rosie's Diary:- the good, bad nd downright ugly!

[rosinakathleen]

Morning all!
And it's a lovely sunny day here in Norwich.
We won the football yesterday, I won a tenner on the lotto and £100 on the dream number last night!
My dh got lucky last night too (nudge nudge), and this morning he brought me breakfast in bed, toast, bacon, sossies, egg and a lovely bunch of flowers he "borrowed" from next door's garden.
The line is full of washing drying and i'm sitting in the garden sipping coffee with a bowl of peach and apple slices!
Life is good!
To help spread my love around I will tell you a funny!-
Paddy's wife goes to the doctor complaining that after 10 years of marriage she has never had an orgasm. The doctor advised her to relax and use a fan to keep her cool during love-making.
Paddy refused to pay out good money for a fan and asked his mate if he would mind waving a towel while they made love, but still she didn't have an orgasm.
Next day she asked Paddy if they could swap over and so Paddy's mate made love to her and after 20 minutes of the best mind blowing sex she'd ever had, she had a mind blowing orgasm.
Paddy looked at his mate and said "And that, my old son, is how to wave a towel......!"

 

[Louise24]

hehe, love it! Congrats on all your winnings, what are you going to spend the dosh on? x

 

[rosinakathleen]

Hi louise24,
I THINK i shall put it in my "sod it, lets spend, spend, spend" fund!
Kept especially for days I think I deserve a treat!
Like new shoes or clothes, or even a trip to the theatre, something I don't do to often.
My last "sod it" fund had £34 in and I blew it going round all the charity shops buying books, c.d.'s and d.v.d's

 

[rosinakathleen]

Yay!
can't believe it!!
I have finally worked out how to put stickers on my sig, with no help at all!

 

[rosinakathleen]

Afternoon all,
After being on me hols last week I was hoping for a sts, but nuse say i've lost a pound, so that's good news!
Dh decided to come with me and got weighed himself out of curiosity and he's lost 5lbs! I told him that was because he shaved his head this morning and nothing to do with dieting.
He could have lost more if he had let me wax his legs as well!
We are having a lazy day today, my niece and nephew are coming to visit us til Friday later today so we have a load of things lined up for them, pictures, seaside, zoo etc so that will keep us busy.
Right, joke of the day-
i used to have a job selling cushions. I didn't make a lot of money but I was comfortable....!

 

[rosinakathleen]

Bloody hell the kids are hard work!!!!
I have just stuck them in bed after a night out bowling and me and dh are collapsed on our bed and dh think he's put his back out!
I pity him going on the rides at Pleasurewood Hills with them tomorrow!

 

[rosinakathleen]

Had lovely day at pleasurewood hills, weather was just right-not too hot, not too cold!
Dh enjoyed it more than the kids did, he went on every ride and ate everything in sight.
I was more restrained and had jack pot with beans and fresh fruit salad (it was really just a nana and apple!)
we went home the scenic route and kids had a couple of hours crab fishing.
So kids are crashed out in bed now and dh is making me a hot choc, he say i'm drinking too much coffee, i'll let him get away with it today but will ignore him tomorrow!
Anyway joke of the day-
A passenger in a taxi taps the driver on the shoulder.
The driver poops himself, swerves, nearly hits a bus and stops inches from a shop window.
"Blimey, you're jumpy arn't you? I only tapped your shoulder" says the passenger.
"Sorry" says the cabbie, "It's my first day. I've been driving a hearse for the last 20 years..."

 

[rosinakathleen]

Hello all,
had a quiet day today, took the kids shopping this morning, and dh has them out now fishing!
Well, I say dh, he may not be for much longer after I opened up the fridge and a load of maggots fell out! He had been showing them to the kids and didn't put the lid on properly and they wriggled out of the pot.
I WAS NOT A HAPPY BUNNY!!!
I made him take everything out of the fridge, steam clean it, then go out and buy all new food stuff. I don't think he'll do that again in a hurry.
I still think I can see them out of the corner of my eye crawling on the floor.
Anyway, enough of the eyew's, here's my joke of the day-
I won't be texting you for a while mate, I've just stolen loads of swimming inflatables and I need to lilo.........

 

[rosinakathleen]

Hello everyone!
It's the last full day with my niece and nephew today and they been little darlings!
Dh may sleep in the shed tonight tho!
It was rainy here today so the grass in the back garden is VERY slippery, but he decided to play cricket with them..
Result= 1 broken shed window and 1 broken garden chair!
The kids couldn't stand up for laughing and dh was trying hard to keep the grin off his face.
All their clothes are covered in grass stains and I am sooo glad they were old clothes!
All this in the space of 1 hour while I was out buying milk, fags and coffee!
They are now all in their jimjams, sipping hot choc and playing a nice quiet (!) game of snap.
So while I've got 5 mins peace and quiet i'll post today's joke-
A woman on her death bed called her husband and asked him to open a box from under the bed. Inside he found £7000 and 3 eggs.
"Whats the eggs for?" he asked
She replied "Everytime we had awful sex I would put an egg in the box"
"Not bad" says the husband, "3 eggs in 35 years. And the cash?" He asked.
"Everytime I got a dozen I sold them!" replied his wife.

 

[rosinakathleen]

I'm sitting down, feet up, fag and coffee to hand!
The terrible two's, my niece and nephew have finally gone home!
It was lovely to see them but boy are they hard work.
Poor dh is catching a few hours kip as he kept them up all last night watching all the Harry Potter dvd's.
He said he stayed up to make sure they were ok but the truth is that he stayed up because he hadn't seen them!
As he has no kids and no nieces and nephews, he feel he's missed a lot of good "kiddie" films. We now have the entire disney collection (for him!) and he refuses to watch Bambie with me so I don't see him cry at the end, bless!
Well, here's my joke of the day-
Two Irish couples decide to swap partners for the night.

After 3 hours of amazing sex Paddy says "I wonder how the girls are getting on......!"

 

[rosinakathleen]

Evening all,
Just got back from a family bbq, and was amazed how good I was! I resisted the burgers, sossies, pork ribs and bread rolls, and enjoyed chicken, fish, veg kebabs, rice and pasta.
Dessert WASN'T choc cake, trifle, gateau and cheesecake, but fruit salad with squirty cream, and a merangue nest!
I really didn't have a struggle either, choosing the "good" option, and nobody even realised that I was on a diet.
My dh was impressed as well, and has promised me a reward later, but knowing him I know what that reward will be!
Still, it's all good exercise.
Ok then ladies, joke of the day-
Paddy takes his goldfish to the vet, complaining that it suffers from epilepsy.
Vet say's "It looks calm enough to me."
Paddy replies "you haven't taken it out of the bloody bowl yet!"

 

[Twizzle]

Hi Rosie, have missed yr jokes while you were away well done on the weight loss

 

[rosinakathleen]

Hello to you all!
am flat out on the sofa, stuffed after eating a late dinner.
dh cooked it, and I ate it! So a fair division of labour, I think.
We are going to pub tonight to listen to the karaoke, and after last time I'm going to tie dh to his chair, get up and sing myself, then get pickled so he knows how it feel! (not really, can't remember the last time I got rat-ar*ed!)
So, joke of the day-
A married couple in their 60's are visited by a fairy who grants them both a wish.
"I want to travel round the world with my darling husband" said the wife, and 2 tickets for a luxury cruise magically appear in her hand...
Husband says, "Sorry love, but my wish is to have a wife 30 years younger than me....."
So the fairy waves her magic wand and the husband becomes 92!
Moral of the story- Men who are ungrateful ******* should remember that fairies are bloody females!

 

[rosinakathleen]

Hi all,
Just in from weigh-in and another 3lb off this week!
That makes the total loss for August 12lb which i'm very happy about as you can imagine.
I know sw inside out and now find that I can follow it without too much looking up syns etc.
Even better, dh and ds love the meals and I'm finding when I go shopping i'm buying less and less chocs, sweets, biccies etc!
I even had to go out and buy a bigger fruit basket to accomadate all the fruit we eat.
My dh texted me a little while ago to warn me he's bringing me a pressie home tonight. As a clue he's told me we need an extension!
So I can't wait to see what he's bringing me.
Right, joke of the day-
After 10 years of marriage my husband still gets upset if I use his toothbrush..
But if anyone knows a better way of getting dog poo off trainers, i'm all ears!!!

 

[rosinakathleen]

Well, hubby came home and presented me with....... 5 tiny baby chickens and a hen coop!
He has assured me they are little ladies, and so won't crow in the morning and annoy the neighbours.
they will be living in the utility room at first as they are sooo small, and dh has promised to build them a run so they are safe from the local cats while they are so diddy.
I can just imagine going in the garden and gathering fresh eggs for brekkie!
I've known it for some time now, but I will just share with you lot that my hubby rocks!!!!

 

[rosinakathleen]

P.s it was a bit of a cheat putting a slimmer of the month sticker on my sig, as I don't go to a class, but I like stickers!

 

[rosinakathleen]

You will be pleased to know that my little chicks are well, and happily eating a breakfast of mushy stuff!
They went out on the grass for an hour this morning and seemed to enjoy it!My ds loved them as soon as he saw them and seem to think we can turn the back garden into a farm.
He's talking ducks, geese, maybe a pig or two, oh yes, and sheep!
I told him be happy with 5 baby chicks....
Ok joke of the day-
A man comes home and catches his best mate making love to his wife so he stabs him to death.
His missus says "carry on like that and you'll soon have no mates left.....!"

 

[Louise24]

Aww little chickens, thats lovely, what a great idea x

 

[rosinakathleen]

Hi louise,
Yes it was lovely to get them. I've wanted some for a while now and proves that dh does sometime listen to me!
I went to college today to get all the info I will need for my nvq course, and was a tiny bit dismayed to see that all my classmates seem to be in their teens!
I think that I may become "mother" to them, as a lot are studying in college as well as in uni.
Some of them are from Scotland, some from Wales, and some from abroad.
Two girls seemed a little lost and followed me everywhere, even into the loo! So I took them to the cafe and we sat and had a good chat.
It's always easy to spot the new students, as they're the ones loaded up with the Argos bags full of cheap pillows, quilts and dishes!
Right, joke of the day-
Paddy is in bed with his wife. Her mobile phone goes off at 3 in the morning. Paddy answers it, listens, then angrily replies "why don't you bu**er off and phone the weather office"
"who was that?" asks his wife
"some tw*t asking if the coast is clear"......

 

[rainbow]

right, Im going to read back and have a good catch up (esp look at the jokes and will compile a short list!)
If you pop on in the mean time I would appreciate a bullet point list of the recent goings on in the life of RK please........ x