yourself Debbie (((hugs))) xxxxx
Barb
Gold Member
I think your DH has a point and i think you have too! Hows that for fence sitting? I know what you mean about monitoring, trouble is if the numbers are grim they add to your feeling of despair and desponancy which when you have the kind of things going on in your life that we do, it can be the last flippin' straw. I'm trying to stay off my scales and failing miserably. After 3 weeks of non dieting and a life enriched with more stress than I know how to handle I have now regained 5lbs of the 8 I had lost. Do I feel better knowing? Ummm, no not really, I just feel even more disgusted with myself.
Have a happy crabby day! Try to leave your worries behind you if you can.
Lots of love
Have a happy crabby day! Try to leave your worries behind you if you can.
Lots of love
Maintainer
** Chief WITCH **
hi Russiandoll,
First time I've posted on your diary, but I looked for you because you said nice things about my Gallery pics (and I've only just found the comments 9 months later!), and I wanted to thank you.
Reading your thread, seeing what you've been going through, yet STILL reading how your good humour comes through humbles me. I am originally from very close to you, and can't for the life of me picture where the beach is... I love reading your descriptions of the beach, the sea and the crabbing.
Keep writing; my thoughts are with you and your family...
First time I've posted on your diary, but I looked for you because you said nice things about my Gallery pics (and I've only just found the comments 9 months later!), and I wanted to thank you.
Reading your thread, seeing what you've been going through, yet STILL reading how your good humour comes through humbles me. I am originally from very close to you, and can't for the life of me picture where the beach is... I love reading your descriptions of the beach, the sea and the crabbing.
Keep writing; my thoughts are with you and your family...
Russiandoll
Carpe diem
Hi Joanne
The three beaches near me are Stokes Bay, Lee-on-the Solent and Hill Head ... my 'local' one (5 minutes away) is Stokes Bay and my favourite place on Stokes Bay is Fort Gilkicker - an unspoilt, wild place right on the edge of the peninsular. From there, you can watch the maritime goings-on all along the Solent ... including ships entering & leaving Portsmouth harbour. Sound familiar?
Barb - I know what you mean about the weighing thing. There are numerous scenarios involving bathroom scales ...
1. You step on, see you've gained 2lb, think 'sod it' and have a biscuit (but vow to try harder tomorrow - before it gets much worse)
2. You step on, see you've gained 2lb and throw the scales in the bin. Three stones heavier, you buy some new ones.
3. You don't step on for several weeks, risk having a look, see you've gained a stone and nose-dive into a binge because 'what's the bl**dy point of it all'.
4. Your heads in the right place, you're eating healthily and rarely jump on the scales: when you do, you've maintained or even lost a little (this is the place we'd all like to be eventually I think.)
There are countless more scenarios but you get the gist ... try as I might, my bathroom scales are as much a part of my life as my hairdryer ... technically I don't NEED either of them but I'd be lost without them.
My scales are my best friend and, at the same time, my worst enemy. When I'm losing weight, I love them and they heap praise upon me, shouting, "Look how wonderful and in control you are, you gorgeous woman!" ...
When I'm gaining, I hate them and they just serve to confirm my own worst opinions of myself. "Fat failure" they seem to yell.
It's a dilemma but I don't think I could possibly turn my back on them altogether. However, I know I'm not alone ... I suspect there are more women who are ruled by the numbers on the scales than those who aren't.
The three beaches near me are Stokes Bay, Lee-on-the Solent and Hill Head ... my 'local' one (5 minutes away) is Stokes Bay and my favourite place on Stokes Bay is Fort Gilkicker - an unspoilt, wild place right on the edge of the peninsular. From there, you can watch the maritime goings-on all along the Solent ... including ships entering & leaving Portsmouth harbour. Sound familiar?
Barb - I know what you mean about the weighing thing. There are numerous scenarios involving bathroom scales ...
1. You step on, see you've gained 2lb, think 'sod it' and have a biscuit (but vow to try harder tomorrow - before it gets much worse)
2. You step on, see you've gained 2lb and throw the scales in the bin. Three stones heavier, you buy some new ones.
3. You don't step on for several weeks, risk having a look, see you've gained a stone and nose-dive into a binge because 'what's the bl**dy point of it all'.
4. Your heads in the right place, you're eating healthily and rarely jump on the scales: when you do, you've maintained or even lost a little (this is the place we'd all like to be eventually I think.)
There are countless more scenarios but you get the gist ... try as I might, my bathroom scales are as much a part of my life as my hairdryer ... technically I don't NEED either of them but I'd be lost without them.
My scales are my best friend and, at the same time, my worst enemy. When I'm losing weight, I love them and they heap praise upon me, shouting, "Look how wonderful and in control you are, you gorgeous woman!" ...
When I'm gaining, I hate them and they just serve to confirm my own worst opinions of myself. "Fat failure" they seem to yell.
It's a dilemma but I don't think I could possibly turn my back on them altogether. However, I know I'm not alone ... I suspect there are more women who are ruled by the numbers on the scales than those who aren't.
Maintainer
** Chief WITCH **
I can relate to everything you say about scales. My scales can ruin my day. A "smile" from them and I have a happy day
I'm from Fareham so of course recognise the names of all the beaches you mention. Next time visiting folk at home, I must check it out. I love going to the seafront particularly in the winter when the waves are wild and there aren't too many people around...
I'm from Fareham so of course recognise the names of all the beaches you mention. Next time visiting folk at home, I must check it out. I love going to the seafront particularly in the winter when the waves are wild and there aren't too many people around...
Russiandoll
Carpe diem
I haven't been around for a day or so because I've been feeling ill. Yesterday was the worst: I felt like I had been on a spinny fairground ride
:sign0137: Oddly enough though, I just wanted to eat and eat - even though I felt dizzy. I seemed to graze all day on rubbish (bowls of breakfast cereal & breadsticks mainly). I don't feel as ill today but I'm still a wee bit 'delicate'. Let's just say I won't be doing any cartwheels in a hurry!
I'll have to try and be extra careful with what I eat today to try and make up for the cr*p I ate yesterday - sheesh, what a see-saw I've found myself on!
We find out the result of my dad's lung biopsy on Friday and I'm dreading it. Mainly because I think we already know what the result will be but we just don't know the extent or the prognosis. Apparently a doctor told my dad that this could be totally unrelated to his prostate and bone cancer and could be a completely independant issue ... possibly caused by asbestos he came into contact with during his time in the engine rooms of ships in the Navy during the 50s & 60s.
If that's the case, what an ironic piece of bad luck - to get two different cancers PLUS a secondary. In any event, it's affecting the quality of what life he has left ... he can't even walk to the toilet without getting breathless.
I think I'll be trying to take things a bit easy today as my head still feels quite fuzzy. I have a gazillion things to do though so I won't be able to relax much just thinking about them!
We women really are our own worst enemies!
:sign0137: Oddly enough though, I just wanted to eat and eat - even though I felt dizzy. I seemed to graze all day on rubbish (bowls of breakfast cereal & breadsticks mainly). I don't feel as ill today but I'm still a wee bit 'delicate'. Let's just say I won't be doing any cartwheels in a hurry!
I'll have to try and be extra careful with what I eat today to try and make up for the cr*p I ate yesterday - sheesh, what a see-saw I've found myself on!
We find out the result of my dad's lung biopsy on Friday and I'm dreading it. Mainly because I think we already know what the result will be but we just don't know the extent or the prognosis. Apparently a doctor told my dad that this could be totally unrelated to his prostate and bone cancer and could be a completely independant issue ... possibly caused by asbestos he came into contact with during his time in the engine rooms of ships in the Navy during the 50s & 60s.
If that's the case, what an ironic piece of bad luck - to get two different cancers PLUS a secondary. In any event, it's affecting the quality of what life he has left ... he can't even walk to the toilet without getting breathless.
I think I'll be trying to take things a bit easy today as my head still feels quite fuzzy. I have a gazillion things to do though so I won't be able to relax much just thinking about them!
We women really are our own worst enemies!
good morning RD. i'm terribly sorry to hear of your father's condition(s). My sympathy goes out to you and your family.
i can only imagine the difficult times and emotions you are facing.
if it were me, i'd like to think i'd be strong enough to stay away from my comfort: FOOD...at a time like this. stay strong hun.
best of luck with the prognosis.
i can only imagine the difficult times and emotions you are facing.
if it were me, i'd like to think i'd be strong enough to stay away from my comfort: FOOD...at a time like this. stay strong hun.
best of luck with the prognosis.
Oh RD what a trying time - I hope you feel better soon and that you get the best possible news about your dad.
Just wanted to say i think you are amazing - you have coped very well with some awful situations and are still here battling on when many others would have given up. That shows strength and courage in my opinion. x
Just wanted to say i think you are amazing - you have coped very well with some awful situations and are still here battling on when many others would have given up. That shows strength and courage in my opinion. x
