Love him to bits though. but I do see fasting as a lifestyle choice with no end date as opposed to a diet. I should go to bed before I end up sounding like I've got my head up my backside!!
I feel swamped with information and am doing my usual be obsessive about something new routine. Think it's cause I have too much time on my hands. I freaked out at reading the list of ingredients on brown sandwich thins earlier...this from someone who only a couple of months ago would happily binge on pure junk! I didn't even go in the chocolate or biscuit aisle in the supermarket today...maybe I'm running a temperature This weekend has been cancelled too which is a bit of a bummer. Still I managed a fast yesterday and will do one on Friday and my eating in between has been good (though I swear my portion sizes are getting bigger...or my plates are getting smaller!) My clothes don't feel any different though after 2 weeks of not weighing...really I'm just glad they don't feel tighter!
Spent yesterday in a cloud of painkillers but thankfully today feel far more human and my rage has gone! I have lost the plot though. Tonight alone I have spent over £300 on a new blender and a massive health food order. Think I need to take a step back and get the healthy/clean eating thing back in proportion
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At least Gavin hasn't destroyed anything today...well not that I've found...
And I don't even know if I'll like the health food stuff! Still I'm trying (very..as my mother would say). Have managed to swap a few food habits which I'm happy with. Have totally given up fizzy diet drinks and no added sugar squash. Have ditched the sweeteners for my tea and coffee and for in my porridge. Am now using sweet freedom products which are all natural. Am actually enjoying green tea as I got the fruit flavoured ones...pear and apple being my favourite. I have no crisps, sweets, biscuits, cake or chocolate in the house...replaced by my peanut bars I mentioned before, nakd bars,fruit,nuts and kallo rice and corn snacks. I have a love/hate thing with rice cakes but these are all natural with minimal ingredients and really tasty. As for yogurt, gone are the muller lights and shape ones and now just have plain greek yogurt...which is a good source of protein!! I have got KoKo milk to try which is coconut based but if that isn't to my liking will just stick with skimmed but may try and wean myself off it in tea and coffee. My portion sizes seem big though...
I tend to just write what I'm feeling...don't know if that's wise. For once in my life I haven't turned to food with everything that's happened over the last 7/8 months. I think fasting has changed my relationship with food and for the better. I still have my moments.. but I've learned that all binging on food did was make me more unhappy.. it didn't help solve the problem I was comforting eating for it just made things worse with the guilt and self loathing I felt when I did it. I'll pop over and subscribe to your diary and look forward to seeing how you get on xx
Was from a friend who has been really supportive in the past, so think that's why it stung so much. But you nailed it on the head Carrie.. when I was eating junk she was the first to say what terrible damage I was doing to my body and now that I'm trying to eat healthier she is the first to say I'm being too picky and "not living in the real world". She said the only thing that matters is the number on the scale and having a healthy weight...and ironically she has a weight problem and chooses to do nothing about it!! I disagree. Yes it IS about being a healthy weight but it is also about feeling good in myself. I always thought diet coke was my saviour, that it was a crutch to use to stop me eating sweets, chocolate, cakes etc. And to be fair it did when I was dieting...but...it also, I believe, lead me to have a constant craving for sweet food. As did no sugar squash. Water doesn't make me crave stuff like that so how is that a bad change? I don't believe that sweeteners, additives, colourings etc are going to kill me...I purely don't like how they make me feel and or in some cases how I react to them...ie I crave sugar!! It had got to a point where I had to have 4 sweeteners in my tea for it to be sweet enough for me to drink Even though I've lost a chunk of weight on days when I had used most of my calories on junk the next morning I woke up feeling sluggish and hungry. I don't want that any more...I don't want a future like that. The changes I'm making are so that I can eat freely in the future the right types of food that are doing my body good and keeping me at a healthy weight...I'm not doing it to be fashionable, awkward or because I want to be different. And like I said to her before I'm not turning into some paragon of virtue who will never eat cake or chocolate or have a takeaway or a glass of wine...I just don't want to do it on a daily basis. I like how eating better is making me feel. I have far, far less cravings..and even when I do like the other day, they are satisfied by healthy alternatives. I hate the fact I had to "justify" my decision to fast and now find myself having to do the same with eating healthier. I don't care if other people want to eat ready meals and chocolate to maintain their weight and they feel good on it...great they have found something that works for them. It just wouldn't work for me. So I answered her that I was getting tired of having to justify my personal decisions and choices (been going on for a while about a lot of things) and that I felt perhaps our friendship had reached its natural end as the constant criticism I was receiving wasn't making me feel good. Her reply was I was to f*ck off. I'm really looking forward to my new start and hopefully meeting some more supportive people ..and in a vest top and leggings. I did the usual front, back and side shots for both. At the halfway point I took more photos and when I reach target I will do more...then I will post them to wrap up my weight loss story with fasting. I have also kept a pair of my largest jeans and hope to do the clichéd down one leg photo!! I don't "owe" any one photos and I'll post them at the end which is when I want to and not because some stranger tells me to.
Actually wasn't my mother...for once
Someone on here also asked why I don't post photos of myself to prove fasting does work. I took photos at my heaviest weight...in underwear
Aside from people telling me what to do and getting my back up everything is rolling along nicely. And I even feel that my jeans may be a bit looser today now totm bloat has gone.
On a random side note does anyone know of any good protein powders? Looking to add some to my smoothies.
Hope everyone is having a good Saturday x
. If it works ....LOOK AWAY NOW LEXIE THIS WILL SCARE YOU!!...I'm not going to weigh again after the first of August till my one year anniversary of starting fasting in mid November. People may think that's madness but I weighed frequently as I was steadily gaining weight till I got to nearly 17 stones and it didn't stop me...I used to just sigh and keep on eating. This last couple of weeks without weighing I've kept on with my plan because I've wanted to...and that is a revelation to me. I'm eating like this because I WANT TO...me...the former junkfoodaholic!! It's not the scales and weighing that are keeping me on track this time...it's willpower and determination to be happy, healthy and fit. Scales won't keep me on the straight and narrow..they didn't in the past. So that's my plan..well, unless I have a huge big gain on the first of August I think taking responsibility for losing weight by making my own rules has made me more determined to succeed. I said on my very first entry I would stick with fasting and not jump ship and boy am I glad I did. It is without a doubt one of the best decisions of my life and has given me my life back in a way. Feel quite emotional thinking about how sad I felt this time last year about life and my outlook now which is totally different. If I'm like this now I'm going to write one huge, massive, emotional post when I get to target!! 
