V's Diary

I've been bad for a month and a half following a work meeting with catered food, which I came off my diet for. It was meant to be a temporary pause, but after eating that day, I found it hard to get back on to the Exante Diet. I'm back on now, since last Friday (this is day 10 now), and have lost the excess weight I gained in that month and a half off plan. I've additionally lost another pound on top of that, so I consider myself well and truly back on track. I'm planning on doing this diet till Thursday 5th August inclusive, which is my 6th month anniversary with my partner. I'm hoping by Friday 6th August to be down at 86.4kg (190.5lbs, BMI 29.9 i.e. no longer obese). From then on I'm hoping to stick to a more natural calorie restriction, and exercise. I'm aiming to be 82.5kg (182lbs, 13st) by September 3rd (that's a further 4 weeks), and down to 80.9kg (178.4lbs, 12st 10.4lbs, BMI 28) by the day I leave for my uni accommodation on 18th September. Uni start day is September 29th, and I'm hoping to start at 79.75kg (175.85lbs, 12st 8lbs, BMI 27.6). This will be only the 2nd time I've been able to get down into the 70s (kgs) since I've been trying to lose weight. Obviously when I was growing up I would have been in the 70s at some point. I think these goals are achievable, and although they don't meet the original goals in my signature, they're still very good.

New goal summary:

Sun 25th July currently: 89.5kg, 197.35lbs
Friday 6th August: 86.4kg, 190.5lbs
Friday 3rd September: 82.5kg, 182lbs
Saturday 18th September: 80.9kg, 178.4lbs
Wed 29th September: 79.75kg, 175.85lbs

This is 9.75kg to be lost in 66 days (almost 9.5 weeks), so marginally over 1kg per week on average (2.28lbs per week). My BMI at 27.6 would still be high as I'm South Asian and hence my BMI range should be 18 to 23 (rather than the Western range of 20 to 25), but at least I feel happier with myself at that weight, and can move onto a slower rate of weight loss from then.

Wishing myself luck and motivation!!

V
 
Celebrations!! :)

I am 195.8lbs today, which is 13.99 stones. For the first time in so long I'm below 14 stone, and that feels sooooo good! Just another half stone before I don't look terribly fat, and another half stone after that, and I fit into so many more of my clothes. I'm so happy today!

:553:
 
Become a mixed day, since I cheated! I went to town to collect my pill prescription, and decided to pop into Lidl to see what electrical stuff they had. I decided the dry roasted nuts were good value and bought some for when I come off the diet, as a snack. The temptation was too much, and I've eating around 50g (293 calories). Being on a 600cal vlcd, and having already had 200cals in a shake, I'm hoping if I don't exceed around another 120cals tonight then it shouldn't have much effect. Except to make me feel a bit hungrier for a couple of days of course. I'm not going to beat myself up about this, as a few months ago I was 102.5kg, and now I'm 88.8kg (13.7kg/30lbs lost).
 
Well.....that cheating led to me not going back on plan :( I'm so predictable. However, I'm part of the August Exercise Challenge on here (doing half hour walk per day in August, and 3.75 hours of more intense step exercises, and also on top of that goal I'd like to go for 2 x 40min walk/jogs). The challenge seems to be keeping my weight constant to within a pound I'm thinking after I get back from London (22nd Aug), I can go back on diet properly. That'll be the last month I have to lose weight before uni, and even if I can't get to the goals I set, I'd be fairly happy if I was at least 85kg rather than 90kg, which is about 11lbs to lose in 4weeks. Onwards and downwards hopefully!
 
Well, when I fall off the wagon, I royally fall off the wagon!!! I'm 100.7kg now :( I've been at uni since September and been so busy with assignments and studying for exams, and it's taken me out of being able to keep to a routine. I have been exercising because I walk 40mins 5 days a week to get to and from uni, but I've been eating really badly. I'm going to try to get back on track. An Omron pedometer that I ordered a few weeks ago finally arrived yesterday. I did 11510 steps yesterday from 3pm when I opened the box (I was quite sedentary till that time) and I'm hoping to keep to about that daily as for me it's about 5 miles. I don't see how if I walk 35miles a week I can put on weight. At worst I'll stay the same, and hopefully on my good days I'll lose weight. I was good yesterday with food, hoping to be today again although I'm visiting my sister-in-law whose birthday it was yesterday so there will be cake. Still I think avoiding these situations is worse, so I'll go, enjoy, and make sure I do my walking so it becomes a neutral day :) I'm feeling quite positive because I feel the pedometer might keep me on track with walking at least

V
 
What helped me was not buying food that wasn't good for me. Instead I think about it like this...if I don't food that will make me gain weight, then that's more money I can set to the side and spend it on clothes, or going out.

You can do this!
 
Thank you elm! I've been trying to get my head in the right frame of mind to think like that. (I need to save my pennies for a deposit on a house anyhow, wasting money is not an option for me even though I've been doing it anyhow!). I think I'm getting there though now :)
 
36 Miles!!!

I've walked 36 miles this week!!! I'm sooooo chuffed with myself. I've been good with my meals too, everything in moderation, with healthy snacks (or unhealthy snacks in very small portions). I think I've lost about 4.5lbs although I'll weigh in officially tomorrow morning :D
 
Dreamer said:
I've walked 36 miles this week!!! I'm sooooo chuffed with myself. I've been good with my meals too, everything in moderation, with healthy snacks (or unhealthy snacks in very small portions). I think I've lost about 4.5lbs although I'll weigh in officially tomorrow morning :D
Click to expand...

That is amazing! Good luck on the weigh in!
 
Another week drawing to a close, and still hardly any studying done at all :( I need to get my arse in gear! At least the exercising is going well. In the last hour, I've reached the 40 mile goal I was aiming for!!! I can hardly believe it :D And also at least 50% of them are showing aerobic (my pedometer counts which steps have been done at pace, and how many are more leisurely). Last week I'd done well at 36 miles but only 36% had been done aerobically, so I've definitely improved. Next week I'm aiming for 40 miles again, which will be an achievement for me as I'm away from the gym (in another city) so will need to work harder to fit in my walks.

My diet had been going well all week, although yesterday my partner left out a whole packet of pringles (774 cals), drove off to her family's house and I ate the lot while sitting on my own. I knew I'd eat at least half because they were there, but the whole pack meant an extra 400 cals or so. I've tried to make up for 200 of those calories today by eating a bit less, and I did a bit of extra exercise yesterday, so hopefully I've minimised the impact. To be realistic though, what I've done this week is walk an extra 4 miles, which is about equal to the extra half pack of pringles I ate more than I wanted to. It's a lesson learnt, all that extra work undone. In hindsight, I should have hidden them in my car boot, as I wouldn't have gone to get them with the ice the way it is. I know for next time! Weight-wise, I'll see how I've done tomorrow morning :)
 
I weighed in at 212.8lbs (96.5kg) so it's a loss of a further 4lbs! 5lbs in week 1, and 4lbs in week 2, I'm well happy :D
 
Great job!
 
Arghhh need to rant :(

Don't worry, if anyone's there you don't have to read this, I just need to get it out.

I feel so unwanted today. My girlfriend doesn't tend to cuddle me, to want me romantically, to go anywhere with me, and if we do go for a meal (of her choice), she goes on her iPhone, leaving me staring into space, feeling uncared about. I wash all her dishes when I'm at hers, make all the breakfasts, I give her really thoughtful gifts and cards, buy her flowers from time to time, organise trips that I know she'll love, and I spent a fortune on her birthday (£150) and Christmas (£40). I hinted to her I was going to get her Christmas presents several times before Christmas, but she waited till I got them before she told me she wasn't getting me much but she doesn't feel too guilty as she spent a lot on my birthday (I would guess around £125). She gave me Superdrug toiletries mainly, of which I have enough to last till I move out of my temporary flat, so these will need to be packed up for moving. I just wish she'd told me when I'd hinted, because it took so much time and effort to source her perfect gifts, when I was so busy with exams and assignments. It hurt so much more because she told me how she'd gone all out on her family's gifts, and also told me 4 times how the gift she got from another friend was the perfect gift. I just feel completely unappreciated. Her gift was meant to give her part of her beloved pet back, some of his character. It was meant to be so special. I told her today I feel a bit unattractive and unwanted, and she didn't answer. When I asked if her silence meant it was true, she said she doesn't know. I care so much about her. I love her. I remember when we first met, we were obviously not together, but she told me I'd not feel how I felt (unwanted, unlovable) forever. I will, and I feel it as much now as I did then. I'm stuck in a house, with a girlfriend who doesn't love me, doesn't find me attractive, doesn't fancy me, and I have not many friends where I've relocated to, and I have a family that doesn't want me. It strikes me again and again that my birth was a mistake, not just from my mum's point of view, but truly, as a fact, I am such a waste of life. I take up space and time that a valid person should be instead, and I feel absolutely awful and unloved, uncared about. It's so hard to try your best, when every inch of you is dying to be non-existent. I wish I could crawl into a hole and turn myself off for a hundred years, and wake up then when maybe the world might be a little better a place for me. Maybe it wouldn't, but I need a rest for now.
 
I'm sorry to hear what's going on in your relationship. If I was in that situation, I would sit down and have a talk with her and spill all your feelings, and if she doesn't say anything, ask her what she things/feels.

I know how it is to feel like a waste of space, I went through that phase myself. But I learned that thinking that will not get me anywhere, so I should accept that I'm alive and try to make the most of it.

I'm so sorry, love. <3
 
I tried, she just says she's a crap girlfriend, that she's never been this way with anyone else, and it doesn't feel right, but doesn't know what she wants. I've spent over £1000 of my savings travelling to see her, and she's the one with the job, I'm now skint in overdraft. I know it sounds so so stupid, but after investing so much money, it feels like too much to give up on now. I know I should cut my losses, but I also wouldn't mind some companionship at least...thing is we get up when she wants, do what she wants, watch what she wants, while I need to be silent through her programs, she even switches mine off if she doesn't like them. I know I deserve much, much better than this but I don't want to be alone. And I love her. I need to walk away and get over this, and just put it down to a bad decision.

I am still trying to do my best because I'm alive and have to deal with, it's why I've gone back to uni to re-train. But I have an exam in January in the one subject I'm failing, I can't seem to grasp it, but my head is not in study mode. My head is in turmoil over how this could happen to me, how could she care so little about me, etc, etc. I will still do my best. I've paid half for us to have a trip the next 2 nights in a 4 star hotel in the country (found a cheap deal for a very romantic place, bad timing now), so I can't just leave hers today, but I'll drive home on Thursday, and I should be able to concentrate to study there. I'll only have 2 weeks to cram, but it's better than nothing.

Thank you for taking your time to read, and for your kind words. It means a lot that someone has taken that effort and care.

V
 
Trust me, I know what you mean. When I was with my ex, I did everything he wanted, I spent so much money. I wasn't happy at all, but didn't want to be alone. Then one day it just hit me as I was crying, I couldn't do this anymore. So I broke it off, and found out he cheated on me 11 times. I'm glad for that random day when I had the courage to just say enough is enough.

I hope it gets better for you soon, or that maybe one day it will hit you too and you'll walk away and be happy.
 
Elm I really appreciate your reply. I'm coping with how it is, but I know it's inevitable this relationship will end. And it is probably for the better, as it's unlikely she will change unless she wants to (which she doesn't seem to).

I've still been keeping up with the diet as much as possible, but with 2 nights (4 meals out) in Stratford and New Year's eve in Cambridge (1 heavy meal), and a festive dinner, it's been difficult. I generally kept my portions small-ish, and I didn't have many roast potatoes etc, but I had Christmas pudding on NYE, and 2 glasses of champagne, and a small amount of cheese from a cheese board. Unfortunately all that means I have put 1lb back on this week! I had thought with all the walking I've done (done 33.25miles this week, which hasn't hit my target but I'm happy enough with it) that I would have still broke even, and if lucky would have lost a pound. I do know however some of what I lost previously would have been water weight, and that has to come back at some point when not so strict on diet. I'm not devastated, just I'd have preferred not to have put on a pound. Onwards and downwards though, this week ahead should be better, and I can go back to the gym which should help.
 
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