Sick of carrying 2 hitch hikers about, so this is my diary

[Lily42uk]

I agree with the rest of them, stand back look at what you have achieved so far and give yourself a good pat on the back for getting this far, a lot of us would of given up including myself, you have not failed and you won't fail now, we won't let you, you help us we help you that's why we are all on here, we all need each others help, I agree with tilly you have it harder than most cos of the meds but you are a strong lovely lady with a heart of gold and we love you to bits, so stay strong. sending you a group :grouphugg:and one from me:bighug:xx

Aww Jane now I'm crying again, good job I hadn't washed my face yet I spose lol.....I don't think it's just the weight problem today, been having a few personal issues (think we have sorted them for now anyway) and I think with them it just made me think what the heck am I doing it's not worth it. I get fed up with struggling against the meds too and last night my foot peeled really badly, I was so tired and didn't actually get to sleep until gone 4 this morning as it was so sore, even though I went to bed before midnight and it just got me down that everything seems to be going against me...feeling sorry for myself I guess...but I am determined to not go down that road too much, you have all helped immensely today and I can't thank you all enough, I was seriously going to give up...but I have now got my mojo back and I will fight to the bitter end.
I expect I'll have a few more bumps too along the way....I am proud of myself and you will see the skinny me, even if it does take me 10 years and believe me sometimes it feels like it will.

Love you all and thank you all so much for your lovely friendship I really appreciate you all xxxxxxxxxxxxx:hug99: :bighug: xxxxxxxxxxxx to each and every one of you xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

 

[JaneB]

I don't think I could of got this far without the help of you and the others, before I felt I was on my own doing sw that's why I think I always gave up and let myself and others down, but not anymore, I have found new friends for life on this forum who are in the same boat as us and taking the same journey, I know we will all get there in the end with each others support and none of us will ever feel alone again. xx

 

[Lily42uk]

I don't think I could of got this far without the help of you and the others, before I felt I was on my own doing sw that's why I think I always gave up and let myself and others down, but not anymore, I have found new friends for life on this forum who are in the same boat as us and taking the same journey, I know we will all get there in the end with each others support and none of us will ever feel alone again. xx

Perfect, couldn't have said it better myself, exactly how I feel and felt.
and with that I am now going to bed I feel exhausted and need to rest, night night lovely Jane and sweet dreams :zz: xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

 

[JaneB]

Night night sweet dreams to you too, hope you can sleep better tonight.:zz: xxx

 

[Mumma K]

Afternoon Lily

hope you are feeling better about things today
you lovely lady

hugs xx

 

[Lily42uk]

Afternoon Lily

hope you are feeling better about things today
you lovely lady

hugs xx

Hey Kally, I feel fine today, had my crazy day and I can't and don't want to do this any more day yesterday....today I've got my ...you try and stop me head on...wasn't totally about the food were other factors, but I have things sorted and feel happy if very exhausted today....got 2 things that I feel happy about today...1st I did go to wi even though I swore I wouldn't and I gained 4lb, not a surprise so I am cool with that, second thing I am, happy about is while at wi they were showing the picture that was in the paper (and on SW site) of the lady who lost 20st (exactly what I had to lose originally) and 1 lady said omg she's the same age as you Lily and yet she looks old enough to be your Mother....I felt my feathers all start to stand up and was strutting myself about, it made me feel really good, she also said I have lovely peaches and cream skin, now I used to get told that a lot as a kid, got that from my mother, but not heard anyone say that for years ...made me feel fabulous, so I am back on track and determined to lose that 4lb this week, so not even going to change my stats.
Hope you're having a lovely day xxxxxxxx

 

[tillymax]

Ha ha I can just see you strutting your stuff at weigh in You go girl

I'm clinging onto the wagon today but I'm determined to get a better grip tomorrow

 

[Lily42uk]

Ha ha I can just see you strutting your stuff at weigh in You go girl

I'm clinging onto the wagon today but I'm determined to get a better grip tomorrow

It's ok Tilly, I have you, you'll not fall off....we have got to get this weight off the pair of us and I know we can both do it....and damn right I strutted my stuff I felt bloody brilliant...have you seen the picture of her???....I swear if I thought I'd look like that when I reached Target I'd stop right now :giggle: xxxx

You know what after my little break down yesterday, one sentence has gone over and over and over in my head today and it's what's got me all riled up again and ready to kick the butt of all this weight and it was where I was answering someone and said "why am I putting myself through this crap at 53 years of ages, why don't I just say sod it this is how I am meant to be and just carry on as normal.....because it is normal and that's what I hate, that being fat has been what my life has been about and I want it to STOP"
The word normal has gone through my head about a thousand times today and I can't shake off my thoughts of but I don't want to be my normal I want to be what everyone else considers normal and that has fired me up enough to get going again and I am not going to let you stay normal either :bighug: I will be giving you lots of :whoopass: and if you don't cling on tight xxxx

 

[LoChan1984]

:bighug:All our head are messing with us lately, are we all in a psychic mindlink?

You sound so like me, part of the wanting to lie about how much I've been struggling is the fear of making people think 'here she goes again'... And wanting to be 'my normal' too, that's something that pops up in my mind all the time aswell when I'm having a bad time of it. Glad you decided to let it out on here in the end, offloading the frustration helps us all in the long run

Mmn the salmon you cooked for Mark's pre-birthday dinner sounds so lovely, I
will definitely try that one soon

Hope you have a productive hospital appointment tomorrow and that your poor feet are properly on the mend soon xxxx

 

[Lily42uk]

:bighug:All our head are messing with us lately, are we all in a psychic mindlink?

You sound so like me, part of the wanting to lie about how much I've been struggling is the fear of making people think 'here she goes again'... And wanting to be 'my normal' too, that's something that pops up in my mind all the time aswell when I'm having a bad time of it. Glad you decided to let it out on here in the end, offloading the frustration helps us all in the long run

Mmn the salmon you cooked for Mark's pre-birthday dinner sounds so lovely, I
will definitely try that one soon

Hope you have a productive hospital appointment tomorrow and that your poor feet are properly on the mend soon xxxx

I don't know what's going on with us, my daughter was the same and she said to me today we're having a mid weight crisis....and you know what I think she's right to a degree, we have all got rid of lots of weight and it's scary ...I am at a stage in my weight loss that I don't actually remember being, my lowest weight has always been 19st 10lb...I am with my gain today 19st 9lb, I am sure that I am scared cos I can't remember being this low and I can't seem to get past it, have been taking off and putting on the same few lbs for about 6 weeks now....I forgot one more thing that really made my night at wi tonight...was telling my Consultant Clive that I was ready to throw the towel in yesterday and he straight away came back with and I would have been on your doorstep tomorrow morning dragging you back to group, so I said but I would be at the hospital and he said don't worry you can't hide from me, you are doing so well do you think I'm going to let you stop now ....I was so thrilled that someone cared enough to want to see me reach goal that he would come and drag me and I really believe he would too, back into group....was such a lovely feeling, I am so lucky to have found a group with a consultant liek him he's fabulous
Nice to see you back by the way have missed you big lots xxxxxx

 

[LittleFlutterby]

I think there's definitely something in the water!!

Even with the loss today...I feel mentally drained and really feeling vulnerable. I dont want to give up, but sometimes I just go *ffs, what's the point? really?*

I keep wondering if losing the weight is going to make me happy, because i never am....only on the surface usually...

I actually started opening up to Julie yesterday, when we were setting up the room for today. It was nice to talk a bit...about me, rather than the plan, which is all that seems to be discussed nowadays.

It's working, that's obvious- but my head is still mushed, and i still get upset and lonely at night and in desperate need of a cuddle. And I don't have many people I can meet up with and chat to. I trust Julie, but since she has 6 groups in a week....I feel as though I'm being a pain texting her and chatting to her all the time *sigh*

Anyhoo- blah- sorry for ranting on your thread Lily *hugs*

 

[broadsbean]

I think we are all struggling for one reason or another, but we will all do it I am sure.

Lily you have done so well for so long you are bound to have days when you wonder why you are doing it, but i love the way you come back fighting .

you are doing it for you, to be able to feel comfortable in your own skin.
Nobody is "normal" but society has norms and we all want to fit into them.

You are well on your way to being the next women of the year and we will all be supporting you and strutting about saying

oh lily, yes I know lily and consider her a valued friend xxxx:bighug::bighug::bighug:

 

[Lily42uk]

I think there's definitely something in the water!!

Even with the loss today...I feel mentally drained and really feeling vulnerable. I dont want to give up, but sometimes I just go *ffs, what's the point? really?*

I keep wondering if losing the weight is going to make me happy, because i never am....only on the surface usually...

I actually started opening up to Julie yesterday, when we were setting up the room for today. It was nice to talk a bit...about me, rather than the plan, which is all that seems to be discussed nowadays.

It's working, that's obvious- but my head is still mushed, and i still get upset and lonely at night and in desperate need of a cuddle. And I don't have many people I can meet up with and chat to. I trust Julie, but since she has 6 groups in a week....I feel as though I'm being a pain texting her and chatting to her all the time *sigh*

Anyhoo- blah- sorry for ranting on your thread Lily *hugs*

Hey Tanya, I know what you mean, but I still think it's cos we are getting into unknown territory, I was about 15 last time I was at a decent weight, so as a full grown adult I have never really known what it's like to be that "normal weight" and how the hell do I cope with it, what do I do? It's really scary especially as now I am below my lowest ever adult weight
For me I talk about the plan only when I am with Kelly or at group or on here..outside of here I do have other interests...I did find at one time it was taking over my life but learnt from other times that if I do that I will be no better off even when I get to target as I will only be able to live and breath SW...so i consciously make the effort not to talk about it all the time....I have quite a structured life where SW is concerned....I get up have brekkie, come on here for about an hour, do housework, then exercise, make phone calls, sit and read in the afternoon, sort out dinner and if we aren't doing anything in the evening I will come back on here otherwise we sit and watch films, go out, have discussions, whatever takes our fancy.
I think your unhappy as your so desperate to get rid of the weight and that actually frightens me a little ....been there done that, that's why I reckon you talk about the plan so much and not about you cos of your desperation and at your age I was no different.....Don't get me wrong I want this weight gone too, but it doesn't freak me out or make me depressed (well not often) if I have a gain, that's life...I used to get all worked up about it and desperate but now I see it as a journey not a race....when in was 28 I lost 10st in 8 mths cos I won a holiday and was not prepared to go away at that weight, I went away looking fantastic, but I came back and within 2 or 3 months I had put it all back on and some and that scares me more...so maybe what I am saying is you need to lighten up with yourself and then maybe your weight loss will make you happy instead of making you obsessed .....you have done brilliantly and you need to congratulate yourself for that hunni cos you really are amazing, I hope you don't mind me being so blunt, if I have spoken out of turn please tell me to shut up !!!
Oh and you can ring or text me any time you like you have my number, well except tomorrow morning cos I have hospital :giggle: xxxxxxxxxxx

I think we are all struggling for one reason or another, but we will all do it I am sure.

Lily you have done so well for so long you are bound to have days when you wonder why you are doing it, but i love the way you come back fighting .

you are doing it for you, to be able to feel comfortable in your own skin.
Nobody is "normal" but society has norms and we all want to fit into them.

You are well on your way to being the next women of the year and we will all be supporting you and strutting about saying

oh lily, yes I know lily and consider her a valued friend xxxx:bighug::bighug::bighug:

You know what Mandy I think you just hit the nail on the head, I am doing it for me this time and not to please anyone else or for any other reason than I actually want to.
And when I am sharing woman of the year with the lovely Tanya, we will be mentioning all our lovely minimins friends who helped us get there :bighug: :hug99: :thankyou: xxxxxxxxxxx

So lovely ladies, I am off to my bed got hospital in the morning and need to be up and be bright and alert and tell them docs that my bloody feet are not getting any better and I am not happy

Nighty night :nightf: sweet dreams :4635: :zz: xxxxxxxxx

 

[Mumma K]

Morning Lily

hope you get on okay at the hospital today
and that your not there hanging around to much
its one of my bug bares when I take my dad to diabetic
clinic we always seem to be there hours
are the feet a complication of the diabetes ?
I know my dad has circulation problems with his
plus other things as well diabetes is an awful condition

enjoy the rest of your day

 

[tillymax]

I hope they sort your feet out Lily.

 

[Lily42uk]

Morning Lily

hope you get on okay at the hospital today
and that your not there hanging around to much
its one of my bug bares when I take my dad to diabetic
clinic we always seem to be there hours
are the feet a complication of the diabetes ?
I know my dad has circulation problems with his
plus other things as well diabetes is an awful condition

enjoy the rest of your day

I hope they sort your feet out Lily.

Hiya ladies, just got back from hospital/shopping...well todays hospital visit was very informative, after a long discussion about my medication my consultant has decided to carry on allowing me to self medicate...I have been mixing the doses up, so that I can take enough to help clear the problem, but not too much so that I have all the really bad side effects and while my feet are sore right now they are actually improving, so we have left it as it is for the next 3 months with the idea that if I have another big flare up in that time I am to ring and make an emergency appt, but the information she gave me today was very telling.
She said the Acitretin tablets are weight related, so the heavier I am the more I will need to take to make them work properly, as I lose weight they should work the same but on a much lower dose...when she first gave me the tabs at full dose 3 x50mg a day it cleared the psoriasis completely but the side effects were totally unbearable, on a lower dose I still get the side effects but in a milder more bearable form...so I really need to crack on with this weight loss for that reason too...so fingers crossed I get a lot more weight off quickly lol

Oh and Kally no not to do with my diabetes thankfully, I have palmoplantar pustulosis, a very hard to get rid of form of psoriasis that affects only the hands and feet
So off to get my lovely soup for lunch and then prepare dinner, went mad in Morrisons and spent £17 on 4 huge skate wings for dinner yummy yum...Mal will be happy bless him they are his favourites xxxx xxx

 

[LittleFlutterby]

Hey Tanya, I know what you mean, but I still think it's cos we are getting into unknown territory, I was about 15 last time I was at a decent weight, so as a full grown adult I have never really known what it's like to be that "normal weight" and how the hell do I cope with it, what do I do? It's really scary especially as now I am below my lowest ever adult weight
For me I talk about the plan only when I am with Kelly or at group or on here..outside of here I do have other interests...I did find at one time it was taking over my life but learnt from other times that if I do that I will be no better off even when I get to target as I will only be able to live and breath SW...so i consciously make the effort not to talk about it all the time....I have quite a structured life where SW is concerned....I get up have brekkie, come on here for about an hour, do housework, then exercise, make phone calls, sit and read in the afternoon, sort out dinner and if we aren't doing anything in the evening I will come back on here otherwise we sit and watch films, go out, have discussions, whatever takes our fancy.
I think your unhappy as your so desperate to get rid of the weight and that actually frightens me a little ....been there done that, that's why I reckon you talk about the plan so much and not about you cos of your desperation and at your age I was no different.....Don't get me wrong I want this weight gone too, but it doesn't freak me out or make me depressed (well not often) if I have a gain, that's life...I used to get all worked up about it and desperate but now I see it as a journey not a race....when in was 28 I lost 10st in 8 mths cos I won a holiday and was not prepared to go away at that weight, I went away looking fantastic, but I came back and within 2 or 3 months I had put it all back on and some and that scares me more...so maybe what I am saying is you need to lighten up with yourself and then maybe your weight loss will make you happy instead of making you obsessed .....you have done brilliantly and you need to congratulate yourself for that hunni cos you really are amazing, I hope you don't mind me being so blunt, if I have spoken out of turn please tell me to shut up !!!
Oh and you can ring or text me any time you like you have my number, well except tomorrow morning cos I have hospital :giggle: xxxxxxxxxxx

I do get worried that i might overdo it, or i might make myself ill and a bit isolated. but at the moment, this is the only thing that i can focus my energy on to turn into a positive, if that makes sense.

i feel bad for Julie because i do tend to harass her by text all the time....probs because i'm so lonely.

I do need to find other things, but because I don't socialise well and I don't really like meeting new people....it's really hard

And of course- I don't mind your bluntness at all- be blunt as much as you like- you're (nearly always ) right

 

[LittleFlutterby]

p.s. hope the hozzie went ok xxxx

 

[JackieN]

Hey Kally, I feel fine today, had my crazy day and I can't and don't want to do this any more day yesterday....today I've got my ...you try and stop me head on...wasn't totally about the food were other factors, but I have things sorted and feel happy if very exhausted today....got 2 things that I feel happy about today...1st I did go to wi even though I swore I wouldn't and I gained 4lb, not a surprise so I am cool with that, second thing I am, happy about is while at wi they were showing the picture that was in the paper (and on SW site) of the lady who lost 20st (exactly what I had to lose originally) and 1 lady said omg she's the same age as you Lily and yet she looks old enough to be your Mother....I felt my feathers all start to stand up and was strutting myself about, it made me feel really good, she also said I have lovely peaches and cream skin, now I used to get told that a lot as a kid, got that from my mother, but not heard anyone say that for years ...made me feel fabulous, so I am back on track and determined to lose that 4lb this week, so not even going to change my stats.
Hope you're having a lovely day xxxxxxxx

I am glad you have the right head back on Lily I go awol and you all fall like flies Are we all back on the wagon now? I am clinging on for dear life to the back :giggle: I slip but don't quite fall to the ground :giggle:

How did the hospital appt go Lily? :bighug: hope all went well my lovely twin :bighug: xxxxxxxxxxxx

 

[Lily42uk]

:bighug:All our head are messing with us lately, are we all in a psychic mindlink?

You sound so like me, part of the wanting to lie about how much I've been struggling is the fear of making people think 'here she goes again'... And wanting to be 'my normal' too, that's something that pops up in my mind all the time aswell when I'm having a bad time of it. Glad you decided to let it out on here in the end, offloading the frustration helps us all in the long run

Mmn the salmon you cooked for Mark's pre-birthday dinner sounds so lovely, I
will definitely try that one soon

Hope you have a productive hospital appointment tomorrow and that your poor feet are properly on the mend soon xxxx

We seem to have a lot in common Lo, I am always thinking about being normal or how society sees us as being normal.
We are having the salmon (pre-birthday meal) again tomorrow night, having a fish week or at least as much as I can afford, this week...got Skate wings tonight and in Morrisons they had their half side of salmon at just £6.50 well the 2 huge pieces I got were that much each, so I thought bargain and decided we'd do it again tomorrow.:giggle: yum yum xxx

I do get worried that i might overdo it, or i might make myself ill and a bit isolated. but at the moment, this is the only thing that i can focus my energy on to turn into a positive, if that makes sense.

i feel bad for Julie because i do tend to harass her by text all the time....probs because i'm so lonely.

I do need to find other things, but because I don't socialise well and I don't really like meeting new people....it's really hard

And of course- I don't mind your bluntness at all- be blunt as much as you like- you're (nearly always ) right

I understand what you're saying, and it's good that you can and do focus on you, but it is Julie's job and as long as she's not complaining I wouldn't worry too much "harassing" her as you call it.
Oh and I am not nearly always right...I am definitely always right :giggle: xxxx

I am glad you have the right head back on Lily I go awol and you all fall like flies Are we all back on the wagon now? I am clinging on for dear life to the back :giggle: I slip but don't quite fall to the ground :giggle:

How did the hospital appt go Lily? :bighug: hope all went well my lovely twin :bighug: xxxxxxxxxxxx

See my lovely we can't do it without you, we all fall to pieces when you're not about :hug99: definitely got my determined head back safely on my shoulders :8855: xx
Had a productive day at the hospital and wrote what the consultant said up there ^^^^...sorry not got time to retype it, got a date tonight....Malcy and I decided we don't do enough together so we have set 1 night a week aside and that's date night, so after dinner we are going for a drink, I'll be on the diet pepsi lol and then home to snuggle up with a good movie ...will definitely pm you later I just don't actually have the time right now am shattered seems to have been a really long day.
:bighug: my lovely twin, have a nice evening and speak soon xxxxxxxxxxx