rosie's Diary:- the good, bad nd downright ugly!

[rosinakathleen]

Had a nice day today, had a swim this morning, followed by a shopping trip with my eldest sister, lunch with my aunt then home to find hubby was early and trying to build the chicks a run.
He isn't very handy, and it looks more like a model of a dinosaur, but it's escape proof!
The chicks are getting bigger, and my dog loves to round them up and lick them to death. They follow him around and curl up with him when he goes to sleep.
They are too small to get in their coop at the mo, so while hubby is at work tomorrow I will build them a slope to get in it.
Then they will be able to spend their days scratching in the grass and nights indoors.
Right, joke of the day-
Some rotten s*d has nicked a pair of my wife's knickers off the washing line.
She's not too bothered about the knickers, but she wants the 22 pegs back!!!

 

[Twizzle]

need a pic of the little chicks happy egg gathering

 

[rosinakathleen]

Hi Twizzle!
I have bitten the bullet and have booked a man!
For computer lessons!
He is highly recommended but can't fit me in til oct, so am impatiently waiting!
Didn't post (or eat) yesterday as was sick, but woke at 5 this morning, came on here and was surprised how many peeps was on.
Feel much better today, dh made me a poached egg on toast, and am drinking plenty of fluids (got to keep up my coffee intake!)
Anyway, joke of the day-
2 Irish men are making a letter bomb.
Pat says "do you think i;ve put enough explosives in?"
"Dunno" says Mick "Open it and see!"
"But it will explode!" says Pat
"Don't be so stupid," replies Mick "It's not addressed to you!".......

 

[rosinakathleen]

Oh my word!!!
You will never guess where I've been this morning so I'll just tell you!
I went to CHURCH!!!
Not just any old church either, a Spiritualist church!
Dh decided to go as he's interested in the after-life, and dragged me along to keep him company.
There was a medium there, who seemed to be pretty good, she gave out info to people about their dead relatives, right down to someone was having trouble with their false teeth!
A lady was told to look for her missing ring in the shed, while another was told that she would find love in the coming month.
Dh was fasinated, and has told me he would love to go again, quite regularly, and to be honest, I wouldn't mind either!
So we have decided to go every 3 weeks if possable and see how we feel.
Neither of us are "churchy" people, but there was no obvious preaching going on, the congregation were friendly, and neither of us felt out of place, or itchy to get out of the place. So this maybe the start of a new period in our lives!
Anyhow dinner is nearly ready so will tell you joke of the day-
Sick of having your house burgled?
Save money on home security by simply writing the words "Job Centre" on your door!

 

[KarenB]

Its taken me ages but I've managed to read all your posts and have laughed like a drain at your jokes. Thanks for cheering me up and taking my mind off food for an hour or so.

 

[rosinakathleen]

Hello KarenB,
Glad you enjoyed reading my mad rambles!
Ds went back to school this morning and it's weird having the house all to myself again.
Went and saw Nursey and she told me I'd put on a pound, so she not my favourite person!!!!
But next week should be my star week, and i'm really bloated at the min.
I've got an appt to see my dr next week because my ankles keep blowing up. They start the day ok, but by mid-day they are double the size!
Nursey think the dr will put me on water tablets, so I will be weeing all day, boo hoo.
Right, joke of the day-

Or a thought of the day really,
Who on earth picks up a guide dogs poo?!

 

[rosinakathleen]

Well, had a boring day today, sorting out the kitchen cupboards and de-frosting the freezer!
Found some luxury ice cream in the freezer I resisted, and threw out some plastic tubs that seem to have been hiding right down the bottom!
joke of the day-
The Mother Superior was talking to the nuns, "We have a case of clamydia in the convent!"
An old nun at the back replies "I hope it's better than that case of chardonney we had last week!"

 

[rosinakathleen]

Am starving hungry, so posting quickly b4 I go eat my lasagna!
Dh is ill in bed, with the bubonic plague, or I think it is how much moaning and groaning is coming out of the bedroom!
Us women, though, would know it as the Common Cold, but dh says it's much worse than that! He is (according to him) weak all over, shivery, sneezing every 30 seconds and head-achey.
I was really thoughtful and took him a cup of tea, toasty soldiers, paracetamol and a copy of a list of the local undertakers!
He told me I was mean, and I told him that as he was at death's door, I didn't want to catch it and he could sleep in the spare room!!
He then had a couple of hours sleep and decided I wasn't mean at all, and could he pleeeaaase stay in our lovely big king-size bed!
MEN!
Ok, joke of the day-
Wife with PMT; "Oy do you want any dinner?"
Husband: "What choices are there?"
Wife: Yes or bloody no!"

 

[rosinakathleen]

Dh has had a miraculous recovery today, and is pottering around in the kitchen cooking fish pie.
We were going to have chicken curry but the dog decided the chicken looked better than his boring food and ate it!
We spent 20 mins looking for it before we realised the little b*gger had eaten it!
I start my nvq course tomorrow, it's only 2 hours a week on a Friday, but i'm really nervous!
Have got all my pens etc ready so hope all will go well.
Right, joke of the day-
A woman was in court charged with stealing a tin of peaches.
The Judge asks how many peaches were in the tin.
She replies "four"
He tells her she will serve 1 month in prison for each peach.
As she is being led away her husband shouts from the public gallery "And she stole a tin of peas!"

 

[Louise24]

Hi Rosie, good luck tomorrow hun xxx

 

[rosinakathleen]

Well my lesson went ok this morning (Thanks, Loo!)
But was I p*ssed off when I got home!!!!
You may remember a couple of weeks ago when I moaned that dh released some maggots in our house, wee despite his best attemp to get them all, some escaped!
And how do I know???
Because when I opened the front door there were millions of flies everywhere! Big black horrible things!
So the dog was going crazy, trying to catch them, and I was opening all the windows in the house, trying to shush them out!
I thought I'd got rid of them all but either new ones are hatching, or they were hiding!
So dh got a flea in his ear when he got home from work, and is now busy trying to get rid of them!
Ok, enough woes, here's joke of the day-

>>@ Message from
www.Adultdate.com.

Your dating ad has been on our website for 9 years now without any replies.
Would you like us to try for 1 week without a picture?!

 

[rosinakathleen]

Well it's now sat tea-time and i'm sitting with a fag and coffee letting my meatballs digest!
Had a lovely day, hoovering up dead flies, and getting the hen-house ready for the chicks to sleep in tonight!
Yes they're now big enough to be out all night, tho' I hope they don't decide to go disco-dancing.
I think i'm more nervous about them sleeping in their coop than I was when ds started school!
Will update you tomorrow as to how they got on.
Right, joke of the day-
The old bill has no sense of humour!
I got stopped at about midnight and was asked where I was going. I told them I was going to listen to a lecture about the effects of alcohol on the human body....
The old bill said "Who's going to give a lecture at this time of night?"
I said "the bloody wife"

 

[Twizzle]

Whoops on the 1lb, am sure you will be back on track this week DH and DD are loving your jokes Hope the chicks have a peaceful night (no creeping out with your torch to check they are OK!) and Yuck, yuck yuck to the flies!

 

[Louise24]

Hi Rosie, how did the chicks get on last night? x

 

[rosinakathleen]

The gals did fine, thanks Loo!
They were raring to go when I let them out this morning
And yes twizzle I did go out with a torch! But that was only because I was wide awake at 3 this morning and dog wanted a wee, so I thought as i was already out I might as well check!
Spent a lazy morning and am now sitting watching the Grand Prix with one eye.
Arount tea time we expecting dh's cousin round and she and I don't get on!
She's skinny as a rake and don't seem to understand that someone as gorgeous as her cousin would poss marry someone as "wellbuilt" as me!
She constantly tells us all about the size 8 clothes she buys herself and sometimes I want to stick them where the sun don't shine!!!!!
Last time she was round she ate her tea and then said "no wonder you're the size you are if you eat like this every day"
She did shut up tho when I pointed out that everything she had just eaten was, infact, sw diet food!
She's a crafty cow because she never make comments when dh is about and as he think quite a bit of her, i've suffered in silence!

Right joke of the day-
Ann Summers has come up with an easy guide to complete sexual joy.
It explores the clitoris and the g-spot and even shows the male where to find them!!
T*atnav will be in their shops by Christmas!

 

[rosinakathleen]

Oh my God!!!!
Did I tell you all how lovely my son is?!
Unknown to me while dh's cousin was round yesterday doing her usual nasty "aren't you fat" routine, my ds secretly recorded all her b*tchy comments on his phone that he "accidently" left in the lounge with us.
He didn't say anything to me about it, but when dh got home from work today ds took him outside and played him the recording.
Dh came straight to me and asked why I hadn't said anything to him about the b*tch.
So I said that I'd kept quiet as she was his relative, in fact one of the few he still see regularly, and I didn't want to cause any argy-bargy between them.
After a long hug and a few tears, with him saying sorry, and me telling him not to be stupid, he went round her's to see her, taking the evidence with him.
He told me she denied ever saying nasty things to me, and said I'd made it up because I was jealous of how close they are.....and then he played the recording!
He said she went as white as a sheet and started crying. He didn't tell me what happened after that, but I hope she's learned her lesson!

Right, enough drama, joke of the day-

A mechanic was working on a customers car. He couldn't repair the brakes, so he made the horn louder...............!

 

[rosinakathleen]

Just a quickie tonight, as really pooped and bad period pains.
I have decided to go back to sw classes...
There wasn't a consious decision, I was on the 'net when I suddenly logged on their site and found the class nearest to me.
So, Thurs at 6pm it is!!
Joke of the day-
Wife says to hubby, "shall I slip into something comfortable?"
"Yes" replies hubby "try a bloody coma!"

 

[Twizzle]

Rosie, glad your DH has been able to see her true side now I agree, your son was very clever and forward thinking

 

[rosinakathleen]

Been away for a few days, so unable to report for duty!!
Due to illness I was unable to attend sw class thurs night, so it's def on the cards for this thurs.
Am looking forward to it, with dread! if that makes sense!
Right, joke of the day-
I used to keep all my Dusty Springfield records on a wooden ledge on the wall, I just sold them to a collector, and now I just don't know what to do with my shelf......

 

[rosinakathleen]

God, my life consist of a contrast of highs and lows.
Dh found a lump in my bosom while we were .....
So this morning I went to our walk-in clinic and the dr there located the lump and referred me to the hosp. my appt is wed and i'm to have one of those things that squash the boob and take pictures.
Can't remember what it's called, but I know it's meant to be quite painful!
So i've a long wait til then ,with dh weeping allover me.
I'm trying to be strong for him more than for me, as he seems to need it more.
I've had my fair share of tragedy over the last 2 -3 years, and hopefully am strong enough to face anything that's coming now.
I won't say anything to ds at the mo. as it may turn out to be nothing to worry about.