Tinytootz
Mini crazy cat lady
Got myself in a dreadful state. I'm my own worst enemy sometimes. Remembered the Tracy Chapman song I love - Fast Car, so whacked it in youtube, and it's made me get ever so upset.
On my birthday I'm visiting my nanas grave. She died a couple of years ago now, but she was the best person on the planet. I didn't go to the funeral, I couldn't cope with it, and I haven't been able to cope ever since. Dave thinks going will bring me some closure, but the very idea makes me feel sick. I find it so sad that I am no longer anyones grand-daughter. There's always a card missing each birthday and christmas, and it hurts so much. I can't talk to mum about it, as she is still very upset about nana and papa dying, as it was in quick succession. But it rears its ugly head every so often, and leaves me on the floor in a puddle. I went through a phase of having nightmares about her, and it was then that the trip to Scotland was organised. I've warned him that I will be in a state, and that there is nothing I can do about it, but I'm scared I will have a breakdown. I'm in a state about it now and I ain't even there!
The main reason I started SW was to make nana proud. When she died I was large, so I kinda hoped she would be looking down and seeing how I am doing.
*mental note* Do not listen to sad songs when you are home alone and feeling vulnerable! :cry:
On my birthday I'm visiting my nanas grave. She died a couple of years ago now, but she was the best person on the planet. I didn't go to the funeral, I couldn't cope with it, and I haven't been able to cope ever since. Dave thinks going will bring me some closure, but the very idea makes me feel sick. I find it so sad that I am no longer anyones grand-daughter. There's always a card missing each birthday and christmas, and it hurts so much. I can't talk to mum about it, as she is still very upset about nana and papa dying, as it was in quick succession. But it rears its ugly head every so often, and leaves me on the floor in a puddle. I went through a phase of having nightmares about her, and it was then that the trip to Scotland was organised. I've warned him that I will be in a state, and that there is nothing I can do about it, but I'm scared I will have a breakdown. I'm in a state about it now and I ain't even there!
The main reason I started SW was to make nana proud. When she died I was large, so I kinda hoped she would be looking down and seeing how I am doing.
*mental note* Do not listen to sad songs when you are home alone and feeling vulnerable! :cry:
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