Sick of carrying 2 hitch hikers about, so this is my diary

[broadsbean]

made your minestrone soup today and its was wonderful eaten by everybody and even 2nds from the teen

thank you for recipe it is going to be a fav i can tell xxx

 

[Lily42uk]

Hey all just popped in to say a quick hello, am heading to my bed as I am exhausted...but before I go had to just tell you what happened today.
Phoned myself and told her the shrimp story and as I suspected we absolutely cried laughing over it and then she reminded me that it wasn't the first faux pas Kelsi had made and we laughed and laughed till we were crying...in the summer we were at Gill's house and Kelsi came running in from the garden and said ", I just got bit by a midget"...got to love kids :8855: :8855:
Anyway went to Kelly's and gave Kelsi a present she opened it and said Nan why have you bought me a bag of shrimps....I said well I thought that if need be all your friends that needed to could see a shrimp...she didn't think it was funny me and my sis wet ourselves :8855: :8855:

Hope you all had a lovely day and I am now off to my bed, nighty night and sweet dreams :zz: xxxxx:bighug: all xxxxx

 

[Lily42uk]

made your minestrone soup today and its was wonderful eaten by everybody and even 2nds from the teen

thank you for recipe it is going to be a fav i can tell xxx

Really glad you all liked it, just said on Jackie's diary if you have a Morrison's near by go to the Deli Counter and buy 200g of Polish Smoked Sopocka Ham, it's so lovely really gives it a much more smokey taste...it's to die for ....my lot all love it too...Kelly had the ingredients and asked me to make another pan full today as the other one all went yesterday and she wants to take some to college with her lol xxxxxxxxxx

 

[JaneB]

Hi Lily, have a lovely time with the birthday bashes, any news on the happy arrival xx

 

[Mumma K]

Morning Lily

hope its a good Monday

any news yet ?

 

[Lily42uk]

Hi Lily, have a lovely time with the birthday bashes, any news on the happy arrival xx

Hi Jane, good to see you back lovely, hope you're feeling a lot better :bighug:, the birthday's have left me exhausted to be honest, and because I was so tired yesterday, I made some really bad choices, had been struggling all week to stay on track (think it's cos I didn't go to group I need that motivation), so now feel fat and bloated..oh well we'll see what the scales say tomorrow, expecting a big gain (had to increase my steroids a little as my right foot just doesn't want to clear up, so up from 10mg a day to 25mg, still got hospital Wednesday so see what my consultant says),
No news on baby yet, I even checked her FB in case she had forgotten to tell us :giggle: will let you know as soon as I hear anything
Have a lovely day xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Morning Lily

hope its a good Monday

any news yet ?

Morning Kally, feels a lot better than the weekend lol actually slept like a top last night didn't wake till 10.30, not like me to wake so late and was asleep much earlier than normal, do remember waking and hearing Mal go out and Kirsty too but didn't stay awake,so hopefully will be a good day.
Toe feels a little less sore, since my granddaughter dropped a heavy metal gate on it on Saturday...it's black and swollen but not even hurting today thank heavens lol
No news on baby yet, have checked and def not had it, don't want to hassle her, she'll let us know when she's had it, hopefully soon.
Have a good day xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

 

[JaneB]

Hi Jane, good to see you back lovely, hope you're feeling a lot better :bighug:, the birthday's have left me exhausted to be honest, and because I was so tired yesterday, I made some really bad choices, had been struggling all week to stay on track (think it's cos I didn't go to group I need that motivation), so now feel fat and bloated..oh well we'll see what the scales say tomorrow, expecting a big gain (had to increase my steroids a little as my right foot just doesn't want to clear up, so up from 10mg a day to 25mg, still got hospital Wednesday so see what my consultant says),
No news on baby yet, I even checked her FB in case she had forgotten to tell us :giggle: will let you know as soon as I hear anything
Have a lovely day xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx



Morning Kally, feels a lot better than the weekend lol actually slept like a top last night didn't wake till 10.30, not like me to wake so late and was asleep much earlier than normal, do remember waking and hearing Mal go out and Kirsty too but didn't stay awake,so hopefully will be a good day.
Toe feels a little less sore, since my granddaughter dropped a heavy metal gate on it on Saturday...it's black and swollen but not even hurting today thank heavens lol
No news on baby yet, have checked and def not had it, don't want to hassle her, she'll let us know when she's had it, hopefully soon.
Have a good day xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Glad your feeling alot better today, you will be fine at wi tomorrow, you are an inspiration on here so don't feel fat and bloated, please let us know how you got on at the hospital and also keep us posted on the baby front. xx

 

[Lily42uk]

Glad your feeling alot better today, you will be fine at wi tomorrow, you are an inspiration on here so don't feel fat and bloated, please let us know how you got on at the hospital and also keep us posted on the baby front. xx

Thanks hun, but I feel really crap today actually, I have a habit of trying to stay upbeat and hide how I am really feeling when in fact I am struggling to make all the right choices, jumped on the scales after swearing I wouldn't until tomorrow night and they say 4.5lb up....now I know that can change again by tomorrow, hence the reason I didn't initially want to get on them, so god knows why I did. I do feel fat and bloated, because I have eaten crap I am not able to go to loo properly and that's not like me either, I haven't done any shopping cos of the weekend birthdays so have no fruit or veg in the house, keep looking to see what I can have and all that's there is rubbish, so I am not eating or eating rubbish, (it's not just been the weekend either), I hate feeling a failure so don't like to talk about it as I tell myself everyone will be going "here we go again" and then I get down and upset, cry and stuff my face and then cry cos I've stuffed my face and then stuff my face yet again, then cos I am stressed and upset my psoriasis gets worse again (like it has done now), so I increase my steroids and then the weight comes back on yet again, so I am now crying cos of that and it's just a vicious circle.....I got up this morning funnily enough after the best sleep in ages and thought F*ck it I am sick of this, why am I putting myself through this crap at 53 years of ages, why don't I just say sod it this is how I am meant to be and just carry on as normal.....because it is normal and that's what I hate, that being fat has been what my life has been about and I want it to STOP

So now I have had my rant and cried my eyes out I am going to get back onto that wagon and keep going, I will not let this beat me...mainly because I have always let it beat me in the past.
I am off to wash my face and blow my nose and then decide what I can have to eat as it's now nearly 1pm and I still haven't eaten a thing...catch you later and hopefully I will be back to where I was before I had this little breakdown.
Have a good day lovely xxxxxxxxx

 

[Mumma K]

(((hugs)))

Awww Lily

please don't feel upset
you have come so far and done so well
and you are such an inspiration to many

I think we all have a what's the point moment probably more than one or two but your doing the right thing drying your eyes and getting back on the wagon
you are so going to do this Lily
I have every single faith in you, that you will do it.........

and Pah!! dontcha know us in our 50's are the new 30 something's
we are just getting into our prime

 

[WelshJojo]

Come on missus!! You're bleeping marvellous! Climb back on the wagon with me, there is always room for a shrinking lady like you xxxxxx

http://www.minimins.com/slimming-world-weight-loss-diary/187905-jos-journey-infinity-beyond.html

 

[Lily42uk]

Thanks hun I really appreciate that.....I do have a really bad habit of hiding how I feel, have actually been struggling for a few weeks and god knows how I have had some of the losses I have over that time....I had such good intentions over the weekend and even stuck to my plan wholeheartedly on Saturday, but and I tried to think what it was that set me on the food bingeing again over the weekend and I know 100% it was to do with the gate being dropped on my foot, it was so painful...I have the big toe and the one next to it where the toenails are black as my daughter trod on my foot a couple of months ago and then hubby did the same and they were just beginning to get better when the gate fell ...I felt so sick with the pain and had to take painkillers, which were fabulous, 20 minutes and I couldn't feel a thing but then I was spaced out too, I normally take codydramol 10/500's and these were 30/500's, they made me feel spaced out and really really tired, really struggled all day yesterday to stay awake and then took 2 more cos the pain came back...then instead of ordering the chinese that I had planned to have (knew we were having a takeaway and planned to have chow mein, 7 syns, rice syn free and tbsp sweet and sour sauce 1 syn, had it loads of times before and have been fine with it), I ordered 2 x large saveloy and chips...at over 30 syns and then had cake and more cake and couldn't stop myself...now it's ok for people like my daughter and friend to say that's ok cos you never lose control, but no it's not ok it's because I lost control that I ended up at 31 and a half st and I am not going back there...so even though I slept really well last night I have woken up and my mouth tasted like Ghandi's flip flop and my tongue was really sore...used to feel like that every morning at one point but stopped after I cut out the fat, and I hate feeling like that in the morning, if I wanted to feel that way I'd go back to drinking lol
I can't remember the last time I had a nice figure and was a decent weight and I want it so desperately (yep just like everyone else) and hate the fact that every single time I sabotage it....but I know I will get back on that wagon and I will keep going cos I am determined not to stay off....I want this more than anything and to be honest even though I am still about 6-7st overweight, I feel sexier than I can ever remember feeling and I want that feeling not only to stay but I want others to say :wow: you look sexy, just once before I die lol
And yep I do know that the 50's are the new 30's cos I definitely feel 30 not 50+ lol :hug99: xxxxxxxx

 

[Lily42uk]

Come on missus!! You're bleeping marvellous! Climb back on the wagon with me, there is always room for a shrinking lady like you xxxxxx

http://www.minimins.com/slimming-world-weight-loss-diary/187905-jos-journey-infinity-beyond.html

Thanks sweetie, I am back on I want to be on it, just need some help so am going to make sure I get it xxxxxxx

 

[Mumma K]

Ouch Lily

that sounds well sore and talk about lightning striking twice having had it stood on twice and then to have a gate drop on it
no wonder it knocked you for six....

I would have passed on the saveloy and chips though
and before you think I'm being all holier than thou'h I'd have
gone for a double portion of prawn balls, a chicken chow mien, a fried rice and curry sauce haha!!

 

[Lily42uk]

Ouch Lily

that sounds well sore and talk about lightning striking twice having had it stood on twice and then to have a gate drop on it
no wonder it knocked you for six....

I would have passed on the saveloy and chips though
and before you think I'm being all holier than thou'h I'd have
gone for a double portion of prawn balls, a chicken chow mien, a fried rice and curry sauce haha!!

Believe me I can't believe my luck with that foot and I have to be extra careful with my feet cos of the diabetes too...geez
As for the chinese the only reason I didn't blow out on that instead of the chow mein etc is cos they ordered from Boston Chicken, didn't fancy that, Indian didn't fancy that other than the chicken chat which I forgot that I had too by the way, so that's most likely another 100 syns to add lol and settled on the saveloy and chips which I seem to fancy a lot lately which is weird cos I have always hated saveloys ...oh well guess it's not as bad as my 120 syn blow out a few months back ....but with that one I didn't feel down I just accepted I needed to do it and moved on the next day...as I said I think this is because I was tired and sore and cos I felt like crap I didn't really struggle to hold back and just went with it ...oh well another day ....but struggling to eat today...not eaten a thing just feel full up...which I spose is good in it's own way as when depressed or fed up in the past I have stuffed and stuffed till I could burst....not going to eat now till dinner either as we always have dinner early at say 5.30pm so with only 2 hours to go...I may as well wait, if I had some fruit in I'd have that, but I don't ...oh well xxxxxxxxx

 

[tillymax]

Thanks hun, but I feel really crap today actually, I have a habit of trying to stay upbeat and hide how I am really feeling when in fact I am struggling to make all the right choices, jumped on the scales after swearing I wouldn't until tomorrow night and they say 4.5lb up....now I know that can change again by tomorrow, hence the reason I didn't initially want to get on them, so god knows why I did. I do feel fat and bloated, because I have eaten crap I am not able to go to loo properly and that's not like me either, I haven't done any shopping cos of the weekend birthdays so have no fruit or veg in the house, keep looking to see what I can have and all that's there is rubbish, so I am not eating or eating rubbish, (it's not just been the weekend either), I hate feeling a failure so don't like to talk about it as I tell myself everyone will be going "here we go again" and then I get down and upset, cry and stuff my face and then cry cos I've stuffed my face and then stuff my face yet again, then cos I am stressed and upset my psoriasis gets worse again (like it has done now), so I increase my steroids and then the weight comes back on yet again, so I am now crying cos of that and it's just a vicious circle.....I got up this morning funnily enough after the best sleep in ages and thought F*ck it I am sick of this, why am I putting myself through this crap at 53 years of ages, why don't I just say sod it this is how I am meant to be and just carry on as normal.....because it is normal and that's what I hate, that being fat has been what my life has been about and I want it to STOP

So now I have had my rant and cried my eyes out I am going to get back onto that wagon and keep going, I will not let this beat me...mainly because I have always let it beat me in the past.
I am off to wash my face and blow my nose and then decide what I can have to eat as it's now nearly 1pm and I still haven't eaten a thing...catch you later and hopefully I will be back to where I was before I had this little breakdown.
Have a good day lovely xxxxxxxxx

OMG Lily - I could have written that. Are you tuned into my brainwaves?

I've been just the same and maybe if we'd both talked about it earlier, neither of us would feel like a failure now. From now on we're going to have a pact. When things go t*ts up we talk about it. If we don't want to put it on our diaries cos we think people will go here we go again, we pm each other.

This post has made me feel so much better (sorry) cos I felt like I was the only one.

We're gonna take this one day at a time - some will be good and some will be bad.

You've got it harder than most of us cos of the meds but they don't call you Iron Lily for nothing

You look sexy now Lily so imagine at target you'll be even sexier. I think you'd better get Mal a pacemaker fitted just so he can keep up

 

[Roziee]

Lily- stop giving yourself a hard time! Allow yourself these off days and allow yourself these days and enjoy them you still have control because you allow yourself to stop the day after!

Big hugs darling- we're always hear to read you venting sessions. I love it, everyone loves it and we all love you so type away and let your emotions seep through your monitor to us. We can handle it *big big hug*

 

[Lily42uk]

OMG Lily - I could have written that. Are you tuned into my brainwaves?

I've been just the same and maybe if we'd both talked about it earlier, neither of us would feel like a failure now. From now on we're going to have a pact. When things go t*ts up we talk about it. If we don't want to put it on our diaries cos we think people will go here we go again, we pm each other.

This post has made me feel so much better (sorry) cos I felt like I was the only one.

We're gonna take this one day at a time - some will be good and some will be bad.

You've got it harder than most of us cos of the meds but they don't call you Iron Lily for nothing

You look sexy now Lily so imagine at target you'll be even sexier. I think you'd better get Mal a pacemaker fitted just so he can keep up

Hey Tilly hun, I too am glad I'm not the only one feeling this way, I see people like Jackie and she seems to cope so well with all the crap going on when I always seem to go into meltdown and then I think to myself I can't say anything cos then they'll think I'm either a) trying to climb on the bandwagon or b) they'll think oh no not again or not another one and so I hide it and it builds up and up until like today I exploded. Mal has gotten it in the neck too, mind you I don't think that's such a bad thing after all these years we need something to keep ourselves on our toes instead of becoming complacent, so have been told by Kirsty we have until Wednesday to write a list of things we want to do together to perk ourselves up...rightly or wrongly, since the girls have been in their late teens I have stopped hiding the fact that Mal and I have tough times and need a good row to clear the air, hopefully makes them realise that you have to work at it....I have a really bad headache and I am really tired, but I feel a lot better, air is cleared and hopefully we'll all be good. Will get to wi tomorrow night to see what damage I have done and then set about doing repairs..also got Hospital Wednesday and while my foot is bad again it's not as bad as last time do by hook or by crook I will make my appt there too...and yes hun we are going to do this and I will definitely pm you when I feel like this again and you must do likewise, so now hop up here on this hun and let's get back on track together :hug99: xxxxxxxxxxx

Lily- stop giving yourself a hard time! Allow yourself these off days and allow yourself these days and enjoy them you still have control because you allow yourself to stop the day after!

Big hugs darling- we're always hear to read you venting sessions. I love it, everyone loves it and we all love you so type away and let your emotions seep through your monitor to us. We can handle it *big big hug*

Hey Roziee thanks hun ....you are right I guess I do still have control, but I never feel I do....I so want this weight off it's frustrating especially when I have bad days
I love you too, all of you you really keep me on the straight and narrow so :bighug: everyone and :hug99: Roziee thank you xxxxxx

 

[Katierose]

Hi lovely lily x x
Am sending you a big hug x you have not failed and you won't fail now ! You have come so far the old lily has gone and the new sexy lily is here to stay ! I think when life gets in the way we all know we slip a little and that's all you ve done and my goodness a lady that has So far lost over 12 stone !!! She is the success!!
I don't write in my own diary as much as I should but I am so happy I ve found yours lily So sending a lil fairy success dust to you to keep your spirits high x x

 

[JaneB]

OMG Lily - I could have written that. Are you tuned into my brainwaves?

I've been just the same and maybe if we'd both talked about it earlier, neither of us would feel like a failure now. From now on we're going to have a pact. When things go t*ts up we talk about it. If we don't want to put it on our diaries cos we think people will go here we go again, we pm each other.

This post has made me feel so much better (sorry) cos I felt like I was the only one.

We're gonna take this one day at a time - some will be good and some will be bad.

You've got it harder than most of us cos of the meds but they don't call you Iron Lily for nothing

You look sexy now Lily so imagine at target you'll be even sexier. I think you'd better get Mal a pacemaker fitted just so he can keep up

I agree with the rest of them, stand back look at what you have achieved so far and give yourself a good pat on the back for getting this far, a lot of us would of given up including myself, you have not failed and you won't fail now, we won't let you, you help us we help you that's why we are all on here, we all need each others help, I agree with tilly you have it harder than most cos of the meds but you are a strong lovely lady with a heart of gold and we love you to bits, so stay strong. sending you a group :grouphugg:and one from me:bighug:xx

 

[Lily42uk]

Hi lovely lily x x
Am sending you a big hug x you have not failed and you won't fail now ! You have come so far the old lily has gone and the new sexy lily is here to stay ! I think when life gets in the way we all know we slip a little and that's all you ve done and my goodness a lady that has So far lost over 12 stone !!! She is the success!!
I don't write in my own diary as much as I should but I am so happy I ve found yours lily So sending a lil fairy success dust to you to keep your spirits high x x

Thank you Katie :bighug: back at ya that's a really sweet thing to say and I really appreciate the fairy success dust :hug99: xxx
I think my problem is that I have failed so many times before, never before in my entire life have I ever been this determined to succeed, not only for me, but because I have finally realised that I want to be that example that my children and grandchildren look up to and it scares me that I will let it slip out my hands yet again and just remain that fat failure that everybody laughs at or feels sorry for.
But with all you, my lovely friends on here being there for me today and believing in me it has made me dust myself off, ignore my embarrassment and just jump back in with both feet.
Today was the hardest one yet, I was going to go and not come back and funnily enough it was the thought that nobody would know what had happened to me and might worry (like we did when Crumble disappeared), that actually made me come back on, I can't do that it would have worried me that you all wouldn't know...silly I know but that's me...not as tough as I like to make out at times.
So I will now dust myself off, wash my face, get some sleep cos believe me I need it and tomorrow start all over again...no matter what the scales say

Night night and sweet dreams all :zz: :nightf: xxxxxxxxxxxxx