The Princess Diaries ♥ (DIARY CLOSED - LINK TO NEW DIARY ON LAST PAGE)

Hey you've faced it and got it over with and I agree with emsie, try doing 100% days and just take one day at a time rather than focusing on the full week ahead.

you might be standing still on the weight loss front at the min but look at it this way, you've lost over 2 stone, look fab, have just started working out so you will lose inches anyway even if not losing weight. And at least you stick to it the majority of the time so not as if you're putting lots of weight on every week. You will get there but when you're young and single you just want to go out, I was the same when I was single! Xx
 
Last night I had a complete breakdown on the scales. I'd text my consultant to tell her I'd had a bad second half of the week and she told me to go over early so we could have a one to one before other members got there. I burst into tears and literally couldn't stop myself crying. I am at such a low at the minute and I just feel like I am well and truly stuck in a rut that I can't get out of. Chatting to Nic made me feel better though and highlighted a couple of really big issues which I need to work on :

- Losing the guilt. One thing which isn't helping me is feeling guilty after a night out, or thinking "oh well I've ruined it now anyway" and carrying on the rest of the week filling my body with rubbish. I shouldn't feel guilty for a night out. I'm young, single and I need to still have a life. I really need to work on this though. But I know this week will be tough with the Bank Holidays.

- Weighing at home. I've gotten back into the habbit of weighing at home, a LOT. So much so that every time I am in the bathroom I get on the scales. At the very least I weigh myself once a day, every morning before I get dressed. If I happen to forget, or don't get chance to weigh myself, I am thinking about it all day long. Worrying about having not weighed myself. I am doing this to become more healthy, but I know that this is not a healthy mindset to have and one I need to conquer. The results I see on the scales during home weighing also have a negative effect on me, whether they are good or bad. If it looks like I'm going to gain, it tends to go back to the first point of thinking "oh well, I'm going to gain anyway". If it looks like I'm going to have a good loss, I'm like "oh well I can have another biscuit / packet of crisps / whatever". The outcome is never good. But I just can't bin the scales. One big viscious circle.

Nic was really helpful and although it probably didn't seem like it to her at the time, she really helped me. She told me about a technique she has talked through with other members who have been struggling in the past. It's called visualisation. Basically, every time things get tough I have to picture myself next Tuesday on the scales. What result do I want to see? A loss? A maintain? Or it may not even be a result. It may be finishing on Tuesday having had "x" amount of 100% days on plan. Every time I feel tempted or ready to fall off the wagon, I picture myself next Tuesday. I just want a loss. Any loss will do, even if it is just half a lb. Another gain next week will just send me off the rails completely.

I didn't stay to group last night after all of that. I couldn't. I couldn't stop myself crying, I was really hysterical. I really dug deep talking with Nic and earthed some emotions that I've probably been burying for a little while.

In all honesty I came home and had a takeout. Followed by a Toffee Crisp, Creme Egg and a bag of Mini Eggs. I needed to have a bit of a blow out and get it out of my system. Draw an end to the week.

I realised last night (after lots of lovely comments on here and on my Facebook!) that I needed to stop beating myself up over 1 little lb and realise how far I have come and what I have already achieved. Sometimes we get caught up in a bad week and lose sight of the bigger picture. I am still more than 2st lighter than I was when I started, and I am still the lightest I have ever been in my adult life. To highlight this, I made myself a collage (will try and attach) which I have set as the background on my phone. Every time I'm struggling or feeling a bit down about things, I'm going to just take a moment to look at it. Hopefully it will pick me up a bit.

image.jpeg

Writing all of this down this morning feels a bit like a weight being lifted. I feel like I've pushed out all of the negative thoughts and issues and I feel like I can try and move on now. I'm going to take each day as it comes this week, and try and focus on having 100% days rather than a 100% week. I know I put too much pressure on myself at times, so I'm hoping that taking it one day at a time will help to release a bit of this pressure.

So, it's a brand new start today.

Today is going to be a Red day . . .


(S) = Speed (SS) = SuperSpeed

Breakfast:
- Apple (S), Orange (S), Grapes and Strawberries (SS)

Lunch:
- WW Wholemeal Pitta (HExB) stuffed with Tesco's Sweet Chilli Chicken Pieces (S)
- Cheese & Onion flavour Pom-Bear Crisps (4 Syns)

Dinner:
- Chicken "Parmo" (S) (HExA + B) served with Carrot "Chips" (S) and Salad (Lettuce (S), Peppers (S), Cucumber (S), Red Onion (S) and Cherry Tomatoes (S))

Other:
- Mini MaltEaster Bunny (3 Syns)

Healthy A: 60g Low Low Spread
Healthy B: 1 x WW Wholemeal Pitta & 1 x 60g Wholemeal Roll

Daily Syns: 7 / 15
Weekly Syns: 7 / 105
 
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Oh Stevie, your post has made me feel all emotional, thank you for sharing. We see so much on here about how fab sw is and how easy to stick to etc but there are hard times too and though its not nice to see people going through them its good to know we are not alone when we are going through them. Sounds like you have come a long way last night and though you didn't like the gain maybe you have been pushing over the last few weeks to see what you could get away with etc and needed it to help you move on.
Big hugs x
 
*Emsie* said:
Oh Stevie, your post has made me feel all emotional, thank you for sharing. We see so much on here about how fab sw is and how easy to stick to etc but there are hard times too and though its not nice to see people going through them its good to know we are not alone when we are going through them. Sounds like you have come a long way last night and though you didn't like the gain maybe you have been pushing over the last few weeks to see what you could get away with etc and needed it to help you move on.
Big hugs x
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Thanks Emsie. I just want you to know how much your posts have helped me. I know I didn't reply to yesterday's, but it really got me thinking, particularly about what I need to change this week.

I also think you're right re: pushing my luck a bit over the last few weeks to see how much I could get away with. I think (and hope!) that this gain will be the kick up the backside I need.

Thank you for all of your support. You really are wonderful xx
 
Aw Stevie. Sending you a huge hug.

You are such an inspiration to so many on here and don't ever forget it.

Like emsie said I think you've been testing the boundaries these past few weeks. Nothing wrong with that, we all do it in most aspects of our lives, jobs, money, relationships, why should weight loss/dieting be any different?

I do think that you've got into some unhealthy habits, but the fact that you've recognised then is a fantastic thing and it allows you to start putting the mechanisms in place to change them.

I think you need to lighten up on yourself a lot, take it a day at a time, and much less guilt. You're only human after all xx
 
Mrs.S. said:
Aw Stevie. Sending you a huge hug.

You are such an inspiration to so many on here and don't ever forget it.

Like emsie said I think you've been testing the boundaries these past few weeks. Nothing wrong with that, we all do it in most aspects of our lives, jobs, money, relationships, why should weight loss/dieting be any different?

I do think that you've got into some unhealthy habits, but the fact that you've recognised then is a fantastic thing and it allows you to start putting the mechanisms in place to change them.

I think you need to lighten up on yourself a lot, take it a day at a time, and much less guilt. You're only human after all xx
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You know what, you are so right. It is finally sinking in just how much pressure I've been putting on myself and how hard I am on myself when things don't go to plan.

I've definitely 100% been pushing my luck in the last month, and it's become quite out of control. I believe that's a lot to do with the fact that I've "gotten away with it", until now that is. This gain has really hit me quite hard and I am hoping it's enough to kick my backside into a better week.

So far, today is going well. I know it's only early still, but I have managed to climb back on the wagon this morning. That is already one positive for this week.

Thank you for your support. Not only today, but for all the times you have helped me to see common sense. I really appreciate that xx
 
I just read your long post, its mad to think how much we're in the same boat sometimes, especially when so many people in your class are on a roll. Sometimes the tough love of the scales can be too much but the tough love I got from my C and OH pushed me out. I'm not going to group tonight, so well done to you for going to yours and facing it. I've instead seen today as the start of the week and will push for a good loss next week.
Thank you for being so open and honest with yourself and others here. It truly helps x
 
I've just read you post & I think you've done amazingly well so far, it must be so difficult for you especially as you say, you're young & want to go out. If I went out every weekend I'd find it difficult. It's bad enough when I have a wine & chocs night & another night out that really messes things up.

Somebody recently said it helped writing things down, maybe you don't always want to put your thoughts on here, but you may find it easier if you write how you are feeling down on paper.

I've also been there with the 'well I've blown it, so may as well have XYZ' but after my new class on Saturday it gave me a renewed 'I can do it' attitude & normally when I'm going on holiday & not going to class for a few weeks, I relax with my syns & ultimately end up gaining more than I'm happy with. But now I know I have a choice & I know I don't want a massive gain after my hols.

Just take each day at a time & try not to worry if you go over syns. Do you have your syns weekly?
 
Skulldilocks said:
I just read your long post, its mad to think how much we're in the same boat sometimes, especially when so many people in your class are on a roll. Sometimes the tough love of the scales can be too much but the tough love I got from my C and OH pushed me out. I'm not going to group tonight, so well done to you for going to yours and facing it. I've instead seen today as the start of the week and will push for a good loss next week.
Thank you for being so open and honest with yourself and others here. It truly helps x
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It's funny that you mention the people at class being on a roll thing, as this is something I mentioned to my C last night. As awful as it sounds, I admitted that I couldn't bare staying to group and hearing about how fantastically well people had done that week whilst I was wallowing in a gain. I am jealous, to put it bluntly. But this is another one of my issues I am hoping to overcome.

Everyone deals with things differently. There's no way I could get back on the wagon without having gone to group and being weighed, so I think it's great that you can turn things around yourself. I hope that one day I will be able to do so too.

This is going to be a tough week for a lot of people, with the Bank Holidays, but we can only do what we can do. Keep in touch and if either us are struggling I am sure we can pull each other through it. Here's to a better week xx


Happy Holidays said:
I've just read you post & I think you've done amazingly well so far, it must be so difficult for you especially as you say, you're young & want to go out. If I went out every weekend I'd find it difficult. It's bad enough when I have a wine & chocs night & another night out that really messes things up.

Somebody recently said it helped writing things down, maybe you don't always want to put your thoughts on here, but you may find it easier if you write how you are feeling down on paper.

I've also been there with the 'well I've blown it, so may as well have XYZ' but after my new class on Saturday it gave me a renewed 'I can do it' attitude & normally when I'm going on holiday & not going to class for a few weeks, I relax with my syns & ultimately end up gaining more than I'm happy with. But now I know I have a choice & I know I don't want a massive gain after my hols.

Just take each day at a time & try not to worry if you go over syns. Do you have your syns weekly?
Click to expand...

Thank you very much for your comment. It is really nice to know there are people out there that know what I am going through at the moment. Sometimes you can get so bogged down with things that it feels as though you are the only person in the whole wide world who has ever felt that way. So thank you for just understanding.

I have actually just decided that I am going to start keeping a list of positives each day. I've just been reading the SW magazine on my lunch break and there was an interesting article on gratitude, and giving thanks to positive things in life - whether they are big or small things. From now on, at the end of each day I am going to list on my diary the positive things for that day. And today I already have two to list!

I tend to use my Syns weekly rather than daily. I find I don't want / need a great deal of Syns through the week because I am busy at work or the gym. I know that at the weekend I'll need more as I will have either a night out (lots of alcohol) or be stuck in the house all weekend (boredom eating / wanting something a bit more Synful). This week though I am going to try and space them out a bit more and try to have at least 5 each day. So will see how that goes.

Thanks again for taking time out of your day to help me. I really can't express how much it means to me. There are still some lovely, caring people out there xx
 
Purple Patsy said:
Love your mega post. And I think listing your positives will be good too, and try to keep off the scales as they are not healthy to be absessed about. :D
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Thanks Patsy. Hoping to kick all of these bad habbits one at a time. I won't give up, I know I can do this when I put my mind to it xx
 
Know exactly how you feel about the whole jealousy thing! I've seen people come and go, and I guess I should feel proud of myself for sticking at it rather than never returning to class again! But there are so many people that seem to never have that "rut". I'm sure you can do it. We sound very similar! I find myself over indulging and then trying to starve myself (syn wise) to make up for it. Instead of doing so this week (as weekly syns always causes my binges, thinking I have more than I do) I'm going to have like 5 a day like you, then flexi syn one day (Good Friday = booze and Bodeans) and then still hope for a loss.
You can do it :D x
 
Skulldilocks said:
Know exactly how you feel about the whole jealousy thing! I've seen people come and go, and I guess I should feel proud of myself for sticking at it rather than never returning to class again! But there are so many people that seem to never have that "rut". I'm sure you can do it. We sound very similar! I find myself over indulging and then trying to starve myself (syn wise) to make up for it. Instead of doing so this week (as weekly syns always causes my binges, thinking I have more than I do) I'm going to have like 5 a day like you, then flexi syn one day (Good Friday = booze and Bodeans) and then still hope for a loss.
You can do it :D x
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You hit the nail on the head there though - we should be proud of ourselves for actually staying. It's times like these when it would be so easy to just think "stuff it", give up and pile all of the weight back on. We may be stuck in this rut, but at least we are still sticking around are trying our very hardest to get out of it.

I really hope you have a great week this week and a great result come WI xx
 
Sorry not been on sooner app was playing up again for past 2 days,
Oh stevie you've been through the mill , loads of hugs being sent, I know exactly how you've been feeling I'm still not back on plan and get embarrassed to own up to it, your posts always help me , you definetly have the nack of putting into words how I'm sure a lot of us are feeling,
Take care my lovley xxx
And I love the new pic very glam

Sent from my iPhone using MiniMins
 
Ok so as I've promised myself (and you guys!), I'm going to start listing the positives / things that went well each day, in an attempt to lose the guilt and have a more positive outlook. Some days there may only be one or two, others there may be loads. Here goes...

1. I got back on plan.
2. I have been totally honest with the way I was feeling and feel like a huge weight has been lifted. I feel like I can now move on from the last few weeks.
3. I have had a fantastic support network behind me helping me get through this. I can always count on my friends and family, Consultant and lovely Mini's friends.
4. I haven't weighed myself today. And I haven't really thought about it. I haven't felt the need to get on the scales at home.
5. I managed to resist the chocolate muffins that were in the office today for a colleagues birthday.
6. I tried a new Healthy Extra today - a Weight Watchers wholemeal pitta. Very tasty and filling, will definitely have those again.
7. I have managed to use a few Syns without feeling guilty for doing so.

^^^ I'd say that was pretty good for a first day back on plan. And a big turn around from how I was feeling last night / this morning :)
 
mariavon said:
Sorry not been on sooner app was playing up again for past 2 days,
Oh stevie you've been through the mill , loads of hugs being sent, I know exactly how you've been feeling I'm still not back on plan and get embarrassed to own up to it, your posts always help me , you definetly have the nack of putting into words how I'm sure a lot of us are feeling,
Take care my lovley xxx
And I love the new pic very glam

Sent from my iPhone using MiniMins
Click to expand...

Thanks lovely Yvonne. Your posts always make me smile. You are so kind and caring xxx
 
Well done Stevie, its a great idea thinking about all the positive things :) Keep it up and well done on getting back on plan so quickly :) xx
 
Natmooo said:
Well done Stevie, its a great idea thinking about all the positive things :) Keep it up and well done on getting back on plan so quickly :) xx
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Thanks honey! I know this week is not going to be easy but having a good day back on plan today has made me feel a whole lot better about things. Really trying to stay positive as I'm an emotional eater so when things go wrong it's like one big vicious circle. Thanks for stopping by, it's little comments like these that really get me through tough times xx
 
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