The end of the line, or the beginning of a new life?

[Awaken Me]

What a brilliant loss I'm so pleased for you - it's great to see you racking up these losses.

So sorry about your OH and as Aaleigha said it sounds as though he has the perfect excuse in blaming his problem on your weight, but now you are losing weight he has to face up to the fact this is his problem and absolutely nothing to do with you.

It seems that with every pound you shed your eyes are being opened more and more and by the time you reach goal you'll be a completely different woman - in every respect.

 

[kellierocks]

I simply cannot get over your OH, OMG you are too good for some1 like that. I was with some1 with similar "problem". We worked thru it together, I am only valuing him now for it. He needs help. You need strength to put up with that.

 

[White Tulip]

unfortunately he will not ask for help, he refuses point blank to go to his GP. He once said 'I will go to the GP if you sit next to me and I will tell him the problem and why and see what the GP says to you' (ie he would say it was because I was fat and the GP would tell me I was to blame). I am tired of the constant rejections over the years and have basically 'shut down' in that area emotionally because he has just zero interest in me for over 6 of the 7 years we've been together and now I don't 'feel' anything anymore. I used to be a right sensual so and so (I love stuff like Burlesque).

Oh well, anyway....

I feel tired and sleepy this afternoon, definitely no ketosis 'bounce' today! The heat has really gone up quite a bit since lunch and with TOTM griping tummy feelings I feel a bit lacklustre.

Was a bit naughty over the weekend and bought 2 tops off ebay. 1 is a size 26 and was 99p plus postage and the other was just over £2 plus postage and is a 24. They are both long tunics and I thought the 26 would be good for work and the 24 would also be good for work in perhaps 6 weeks or so.

This is the pawprint bead I bought

925 Solid silver paw print dog bead fits Pandora on eBay (end time 03-Aug-10 17:27:24 BST)

There are a lot of dog related beads on ebay but many of them seemed more suitable for children or looked like a specific breed rather than my boy. It is a few quid more expensive than the other 2 I have bought but it was worth it as my dog means so much to me.

 

[Aaleigha]

the bead is beautiful

as for your OH unless you are happy living as you are this diet might be your way of moving on (subconsciously)

I really feel for you as to me that side of my relationship is as important as any other part of it

 

[White Tulip]

well, it is the way of moving on unless things drastically change when I'm slim. Perhaps they will, but I won't know until I'm there. Even then I need to make serious decisions about being with someone who basically runs the relationship on his terms. I also feel sorry for him in a way I just wish he were able to let the defences down occasionally and not instantly look to blame and deflect.

I made a couple of tweaks to my overal journey yesterday. I have always had 11 stone 7 as my target, whatever diet I've done. That is slightly overweight still with the BMI being a shade over 25. I played around with my spreadsheet and 11 stone 5 takes the bmi fractionally under 25 and goes from 'overweight' to 'normal'. Now I know that 2 pounds is a tiny amount of weight but I thought, why not go for being 'normal' for the first time ever rather than settling for slightly less than the best??

I've also had my profile target date set at 31 Dec 2011 since I joined minimins. This was my target when I was going to do SW but if I keep going I guess I can be at target by mid 2011.

So my new target date is my 41st birthday which is 2 weeks short of a year of starting CD

 

[Aaleigha]

I think those changes are really positive - I have no end date in mind as I have no great target to aim for - I would like to be well on my way for christmas
and this time I would like to weigh less than just in the normal category as to have a slightly lower bmi should help my joints

my birthday is May but would really like to be at target before then
so Christmas would be good for me to be nearly there

 

[kellierocks]

White Tulip I want to slap that man.

This is emotional abuse. I don't know if I'm harsh to you saying it, but it is. How can you grow as a person if ur OH rubbishes you like that, for something that is his problem?I do not know where you get your strength form, but you must be a very resiliant kind person to keep striving to be the best you can be with his weight tied around your ankles holding you down.

You are an absolute star and inspiration.
I like your plan- and remember you are normal already! We are all jsut a "Little bit too much" normal.

 

[White Tulip]

to be honest, when we met he was a real 'knight in shining armour' figure, but as soon as I left my ex and bougt my own house he kind of gave up....in fact it was happening before I left I guess....

Doggy paw print bead arrived It's a small one like the others but that's good as I need to fit 24 of them on the bracelet and it might be a tight squeeze!!

Had a lovely text from my CDC to say that she didn't know why, but I'd been on her mind today and she hoped I was ok. My CDC was a good friend before I started on the diet and she has been so lovely. She is still writing me personal messages on the tops of CD shake cartons and I'm tearing them off and keeping them . I haven't told her that but if I can do really well, one day I'll tell her how much they helped.

The size 26 tunic 99p bargain from ebay arrived. It is a bit tight across the chest and tops of arms at the moment although it is fine on the hips. Was hoping it would slip on with ease but I guess all brands are different sizes and I've never even heard of Mackays clothing let alone bought/worn any in the past. I think a stone should do it though.

I've noticed today 2 or 3 almost double glances at work, almost fleeting puzzled looks on people's faces. They then all make a comment about my hair which is now very dark, but I've been various shades over the last 2 years and the changes don't often warrant such glances.......perhaps they are thinking 'something has changed about her' but can't put their finger on it and so make a comment on my hair...maybe, just maybe someone might notice my loss soon.......I really don't think it will be really evident for another stone yet though as I really don't see much difference on my photos.....but I feel it's close

 

[Aaleigha]

I think Mckays is m and co
and they changed their name - not 100% sure though but am sure that was what the one in trowbridge changed to

I wonder how long it will take those at work to mention the weight going down I bet they wait for ages

as for oh well I think you know how most of us feel - I for one cant wait for you to lose the weight and the new you fully emerge

as for the little messages that is a LOVELY thing to do - wish my counsellor was that supportive - I might still be doing it now if she had of been

H xx

 

[White Tulip]

well, I've just pulled my interview outfit out of the wardrobe. Trousers are ones I wear anyway, blouse now fits nicely.......jacket is wayyyyyyy too big but apart from 10 minutes presenting I'll be sat down so it won't be too much of an issue. I do have another identical jacket but it's a size 20 so goes nowhere near me at the moment.

 

[Aaleigha]

well done on that jacket
as its quite warm you could carry it over your arm
I think its fantastic

 

[White Tulip]

I could.............but the blouse I'm wearing is bright fuschia so I might blind them I'm also wearing my fuschia very pointy shoes to match.


...............I ate a stick of my niece's Twix .....I didn't mind so I thought about eating the other. I decided not to because I knew I shouldn't.......

I then woke up and after a second or so laying there this morning realised I hadn't eaten any Twix at all because it was a dream!! (PHEW!!!)

I've decided to try to start introducing food in ways that mean I don't eat but it is still present. OH is always asking if there is icecream/dessert etc and I bought a tub of mint (a flavour I hate) icecream 3 weeks ago and he ate that and obviously I had no desire to eat it. I then decided to start using up some of the baking ingredients in the cupboard. Just before the weekend I made a huge batch of coconut (another flavour I don't like!!) ice and he ate that and again it was 'there' but I wasn't bothered about eating it.

Whilst sitting around this morning waiting to get ready for the interview, I made him a honey and almond cake for the next few days. I hate almonds but like honey so this is a bit of a half way house for me with regards to taste. The pre-CD me would probably eat this flavour cake even though I don't like almonds but I want to see my reaction to it being in the house. It's cooling and the syrup is ready to go on it. The cake doesn't bother me and I haven't even been tempted to lick the honey syrup spoon. I'm quite pleased with this reaction and I feel it's a positive step forward to have this detachment from food.

 

[minusfour]

Dream or nightmare? You are doing a great job. I keep wondering about your OH- sometimes I feel mad at him, sometimes sorry for him. He must feel you slipping away. If you start feeling too sorry for him, I want you to remember that the feeling isn't fully recipricated- he has been only to content to walk over you, use your weight to prop himself up etc. You might not be or have the answer to his problems, but try to avoid him becoming your main problem sweet girl!
Good luck for the interview!

 

[Soph704]

Hi everyone!
From reading your posts it all sounds so inspirational and that it does work! I am starting CD this monday and feel really excited by a bit worried about my social life!! I think I'm going to find it really hard as food is a major part of socialising in my life.

Does anyone have any tips to help increase the weight loss and on how to deal with socialising without food? My CDC also told me not to exercise!? Is that normal?

xxx

 

[Aaleigha]

popped in to see how today went

I do quick a bit of cooking and baking - because I enjoy it - just need to find people to give it too

hope your day has gone really well

 

[Awaken Me]

Just passing by to say I hope the interview went well. The shoes sound fabulous and you are so positive and upbeat at the moment xx

 

[PinkyJay]

Hi Hope you dont mind me joining in on your conversation but I love coming on this site and reading about you all and how you're all doing. Anyhow hope your interview went well and yes I agree with Awaken me the shoes sound fab. I love pink especially bright pink at the moment. X

 

[minusfour]

How did the interview go? Hope you are having a good one!

 

[White Tulip]

oh, they are bright pink. And very pointy

Funny old day.

Took a bar in for lunch and popped it in my drawer at work. The person who sits next to me was saying 'is there anything to eat' and after she said it I had my drawer open to put something in and she noticed my bar (label side up) as I closed the drawer. She opened my drawer and went to take the bar out.

I panicked and half playfully, half seriously, turned it over and moved it from her hand.

I suddenly felt panicky that I was going to be 'found out' and people would know I was doing CD. I felt embarrassed, ashamed and incredibly defensive. I just stared at my screen and carried on working.

Bless her she was only messing and I think I thought she was looking at the 'Cambridge' wording where I think she was only doing it because she was on the hunt for chocolate.She's ever so sweet and I think she felt bad. She said 'I wasn't going to eat it' and I just mumbled 'it's my lunch'. Horrible, panicky moment

Didn't get the job which is fine. Seems I didn't give enough examples of where I'd gone into a newly created job, hit the ground running and been an instant problem solver. That's the bit I didn't like so that's fine by me. I've had that kind of job before and I hated it.

However........he said he found me really easy to get on with and felt I would be really suited to a job he knew was coming up and did I have his permission to pass my details on to the recruiting manager? He said he felt the organisation try to keep people they like at interview and during the interview actually wrote the job on the notes about me as I was answering the question.

I've said yes, no problem. The job is currently being advertised, so I will have to apply I guess. He is going to speak to the recruiting manager tomorrow and call me.

Perhaps I won't be successful when I apply but the fact this guy liked me enough to think where I would be perfect and that he wanted to put me forward after only just meeting me really, really made my day.

 

[Aaleigha]

hey great news perhaps that is why you didnt get the first job at interview as this second one is one you will enjoy so much more

hope you find out tomorrow if you need to submit an application
dont be defensive about cambridge if she found out she might be very very supportive