The 14st Curse: Ellie's journey

[PurpleButterfly]

Ok I'm going to post this here so I'm accountable for what happens. In a thrifty money saving move I bought a multipack of mars bars. As I'm burning around 3000cals a day at the moment I find that after work and before cycling back I need a bit of a boost to get me home so I schedule the calories in and have a chocolate bar. Normally with a multipack I'd have one.. Then one more.. then one more... then what the hell I've eaten all those I may as well finish the pack to get rid of them so I won't be tempted tomorrow. Stupid, and embarrassing to admit to.

NOT THIS TIME!

I am going to CHOOSE to act differently.

I am setting myself this challenge: I will ONLY eat ONE per day - and that will be my pre-cycling one. I am going to keep track each day of how many I have left.

If this is what I have to do to learn to be able to control myself around treat-food, then so be it. I don't want to have to live my life in fear of having a packet of chocolate in my house! Eventually I want it to become a non-issue, so that I can have it and not think about it and not have IT control ME. Other people can do that: have crisps and chocolate and biscuits and all the things I just can't even have in the house. I feel so stupid that I lack self control that much.

But we only gain self control by choosing different choices and by facing up to our demons right?

So.. Mars bar challenge DAY ONE:
5 Left! (still - even though I was sorely tempted earlier, I overcame that temptation)

If all goes well they should last til sunday.

 

[Gemstone]

I have my naughty box - it's full of treat size chocie and I have it when I feel I have earned it - that's if OH hasn't snaffled it all by the time I get to it x

 

[PurpleButterfly]

I remember you saying about the naughty box, Gem: if you ever abused it you would get rid of it. That would be why I couldn't have one!

Well day 2:

4 mars bars still left!

Although I am really hungry right now - & can't decide what to have for dinner. But I'm only half-tempted by the chocolate which is great.

 

[Gemstone]

Well done with the mars Ellie. No I don't usually abuse the naughty box. I had a treatsize packet of maltesers today and realized that someone else had been doing that - half the contents have disappeared - naught OH!

 

[PurpleButterfly]

Haha! Naughty mr Gem!


Day 3- mars bar challenge:
3 left!

I am feeling very smug. Last night I was absolutely ravenous and was ready to eat my own arm off. I ate fruit and ryvita and a little bit of chorizo sausage :queen: .. well and some biscuits too but I'm not worrying about those.

Today I've also been very very angelic. Instead of having the pudding at work I had fruit and then ate it later. Had a pretty calorific main meal for lunch though: beef lasagne, garlic bread, a couple of new potatoes and carrots. Boy it tasted good . I don't normally cook lasagne cos it's a pain to do for one, so it was a treat. Just had soup and a rice cake for dinner which I'm happy with.

Yay for a Loss this week.. tomorrow I will reveal how much of a loss!

 

[Gemstone]

Well done on the mars bars and good luck for tomorrow x

 

[PurpleButterfly]

Yay still winning on the mars bar challenge! Yay.

Well I didn't have a great day today but then fridays are my 'off' day.

Buuuuut I am dead chuffed with weigh in result. It means I got my wish, I'm in the single figures of 13sts: 13st9! So I have now lost 3 stone complete which is fab-u-lous! I wore my barometer jeans today, and they are now comfortable enough to cycle in! It's great news for me and gives me heart that one day I'll get to my goal and feel great

Plus my rat, Paris is looking much better so I'm very happy.
And it's less than a week til I'm back to uni which is great!

So all in all I was today

 

[Gemstone]

You're doing fabulous - now all you've got to worry about is getting into the 12s!!!

 

[PurpleButterfly]

Well I won the mars bar challenge.. just. But sabotage fairy has been visiting me . I must kick sabotage fairy out before it does any real damage.

Bought the beck diet book. I must read it I hope it will help with nasty sabotage fairy.

 

[Silence]

You only have a sabotage fairy... want to swap... mine's a demon?
Beck to good for teaching you how to talk back to it. I swear mine read the book and knows how to talk back to me talking back to it!!!!

Yay for the barometer jeans! Keep it up lovely, you're doing so well!!!

 

[Gemstone]

Brilliant victory over the mars bars x well done

 

[clarri]

Great going Ellie.
xx

 

[rhuba]

woo! well done, ellie.
thanks for your message. i haven't been coming online as much - combination of working out some issues and having a new boss who patrols the internet to see what sites we use! eek.

my sabotage fairy re-emerged this weekend. now i feel sick and bloated, but am back on track so i'll be okay. it's wierd my self sabotage. it normally only lasts a day or two (long enough to affect the weigh-in though) and i just have to wait for it to finish, because something suddenly clicks and i snap out of it. i don't enjoy eating cr@p any more - which is definitely a step forward. now i just need to work out how to stop myself, even though i know i'm not enjoying it! baby steps, we'll all get there in the end.

congrats on your weightloss lovely. you are doing really well. i admire your attitude, it sounds very healthy!

take care, i am here, keeping updated so feel free to message me anytime you like

 

[PurpleButterfly]

Relieved to say that thus far today I've managed to get rid of the sabotage fairy, after 3 days of it being well and truly there. ?Back on track today and I know that once I get back into the 'right' mindset again the weight loss is no problem.

Thanks Gem, Silence & rhuba for your lovely support xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

 

[Gemstone]

You're very welcom Ellie x

 

[Silence]

Gad to hear you're well en route to beating the sabotage fairy! Kick some butt hun!

 

[PurpleButterfly]

Gaah spoke too soon. sabotage fairy still here. Oh dear I feel like my mind is my own prison at times.

 

[Gemstone]

Slap her with her own wand - she's evil x

 

[PurpleButterfly]

Well I have decided that this week is just a write off week. I'm not gutted about that, it's just the way it is. I most likely will have gained this week but I'm kinda alright with that: i guess I accept cause and effect. I did join the gym today though! Yayyyyyyy happy with myself for that. So hopefully I'll carry on with all this good fitness work I've been doing. I'll try get into a routine of library then gym/fitness class to make it easier to do.
Feeling positive even though the diet isn't going that well.

 

[clarri]

Good attitude, and I really think the "other" 7 things are purely a blip.
xx