The Rest of My Fabulous Life Challenge

[Barb]

Back from my night away in - Eastbourne!!! Thats a first, staying away in our own town. Rather lovely though, knew where were going, didn't have to travel far (about 1.5miles) and had a thoroughly lovely time.

Foodwise - not too bad; had an oyster -YUCK! Then venison pate, didn't much like so left. Then a lamb dish, very nice but not much of it, then a choc fondue with fruit. So I don't think that was too disasterous. BUT - the booze! Oh dear, half a bottle of champagne, 3 Kir Royales, half a bottle red wine, 2 double tia marias! Oooopppppssssssssssssssss!

Had a lovely time though and not too hungover- which frankly is a miracle in view of the above. Got up quite early and went for a bracing walk down the prom - freezing cold but really lovely.

Back to hotel for brekkie - full english, nice but not amazing so ate about a third.

So all in all a great time, did us the world of good and happy to climb back on the wagon and stay there for a bit!

 

[kandy]

Hi Barb,
sounds like you had a great time i am so jealous.
Nothing like a brisk walk to set you up for the day. Glad you had a lovely time.
luv Julie xxxx

 

[Barb]

Strange day yesterday - felt quite unbalanced by the GP visit. Went expecting one thing and got another!
Spent the day soaking up the information that, despite everything we are told in every form of the media, I am not killing myself by being heavy.
I feel like a weight has been lifted, I almost have 'permision' to lose weight just because I WANT to not because I HAVE to. Very liberating but strange at the same time.

Not sure where I'm going with it really. I know some definates;
I want to lose weight.
I want to feel healthier.
I want to fit into smaller clothes.
I want to make the best of myself, because I'm worth it.
I want to continue having a fab social life with DH.

So I think I will stick with my low cal eating plan, balancing my days, as that suits my lifestyle really well. Also I will make sure I build up the exercise. In 2002, when I had my first walking machine, I walked for up to an hour a day. It made a huge difference, I wasn't cal counting at that point, just eating healthily most of the time. I lost 4 stone, so I know it can be done.

Feels weird, I have no 'guilt' at all about eating and equally no desire to overeat. WOW!

 

[Barb]

So, feeling pretty pleased with myself today, have reversed last week's gain which is exactly what i was hoping for.

This week I aim to reverse the previous week's gain and lose another lb or two as well. Really, in view of the weeks eating out etc.. the 2lb off is a very good result!

 

[Russiandoll]

Better than a good result Barb ... it's a fab result!!
xx

 

[Barb]

Thanks Debbie

knew you'd be chuffed for me. I know this is going to be a slow process but I am beginning to have more faith in the 'plan' now. Now the pressure is off and I am doing this JUST because I want to, it has totally changed my perspective. If I lose great, if I STS great, if I gain, thats a shame, better sort that out. Thats how I feel now.

How are you doing Deb? Any better at all? Wish I could give you an enormous hug - I'm sending you hugs as best I can anyway!

Love

 

[Russiandoll]

I'm beginning to think there's something ominously wrong Barb. I keep repeatedly experiencing elated highs but it only takes one small thing to plunge me into a crushing low. Last weeks 1lb gain was 'the small thing' that did it this time.
I'm now wondering if I could be suffering from manic depression; I can't seem to find a 'middle way' - it's either totally up or totally down.

I'm simply 'acting' every day to get through ... acting the part of the mother / wife / housewife / student but inside I feel like I just want to crawl into a hole. I don't live - I function (and not very well either).

Sorry to vent on your diary thread.

 

[Barb]

You vent anywhere you like RD - god knows you need to. I know your GP has not sorted out this counselling that was promised, but I reckon you need some help now and if you don't pester you won't get it. Bloody infuriating but that seems to be how it is.

I think those extremes you describe happen to lots of us at times in our lives. I certainly get those swings with hormonal times. However, your highs and lows are going on too long to just be put down to hormones. I know there are far too many pressures in your life and I do wonder if your daughters and Steve have ANY idea how you are feeling. Often we think people guess what's wrong, but they don't. They need telling. Even if you don't KNOW what's wrong they still need to know how you feel. They love you, they would want to help I am sure.

I wish i lived close to you, I would love to come round and let you just spill all your troubles out; i'd love to come up with solutions for you that might make your life a little easier. But thats dreaming, I don't live close by and this communication is all we've got - which is definately better than nothing!

I really think you need to have some honest conversations with your Gp and the important people in your life. You owe it to them and more importantly to yourself.

With much love and big hugs,

 

[Russiandoll]

Thanks Barb xx

 

[Barb]

Been a busy girl with my xtrainer the last couple of days. Amazed at how hard I am finding it, will have to build it up very slowly.

Dietwise, ok, not brill not terrible, just ok. Spent this morning crying, no real reason just feel very low. Confidence low, energy low, enthusiasm low - yeah, thats a theme!

Anyway, had a good cry, poor DH doesn't know what to make of it. He gave me a cuddle which was lovely but he doesn't know what to say. I could really do with someone telling me that everythings good really and pointing out the positives. I do that for my kids, my Mum, my sis etc.. but no-one does it for me. That sounds whiney and I don't mean to whine but thats how I feel.

I hate these black moods that just descend because they do. One minute I'm fine and then next I'm really, really sad. I blame the flippin' hormones!

So, just had a nice juicy apple and now I'm going to go and attempt 2mins on the xtrainer.

 

[Russiandoll]

Your X trainer sounds great. Much more fun that a treadmill (even the name is depressing!)

I totally identify with the crying thing - I was in tears in the shower this morning ... parlty because my mum told me my dad can't shower anymore because the water against his skin is painful.

Day by day by day ... that's all we can do.

Much love xx

 

[Barb]

Hi Debbie

I'm so sorry to hear about your Dear Dad, it's so unfair for all of you, especially him. If love and good wishes could only help.

I had a bad day yesterday; struggling with the changes in my Mum, battling the menopause and generally feeling demoralised by the 30 year fight with my weight.

DH was brilliant, very loving and kind, which is just what I needed. Last night, when the normal more calm Barb had returned we had a long chat. Basically he wants me to stop all the dieting obsession, use my cross trainer and just be as healthy and happy as I can be. He doesn't give a monkeys if I go on holiday a size 22 or a size 12. It just doesn't matter to him. He says if it is making me unhappy then he is bothered but only for me. He is sick (and I don't blame him) of me critising myself all the time. He thinks it's mad. I think he's right.

Just feel in such a quandry; I've made so many promises on here and to myself and yet I struggle, struggle, struggle. Truth is I'm sick of it. Sick of my happiness being reliant on what the scales say.

I promised him i will change, that I will stop my weight issues colouring our lives. I promised to stop all the weighing and worrying and concentrate on using my xtrainer and getting as fit and healthy as I can. Can I do that without the weight issue creeping back? I don't know.

Flip 'sometimes it's hard being a woman....'

 

[Russiandoll]

Flip 'sometimes it's hard being a woman....'

Amen to that sister!!

I know what you mean about the dieting obsession. My life pivots around my constantly waxing and waning enthusiasm and my succession of successes and failures. Like you, I'm thoroughly sick of it.

Steve is like your DH - to HIM my weight isn't an issue. He met and fell in love with me when I was a size 24 so he really doesn't mind me being a size 22. I wish it didn't matter to me either - unfortunately it does. And not just because of what I look like (although that is a major factor) but because of other factors ... seemingly trivial ones but which bug the hell out of me.
eg

• feeling 'clumsy' ... getting one leg into my knickers and then feeling too bulky to get my other leg in without a struggle (yes, I know you're grinning about that one!!)
• Ditto with trousers / jeans.
• Ditto with socks
• Ditto with cutting toe-nails
• Feeling like one of Hannibals elephants crossing the alps every time I climb a flight of stairs - no light-footed skipping up to the top there!
• The constant 'scuse me, scuse me' when squeezing past people in a shop/pub/cafe. Now I know thinnies also have to squeeze past if the space is small enough but if someone hears 'scuse me', turns arounds and sees a big woman, they roll their eyes, huff and reluctantly shift over (in many cases I've found this - and I'm not just being paranoid).

I'm sure there are other things but you get my drift. And it's for those reasons I know I have to keep on TRYING and unfortunately for me, that means having to keep on obsessing. Because for me personally, not obsessing means taking my eye off the ball ... and taking my eye of the ball means putting weight back on.

Your X trainer will certainly help with toning etc but the likely scenario is that you'll maintain at best. If that's OK with you then go for it. Relax and enjoy life (you'll certainly get my blessing) but only YOU know if that's an acceptable compromise. I know DH doesn't mind you going on holiday a size 22 ... do YOU mind you going on holiday a size 22?

 

[Barb]

Yes, I laughed! Got a really good image of you trying to get your undies on! Trouble is i identify with it too!

I hear EXACTLY what you're saying Debbie; I almost wish I didn't. Your last line is the real clincher - do I mind going on hols a size 22? My automatic answer is yes - my considered answer? Not sure. Depends if I can alter my thinking that size 22 = fat ugly out of control woman. If I could see what he sees, which he says is a pretty, womanly shaped girl(i'm 49 so that's stretching it a bit) that always looks lovely - then brilliant. Trouble is I look in the mirror and thats NOT what I see. But, and this is the real clincher for me - when I was 9stone4 I thought i was FAT! I have never been satisfied with how I look. I was looking at photos with my Mum yesterday of when I was a teenager - I was thin! Yet i clearly remember agonising over how I looked, firmly convinced that I was fat.
So, will I ever be happy with how I look. Probably not. Could I be happier - yes maybe a little.

I'm still not answering any real questions here - yours or mine. i'm not looking for permission to stuff myself and not care what i look like. I suppose what I'm looking for is self acceptance. Why can't I be happy with me if everyone else is. What drives me to always have a go at myself for not being the slim person that I feel I 'should' be.

If I had an answer to that I guess i wouldn't be on Minimins at all!

 

[Russiandoll]

We're so alike in our thinking it's almost scary.

I think we need to divide the weight thing into TWO categories ... how we LOOK (or think we look) and how we FEEL.

OK.
Q - Can we both accept we don't look like the most hideous things on the face of the planet?
A - I think we can.
Q - Do we both have partners who like us the way we look now?
A - Yes.
Q - Is it likely we'd both find things to criticise about ourselves if we got to our goal weights?
A - Don't know about you, but I was already doing it when I got to 12st ish (didn't like my saggy boobs, tum and 'hooded' eyes)

So from this, it seems to me that if we try to lose weight for aesthetic reasons alone, we're unlikely to get much satisfaction.

But what about other reasons for losing weight? You've already been told that it isn't affecting your health in any significant way ... but I know it's affecting mine. I have type 2 diabetes, insulin resistance and my blood pressure could be better.
For you, losing a little more weight would ensure no health issues would arise in the first place. Better prevention than cure.

Then what about all round 'well-being' ... as I said, the clumsy factor (I often find myself mumbling "Oh you clumsy fat cow" under my breath as I'm hopping round the bathroom with one leg in my knickers and the other caught in the waistband)
This time last year, I was wearing a strapless satin Monsoon dress and feeling elegant. Now I'd just feel like a huge crysalis!

The facts, written down like this in front of me, spell out what I need to do. Now I just have to get my head out of my substantial bottom and do it.
You've already made the first move with your X trainer ... about time I followed your example and did something pro-active. I'm done with big sweeping statements but I'm going to do my best to steer myself gently back on track.

 

[Barb]

We're so alike in our thinking it's almost scary. Couldn't agree more - it's good though, I really believ you totally understand what i'm on about and thats a huge bonus for me.

I think we need to divide the weight thing into TWO categories ... how we LOOK (or think we look) and how we FEEL. Good plan!

OK.
Q - Can we both accept we don't look like the most hideous things on the face of the planet?
A - I think we can. I agree.
Q - Do we both have partners who like us the way we look now?
A - Yes. Thank goodness!
Q - Is it likely we'd both find things to criticise about ourselves if we got to our goal weights?
A - Don't know about you, but I was already doing it when I got to 12st ish (didn't like my saggy boobs, tum and 'hooded' eyes)Definately, I was bad enough when I was slim and young, so now I'd be horrific!

So from this, it seems to me that if we try to lose weight for aesthetic reasons alone, we're unlikely to get much satisfaction. You're right but it is still a huge driver for me.

But what about other reasons for losing weight? You've already been told that it isn't affecting your health in any significant way ... but I know it's affecting mine. I have type 2 diabetes, insulin resistance and my blood pressure could be better. Health is important, you do have good reasons to keep going and the truth is so do I, I would feel healthier and fitter slimmer.
​

For you, losing a little more weight would ensure no health issues would arise in the first place. Better prevention than cure. True!

Then what about all round 'well-being' ... as I said, the clumsy factor (I often find myself mumbling "Oh you clumsy fat cow" under my breath as I'm hopping round the bathroom with one leg in my knickers and the other caught in the waistband)I hear you sister!
This time last year, I was wearing a strapless satin Monsoon dress and feeling elegant. Now I'd just feel like a huge crysalis! Stop having a go at yourself!

The facts, written down like this in front of me, spell out what I need to do. Now I just have to get my head out of my substantial bottom and do it.
You've already made the first move with your X trainer ... about time I followed your example and did something pro-active. I'm done with big sweeping statements but I'm going to do my best to steer myself gently back on track.

Good on you Debbie - you have to do what you have to do. I am going to persevere with my xtrainer (as soon as i can walk again - only joking, just done 2 minutes on it, does that mean I am fit now?) and try to keep my head 'balanced'.
I know I don't want to gain weight and i know I'd like to lose some but right now I can't get my head into it and I think DH will have a fit if I do. So healthy eating and exercise and I'll see how I go. Got to stay off those scales though, they are ruling my life and thats not right.

Good luck to both of us - we deserve it.

Love and hugs

 

[Russiandoll]

I am going to persevere with my xtrainer (as soon as i can walk again - only joking, just done 2 minutes on it, does that mean I am fit now?) and try to keep my head 'balanced'.
I know I don't want to gain weight and i know I'd like to lose some but
Love and hugs

Sounds like a great, balanced, sensible plan Barb. And one that is less likely to become an all-consuming obsession.

Good luck - it's about time fate looked favourably upon us both xx

 

[Barb]

Amen to that RD!

Just been clothes shopping - do you think I could behave in a more demented fashion if I concentrated? Anyway, not too bad really, bought 2 tops in BHS and 1 in M&S!

It really is about the clothes though you know - if there was more choice in bigger sizes I swear I'd just give in and stop trying. Oh, so pr'aps it's a good thing there isn't.

Came back from shops and had low cal hummous and veggies! Because thats what I wanted!

 

[Isis]

Hi Barb and Debbie

After catching up on your thread , I just wanted to send you both a big hug and say I am thinking of you both and your emotions going up and down at the moment.

Hang in there girls....things WILL get better, I'm sure.....xxxx

 

[KD]

I think we need to divide the weight thing into TWO categories ... how we LOOK (or think we look) and how we FEEL.

So from this, it seems to me that if we try to lose weight for aesthetic reasons alone, we're unlikely to get much satisfaction.

:clap: :clap: :clap:
Spot on RD!

Another thing is about self acceptance. It is very misunderstood in my opinion. People think that if you accept your size, you are saying you like it...you are happy to be that forever and you have no desire to change it.

In reality, self acceptance means you can find things you like about yourself now, and accept that there are other things you need to work on to make it even better.

After all, has disliking your body given you the motivation to get to goal so far? Generally speaking it doesn't work that way and is highly unlikely to work when you get to goal either.

How can you tend for a body that you dislike?

Be at peace with your body and enjoy looking after it girls

Oh and BTW. My DH doesn't care what size I am either, but he does want me to be happy. I think a lot of men are like that. They may say that they don't want you to diet, really because they don't want to see you in distress. Rarely has anything to do with your appearance.

It does sound like your not enjoying looking after Barb's body otherwise your DH would be saying "I love you being on a diet....it makes you so happy...confident...in control"

So Barb. If the diet makes you miserable, make the boundries a little further apart. Make the road that you're trying to stay on a little wider.

Very possible with a calorie controlled diet. Make it workable...