V's Diary

[Katierose]

Just read your diary and i do emphasise with how hard you ve been trying to lose your weight. You havent given up, so hope things get easier for you emotionally too x

 

[Dreamer]

Thank you for reading Katierose, and for the empathy too. Good luck on your journey too

 

[Dreamer]

I've been over-eating the last 3 days since I got home to Leeds. Not so much that I'll gain weight, just that I'll lose it much slower. I'm trying to kick my arse into gear because I know if I lose weight very slowly, I'll lose my motivation. Grrrr@me. I was trying to stick to 1200cals-1250cals per day, but I've been eating around 1500 to 1600. I've just worked out that could mean me losing 2/3 of a lb less per week than I would otherwise!!! On the other hand, I'm not going to be too hard on myself, as I've been going through a difficult time, and I'm also on track to walk 50 miles by the end of this week so I should still have at least a 2lb loss this week.

 

[Dreamer]

Getting rather frustrated, my weight's creeping up daily, not down. And ok I've eaten more than I planned, but still less than my BMR by around 200-250cals per day. Plus I'm then walking 50 miles this week, most of which have been done already. I'm hoping it's just a totm thing, but I know it can take me weeks to see that big loss to catch up with myself, and I find that soooo frustrating, as by that time it's time for another totm! Men have it so easy... (I don't mean that really, but just with not having periods, etc)

 

[joh2605]

Sounds like your weighing yourself too often hun. I know that when you feel like it's not going well it's hard to resist but you need to try to hun.

You are doing a lot of walking and your body does need the energy to do this so the calories that you have been eating sounds fine to me, you need to remember that the experts say that the slower you lose the weight the less likely that you are to out it back on, I was losing weight at a rate of around 3-4 lbs a week to begin with and my doctor was concerned that I was losing it too quickly, I'm the same as you and would love to lose it all in one go, but you have to realise that it didn't all go one in one go either it went on over years (usually for most people) and that it will take some time to lose again too.

I'm really sorry to hear about your relationship hun but it sounds like you've been doing really well despite that and there will always be support for you here if you need to keep the motivation going but I would suggest relaxing a little over the need to weigh yourself everyday and remember that any loss is a loss and a step towards your goal, which even if you get there a bit slower, maybe that will mean you find it easier to stay there.

I really hope that your relationship either changes for you hun, or that you gain the strength to leave, you deserve to feel loved and respected, a few years ago I felt how you do now, my ex really didn't love or respect me any more, my family has always been dysfunctional, we''ll say, and my self worth was at an all time low, my partner now loves me totally and while we have definately had our problems I've come to realise that being on my own was better than being with someone who made me feel like I was worthless, because your not, no one is, everyone has something of worth to bring to the table.

You sound like an intelligent and lovely person and this is what you need to remember, :grouphugg:sending you hugs, and lots of luck for your next WI day, but keep off the scales til then. xxx

 

[Dreamer]

Sounds like your weighing yourself too often hun. I know that when you feel like it's not going well it's hard to resist but you need to try to hun.

Yes, I think you are right there. It helps me keep on track but it also take me off it if things don't happen as immediately as I want. I'll try to limit it to once a week.

You are doing a lot of walking and your body does need the energy to do this so the calories that you have been eating sounds fine to me, you need to remember that the experts say that the slower you lose the weight the less likely that you are to out it back on, I was losing weight at a rate of around 3-4 lbs a week to begin with and my doctor was concerned that I was losing it too quickly, I'm the same as you and would love to lose it all in one go, but you have to realise that it didn't all go one in one go either it went on over years (usually for most people) and that it will take some time to lose again too.

I put it on quite suddenly when I was 18 but it has been there for 9 years now, so I know deep down there's no need for a sudden weight loss, as I've coped this long at a high weight. I just feel better when I can see it going. I wouldn't mind a pound or 2 though, it's the fact it's going up in weight. Again though, I wouldn't keep seeing rises if I didn't weigh everyday, so I'll try to stop and do weekly.

I'm really sorry to hear about your relationship hun but it sounds like you've been doing really well despite that and there will always be support for you here if you need to keep the motivation going but I would suggest relaxing a little over the need to weigh yourself everyday and remember that any loss is a loss and a step towards your goal, which even if you get there a bit slower, maybe that will mean you find it easier to stay there.

I really hope that your relationship either changes for you hun, or that you gain the strength to leave, you deserve to feel loved and respected, a few years ago I felt how you do now, my ex really didn't love or respect me any more, my family has always been dysfunctional, we''ll say, and my self worth was at an all time low, my partner now loves me totally and while we have definately had our problems I've come to realise that being on my own was better than being with someone who made me feel like I was worthless, because your not, no one is, everyone has something of worth to bring to the table.

You sound like an intelligent and lovely person and this is what you need to remember, :grouphugg:sending you hugs, and lots of luck for your next WI day, but keep off the scales til then. xxx

Thank you very much for being so kind. I know I should be loved and respected, and I know this isn't happening properly just now. I feel like I've invested too much to walk away but I also know this is faulty thinking, as I'm wasting more time, energy, money on this relationship when it's likely to end. I'm not going to make any rash decisions just now though, I need to focus on my exams (and health/weight), but I'll look at my relationship more at the end of January/beginning of February.

I'm glad you've found a lovely partner who loves you totally. We all deserve some happiness

Thank you again for being so sweet,

V

 

[Star182]

I've just read this diary and it really moved me. To feel so unwanted and uncared for by someone you love is a horrible feeling.. the kindest thing you could do for yourself is to sit down with your girlfriend and simply ask her if she still loves you and wants to be with you but that you also need things to change. Perhaps you could show her parts of what you have written on here to give her an insight.
You really shouldn't forget that you are a student and have pressures of exams.. be really proud that you manage to see your girlfriend so much and still find the motivation to have two weeks free for revision (I rarely leave over a week for mine!!)
And on top of all that you are taking control of your body and exercise.... you really are acheiving so much all the time and although there might not be anyone telling you that a lot.. you should really feel proud.
I know I obviously don't know you at all and these are just words but I do hope that you don't feel too alone in anything. We are really all in this together. Put yourself first for a while. Revise, eat healthy, keep up the exercise, treat yourself and maybe your relationship will work itself out naturally.

I've babbled on for far too long now sorry!

 

[Katierose]

Hi V x Hope your ok, any loss is a loss and with all that exercise Im sure the weight will come off.. Hang on in there xx

 

[Dreamer]

You haven't babbled on, I'm touched that you (and others) took the time to read and respond. Unfortunately I know my girlfriend doesn't love me, we'd both been hurt badly in the past, but these things take time to grow anyhow. Unfortunately while it grew into love for me, it hasn't for her (I think). When I ask her how she feels, she says she doesn't know, and she says she knows that doesn't help, because she can't explain anything. She doesn't know that she's not attracted to me, but can't say she is either. She is going through women's problems just now and a huge workload and I know this might be contributing. I fear though if she doesn't love me yet, this far in, that it's unlikely to ever come. If the inevitable happens, I'll cope, because I know I deserve to be loved and cared for. I do lots of little things, little gifts, breakfast in bed, flowers, organising trips away, sweet cards, etc, etc and I want someone to feel so much for me that they even do one sweet thing for me. She's asked me to bear with her, but says she know she has no right to ask. I'll wait, as I don't want to deal with a break up during exams. I'm not willing to much up uni after trying to hard to go back to uni, giving up a stable job, etc.

Thank you for telling me I should be proud of myself, I do forgot sometimes how far I've come. And I'm realising every day on here that we are all in this together, because of the kindness and support you have all put forward. I really appreciate it.

Thank you so much,
V

 

[Dreamer]

Hi V x Hope your ok, any loss is a loss and with all that exercise Im sure the weight will come off.. Hang on in there xx

Thanks Katierose, unfortunately it's a going up weight! But yes it should come off with all the exercise and me being in slight calorie deficit, so I'll just need to grit my teeth and see it through, keep faith and keep going! Hope you're having losses

 

[davedavedave]

Hi V!

I'm new to the forum but didn't want to just read and run. I've just read through your diary and wanted to wish you the best of luck with your weight loss. I think you've already made an excellent start with all of the walking (50 miles! ) , so don't worry too much about not seeing immediate results on the scales. I would echo what somebody else said about trying to only weigh yourself once a week as a person's weight can apparently fluctuate by 2lbs every day.

Also, with all of the walking you're doing, there's a strong chance that you're building up muscle, which weighs more than fat, so this may be another reason you're not seeing the losses you should? It might be worth a try to get a fabric tape measurer and measure yourself around the waist/hips and see if you start to notice a difference there instead?

Take care x

 

[Dreamer]

Thank you davedavedave, your luck is very much appreciated I do hope I'm building muscle although I think under 4 weeks in is a bit soon to see much muscle gain. Time will tell though and I have my fingers crossed, as I've always been rather weak, and some strength would be great! Good idea about the measuring tape, will look mine out after exams and keep an eye on my waist measurements. Best of luck on your own weight loss journey,

V

 

[Dreamer]

A bit of success!

I have managed to jog for 5mins in a row on the treadmill. Now, I usually do an hour on the treadmill, but the jogging bit varies between 15mins and 30mins in total of that, and it's in 1 or 2 min bursts. For me to be able to jog 5 mins in a row is a sign that I'm building up my stamina I also did 5 miles on the treadmill in total today, and at this precise moment, I've walked 44.8miles this week. I'm well on track for my 50 miles this week by the end of tomorrow Weigh in on Monday, I'm being good and waiting for then, and ignoring what the mean scales have said to me this week,

V

 

[joh2605]

I'm really glad that you seem to be a bit more cheerful hun.

Well done on how much you've walked this week, that is amazing, I aim at 10 miles, and half the time don't even reach that, but I always set the target again for the next week.

Good luck with your exams, when do they start?

 

[Dreamer]

Thanks joh I've now completed the 50 miles (but I don't think I'll be doing that next week, as it's a bit too much pressure with exam to study for). Aiming for 35miles next week. I never used to be able to do anything like the distance before, but the pedometer I bought really makes a difference. I like to see the numbers go up, it's a bit of a challenge!

I started Exante today too, finishing off the packs I had left over from last time. I figured it'd get them used before their use by, and also give me a bit of a kickstart for a week. So far so good, drank lots of water, don't feel particularly hungry except when meal time actually is approaching. Weigh in is tomorrow, so will see how I've done for the week then

Oh and exam is on 19th January, and then 27th January. Not looking forward to them...

V

 

[joh2605]

I'll keep my fingers crossed for you for tomorrow, and for your exams too, wise to not set your goals as high next week if you have the added pressure of exams.

 

[Dreamer]

Thank you joh Yeah the 35miles is doable as it's a mile to uni to study, and a mile back, and I'd probably come back for a meal and a relax for an hour at some point - so 4 miles a day there

I've weighed in, and there was no need for all my panic and frustration last week, so you all on here were right. I will set as a goal not to weigh myself again till next Monday. I came in at 210.5lbs, which is a loss from last Monday's weigh in of 3.5lbs. I'm happy with that

V

 

[joh2605]

Well I'm very glad we were right for you hun, 3.5 lbs is brilliant, congrats.

 

[Katierose]

Hey x
You sound a lot brighter, Congratulations on your weight loss .. Well done. I'm starting to do gentle walking this week, (break me in gently lol ) . Am glad we can support each other xxx

 

[Dreamer]

Thanks joh, how's your own weight loss going?

That's brilliant katierose, gentle walking is where I started It all helps!

V